I need to let some things off my chest

[Guest Dr. Know]

Hi. I'm Nolan

 

This last year has been pretty rough, as I was with someone for a while who failed to tell me certain aspects of herself while we were dating.

 

As a CG and Daddy, I didn't realize to the extent of which I could exercise my abilities to be one until things took a horrible turn in my past relationship.

 

Later on down the road, she decided to tell me she had mental illnesses (schizophrenia and a few others). I didn't realize the severity of these illnesses until I had to admit her into a clinic and when I vowed to be her CG, she would be released 51/50 and I would be the one to monitor her and make sure she took her medication, etc. She wasn't actually "crazy", but needed proper medication to tolerate things. Well, when the doctors denied her of her medication just after the release, it made things extremely hard on me (going to school, having just got a new place with her, etc) to the point where we had to break up. Since then it's ruined a lot of things financially in my life because I was getting paid from the G.I. bill going to school and making a living that way. I withdrew from my classes, moved back home and now it's been 5 months since my breakup.

 

I found a new job in a different state and I guess I'm just lonely. I have a hard time trying not to blame myself for the unfortunate circumstances that occurred, but i also know that things happen and I can't beat myself up too hard for them. I'm the kind of person who really goes all in to a relationship, but i can only carry so much until it becomes a large enough problem that jeopardizes portions of my life that should be controlled.

 

I used to have an old account but made a new one recently, and I guess this is my formal Hello to everyone. I'm a pretty nice guy and am looking for that little backbone that allows me that motivational push to be a better version of myself and give someone the love and support they want in return.

 

Life can be hard as I've been through a lot even beyond this little snippet, but Damn...I just needed to let that off my chest and am hoping to chat with a lot of you guys soon enough on here I'm a pretty versatile person, and my profile may seem a little scary for some, but don't be afraid! Just get to know me as I am happy to be a part of this community and know some of you too

[LittleCelticLass]

Welcome! I hope you find what you are looking for.

[Guest Lil Peep]

Welcome to DDLG Forum! I'm sorry to hear that happened to you but good to know you've been able to get yourself situated after those things happened. Hope you find what you're looking for as well, good luck! 

[Little Illy]

I am so sorry to hear you had to go through this experience completely out of the blue. I wrote something, as someone with some crippling mental issues, that I hope you take to heart. You are not to blame, please don't ever forget that. The situations was not ideal and became overwhelming, there is no blame here. It is unfortunate.

 

Im happy you came back to the forum as it is a great place to create a support network. I hope you find comfort here

 

____________________________________________________

 

Mental Health

This is a monumental issue within our community. There have been so many issues of those with mental illness or mental unease that have jumped head first into a relationship when it is obvious that it will only harm them further. Let me make something very clear:

 

Mental illness does not mean you cannot be a Caregiver or a little.

 

Oh yeah, you know I am going to repeat myself because this is so important:

 

Mental illness does not mean you cannot be a Caregiver or little.

 

But what it does mean is you have an added responsibility (as the one with a mental illness) to acknowledge that not everyone can be put in the a relationship like this. And it is not because you are bad or gross or unlovable in any way shape or form! But all mental illness comes with added responsibilities and needs. And some people are not able to deal with those.This is just a fact of life. 

 

Example 1 - I was talking to an individual who lost his little because she didn't understand his depression. She claimed he didn't love her nor did he care about her because he couldn't be energetic and fun-loving whenever she wanted him to be. Talking further with this individual, he then revealed to me that he never told her that he was suffering from depression. See how quickly that went from "Geeze, she should understand that is how depression works," to "Wow, I can see how she misunderstood his symptoms." That is because when it comes to mental illness you need to be ready to disclose this about yourself to your new partner. If you cant (maybe you're afraid they wont be with you) then it is time to reevaluate if they are even good for you as it is.

 

Example 2 - Another individual I talked with is recovering from a particularly vicious break up. This break up has left him feeling lonely and unwanted. He wants to get into a relationship because he cannot stand the loneliness because it reminds him of his ex. When I talked to him I mentioned he should work through these issues and work on being okay before jumping into something new. He then explained that he wanted to "be with someone until I am fixed so I wont be lonely." In other words, he wants to be with someone as a way to avoid his mental trauma. This is so damaging for both people involved! A person needs time to hurt, to grieve and time to realize who they are after a break up, it is essential to being mentally healthy. And most importantly: It is NOT FAIR to expect someone to be with you when you are still suffering from a past relationship in this magnitude! When the wounds are still THIS fresh and THIS painful, another relationship WILL NOT HELP. And it will only hurt you AND your new partner even worse.

 

What these examples are showing is that we have an obligation to any future relationships to know our needs and our mental abilities before starting anything.  A person NEEDS to be in a place that is safe for both them and anyone new otherwise the risk is too great. If this means being single for however long, then that is what it takes! Utilize friends during these times, but do not jump into a new relationship when you cannot handle it. If you have a mental illness (depression, anxiety, bi-polar, etc) then you have an added responsibility to know your limits and the limits of those you may be with. Again - this does NOT make you any less of a wonderful person! Not at all!! But the symptoms and their needs cannot be ignored, it is not fair to those involved (including yourself). And if you are at a point that you are not healed from whatever may have happened, then don't back someone into a corner because you didn't want to be lonely. In my blunt opinion? This is HIGHLY selfish - you are basically saying another person has to deal with your wounds because you don't want to. Again - does this mindset mean you are unlovable and unwanted? HELL NO! It means you need to heal to be able to move on. We have ALL been there. It is just now your turn and it needs to be done so responsibly. 

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[Guest Bunnyblossom]

Dude, kudos to you for being in a genuine CG position in the first place. I know exactly how it feels.

I can’t go into too much detail since my Daddy is a member on the forum, but it seriously just flips your world upside down and shakes all the lego blocks out.

 

And it’s just made worse by how it’s affected you financially. So I’m terribly sorry to hear that you’ve found yourself in that position after everything you did.

 

I don’t know if you’re much of a ‘groups’ kinda person (I’m not lol) but if you are, it’s definitely worth looking into support groups even if it’s just online or an online counselor. There are possibly thousands of people out there who have gone through the same situation by trying to care for a loved one or partner, only to end up alone and in a financial hole.

So they should have ‘some’ experience of helping get someone like you through a rough patch like this.

 

You’re a tough cookie to have come through the other side, imo.

[Dominari]

First and foremost...thank you for your military service (I was also in the Navy). Hopefully you didn't deplete your GI Bill and I hope you didn't have to pay anything back for leaving school. I would also like to commend you for really doing your best to take care of her...not just as a CG but showing such kindness as a human being.

 

I am sure right now there is so much going on in your life and often times it is better to share things with another special person. You will be able to find a lot of support in this forum (I am sure you have already). And I am also pretty certain that you could find another little.

 

You are a genuine person and I know you are the type of Daddy that would be desired. Keep up the fight. 

 

Finally, let me know if you have any questions on veteran benefits. It is my job. I also help with the job search process. I would be happy to provide support in any way.

Edited September 26, 2018 by Dominari