In Need of Advice

[Guest thepeachiestdoll]

Hi! 

 

I'm not really sure how to word this, so forgive me for errors, or anything that doesn't make sense.

 

I basically met the daddy of my dreams- he fulfilled my "criteria," and *more*. We spoke for about three days, but I think it was the first time I had such an exceedingly strong connection to someone, and he felt the same.

 

Sadly though, he revealed to me that he's not in the right headspace for a relationship right now. That hurt like hell, but I'm more than willing to be his friend and help him when I can.

 

Selfishly, I truly do miss what we had- I know it was only for three days, but again, I've never in my life gotten on with someone so well- and I was hoping for some advice on how to cope.

 

I know I just need to be by his side supporting him, but it's so difficult to feel so hurt, especially when I have to put a brave face on to ensure that he's happy. I wouldn't usually ask for advice on this sort of thing, as we haven't known each other for long, but I'm weirdly struggling.

 

Thank you in advance! 

[babybumble]

Firstly, don’t forget that you don’t *have* to put on a brave face for him if you’re hurting. That’s something I do a lot and for me, it can be damaging to try and stay involved in something when I’m hurt and need time to heal. Don’t treat your feelings as less important than those of someone you talked to for three days, regardless of the connection you felt.

 

Now I’m not saying drop him like a hot cake but definitely guard yourself and your feelings first.

 

As for advice on coping, do spend some time doing things you love independently - things that allow you to reflect, and things that pull you out of your mind a little bit. I love cooking or baking when I’m sad about something of this nature. Reading is awesome too bc you can enter someone else’s world. Talk to some little friends! I’m available to chat haha.

 

I’m sorry it didn’t work out ❤️

[Guest thepeachiestdoll]

Firstly, don’t forget that you don’t *have* to put on a brave face for him if you’re hurting. That’s something I do a lot and for me, it can be damaging to try and stay involved in something when I’m hurt and need time to heal. Don’t treat your feelings as less important than those of someone you talked to for three days, regardless of the connection you felt.

 

Now I’m not saying drop him like a hot cake but definitely guard yourself and your feelings first.

 

As for advice on coping, do spend some time doing things you love independently - things that allow you to reflect, and things that pull you out of your mind a little bit. I love cooking or baking when I’m sad about something of this nature. Reading is awesome too bc you can enter someone else’s world. Talk to some little friends! I’m available to chat haha.

 

I’m sorry it didn’t work out ❤️

 

Oh, thank you so much! I really appreciate this. 

 

I think I do need to work on healing myself first, and then I can support him happily later on.

 

I sort of knew that I need to keep myself distracted, but having someone nudge me in that direction always helps. 

 

Again, thank you lovely!  

[Guest Nocent]

Hi! 

 

I'm not really sure how to word this, so forgive me for errors, or anything that doesn't make sense.

 

I basically met the daddy of my dreams- he fulfilled my "criteria," and *more*. We spoke for about three days, but I think it was the first time I had such an exceedingly strong connection to someone, and he felt the same.

 

Sadly though, he revealed to me that he's not in the right headspace for a relationship right now. That hurt like hell, but I'm more than willing to be his friend and help him when I can.

 

Selfishly, I truly do miss what we had- I know it was only for three days, but again, I've never in my life gotten on with someone so well- and I was hoping for some advice on how to cope.

 

I know I just need to be by his side supporting him, but it's so difficult to feel so hurt, especially when I have to put a brave face on to ensure that he's happy. I wouldn't usually ask for advice on this sort of thing, as we haven't known each other for long, but I'm weirdly struggling.

 

Thank you in advance! 

You were in relationship for three days, while those might have been the most blissful and every element seemed to line up perfect, all the criteria met except for the one, the ability, and availability to be in a relationship.

You can chose to be a friend and assist in supporting him in that manner but one element you need to remember is that ability to be in relationship might never change. I know that it is easy to believe that it will, and that in time that fairy tale romance will sweep you off of your feet, while it could still happen be careful.

You might even consider a little time to cope with the loss before putting yourself into the position to assist him, and help him. To put on a brave face to ensure he is happy is not being true to yourself, and you should be open and honest with yourself most of all.

I know you will make it through this, and you have the support of the community

[Guest thepeachiestdoll]

You were in relationship for three days, while those might have been the most blissful and every element seemed to line up perfect, all the criteria met except for the one, the ability, and availability to be in a relationship.

You can chose to be a friend and assist in supporting him in that manner but one element you need to remember is that ability to be in relationship might never change. I know that it is easy to believe that it will, and that in time that fairy tale romance will sweep you off of your feet, while it could still happen be careful.

You might even consider a little time to cope with the loss before putting yourself into the position to assist him, and help him. To put on a brave face to ensure he is happy is not being true to yourself, and you should be open and honest with yourself most of all.

I know you will make it through this, and you have the support of the community

 

Thank you for the advice and a small reality check!

 

I'll stand by and be his friend, but I'm also choosing to take a step back and heal myself. I'm more than fine if he wants to remain friends without ever wanting a relationship with me again, so thank you for helping me consider that! 

 

I really appreciate your help!

[Guest QueenJellybean]

you are a human being with thoughts, emotions, & feelings. just like he is. 

 

& just like him choosing to advocate for himself by saying that this relationship wasn't something he could do right now, 

you are more than valid in saying that being his friend is going to be difficult right now.

 

don't be afraid to tell him that it's just too much to expect you to be supportive of him after going through an emotional upheaval, & need some space. 

doing things independently, as suggested above, much be great. 

& you might find that you only needed a weekend to allow yourself to grieve before being ready for friendship, or you might find you need longer than that. 

 

move at a pace that is right for you & put yourself first.

not to be blunt, but that's exactly what he did & you deserve to be able to do that too!