Feeling like I'm in a gray area

[MarshmallowPeep]

I am still relatively new to ddlg as it has been only a few short months when I discovered it and was introduced to it. Since I had joined this website I took my time to explore and try and figure out where I am, what I identify as, what I like, dislike and so on...

 

Now, I do identify as a little/middle and I do find myself in many aspects of the dynamic.. But thinking a little deeper into it, I can also live just fine without being a part of the dynamic.  I could function just fine in a vanilla relationship, without an actual daddy or mommy. However, I repeat, I could live just fine that way, as in I could survive. 

My preferences in a partner and my own way of being me open up a place for me in this community, but at the same time they seem so mild and faint, that they seem like they aren't so relevant. 

 

To try and clarify a little bit I'll try and give an example;

I want my partner to be someone who will care for me, by my hand to hold onto whenever I need help, or I'm too scared, or I simply don't feel like I can do something on my own. Like cooking! Someone to help me with the hard parts or when I mess up, and praise me when I do something good / comfort me when I'm unsure. Yet at the same time, this isn't something I find an absolute necessity in a partner. It's a preference, but one I could more or less live without.

 

This all makes me feel like I am stuck in this gray area.

It's made me wonder if anyone else relates to this? Does it maybe mean this dynamic really isn't 100% for me? Or maybe it's just me being more adult than a little?

 

Unsure if it's 100% clear, all these things I've rambled about, but I don't feel like I understand myself clearly either.

[PrinzeCharming]

I could live without being a daddy. I could live without having a little. I could be entirely subjected to a vanilla relationship, or a relationship with myself. The bond is different in a ddlg relationship, and it makes everything more intimate. It feels more secure. Cuddling is even more intimate. It's a matter of preferences. I believe it's a better, more effective, way to communicate with each other. Most vanilla relationships don't have a set of rules, especially bed time. Most vanilla relationships are very unstructured, and they do things as they please. In a ddlg relationship, there are set rules, communicative options, and boundaries, and plenty of resources to facilitate a healthy relationship. They may seem irrelevant, but that's okay. You're getting comfortable with it. You seem to be independent, but wouldn't mind having a partner who could give you a time to relax. It doesn't hurt to relax and enjoy a break once in a while. This gray area is during the transitional period. It's very common during self-discovery within the ddlg community. Give it time. Don't ever look at something as a necessity. Look at things that could help you live a more fulfilling life. We all deserve someone who can make us better than who we were yesterday. We all deserve someone who isn't here to change who we are, but to reshape our vision on life's opportunities. 

[Guest Arc]

I think you're looking too far into things lol. It doesn't mean you're not 100% into things, and it doesn't mean you're more adult. It just means you're different to what you see others do and that's okay and perfectly normal! Some people have things that are preferences rather than must haves, and it sounds like that could be what the ddlg dynamic is to you.

 

For me, I'm a submissive and having that in a relationship is a must have for me, while having my middle side and certain aspects of a ddlg dynamic are just preferences. I could still be happy without them, so you're not the only one ^^

[Guest CollateralBeauty]

I think you're looking too far into things lol. It doesn't mean you're not 100% into things, and it doesn't mean you're more adult. It just means you're different to what you see others do and that's okay and perfectly normal! Some people have things that are preferences rather than must haves, and it sounds like that could be what the ddlg dynamic is to you.

 

For me, I'm a submissive and having that in a relationship is a must have for me, while having my middle side and certain aspects of a ddlg dynamic are just preferences. I could still be happy without them, so you're not the only one ^^

^^

Basically everything Arc said. But also remember that the DDlg lifestyle isn't a "one-size-fits-all" thing. Everyone has their own likes/dislikes that are likely to be different from others.

[Guest DuckDaddy66]

To try and clarify a little bit I'll try and give an example;

I want my partner to be someone who will care for me, by my hand to hold onto whenever I need help, or I'm too scared, or I simply don't feel like I can do something on my own. Like cooking! Someone to help me with the hard parts or when I mess up, and praise me when I do something good / comfort me when I'm unsure. Yet at the same time, this isn't something I find an absolute necessity in a partner. It's a preference, but one I could more or less live without.

 

This all makes me feel like I am stuck in this gray area.

It's made me wonder if anyone else relates to this? Does it maybe mean this dynamic really isn't 100% for me? Or maybe it's just me being more adult than a little?

 

 

What you are asking for will work well in a vanilla relationship too. I call it reading the owners manual. In the past if my relationship told me about something they need, they are sharing how they work.   I stop and listen; I may not always get it right, but I do try.  Adding the DDLG dynamic to the same thing adds an other layer of trust.  So basically what ever you choose, you need tell your significant or your Daddy/Mommy what you need. 

[xBabydollx]

I think you're fine. Some ppl do these things 'occasionally' while for others it is a lifestyle and something they do daily. Some ppl want little sprinkles of DD/lg in their life while others want all the bells and whistles. Some ppl 'want' this dynamic, while others 'need' it and will not go without it. No way of doing things is more valid than the other. The stance on this can change over time too. Only thing that matters is having a partner on the same page as u.

[Little Illy]

What you need to realize is that you are nothing but You. Some people require labels, others not so much. Labels can help you hash out your Likes and Dont Likes, but that doesn't mean you have to fit the mold. Maybe this will help:

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12897-ddlg-the-serious-end-of-things/ (SFW) - This explains how the dynamic can be full on in a 24/7 lifestyle, how it can be a grey area (to use your words) and you may love elements of it, but don't want to live it day to day, and then it shows how this could just be a kink for someone. If you are still figuring out how "serious" or how much of a "need" this dynamic is for you, I would recommend reading this.

 

"At the end of the day any element of any dynamic is what you make of it. I LOVE the D/s and Total Power Exchange in my age regression and my personal DDlg relationship with my Daddy, my Owner and my Dom. But, a lot of people do not care for a Dom let alone an owner or D/s. So you can literally take elements that appeal to you, screw off the titles and "what should happen" in these dynamics and fit them for your own needs.

 

Example:

 

You can be an age regressor with Dom, not even a Daddy, and call him Sir.

You can be a little because you loved being cared for, but you don't regress.

You can be vanilla yet love age play but get creeped out if your partner calls you 'Daddy' outside of the bedroom.

 

Everyone borrows aspects of different dynamics they find appealing; BDSM, ABDL, CG/L, Master/Slave, Owner/Pet, Power Exchange, Inherent Caring, Rules, Encouragement of Bratty Behavior, Sex, Sessions, Nonsexual... anything! We can give you the stereotypical mold of each role of those dynamics, but you will rarely find someone who fits that mold to a T. What happens is a person finds which elements they enjoy, keep those and toss the rest.

 

I am a little but I HATE glitter, pink, MLP, Barbies, and the assumption I am a 'good kitten' (as I am a puppy). So I leave those 'typical' elements of being a little out of my life. I am still a little, but I am just Myself as My little.

 

So if you don't require accessories or a Caregiver all the time, that is perfectly fine and normal. Of course this is different for everyone, but there are so many titles, labels, expectations, stereotypes, etc for these things that you shouldn't get bogged down in "what should be" or "supposedly" and just focus on what resonates with you personally."

Edited September 6, 2018 by Little Illy