New little, feeling ashamed.

[littleone0201]

Hey everyone, I recently discovered I was a little when my boyfriend, my Daddy, introduced me to the DDlg relationship dynamic and I realized I had a lot of repressed litte tendencies that I am very relieved to experience.

 

It's feel so good to indulge in littlespace, and look at all the cutesy stuff that I like but I am burdened by an overwhelming sense of shame? I'm 18 and I feel as though I need to be an adult now and going back to being a kiddie is a waste of time, which makes me feel worse because I really want this!

My Daddy reassures me that I do enough adult stuff in my day to day life, and it's good for me to relax and be little which I'm grateful for but I can't shake the feeling.

 

Any advice would be very helpful.

 

 

 

 

[Guest chubby_marshmallow]

It's a very adult thing to not only know yourself and what you enjoy but also to embrace what you enjoy and make it your own. There's no shame in it. If this lifestyle is meant for you, then it's a step in the right direction. As long as you're not using it as a form of escapism, then it's fine to indulge.

[princessfreckles]

I didn't discover I was a little until I was 29, so I have to admit I'm envious that you got to discover that part of you so young. I do adult stuff and I hate it, I'd rather be my happy little self all the time!.  However don't rush yourself to be adult like because it's the worst. You're 18! Literally still a teenager! Enjoy little space and the rest of your teen years! Definitely don't feel shame. Everyone has a way to decompress and destress, your little space activities is how you do. Keep being you and don't worry about being an adult, it's not that great. 

[littleone0201]

It's a very adult thing to not only know yourself and what you enjoy but also to embrace what you enjoy and make it your own. There's no shame in it. If this lifestyle is meant for you, then it's a step in the right direction. As long as you're not using it as a form of escapism, then it's fine to indulge.

Unfortuntely, I believe it is a form of escapism. I suffer from mental illness and I'm very maladaptive, anything that I can cling to that can help me forget about my depression or my anxiety I will use until I can't anymore. Of course, that's not all that DDlg is for me, but it helps a lot and I'm finding that being little relieves my anxiety a ton.

 

 

 

I didn't discover I was a little until I was 29, so I have to admit I'm envious that you got to discover that part of you so young. I do adult stuff and I hate it, I'd rather be my happy little self all the time!.  However don't rush yourself to be adult like because it's the worst. You're 18! Literally still a teenager! Enjoy little space and the rest of your teen years! Definitely don't feel shame. Everyone has a way to decompress and destress, your little space activities is how you do. Keep being you and don't worry about being an adult, it's not that great. 

I know, being an adult is terrible. I think I feel more pressure to do adult things because I haven't done what I should've done, yet? I should have already gotten my driver's license and and a job but I haven't and the voice in my head is screaming at me to do those things but I'm like ah no!

 

But my Daddy is teaching me to drive which I'm very grateful for. We're trying to make the most out of the little teenage years I have left. But thank you, your advice is very comforting. <3 

[Guest QueenJellybean]

first of all, congratulations on being able to identify that you think you might be using your little space as an avoidance tactic! that's hard to do!

 

i think this can be a very comforting, safe place to go -- little space -- but i do think that it needs to be used sparingly if you can actively identify that you're using it to avoid, especially in the case of mental health. my ex-little used to do this, her therapist knew she regressed, & she was suggested to do little activities as a reward for successfully adulting that day. 

 

while i don't regress, or identify as a little myself, i do have "small tendencies" that i like to nurture, & i treat it really similarly. 

i look at this part of myself like self-care 

after a long week of work, i'll draw myself a bath with a bubble bomb & ask The Giant to make me chicken nuggets for dinner.

i'll treat myself to a small Target shop after a rough day. 

i always allow myself a cheap, greasy meal after therapy. 

when i'm feeling overwhelmed, i'll window shop for new sippy cups on amazon & add them to my wishlist. 

little indulgences & ways to treat yourself. 

 

this is just an idea, & i know that a lot of littles consider this a part of their personality, so i'm not in any way suggesting here that you don't let yourself be small.

but if you're concerned (& feeling guilty) that you might be misusing that space in order to cope with things in an unhealthy way, i'd try to make it a reward. 

& since it's a reliever of anxiety for you, definitely use it as such! find little ways to bring that sense of comfort into your every-day life & marry them with your adult things!

 

bring brightly-colored gel pens to take notes in your college courses. 

take a tsum tsum or two with you as a driving buddy while you learn to drive. 

get a cute steering wheel cover.

hook up your ipod & listen to disney while you practice.

 

all you are doing is letting go of the stress you're carrying. like it was mentioned above, it's absolutely normal & okay to not know what you're doing at eighteen.

if cuddling a teddy bear & drinking apple juice is a way to calm down after doing a tough adult thing that leaves you feeling like you have no idea what you're doing, 

then more power to you for knowing how to self-soothe & regulate! 

[littleone0201]

 

first of all, congratulations on being able to identify that you think you might be using your little space as an avoidance tactic! that's hard to do!

 

i think this can be a very comforting, safe place to go -- little space -- but i do think that it needs to be used sparingly if you can actively identify that you're using it to avoid, especially in the case of mental health. my ex-little used to do this, her therapist knew she regressed, & she was suggested to do little activities as a reward for successfully adulting that day. 

 

while i don't regress, or identify as a little myself, i do have "small tendencies" that i like to nurture, & i treat it really similarly. 

i look at this part of myself like self-care 

after a long week of work, i'll draw myself a bath with a bubble bomb & ask The Giant to make me chicken nuggets for dinner.

i'll treat myself to a small Target shop after a rough day. 

i always allow myself a cheap, greasy meal after therapy. 

when i'm feeling overwhelmed, i'll window shop for new sippy cups on amazon & add them to my wishlist. 

little indulgences & ways to treat yourself. 

 

this is just an idea, & i know that a lot of littles consider this a part of their personality, so i'm not in any way suggesting here that you don't let yourself be small.

but if you're concerned (& feeling guilty) that you might be misusing that space in order to cope with things in an unhealthy way, i'd try to make it a reward. 

& since it's a reliever of anxiety for you, definitely use it as such! find little ways to bring that sense of comfort into your every-day life & marry them with your adult things!

 

bring brightly-colored gel pens to take notes in your college courses. 

take a tsum tsum or two with you as a driving buddy while you learn to drive. 

get a cute steering wheel cover.

hook up your ipod & listen to disney while you practice.

 

all you are doing is letting go of the stress you're carrying. like it was mentioned above, it's absolutely normal & okay to not know what you're doing at eighteen.

if cuddling a teddy bear & drinking apple juice is a way to calm down after doing a tough adult thing that leaves you feeling like you have no idea what you're doing, 

then more power to you for knowing how to self-soothe & regulate! 

 

Amazing advice, thank you. I'm hoping that right now I'm just caught up in the excitement of finally maybe figuring out a little more about me, and the goodness that comes with it, and hopefully soon I'll figure out how to add littlespace into my life more sparingly. 

 

I think right now I'm in the honeymoon phase. lol

 

I've been a tomboy my whole life and have simply been GUSHING over everything cute and pink and the openness of femininity that comes with DDlg. 

[Guest Aetherr]

that's society talking, its telling you that its not okay to be a little or its telling you its not okay to be non-productive, thats the thing society is a human construct so it naturally feeds back to the question of "do you care what people think?" if so remember this, its your life and your journey and if you don't care then it sounds to me like you could find a balance between little you and big you and finding that balance will be ideal

 

!!

[Little Illy]

I've been a tomboy my whole life and have simply been GUSHING over everything cute and pink and the openness of femininity that comes with DDlg. 

 

I was the same way as you when I discovered DDlg. Only, my mind was telling me acting out on the cuteness and the littleness of me was stupid. My mind kept saying what yours did "its time to be an adult, time to grow up," etc.

 

I think the hardest thing about finding out you are a little and battling that little voice in your head saying "that is too childish!" is to remember, that you can easily be a Little and handle all of your adult responsibilities. Think of the doctors who play in rock bands, or the teachers who go out and party in Amsterdam over the summer (two groups of people I actually know...), or how about the college student who has to stay up all night to study, yet on the weekends unwinds at a house party? It is the same thing. One identity does not cross out the other.

 

Being little does not diminish you being an adult, it is actually the opposite. It takes a mature person to handle this dynamic because of all it can entail and all that surround it. So to be a little, you first must be an adult. That is what helped me realize it wasn't childish. It is calculated. And for some people, it is therapeutic. 

 

It took me 4 years to get into Littlespace for the first time. And by then I needed my Daddy, wine, accessories and constant assurance I wasn't acting like an idiot. Because that is how I felt. Like a person was singing on stage for the first time. No matter how good the voice may be, its the first time and it is daunting. That was me and littlespace. It was something I had to develop over time. And not even that! I couldn't call Daddy 'Daddy' for the first 2 months or so of our dynamic based relationship. I had to call him Sir because Daddy didn't feel right because of my insecurities. 

 

Ultimately what helped me get a grip and accept my identity was finding those who were also little. I came to this forum. And interacting with these amazing people (and even the people who have challenged me), I found more comfort in being my little self day by day. And this is because this forum normalized this mindset for me. Anywhere else and the way we think, talk, or act may come off as something negative. But here, we are among friends, family and a network of support, so it helps take the stigmas away and allows a person to calmingly explore themselves. 

 

Which is what I advise you to do - try making this dynamic 'normal' for you. Even if it is just for an hour a day, find a way to see that doing these things don't make you a child, but instead... they are just fun! Everyone has their own hobbies, why can't yours be coloring, collecting dolls or stuffies, or even just loving pink? You can normalize a lot of the little-like behavior and see it actually fits into the adult world. So many adults where pigtails, overalls, frilly dresses, are in a power exchange relationship in some way (if that fits you), and so much more. Yes our dynamic is taboo - but the ACTIONS in the dynamic can easily be normalized. 

 

I am so excited for you and I am glad to hear youre happy about your new development of finding your little side! We are all a bit confused or lost in the beginning, so honestly you are right on track Just make some friends, read some threads and do a bit of research and self-reflection and you'll be more than okay.

Edited August 23, 2018 by Little Illy

[littleone0201]

Such helpful advice!! <3 You don't know how comforting and relieving it is to read all this.