Married to someone who’s not into it

[bubblegumsprinkles]

I figured out I was a little about 2 years ago, my best friend at the time was also a little. My “Daddy” or who I wish to be my daddy isn’t really into the whole dynamic and walking away and finding someone who is isnt an option because he’s my husband. But it really hurts not being able to let my personality out. My ex best friend who was also a little lived with us for a while and her and her boyfriend were deep into the dynamic. She was into wearing diapers and using them but I’m not. She would walk around our house in just a diaper with company over- I wouldn’t. Steven would try and have a conversation with her but she’d only talk like a very early on child to the point where Steven couldn’t understand her. She also hasn’t been to school (nor homeschool) since sixth grade by choice, said she’d never get a job, and basically treated her boyfriend like a slave and said it was bc shes a little . I’m not bashing littles who use diapers or baby talk all the time, but my husband thinks the only type of litttle is how she acted and has a tainted view towards the kink after that and I can’t explain to him that I’m different what do I dooooo I’m getting really depressed not being able to cope by going into little space!!

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Like most things, being little or being Daddy can exist on a spectrum from very occasional and mild, to 24/7 and extreme.  It sounds as if your husband was exposed to a 24/7 rather extreme DDlg setup, and it wasn't something that appealed to him. Fine.

 

 

I don't understand why you can't explain to him that what he saw with your friend isn't what YOU want? You could explain to him what you do want, or you could maybe do some very simple little behaviour around him and see how he responds (he might not even realise that a "look" or a word can be part of the dynamic). 

 

If there's something that he is into, you could use it as an example to illustrate that not everyone is the same as your friend. For instance someone might like watching football occasionally on tv, and someone else might have the full kit and go to every match. They can both call themselves football fans, and still be completely different in the way they enjoy football.

Maybe he won't be into DDlg at all. But if you don't discuss it with him, you'll never know.

[bubblegumsprinkles]

I call him Daddy sometimes only when we’re alone because I’m still not open to outsiders about it. I use a paci and he doesn’t mind. But I want to start wearing onesies, and maybe get myself some little plates or cups. I also want an actual rules/punishments system, or maybe a chore chart to help me get things done from having depression, but these are all things I haven’t brought up to him. He sees littles as only babies, because my friends little state was 6mo-1year, where I am 3-5. Thanks for the help.

[Guest Maprentis]

Try being completely open about what you desire, maybe he’ll find out things he’ll like things that he didn’t know he liked. Communication is key. Hope I can help.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

...I want to start wearing onesies, and maybe get myself some little plates or cups. I also want an actual rules/punishments system, or maybe a chore chart to help me get things done from having depression, but these are all things I haven’t brought up to him. ...

 

 

Again, I will say you need to communicate with your partner. You are telling US everything you need to be telling HIM.

Go for it! Buy the little plates & cups and let him see that you enjoy them.  He might enjoy them, or enjoy seeing that it makes you happy

[Lola Step]

I've got to be honest- if I was your boyfriend and my first experience of the DDLG world was seeing your friend behave like that I (personally, no judgement as I know some people do like those kinds of littles) would be running a mile Seriously though, his only second hand experience of DDLG has been to an extreme and full on in the form of your friend so I can see why he would be rather hesitant, however as others have said perhaps if you explain to him what DDLG means (and doesnt mean) to you and he sees how happy it makes you then he might be a but more accepting, maybe you could even incorporate things you already like as a couple and make them DDLG or vice versa- for instance my Daddy has a thing for feet (odd I know but I love him so it's ok ) so I love buying cute 'little' socks because it's the best of bother our worlds

[bubblegumsprinkles]

Thanks for your guys help on how to communicate with my husband on what I want/need

[Kaiser]

I'll say it since no one else will.......Its more than a little disturbing that this friend was allowed to run around in nothing but a diaper, in front of company.

 

Can't blame your husband at all. You've allowed this behavior to take place, which is extremely inappropriate, and you really can't blame the guy for being turned off, for lack of a better term.

 

 

And people wonder why there's a stigma attached to this lifestyle.......

Edited July 20, 2018 by Kaiser

[Guest Mossy]

Deleted 

Edited September 13, 2018 by Mossy

[Frog]

This might sound mean, but so be it. That friend sounded more like a user than a little. I could be wrong, but that's how it feels.

 

You could bring it up by first saying you're not into diapers (ABDL). You could also say that like many things, there are different versions of ddlg, and that what you like isn't what your friend likes. In fact, you need to flat out say that in no uncertain terms.

 

But, I agree with everyone else that communication is key. No matter what, you're both still adults and need to discuss this. Look over everything you've said and calmly explain that to him.

[Guest LittleMapleBear]

I was with my ex-wife for 12 years, and she was neither into BDSM-D/s, nor was she into being a Big.  In fact, she was quite disgusted by all of my leanings.

 

I had permission to go see a pro Domme, once a month, to get what I needed, under very tight restrictions.  This may or may not be an option in your relationship.

 

As for your husband, if he isn't into it, I would caution that calling him Daddy or trying to force him into a Big role might border on non-consent.  There's nothing wrong with discussing your needs and wants, and how it makes you feel - I think that is very important, but you can't force him into being your Big or a Big.  If he has a bad opinion about littles, that is really unfortunate, and your friend sounds like she needs a very hefty and healthy dose of reality.  

 

All I can offer as advice is to keep talking to him about your feelings, what you get out of little space, why you need it - this means you need to be clear and very self aware, so that is really your first step.

 

I hope it works out for you - truly.

[bubblegumsprinkles]

I would never force my husband to be anything. He doesn’t care that I call him Daddy. If he’s not into it I wouldn’t make him be something.