Unsure of who I am

[Guest Rye_Curiousity]

I feel like a little sometimes bc I'm shy and not really assertive and it's hard for me to say things sometimes bc I get nervous. But after.a year as a little it's hard to find a mommy, so I'm trying to give CG/daddy a try. But I find myself still being shy and nervous. I'd really like to make more.friends on here and find relationships that last a long time and maybe even a partner. But I'm lost and confused as to how to do that and I don't know what to do.

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Being shy, anxious or assertive isn’t what makes somebody a Little.

You choose whether you want to identify as a Little, Middle or Dom/CG because you know what role (not meaning RP) you want to play in the dynamic and your ideal counter-partner. Of course not to say ‘littles can’t be with litles’ or vice versa. “At the end of the day” we’re all just people.

 

Not being able to find a Mommy seems an odd deciding factor into becoming a Dom or CG yourself.

 

Hopefully some experienced or self-confident dom/dommes can give you some advice into what helped them decide they were a Daddy/Mommy.

 

Being shy doesn’t mean you can’t be a DD/MD/CG, but my point is that those personality traits aren’t solely connected to either title. It’s just part of who you are.

[Guest Rye_Curiousity]

Being shy, anxious or assertive isn’t what makes somebody a Little.

You choose whether you want to identify as a Little, Middle or Dom/CG because you know what role (not meaning RP) you want to play in the dynamic and your ideal counter-partner. Of course not to say ‘littles can’t be with litles’ or vice versa. “At the end of the day” we’re all just people.

Not being able to find a Mommy seems an odd deciding factor into becoming a Dom or CG yourself. Hopefully some experienced or self-confident dom/dommes can give you some advice into what helped them decide they were a Daddy/Mommy.

Being shy doesn’t mean you can’t be a DD/MD/CG, but my point is that those personality traits aren’t solely connected to either title. It’s just part of who you are.

Thx I appreciate it. No more than anything my switch to CG is more of a experiment to see if it fits me. After being a little so long I want to try new things and hopefully have new experiences but being a little was extremely hard bc there aren't alot of mommys out there

[Little Illy]

Thx I appreciate it. No more than anything my switch to CG is more of a experiment to see if it fits me. After being a little so long I want to try new things and hopefully have new experiences but being a little was extremely hard bc there aren't alot of mommys out there

 

*waves* Hello, I am a sub, little, puppy, Alpha, Domme and hopeful Mommy one day. I have had partners on both ends of the spectrum and have fulfilled many roles within the identity.

 

If you are painfully shy, becoming a CG may not be the best bet for you, right now. Most littles are very demanding and being a CG/Domme/Dom requires a ton of effort. You are no longer caring for yourself, have care for your partner and care for the relationship, but as most littles prefer, you are in charge of yourself, your little and your relationship. Yes, a relationship requires two and is definitely a two way street, however that is not always the case.

 

Reality is, CGs tend to put a lot more effort in a CG/L dynamic on principal. CGs are expected to have their shit together, to be sane, to be receptive and deal with whatever their little is going through. And this is all despite the stress going on in their life. I am a FIRM advocate that a relationship should never be a dumping ground where one partner is expected to pick up all of the slack. But a lot of DDlg dynamics do just that. And a lot of CGs are okay with that because it gives them the control they want.

 

When it comes to being a CG as well, you need to figure out which CG you are what littles you prefer. This means, are you super strict, laid back or don't believe in rules at all? I idolize the TPE dynamic and want the same in a partner. So before you can just jump right into things, and since you are figuring this out for the first time, you need to be prepared to put in some significant time in doing research about yourself. You don't need to have everything figured out, but you need to know what your compatible partner should be like.

 

For example: When I had a sub, I required a woman who looked at me as her Master. My word was Law. And we had a TPE in our relationship (but didn't live together). I could not be with a brat who never follows the rules, I could not be with someone who is painfully quiet because part of my mental Domme side is verbal tasks and expectations. And I could not be with someone who has full on abandonment issues and be my TPE self. My TPE requires heavy mental components that could trigger someone with abandonment issues to the max.

 

[i could be with people like this, but only if it involved working through issues to becoming happier and healthier with themselves, otherwise I couldn't put a person with those qualities through being in a relationship with me. There is nothing wrong with people having these characteristics, not at all! But if that is who they are permanently, it just means they are not compatible with me. Nothing is wrong with either of us, just means we don't fit.]

 

See it is my responsibility to know what/who I like and prefer, otherwise I can do some serious damage. What if I got with a little who is painfully shy, has a hard time opening up verbally, has mental conditions, abandonment issues and doesn't like a strict dynamic? My ways would be abusive to her (I would never start a relationship with a person like this, for this very reason), she would be traumatized, and it would be my fault because I didn't know or explain this side of me. 

 

Jumping from one role to another is not going to fix your issue. Your issue is being shy and not having the confidence to express yourself. Becoming a CG/Daddy will not absolve you of these issues, they will still be there but now they will put pressure on you in a different way. What you need to do is work on being comfortable with yourself, you need to gain your voice. Being shy is not a problem, but if you believe it is getting in your way of forming a relationship, jumping from one type to another wont make it go away. So I urge to do some research, talk with some friends, hell.... maybe even get a mentor! I know I have helped a few subs come into their voice over the years. But do something so you aren't so afraid to speak for yourself. Give yourself this power back.

Edited September 25, 2018 by Little Illy