am i that too soft daddy?

[LeanBlaster]

yo, i am Lean,

in September came out of a relationship of 3 years and half of abuse,use and rape almost everyday.

i was used to treat her as a little when the relationship started, i was emotionally and mentally played to not leave her with shaming, saying i was too ugly to someone to want me, too ugly, no one would love me because how i am mentally (multiple personality disorder,depressed,anxious and more) so they caged me on that relationship.

i tried to break up but she threatened me of killing herself... got stuck again, after 2 months i was sure of breaking with her, but that time she cut herself and sent me picture and showed me, i wouldn't be able to live with the guilt... so that is a bit of how i got caged till she trowed me of in September (she was cheating for a whole year before breaking up so she could get married this past month...) most times i would treat her like a little because if changed how i treated her since the beginning she would do hell to me (don't ask please)..

 

i was into ddlg way before that, i am someone quite needy, but having someone who needs me is what i need, feeling i am needed, appreciated and loved for doing so!

I am trying to find a little here in Portugal because after this i really need someone physically, or at least that i could get a way to be with that persone...

 

Recently i have been talking with some littles that are from other country and they were the worst,playing with my emotions,eluding and using me for get what they wanted and block me...

i unfortunately have some trust issues because my "friends and family" were the worst after coming out the abuse and made it even worst, so i am dealing with this alone with no medical help because i don't have money at the moment.

I ask myself now everyday and every night am i not worthy after all?... and agreeing with what my ex and her family told me, that no one would love me or want/need me...

 

this is more of a venting i guess because nothing will change unfortunately... but yeah, there is a bit of story about me ^^ there is a lot more but i don't want to go into details...

 

Am i too soft? too kind hearted? idk... i am really depressed, i am trying my best but i cant even get a little to talk with me without needing to wait 10 h per answers, i feel like a bother and boring and annoying... i wanted to feel appreciated and wanted to talk to... i know this will get mostly ignored but if you are reading till here thank you for using a bit of your precious time...

[Siphy]

I don't at all want to come off as mean, but are you sure you don't identify more with a provider and a care giver over a dominant daddy? That's kind of besides the point, but might help you find someone who doesn't want the strict confident type, but wants someone that will coddle, love and take care of them.

 

I don't think you're too soft or too kind hearted, but you clearly lack the confidence to make decisions if you feel like they might have a negative impact on others. Taking care of yourself is in my opinion one of the most important aspects of being a Dom! Who would follow and obediently obey someone who can't even take care of themselves or follow their own rules?

In the situation you ended up in, in my opinion, it would've been the kind thing to do to leave this person, but at the same time it doesn't at all feel that way.

 

Try to not focus so much on finding someone else, and more time focusing on yourself and your own happiness. Be a happy person in a good place, so you can in turn help give someone that would love to lean on you, a nice positive place to go to with you.

If you feel ugly, try to do small things that'll help change that opinion of yourself, it'll do amazing things with your confidence and feeling of self worth. For me it was focusing more on building muscle mass instead of obsessing over trying to work away those pesky little pounds

 

When it comes to dating, it's very easy to feel like your effort and time is poorly spent, and that waiting forever for a reply is making you depressed, so being in a good place before you start is kind of necessary. 

[LeanBlaster]

I don't at all want to come off as mean, but are you sure you don't identify more with a provider and a care giver over a dominant daddy? That's kind of besides the point, but might help you find someone who doesn't want the strict confident type, but wants someone that will coddle, love and take care of them.

 

I don't think you're too soft or too kind hearted, but you clearly lack the confidence to make decisions if you feel like they might have a negative impact on others. Taking care of yourself is in my opinion one of the most important aspects of being a Dom! Who would follow and obediently obey someone who can't even take care of themselves or follow their own rules?

In the situation you ended up in, in my opinion, it would've been the kind thing to do to leave this person, but at the same time it doesn't at all feel that way.

 

Try to not focus so much on finding someone else, and more time focusing on yourself and your own happiness. Be a happy person in a good place, so you can in turn help give someone that would love to lean on you, a nice positive place to go to with you.

If you feel ugly, try to do small things that'll help change that opinion of yourself, it'll do amazing things with your confidence and feeling of self worth. For me it was focusing more on building muscle mass instead of obsessing over trying to work away those pesky little pounds

 

When it comes to dating, it's very easy to feel like your effort and time is poorly spent, and that waiting forever for a reply is making you depressed, so being in a good place before you start is kind of necessary. 

you are right, i don't know much what i should consider myself, i always thought of a dom daddy, but also care giver, when things are about someone else i am someone completely different, i can take care of others in a whole different way i can do with myself, honestly i think that is my multiple personality, but i am trying my best to hold on till i can afford medical help, since i really need that.

Thank you for the time you took for this answer it really means a lot! its been hell for me since the break up with more and more things bad happening to me but i am doing my best every time, thank you again!

[baby_k]

You should think yourself first. Look into you. Who you are, what you want, what makes you happy..?

 

Don't try to fill emptiness in yourself with finding someone else, and specially by filling the void by looking after them and masking your own pain, insecurities etcetc with that stuff.

 

Also note that people who come from abusive relationship often fall into next abusive relationship because they have not dealt their OWN issues. I don't meant to guilt trip you or anyone who has been in bad rel but everyone has responsibility over THEMSELVES. So, look after you. Before looking after anyone else.

 

Siphy offered good advice and I'm sure you can find a lot more from internet. Also maybe find people in similar situations as getting support and sharing things with other people can really help.

 

 

Edit: typos

Edited August 5, 2018 by baby_k

[LeanBlaster]

You should think yourself first. Look into you. Who you are, what you want, what makes you happy..?

 

Don't try to fill emptiness in yourself with finding someone else, and specially by filling the void by looking after them and masking your own pain, insecurities etcetc with that stuff.

 

Also note that people who come from abusive relationship often fall into next abusive relationship because they have not dealt their OWN issues. I don't meant to guilt trip you or anyone who has been in bad rel but everyone has responsibility over THEMSELVES. So, look after you. Before looking after anyone else.

 

Siphy offered good advice and I'm sure you can find a lot more from internet. Also maybe find people in similar situations as getting support and sharing things with other people can really help.

 

 

Edit: typos

i know, i dont want to fill the void with them tho.

As soon as i am financially capable i want to seek support, i am handling as much as i can on a place were i am surrounded by things that are making me worst and no i cant get out of here unfortunately, i woudn't use someone, because i dont like to use people i want someone for life, not a persone band-aid like someone wanted to do with me while still going after the one she wanted, and i standed up to myself and didn't let her, gladly my multiple personality do as bad as it does as good on the worst moments but its still hard, i understand what you said and i am doing my best to pick myself up piece by piece and fix myself up, so i wont hurt someone that may like me, if that persone ever exist of course...

 

Thank you for your time <3

[Guest Prat]

That was an extremely abusive relationship and nothing what a healthy ddlg relationship should look like. Be glad it's over, try to forget anything you think you learned from it because it should never be used as a basis for anything.

I didn't read the whole thing btw cause it's too early in the morning for me..

Anyway I for one am glad it's over and I wish you good luck in the future.

P.s. You think too much.

Edited August 6, 2018 by Prat(Praetorian)

[LeanBlaster]

That was an extremely abusive relationship and nothing what a healthy ddlg relationship should look like. Be glad it's over, try to forget anything you think you learned from it because it should never be used as a basis for anything.

I didn't read the whole thing btw cause it's too early in the morning for me..

Anyway I for one am glad it's over and I wish you good luck in the future.

P.s. You think too much.

Thank you!..

yeah i have that isue and since i have so much time and no one to talk most of the time my head is always thinking and thinking.... 

 

thank you for answering me >~< <3