Autistic/Neurodivergent Caregivers

[Jacket]

Hi.

 

I’ve been lurking the forums and wondering if there are people like me here. Specifically, caregivers or daddy doms that happen to have Autism or any other mental illness.

 

I’ve got Asperger’s, ADHD, Bipolar and anxiety, but this thread for anybody on the spectrum or neurodivergent in any way. I noticed there was a thread of mentally ill/Autistic littles but not one for caregivers. I know there’s got to be more of us out there, because I doubt this is a “just me” sort of thing.

 

I’m not necessarily a little by any means, but the Autistic tendencies I have make it a lot easier for me to enjoy things with my little bird. Toys and stuffies, games, all of those sorts of things. If you took a look at my room you’d see the room of a kid, but I am very much an adult. A young adult, but an adult nonetheless. I just really happen to obsess over certain things. Even things meant for kids.

 

So this loops back around to my question. How many caregivers out there are on the spectrum or mentally ill? How does it affect your relationship with your little one? Is it negative or positive? I’d like to say that despite my mental illnesses and other mental shortcomings I’ve got a pretty good relationship, one that I’m very happy in. And usually said Autism makes social interaction difficult for me, but not so much in this case. (My little bird is actually here visiting me as I type this. We've had a blast so far.)

 

Thanks so much for reading. I look forward to reading any replies.

Edited August 11, 2018 by Jacket

[Little Illy]

*Waves* Hello, Jacket. I know I am not an official CG (though I am a Domme), I hope its okay that I step in here.

 

As a member of this forum for 2 years this month, I can PROMISE you, I have helped, chatted, watched and understood scores of CGs with mental health issues past depression. BPD, Bi-Polar, Schizophrenia, Autism, Asperger's, PTSD and more. My Daddy alone has chronic and manic depression, PTSD and a couple others. 

 

What I am trying to say is, you are not alone. There are so many Caregivers and they are wonderful with their "conditions" (parenthesis because everyone labels it in their own way - no devaluing here, I promise). I know I am not a CG, but I have seen these people come here, stay, some leave, others grow, get into successful relationships, get into not so good ones. The beauty of this dynamic is that, to be blunt, it is a place for those who feel broken. We get to live a dynamic where each partner really invests, really understands and becomes extremely connected. This dynamic helps those who do feel broken, feel whole again. I say that speaking for myself, my Daddy and paraphrasing from countless others. Not saying everyone who has a mental illness feels or is broken - I am basing it off of the stigmas from the Vanilla world. 

 

No one is ever broken until they give up. I digress.

 

Long story short - yes. There are so many, and so many people that beat the stigmas and negative stereotypes. I hope I didn't intrude, but I just wanted it to be know, those CGs are definitely not alone.

Edited August 11, 2018 by Little Illy

[wargod06]

Hiya Jacket, I consider myself a daddy (even though I act more like a little with the stuff I play with and watch) and I started coming on here because my Asperger, OCD, and Anxiety attacks started getting out of control. Everyone for the most part has been very welcoming here.

 

Its still hard for me though because I cant really understand what people think right and wrong before I do it and I don't want to push somewhere where I don't belong or offend people because of it nor do I want to really use my illness as an excuse for doing the stuff I do. Socializing just confuses me for the most part so I tend to be more of an introvert because of it.

 

For relationships (both friends and romantic) its hard for me to find anyone who wants to be with me for a long period of time for any number of reasons even though I try so hard for that to not happen. When I do find someone who is willing to stay with me it feels like true love and I put all my energy and heart into it just so they don't leave me. But with that I've had a lot of people take advantage of me. Its hard for me to know what people want even if they tell me. So I'm trying to learn as much as I can to better myself for the next opportunity. And with every one on here helping me I feel like I have the duty to help other people.

[Guest Aetherr]

hey, yeah I can relate I has Asperger, autism, anxiety and depression and one of the big draws for me being a daddy is the warm feeling of knowing someone is looking up to you and depends on you, I have not felt that in a while and as a result my general mood and attitude to people has been getting more dark and morbid but it's something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember and sadly it becomes really difficult to make any friends or find someone for me when I look at people and expect them to hurt me or if I generally feel indifferent towards most, it's a struggle I will say but the point is you are certainly not alone!

Edited September 7, 2018 by Aetherr

[Hearteyes]

Hi! Wanted to reply in case I can lend some help from the other side of things.

My daddy is on the spectrum and also copes with some pretty heavy depression.

I don’t think it inherently has a negative impact on our dynamic or anything like that ! It just makes us different and unique in the way that we interact and handle certain things, just like each persons relationship is already different and unique. I think it’s helped us really focus on our communication and make sure we both understand each other’s wants and needs we’ve been going strong for about 5 years now and the major thing has been constantly and clearly communicating BOTH our emotional and physical needs. I think sometimes (at least in my experience ) daddies can tend to worry that if they talk too much about their feelings or personal struggles that is littles won’t feel as taken care of because they’re not being “strong”. So especially what I tell my daddy when he copes with this problem of having unresolved feelings or not understanding what I’m meaning or how I’m feeling is that It’s good to talk about things AS MUCH AS YOU NEED. It’s not selfish and even if certain things cause you to break down or need to have things a certain way it’s not selfish or a burden and any good little will be happy to accommodate to your specific needs because we know and appreciate how hard you daddies work to take care of us and want to you to feel as secure, happy, and comfortable as you make us feel.

I’m not very good at explaining things so sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

And oh my daddy isn’t on here but if anyone has any specific questions for how he deals with things I’d be happy to ask him and convey his response.

You’re not alone and even if things can be a little difficult until you work out the kinks it by no means makes your relationship worse, just different. And in my opinion that makes it even more special and perfect when things finally settle in and fall into place

- hope this helps at least a little bit or makes sense at all

[Guest Professor Optics]

I have Asperger's and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), diagnosed late at 26. 

[Dancingwolf879]

Hey, so, I’m here as a transgender Papa. I suffer from depression, gender dysphoria, slight anxiety and possible ADD/ADHD.

 

For me and my Little, we’re both neurodivergent and it’s a thing that brings us together. For the most part. They’re still learning to talk to me about things and know that they won’t get judged for it (a lot of people in their past were quick to judge and make them feel bad for all of it). Even still, it’s one of those things that I feel makes us stronger as a couple because we both understand where the other is coming from. Without that connection we would still be a good couple, but the fact that we are both able to understand and connect on that level gives us a profound sense of unity that we wouldn’t have otherwise.

 

That being said, this week alone I’ve been having dysphoria bad enough to leave me wanting to claw out of my skin and to have to shower in the dark so I won’t have to look at myself. My little has been struggling a little bit to try and help me since we are in a LDR, but they’ve still been here to help me and do what they can. When we live together it’ll be a lot easier obviously but until then we just have to deal with this as it stands.

 

In truth, I’ve found that a lot of the times calling them and talking to them helps me to calm down and breathe. Our phone calls are amazing and it gives me a similar feeling as to what I’ve seen Littles say with their caregivers voice being a sense of guiding and calming. For me, their voice is what drags me down to earth when my thoughts are racing towards a black hole, their voice brings me back to myself when I’ve lost my way within my own mind.

 

You’re not alone my friend, between Littles and Caregivers, here is a place where we can find safety and understanding.

[Overhand]

I'm a proudly autistic Daddy with ADHD. Being autistic can I think lead to a greater requirement for clear, unambiguous communication and that paves the way beautifully for a healthy BDSM relationship, DDLG especially. I also agree that I have a greater tendency to enjoy "childish" things, I enjoyed cartoons and comics aimed at children well into my teens and I still have my favourite teddy bear from childhood - doesn't sound very Daddy-dom does it?! But it doesn't make me a Little, it makes me someone who can enjoy and relate to little pastimes and games. Again I see that only as a benefit. I wouldn't call it preferable to be autistic or not as a Daddy, it just has its own strengths and weaknesses I think.

[SamL]

Hi Jacket and welcome.  I'll be right with you.

 

No one is ever broken until they give up. 

 

Whatyoutalkingaboutgirl!    I am quite happy to say that I'm broke as f@.  To speak to that point, I'd like to share a passage from my next book (part of a series, book 1 is actually half posted in the creative section of this site).  So, anyway - Josh and Anadia are a young couple.  She's from another world and is a bit...'different'. In this scene, Josh discovers that Anadia has made a model of her village with various nuts (i.e. walnuts, pecans, etc) Here it is:

 

 

 

“You made an entire village of 'nut' people?” I asked.

“Yes,” Anadia answered, “do you like it?”

“Yeah, I do, it's actually really cool” I paused. “So, you think people are nuts, huh?”

“No, silly Josh, people are not nuts. There are many differences.”

“I actually knew that,” I grinned as I picked up one of the nut-men delicately and looked it over, “it was that sarcasm thing we've talked about. Since people and nuts are different in every way, they...”

“They are not different in every way, my Josh,” Anadia interrupted as she reached for her creation that Josh was holding, “they are actually identical in one very important way.”

I handed it to her gently as to not damage it, raised an eyebrow and gave her a half-smile, “Yeah, in what very important way are they identical?”

Anadia held my eyes as she raised her arm slowly before bringing it crashing down on the table, crushing the nut-man and breaking the shell. “You can not get to the good stuff until it has been broken.” She smiled and brought one of the nuts to my lips and, after a moment's pause cause I was stuck back at what she just said, she pushed it in giggling.

“Wait a second,” I said, as I tried to navigate talking with a nut in my mouth. Anadia plopped down on a chair soundlessly. “Do you really believe that? That bit about 'you can't get to the good stuff until they're broken'?”

“Of course, my Josh. Do you not see this as true?”

“To be honest,” I explained, “the thought had never occurred to me but it's intriguing,” I said as I tried to let the thought marinate.

“No spiritual warrior ever arrives at the starting line whole,” she offered in that helpful way she has that only seems to confuse me more.

“Whaa...?” I managed, which sent her into giggles again.

“You and I, as well as Daniel and my mother, are spiritual warriors,” she began. I hadn't actually thought of myself as a spiritual warrior but have to tell you, I liked the sound of it – I just wasn't sure it applied to me.

“You are such a silly boy and I love you so very much,” Anadia said softly as she interpreted the doubt in my features. “There are so many examples for me to choose from but perhaps your first encounter with the Maraz. You stopped the commandant from drinking the poisonous water, do you not recall this?”

“Yeah, but I wasn't thinking!” I protested. “There was no epic battle to do the right thing, it was just a reaction.”

Anadia rolled her abalone-colored eyes, “I was wrong when I called you a silly boy,” she said solemnly. “You are a very, very silly boy. And funny. Yes, funny too.” Seemed she was actually beginning to get the whole sarcasm thing after all. “Do you not see? There was, as you have called it, an epic battle to do the right thing. You simply fought that battle long before that encounter with the commandant. For instance, when I first learned to weave baskets, it was difficult to move my fingers in the way required to weave correctly. Now, my fingers weave with no thought. I would have to use effort to do it wrong.”

“We call that muscle memory,” I said, nodding.

Anadia inclined her head, “Exercising the spiritual values we have embraced is also a muscle,” she replied. The epic battles were your first attempts to behave selflessly. As time went on, it became easier, until eventually you act for others with no thought. In doing so, you became my warrior.”

 

Okay, didn't plan on going on that long but couldn't decide where to cut the scene.  Sorry about that Jacket; are you still there?

 

I am on the spectrum - HFA.  I also have Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder).  Who can say how much a mental illness or handicap impacts a relationship?  It is not like I can look to my relationships before I had autism or DID - there was no before.  So, without anything to compare to - and I am certainly not going to compare myself to other people, I get to decide if it is a positive or negative.  Frankly, I can turn lemons into lemonade - or a beautiful day  into a crappy one.  I am not powerless.  I have choices.  My 'challenges' have given me a different way of looking at the world.  Use it.

 

The most valuable stamp in the world, was a mistake.  The most valuable coin ever minted?  An error.  Average or unique - weird or special?  What do you want to be?

 

P.S.  So I really need to ask...does anyone REALLY know what time it is?

Edited January 2, 2019 by SamL