Why do ‘Daddys’ ghost

[Stardustgirl13]

This topic is nothing new it’s happens weather or not you on a site like this one or any other chatting capabile site

Warning there will be cussing because I’m adult who cusses

You start out having a great conversation you feel a nice start of a connection

 

Then the other person asked ‘hey do you wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend, we already act like we are?’

 

And you reply with

 

‘I don’t feel right to rush into a relationship we don’t know anything about one another we’ve only been chatting for a month but I wouldn’t mind if it grew into that in the future is that alright?’

 

They say yes they seem very understanding

 

Then when you chat with them nothing not a goodbye nothing

 

At least tell me the truth don’t act like the so called nice guy and then just leave without so much as a peace out

 

And people wonder why I have trust issues

 

And I’ve had the ‘Daddys ‘ asking to be my friend and message me but when they realize they aren’t going to get nudes or camera action they delete the messages and just leave

 

At least show enough backbone to admit that what you wanted wasn’t what I was offering

 

Don’t just leave someone hanging feeling like they messed up because you just decided to act like a asshole

[LittleCelticLass]

To be fair, Daddies are not the only people who do this. I know of plenty of Daddies who have been the victim of ghosting too.

Sadly, the annonimity of the internet allows people to disappear. It's a flaw in the system. You don't have to face people in the flesh, it's easier to just delete images on a screen, one click and it's over.

[PrinzeCharming]

Communication is important in any relationship with another person. People often feel too forward if their intent is exposure and play, and nothing serious. Some people can't express themselves effectively, and this causes ghosting to happen. The men who want physical stimulation should lay it out in the beginning. I find it misleading myself. I've had plenty of girls ghost me right when the chemistry was absolutely breathtaking. Who does that? I never understood the rush to be someone's significant other. If it's meant to be, invest time and effort to find out. Rome wasn't built in a day. Commitment is difficult. Nobody likes reading tediously long contracts, let alone writing them out, especially if they came for the freebies. I am sorry you experienced this, and I hope you find someone truly understanding and worth your time. 

[Guest Aetherr]

i'm sorry this has happened to you, i would love to tell you we aren't all like that but most guys seems to act like real idiots i would like to toss out there though i am sure you know if they ask for cam or nudes right away that would count as a massive red flag i know if i were in a position like that i wouldn't be wasting my time with people who want the perks and title without earning it

Edited August 31, 2018 by Aetherr

[Little Illy]

First off - 'Daddies' aren't the only one who ghost. It is actually a majority of littles who leave Caregivers stranded. No one wants to admit this, so I will.

 

Secondly, if you are constantly getting ghosted, I am very sorry. No one should be ghosted and it sucks. You literally cannot control when someone ghosts you so, I understand. However, you can control who you let into your life. Ghosting happens, as you say, when people realize they aren't going to get what they want instantly. No you cannot control who ghosts your or why, but you can increase your vetting process on who has the chance to ghost you.

 

Thirdly, you need to determine what you are looking for in a DDlg relationship - then make it known, nice and blunt and bold. Tell any possible suitor this is how you do things (no nudes, no instant relationship, need to build trust, etc) and then, most importantly, stick to that system. Don't date younger guys who seem immature, dont date older men who don't understand you, dont date guys you just met yesterday, dont date men just because they call you sexy or say they are well and truly interested in you. 

 

Date men based off of their actions, not just their words.

 

Unfortunately if you are going to try to start a relationship online, you have to make yourself more mature than you want. You have to be realistic in who you reply to and who you confide in. Don't put all of your hopes and expectations on a guy just because he is showing interest. Make them prove they are interested by going through the basics; getting to know one another, having the Real Life talk (future goals, desires, needs and directions), discuss what kind of lifestyle you want to live and so on.

 

You are being ghosted because these people do not find you compatible in one way or another. So figure out who your compatible partner would be and look for those characteristics; is he strict or easy going, does he enjoy a needy little or does he always need his space, do you require someone to always be reachable or are you okay with a day or two without interaction, are you a brat, a sub or an alpha, do you need a brat tamer, a dominant or what have you. 

 

At the end of the day the best way to stop ghosting is to be honest with yourself and anyone else about where you are and what you want. As well as having the know-how to disregard the mass amounts of request and focus on those who are actually compatible with you.

[Stardustgirl13]

Thank you all for your helpful replies

 

And yes I know ‘daddies’ aren’t the only ones to ghost I know there are really great daddies out there that’s why I put ‘air quotes’ around ‘Daddys’ to show these examples I have aren’t real Daddies

 

It’s hard to vet anyone you don’t know personally

 

The main guy I was chatting with that wanted to be my boyfriend after a month

 

We chatted almost every day multiple times a day

 

We both agreed that while I do sometimes see myself as a little I’m also a middle and neigher of us where into the more controlling side of Ddlg as in him choosing what I can and can’t wear watch read the whole shabang

 

While I love the idea of someone being out there that would be there for me I also need someone who would allow me to grow as a person

 

Not to be so dependent on him

 

It’s hard to explain in txt

 

Ok when he asked me to be his girlfriend he also said

 

‘I really need you Baby’

 

I emailed him back making sure he was ok

 

The last message he sent me was accepting that I wasn’t ready for a relationship after a month of only chatting

 

And he seemed to understand and said what ever you feel comfortable telling me about yourself I’m here

 

I was in a car accident a few days ago I’m ok physically but I was shaken and scared

 

I emailed him letting him know if I didn’t email or chat that night it was because I was in a car accident and I was exhausted and stressed

 

He hasn’t written back since I have checked my email my messages on here nothing not one

 

To see if I’m ok or even a well that blows

 

I mean seriously after saying he wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and now nothing?

[Little Illy]

I mean seriously after saying he wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend and now nothing?

 

I guess I should have asked originally - are you looking for advice or a place to vent? I'm not being passive aggressive or snide, I am literally asking.

 

Ghosting can happen at any moment due to any reason. You need to move on from it or it will consume you. Obsessing over the "why" will never get you anywhere.

 

Which is why I mentioned the vetting process. And vetting is easier when you don't know the person. You literally just analyze their actions. You let them know your boundaries. The moment they cross a line, depending on the line, you have a hard sit down and talk or you move on. I know it is all easier said than done, but it is textbook.

 

I would recommend not getting attached too quickly - again, easier said than done I know. But if you get attached too quickly, then... you never know their true nature. You just accept it for what it is because it is him. A month is not long. Lets say, even to an 18 year old, a month is NOTHING in the span of time. I have seen people who have been married for 50 years get a divorce. Time means nothing and the old addage is true. Quality over quantity. Sure you may have talked every single day for a month, but what about? Current events and just gossip? Or did you discuss the big issues; life goals, plans, needs, religion, marriage (to present what you expect for a future partner, some never want  to be married), what about childrearing, travelling, familial obligations, etc.

 

A month is no time at all. And vetting is harder said than done, but it is easily implemented if you're committed to it.

[Stardustgirl13]

Ok how can I vet anyone if I can’t talk with them until we are friends

 

The guy that I was talking with only talked with me on here and email I never gave out my number or any personal information

 

How can I vet through actions if all I have are chats?

[Little Illy]

I’m sorry if I have offended, that was not my intent. If I can explain?

 

When dealing with a stranger you have no biased in their favour, which gives you a clean slate to start with. You can get them by their actions in the chat:

 

Is he respecting your limits?

Is he keeping a schedule or a routine amount of communication?

Do you always have to go to him or will he initiate conversations on his own?

If you’re not sexual, does he constantly bring up sex or does he respect it?

If you are sexual, have you two discussed the sexual aspect of your relationship?

- was he understanding, or was he pushy?

Over the span of communication, does he give you excuse after excuse, or is he upfront and honest with you?

- “Oh, I’m actually kinda depressed today and having my face in a screen is making it worse” vs “oh, sorry, phone died.”

Is he moving st s comfortable pace for both of you - is this compatible with how you feel?

 

A of these things are examples of actions that take place just during chat. These are the things you look at when you are getting a potential partner. Of course being understanding is key, however seeing flags as they rise is just as important.

 

You mentioned it was one month, yet all you two had was a chat system. It might be a better route to take, if you decide you’d don’t form a bf/gf relationship prior to actual verification: Skype, voice call, video call, swap Facebook or other social media, etc.

 

My recommendation is to not start s relationshio when you only have 1 means of communication. It’s a good sign that a person will share some personal information with you if they are genuinely interested, and it might help your vetting system if you don’t lock into anything or get your hopes up until that information is swapped. Even this, his reaction to verification of any kinda will help you with your vetting process.

 

All in all, actions are what we ALL miss (including myself) yet they are the natural behaviours of the person. And with this being the internet, I personally, rarely, believe what anyone tells me until it’s proven in some way. It may sound paranoid but I’ve only ever been ghosted once. I have a high vetting process for strangers and have managed to avoid those kinds.

 

Am I saying I am special? No. I am saying I had to grit my teeth and hate that everyone seemed to find someone but me. Because I stuck to my systems. I am particularly “picky” with my potential partners so I was single for awhile. But now I am 1 month away from my 2 year anniversary with Daddy. I wouldn’t admit it at the time, but I am exceedingly grateful I was alone and ready for when I met Daddy.

 

It’s hard, it is, and I’m sorry ghosters are happening to you, ghosting is horrible. But there are ways to help you guard against them, it just requires a lot of work.

[Little Illy]

(Also sorry for the typos, I’m on an iPad and I’m not used to the keyboard )

[Guest ManOfMystery]

First off - 'Daddies' aren't the only one who ghost. It is actually a majority of littles who leave Caregivers stranded. No one wants to admit this, so I will.

 

You're certainly right about that, Little lilly. It has happened to me many, many times.

[Guest Appacheian]

The same opportunity that gives us the ability to connect with someone anywhere in the world, no matter what the site, gives us the same opportunity to just disappear. That’s the world we live in.

[Guest Mossy]

deleted

Edited September 13, 2018 by Mossy

[Guest AMS23]

Yep I agree! Both littles and daddies are guilty of ghosting. I think it has several factors why they do it but mostly in my experience they are too afraid to communicate with you that they don’t wan want to speak anymore. Or just don’t know how so they think it’s easier for both people involved to just stop talking all together and that’s so wrong.

[Guest Volkmane1985]

Everyone ghosts, not just those into ddlg.

[Guest AMS23]

Also true volkmane. No matter what though it’s still not ok. Communication is good even if it’s difficult for either party.

[Guest Volkmane1985]

Oh it's still wrong regardless of what you're into.

[Guest Aetherr]

i agree, but there's also something to be said about just letting go and moving on without the fanfare, if they are ghosting you just fuck' em and move on they aint worth your stress and weather they told you what was going on or not it saves you time

 

there is also low chance something happened and now they cannot contact you... either way you do you and just move on.

[Guest CaptainAmerica97]

Saddly Daddy's even ghost you off the web also. It seemed in my case he didn't know how to be a daddy and decided he didn't want to be also. So just left and started ghosting me. So I decided to just move on and hang out with a friend that knows I am a little and doesn't care. Right now he is the one that helps ground me to the earth if I need it.

[princessfreckles]

It can be hard to swallow being ghosted. My first ever Daddy disappeared about 6 weeks after we met in person. He was the one who drove 8 hours each way to spend a weekend with me. I was devistated to put it lightly. My personal belief is that he disappeared because he didn't quite realize the amount of effort it takes to care for a little, even from a distance. He was overwhelmed, and instead of being honest he took the coward's way out and ghosted to save himself. 

 

No matter who does the ghosting, it's really wrong and extremely hurtful. I agree with the comments unfortunately the anonymity of the internet allows people to separate from their true selves, which they think protects them from being held accountable. It's sad, and especially a person who feels things more intensely (like a little), being ghosted like that hurts a lot. Especially when you open yourself up to a caregiver and trust them. 

[Cell]

I’d just like to point out that looking through the personals section here the majority of “Daddies” seem to be 20 somethings, and while age isn’t always an indicator of a person’s maturity... trying to find someone emotionally responsible enough to handle things like man in a group made up of predominantly 20 somethings may not be such an easy task. I might be giving littles in the same age bracket an unfair pass here, but to be honest I don’t hold an almost certainly submissive leaning person looking for a dynamic where they can fulfill a childlike role to the same standards as a person claiming to be able to take on a parental/authoritative role.

What you’re doing is perfectly fine Stardust, it’s not a matter of having trust issues. Try looking at it like this... every “ghost” is just another time that you’ve successfully filtered out someone that wasn’t going to be a good Daddy for you, there will probably be a lot that aren’t.

 

People wanting to get their bits wet... it can do funny things to their brains. XD

[Arenvos]

Agreed, it usually isn't the Littles fault that the Daddy leaves, kinda ironic I got that advice from my Daddy that... stopped talking to me, and when confronted with that, he said he was dealing with personal issues, and after a few weeks of talking, stopped talking again, went to say good night too him one day.. find out he deactivated his account and didn't tell me beforehand or afterwards, even though he has my Facebook. Still hasn't told me... so when he said he hasn't abandoned me, I still believe he hasn't but at the same time... I feel like he has.... anyway, try not to beat yourself over it Stardust, you are not the blame here for how your Daddy ghost you.. its their fault, not yours

[Guest Avi]

Usually i get ghosted because im either too much to handle (very talkative and cracking jokes/puns) or ive offended someone. As mentioned before by many of you, just tell me if i did something wrong or made you uncomfortable in any way. I respect someone's wish to not talk to me. Its just really not hard to just tell someone youre not interested in carrying the conversation forward.

 

Although i have to be honest, i really dont get offended or bothered by ghosting any more, i just have to refrain from calling a ghoster out on their bullshit when they complain about having no one to talk to or brag about how much they care yada yada.

[Guest FluffyLittleLilac]

@Aes I like it when you say what is on my mind because I’m too much of a lazy bum to say that but yeah, what he said (he’s reading my mind and copying me)