Losing a little.

[Kosmosis Jones]

To all my fellow caregivers. Losing your little sucks. It like having the part of you that fuels your existence just ripped out. I know cause it's happened to me several times and just happened recently. I took the time to grieve my loss, wallowed in my despair a few days and thanks to a very precious friend of mine picked myself up and started to move forward.

 

I realized a few things while being a mopey bastard. One, I have no friends around. Seriously. I have people I talk to at work, and a couple family members that know nothing about my lifestyle. This is in part to my divorce a few years back. Hard to keep friends with the people that slept with your wife. Anyhoo, I realized I needed to start making friends again outside of the internet. People I can go out and do things with. That's a little harder than it sounds when your an introvert that only works and goes home after. So I've made the choice to join a dating site to see if I can't find local people to chill with. I'm not really looking for a relationship but I figure if it happens it happens. I also realized that I can't just stay sitting at home waiting to make friends. I need to start getting out into the world again. So I took some time to figure out what I have been missing in my life. For me that answer was music. i used to go to shows and concerts all the time, and it's been at least 5 years since I have done that. So I fixed it. I now have tickets to two different concerts, I still gotta wait for them but I have them purchased already and I'm looking forward to getting out into the world again. I am also going to start looking at local venues that host live music and try to get out more often. Expose myself to humanity again. Meet people, make connections, have fun, be myself again.

 

I still have a couple online friends that i speak with, and they are wonderful, but I need to reconnect to people around me. So I would like to give a bit of advice for any CG's that are going through a breakup.

 

Find yourself, and take care of you. You can't take care of someone if you can't take care of yourself. 

Take up old hobbies that you dropped or pick up new ones to find ways to be happy, and then when you find a new little, you can share these things with them.

Don't feel bad about feeling bad. I know for me at least I take a sick pleasure in beating myself down for the failed relationship. Don't do that. It took two to make the relationship, it took both of you to end it. As perfect as it felt, it's easier to see your own mistakes and overlook the things that your partner did during the relationship that just didn't work for you either. 

[StefanC71_UK]

Extremely good advice, I can whole heartedly second everything you've said as I've been through that and our circumstances are quite similar.

 

Ive had ldr with littles. A couple lasted 3 months, and getting ghosted at thst point was hard to take. My most recent eas a year and a half, and though we never met, we skyped and chatted all the time. Sometimes to the detriment of other things.

 

Then the calls became less frequent. Then the texts. Then she stopped reading my texts. A year and a hakf and i was about to be ghosted. I send one last long message saying that i could not believe that she would ghost, shes juat not like that. She did repky and that was the breakup chat. She wanted someone closer.

 

Id let my friends go, and i too ended up with my life being work amd her.

 

It hurt like hell and for a few days i was completely lost. Didnt know what to do with myself.

 

While i feel awkward going out on my own I've made the effort. Im good friends with ine giy at work and we're now heading to a couple of gigs together, so theres some human contact.

 

I do chat online still, here, a lively kik group, and a couple of people that ive been talki g to for a long time.

 

Friends help a lot. Being out helps a lot. And taking time to look out for yourself absolutely helps a lot.

 

Personally i know now that i just cant do ldr again. Sure someone a couple of hours away, but not in another country. Until such time as i find someone else, ill be getting my house sorted, my iwn projects sorted, and heading out to gigs with the handful of friends i have left around me.

 

I hope you are feeling better now, and i hope you find someone who makes you happy.

[Tinka]

i know i am not a caregiver, but i am a human and i wanted to write a few words from heart.

First of all, a big internet hug because of the experiences you had (wife/friends, that must have been a nasty thing to go through, i am sorry).

 

I just want to say that i see a man who lost a lot throughout life, and he tries to take some of these back, because he understood he deserves it.

The nice time, the friends, simple and human things that we should all have but not all do..

 

Self development is to sit down and have a long conversation with yourself, and say that whatever happened, happened...

And to see what can you do, how can you reclaim the given time you have, the best way you can.

If music is what you love, i wanna say a few things, as a person who finished university in Technology of music composition and sound engineering. 

How about you learn a musical instrument?

How about you join a choir?

How about you form a band, find people in fb pages for musicians in your country/city.

Write a post that you are for example trying to learn guitar and you listen to rock (just an example) and you would like to find people to jam together. 

Creating music with people, when you are silent but your musical instruments speak about every emotion and every world you have in your fantasy, is the best and most cathartic thing in the world for me. Try it. 

 

Next thing, since you work, why dont you try to buy a music workstation, program like Nuendo, Cubase, (or Logic , Protools , in case you got Mac).

These programs in combination with some virtual instruments, allow you to make music from your pc, without instruments. 

You can spend hours and hours of fun, learning , composing, editing, making your own music. 

Its great form of self expression. 

 

And apart from that, i wish you find what makes you truly happy and entertained, whether you would be in relationship with someone or not. 

In the process, maybe you would meet people with same interests and maybe you could form new relationships, friendships... 

I wish the best. I am glad you are starting to do things for yourself. Keep it up!

[Guest QueenJellybean]

i wish i had read this a year ago when i lost my little.

thank you for sharing your experiences. 

this can be a trying time, but offering up your honest words of wisdom with people that understand always helps.

[neworder]

try meetup dot com events for activities you like.

the 'social' meetups that go to restaurants, bars, and outdoor events are mainly hookup oriented, so don't bother trying to become friends with guys there.... most of their eyes will be glazed over in disinterest of everything except women. 

[Daddysmile334]

I’m completely new to DDLG and only got into it through chance of meeting this one person. Unfortunately the distance was too much for the both of us and it couldn’t work with this lifestyle. It’s been six months now since we ended mutually and I wish I had something like this to read while suffering. Although it wasn’t long it’s a much more intense relation than what I’m used to and the loss it so much harder.

 

I kind of wanted to ask if any caregivers after losing their little sever thought about not finding a new one?? It sounds silly but I’m not sure I would want to get that close to someone again. I’m worried that I might have to go through that again. How would you overcome something like this??

 

You guys are all amazing. Thanks so much.

[Little Illy]

Kos, I'm sorry you went through all of this. I definitely understand the need for socialization IRL after a bad break up. I'm glad you're okay (relative) and that you have moved on (again, relative).

 

Though I am a Domme and possible Mommy (never been a Mommy before, but I like the idea very much), I appreciate you putting into words your experience. It is wonderful advice and I think it can be applied to different areas vs just a break up.

 

I hope everything from here on out is upwords and skywords for you. We are glad you are back.

[neworder]

I kind of wanted to ask if any caregivers after losing their little ever thought about not finding a new one?? .

Yup. Ended early 2017. She was local as i avoid LDR like the plague.

 

Not that I got hurt or feeling negative, i bounce back quickly, but i have made no effort to getting another little... at most flirty chat

 

I just have a regular gf now. Less stress and i have more free time.

[Daddy4SubLg]

Had an LDR with little. Over a year and a half. Yes it hurts. And yes ghosted.

Why do so many Little's hurt their Daddy/caregivers.

I often wonder if some little's that want LDR actually use that as a buffer and easier for ghosting. Not kind.

One thing Little's should know and be cautious is just how much a Daddy/Mommy/CareGiver puts so much heart and caring into a DDlg relationship. I can relate with you. Deeply.

I live in a remote and very rural part of the Pacific Northwest, so finding a new little or sub to care for can be very difficult.