Daddy Education

[Gingerbread D@ddy]

Hi! new to the page and only 5 months into the lifestyle but enjoying it. I was just curious as to where other Daddy's have built their knowledge from? I've read a few books on D/S, Dom's and control... I'm know venturing into erotic DDLG literature which I've found really interesting in terms of building a scene and developing the dynamic. Has anyone ever worked with another Dom in order to develop?

[Guest QueenJellybean]

hiya!

mentoring is a really common & useful way to learn information in this dynamic!

i've been a mentor of both doms & subs for many years, & i always highly recommend new doms (& even new subs!)

find a mentor (preferably of their own role/title) to learn from. 

 

unpopular opinions abound...

but i'm not too big a fan of the whole

innocent, submissive that's new to the community being mentored on how to be a good submissive...

by a dominant. 

unless that's their relationship dynamic, of course! 

 

but, yeah!

talk to other doms!

observe other couples!

maybe find a mentor!

there's a wealth of knowledge out there, & we're a community of social beings eager & willing to share our experiences. 

just remember that no one's experience will be able to stand in for your own! 

[Gingerbread D@ddy]

Thanks for this. Would love to chat to some other Dom's on here as I don't feel I want to join Fet or search out local groups just yet.

[Little Illy]

*Waves* Domme here, hello.

 

I have mentored quite a few Dommes and Doms in my day, more so than how many subs I have had! As stated above, it is really common to find someone to let them take you under their wing, so to speak. I also agree, and probably extend, the same thing stated above; I do not believe a Dom should ever try and tell a sub (or a Daddy try to tell the little) how to be a good sub. But also vice versa - a Dom shouldn't base their entire Dom-hood on what their sub demands of them (same with little and Daddy).

 

As for how I have built my knowledge? Research, my friend. I have been studying psychology (which including coupling dynamics) since I was 13 and when I was 18+ I started to truly delve into the depths of BDSM, D/s and by the time I was 20, DDlg and then 24, Petplay. I spent hours, days, weeks, months, researching specific aspects of these sessions, relationships and dynamics. I focused on all safety and all ways that a Dom could be different and similar. I dug up all of the surrounding elements of DDlg and how each element could branch out into more identities and preferences. 

 

I worked my ass off reading and reading and reading and then doing and then mentoring and now writing about these things. I honestly recommend everyone do the same. It has saved me from so much confusion, heartache, wasted time, etc. But I know not nearly everyone can tolerate as much research as I love to do. But I digress.

 

If you are starting out fresh, I have some pieces I wrote that I am happy to share (or shamelessly sharing, whichever you prefer):

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/34614-intro-to-the-dynamic-megathread-adapted/ (SFW) - A very condensed version of some important aspects of this dynamic (like safe words, aftercare, etc).

 

https://www.ddlgforu...-end-of-things/ (SFW) - this piece kinda breaks up the dynamic in a more understandable way. Do you like this as a kink and only in the bedroom, or do you want to live this every day, day in and day out and never break from it? This piece helps clear that up a bit.

 

https://www.ddlgforu...ation-is-vital/ (SFW) - this is my most important piece. It explains how communication is literally the foundation of this dynamic and any relationship.

 

https://www.ddlgforu...-needs-to-stop/ (SFW) - this is my second most important piece. It goes into detail explaining how the term 'fake' is a plague in our community, when in reality what you are seeing (and those expectations people have of you) are incompatibility. 

 

 

But honestly, the best way to figure these things out, is by starting to ask yourself who You are. What things do You like, prefer, dislike, hate, etc. What kind of Dom do You want to be, what goals do you have for Yourself, etc. Start working on Yourself, do some research, have some experiences, BE SAFE, and you will naturally follow your instincts. 

Best of luck!

Edited October 2, 2018 by Little Illy

[Gingerbread D@ddy]

Thank you so much for this! It's reassuring to know that there is much to be gained from reading and actually immersing yourself in the lifestyle. I will read up on all the threads you have shared! The biggest challenge yet is finding a balance between nurture and being strict. My little wants the strict side and boundaries but when I try to put them in place she's gets pretty upset and seems unsure of herself. I'm wondering if this is something that will become more comfortable with time and trust. So far I have refrained from being overly strict and enforcing punishments. It's not easy lol

[Guest Arc]

If you have an active local community near you they might have things like workshops you can go to. Reading can be good but you are limited in what you can learn. A lot is best learned in person, which is why I've always preferred to learn at workshops and have real life mentors. I also have mentored a number of people irl too. 

 

Online reading is a great start but imo real life experience is best. Everyone is different and you need to learn what works for you ^^

[Gingerbread D@ddy]

100% agree with this! I'm fortunate that both myself and my little live together so it's real life and full-time once we're a bit more settled we'll look into joining the community. Thanks for all the advice.