Just broke up

[Guest TheQuiet1]

Hey, so. My boyfriend just broke up with me.

He gave me his reason, basically I have really bad social anxiety and when we're together, I tend to keep my answers short and quiet. Usually I just whisper if I have to say more than a word because it's less scary.

 

He couldn't put up with dating someone who doesn't speak to him any longer. And I understand that but it's just so hard.

Every relationship (friendships mostly, he was my first serious relationship, my first everything) I've ever had, ended on that note. I can't be your friend because you're too shy.

 

And it just really hurts my heart.

 

I don't know really what to do right now. I don't have anyone.

 

 

I know it's for the best. But just having something last so long, and having it end on the same line I've heard so many times. During a time when I don't have anyone else and my family's going through some bad stuff. It just really hurts.

 

 

Any advice on how to feel better is appreciated. I really need it right now.

[Guest countlieberkuhn]

I think that while it hurts, at least he had the decency to break up with you in a way that explains his reasoning.  Closure is better than not knowing why.  It'll get easier, you just need to focus on doing things that make you happy, things that you can do on your own or with other friends.

 

The main thing to remember is that you did nothing wrong.  You just did you, and at the end of the day it's better to be with someone who accepts you and all your quirks.  You'll find that person someday.

[Pinkegobox]

No expert at this, just a humble opinion and my way of dealing with things. 

 

i. Understand that YOU are NOT the problem. You two might not have been perfectly compatible but that doesn't mean anything is your fault! accept that what happened happened but it takes two to tango.

 

ii. Go through any emotions you need to, for as long as you need to. I go through several emotions and just remind myself that I need to go through them and they're all perfectly natural after a break up.

 

iii. Put anything that you've got from your BF in a box to one side for now. Old wounds really make healing hard so if you have anything physical from him then use it to go through the range of emotions you need to (as per above) but then put those things away. Its SO hard to move on when you have that little reminder.

 

iv. Focus on you, whatever makes you happy - do it. Going to see friends, going to the theatre or cinema, get back into the habit of being happy around you as soon as you're ready to.

 

Hope thats of some help and please take my support in getting through this tough time.

Edited September 3, 2018 by Pinkegobox

[Guest AMS23]

Sorry for the pain you feel.. breakups are hard. But yes! Be thankful he gave you closure! I’ve had so many guys leave no answers given or anything. Closure is the right way end things. If you want to chat you can message me

[Guest TheQuiet1]

I think that while it hurts, at least he had the decency to break up with you in a way that explains his reasoning.  Closure is better than not knowing why.  It'll get easier, you just need to focus on doing things that make you happy, things that you can do on your own or with other friends.

 

The main thing to remember is that you did nothing wrong.  You just did you, and at the end of the day it's better to be with someone who accepts you and all your quirks.  You'll find that person someday.

Thank you, that means a lot.

 

No expert at this, just a humble opinion and my way of dealing with things. 

 

i. Understand that YOU are NOT the problem. You two might not have been perfectly compatible but that doesn't mean anything is your fault! accept that what happened happened but it takes two to tango.

 

ii. Go through any emotions you need to, for as long as you need to. I go through several emotions and just remind myself that I need to go through them and they're all perfectly natural after a break up.

 

iii. Put anything that you've got from your BF in a box to one side for now. Old wounds really make healing hard so if you have anything physical from him then use it to go through the range of emotions you need to (as per above) but then put those things away. Its SO hard to move on when you have that little reminder.

 

iv. Focus on you, whatever makes you happy - do it. Going to see friends, going to the theatre or cinema, get back into the habit of being happy around you as soon as you're ready to.

 

Hope thats of some help and please take my support in getting through this tough time.

It's a lot of help, thank you. I'll put everything from him in a box in my closet for now, doing that never even crossed my mind but that's a really good idea.

And I'll try to like, come up with a list of everything that makes me happy and do them all.

 

Sorry for the pain you feel.. breakups are hard. But yes! Be thankful he gave you closure! I’ve had so many guys leave no answers given or anything. Closure is the right way end things. If you want to chat you can message me

I appreciate that. And he tried being as nice as he could about it and I'm definitely thankful for it. I'm sorry to hear that guys have done that to you. I feel a bit better knowing he at least took the time to explain.

[Guest MisterW]

Hi Quiet1,

 

Anxiety is a terrible thing to live with. I can appreciate what others here have said, but I also think the unpopular answer needs to be said.

 

"He couldn't put up with dating someone who doesn't speak to him any longer. And I understand that but it's just so hard.

Every relationship (friendships mostly, he was my first serious relationship, my first everything) I've ever had, ended on that note. I can't be your friend because you're too shy."

 

There is a lot of self help material available to overcome your anxiety, as well as seeking treatment as an option. As difficult as it may be to hear, it sounds like you understand the why of your breakup. Strong relationships are built upon a foundation that includes good communication. If you're having a difficult time communicating, then you'll likely have a difficult time establishing meaningful, lasting relationships.

 

If I were in your bf's shoes, I'd use all the resources available to help you overcome your anxiety. I'd work with you every day/night because I know how effective paying attention to anxiety can be. But I (or anyone else) can only do so much. It's really on you to make the change in your own life. My favorite tool to use for any change are affirmations, subliminal mind food and hypnosis, all of which you can find easily for free with google and/or youtube. Putting in 1 hr each day, the change is slow but monumental. In 3 years I eliminated my anxiety. I mean gone, and mine was bad. So take it for what its worth and look into it.

 

As for your breakup, it sucks and hurts I'm sure. But moments like these can be teaching tools too, and if you recognize that this keeps happening, then maybe its time to do something about it.

 

I say all of this with compassion and an understanding of what you're going through. I wish you all the best. And if you need any guidance I'm only a click away.

[Guest TheQuiet1]

Thanks, MisterW.

 

I know I need to work on my anxiety, I'll be sure to look into those things. And I'll make an appointment to talk to a doctor as well. I'll also try to do some research on anything else that may help.