A cure for neediness?

[Koala]

Hey everyone! I've been too needy. My almost constant need for cuddles and attention is starting to annoy Daddy, which upsets me. So, I have the new goal of fixing myself! How would I go about finding that sense of security and attention within myself/in my life or removing the need for it, at least a little?

 

 

[Little Illy]

[i am writing this response with the assumption that your Daddy is a good Daddy and maybe the neediness is actually a bit much vs your Daddy is neglectful and lazy and doesn't want to deal.]

 

Firstly, you are going to get everyone saying "the right person will love your neediness" and I am going to be blunt and say, that is not always true.

 

The way to divert neediness is to increase confidence and self-care/self-awareness. You can't be needy if all you need is yourself. So what I recommend is looking at ways to occupy your mind in a healthy way instead of hyper-focusing on the lack of attention or care you are receiving. Do you have hobbies, go to school, work, hang out with friends and family? Awesome, focus on those things. The moment you start feeling anxious, try to instantly occupy your mind so you don't spiral down a dark mental pathway. 

 

When we are "needy" what we really are is anxious. You feel anxious for many possible reasons but the biggies are (with a general You); You are afraid your Daddy/CG doesn't care for you anymore and that there is someone else, You worry that your Daddy no longer is interested in you and maybe doesn't love you, or You worry that if there isn't this constant connection, constant link between the two, you assume things are going wrong. These are all anxieties. So to get rid of the "neediness" you need help working through these anxieties.

 

I will give you an example: When Daddy and I were in an LDR and I came back from the one and only possible visit, it constantly bothered me that he hung out with his best friends way more than we even chatted. This anxiety came from my insecurity that Daddy was going to say I was too much work (coming from a different country) and find someone else. That was my insecurity and my anxiety, So I discussed it with Daddy, because LDR is so much harder to sate than in RL, and he agreed to put some time aside every day to make sure I felt the love he had for me. We worked together and it got to the point where I wasn't so insecure anymore. Where it didn't bother me every time he went out with friends and I didn't hear from him. I began understanding he was just living his life, and I shouldn't demand 24/7 of his time. So I began talking to my friends when he went out. That way I wasn't constantly going "is he with another woman? What if he meets one..." and instead was having fun with my friends.

 

If you're not in an LDR it can be a bit different and I totally recognize this. But the premise is still the same. First and foremost, communicate with your partner, but YOU - Op,YOU, must sit and honestly figure out where this neediness is coming from. Only you can really figure it out (unless you work with a professional). And once if you find out the source is insecurity, depression, stress, etc, then you will be able to actually work it out. But it is best if you work it out with your Daddy. Don't ever try to "fix" something in your relationship without input from your partner. You could actually make things worse without realizing it if you do.

[XmochiX]

I used to have this problem, but I forced myself to grow out of it because it kept ending potential (vanilla) relationships. Now, I have trust issues and am afraid to rely on anyone.

 

Anyway, what I basically did is gently remind myself that I was being clingy/needy and waited for my partner to text me saying they were out of work, school, whatever.

[Koala]

That makes a lot of sense. Anxiety has always been a big hurdle for me so it's no surprise that it would be one here. I know what to work on now, thank you so much guys!

[Guest Arc]

I don't think fixing yourself is the right way to put it. Being needy is okay in healthy amounts, but when it's overwhelming is when it can be an issue. I'd say you need to learn to control it rather than cure or fix it, because in my opinion adding more negative labels can put you in a mind set which makes things harder. >< 

 

I think learning to be on your own is important. As nice as it is to have someone there to turn to, sometimes they're not there or they have other things on and we need to handle it ourselves. Focusing on something productive and enjoyable works best for me, because not only does doing something fun distract me from whatever is making me needy, having something I made at the end makes me feel really good about achieving something. I personally enjoy things like baking, but you can do anything like drawing or colouring or even making or arranging something nice for your Daddy as a gift or surprise. ^^