Cheating in DDLG

[CrimsonDaddy]

Hello everyone. This took a lot to make an account and post about this as my relationship in DDLG has been long, new and now has become complicated. I met a girl over two years ago who introduced me to DDLG and showed me her side as a little. I quickly became her Daddy and involved myself in learning about the dynamic so that I could do this for her and with her. I love being a Daddy dom now but I have a hard time thinking about doing it without her. She was my heart and soul for almost two full years before I caught her cheating on me. I put everything I had into the relationship with her. I took care of her and treated her like a princess and did everything I could to keep her little and keep our relationship tightly woven together. After everything I couldn’t get over not being around her and we tried everything a second time. Just recently I decided that I can’t get over everything she did to me, but I still need her to keep out of my head and it’s very frustrating. If anyone has had similar situations or could relate and give me some advice, it would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[Kaiser]

The dynamic of DDlg has nothing to do with it. You deal with it just as you would in any other type of relationship.

[Koala]

Despite the dynamic, you can't control someone completely. There's no fix-all for preventing a similar situation, but communicating what your expectations are and really examining if they match up with your partner's can help a lot. But Kaiser's right: this issue isn't really community-specific.

[CrimsonDaddy]

I was just looking for advise on dealing with it. And how it seems much harder than any other relationship because of how close the dynamic brought us together. Maybe I looked in the wrong place for advise. But I appreciate you guys enlightening me on that. Maybe dealing is similar to how it would be in a relationship without the dynamic but I don’t feel that way at all. Edited July 17, 2018 by CrimsonDaddy

[Little Illy]

I was just looking for advise on dealing with it. And how it seems much harder than any other relationship because of how close the dynamic brought us together. Maybe I looked in the wrong place for advise. But I appreciate you guys enlightening me on that. Maybe dealing is similar to how it would be in a relationship without the dynamic but I don’t feel that way at all.

 

Though those above are correct, that doesn't mean that there isn't advice to be found here.

 

I find DDlg to be the most intimate form of relationship out there. Why? Because as you said it brings you so closely together.

 

Im going to assume those above meant you need to approach this as you would any cheating partner - but I will add that you can't do that entirely. You two sounded like youve become extremely close and I'm very sorry you started out and became close with the wrong person. What you need to do is grieve, but don't let that one person deter you from the lifestyle entirely. There are TONS of support systems on this forum alone. And I promise you, you aren't the only DDlg member who has been cheated on. We are here to help.

 

The first thing I recommend is that you start by making your identity dependent. You say you can't really think about doing it without her - that means your Daddy Dom side dies with her and your previous relationship. Don't let her steal that from you. Start focusing on you during this time - research why this dynamic appeals to you. Start exploring new aspects you've been curious about. Make friends here on the forum, in your local kink community or anywhere that will give you the support you deserve. But most importantly, develop yourself away from this woman and reclaim who you love to be. 

 

Once your identity is more stable, you will feel better. You will no longer feel the need to have her for this side of you. After that, work on what you'd like out of your ideal partner - work on these things outside of your normal work, sleep, (possible college), and social schedules. Keep your mind busy but in a productive manner that, in the end, makes you a stronger person for it.

[Kaiser]

Ummm...if he is dependent on her, then she's the Dominant. Period.

 

In my opinion, for what it's worth, taking a cheater back pretty much gives the cheater the Dominant position.

 

And if a supposed Dominant needs to find their identity after a break up, cheating, etc...They were never the Dominant in the first place.

[CrimsonDaddy]

Thanks Kaiser, just discussing things helps me figure some stuff out. I understand what you’re saying but being dependant doesn’t have to mean physically and in everyday tasks. When you love someone you rely on them to keep that relationship dear, and to love you back. If you rely on the love a little has to give it doesn’t make you less dominant. This is my opinion anyhow.

[Little Illy]

Ummm...if he is dependent on her, then she's the Dominant. Period.

Wrong, so wrong. It seems as if you may have a masculinity issue... when it comes to a healthy relationship, both parties should be both dependent and independent on the other. That is simply how it works. Even in my TPE my Daddy depends on me in many ways - one of which is because he is in a wheelchair. Another being me helping him move past emotions complexes. JUST as I’m dependent on him to care for me and to help me grow mentally. We easily retain our independence and individuality, yet are simultaneously dependent on each other respectively.

 

I urgently warn against making such rash and broadstoke claims. Especially when giving advice.

Edited July 17, 2018 by Little Illy

[Kaiser]

Lol...ok.

[CaresAlot]

Relationships are an investment of time and effort.  Sometimes we do everything right and our investment crashes.  Two years is not a huge investment and you found out a lot of who you want to be.  Your investment didn't payoff like you expected, but you did make some gains with it.  Time to figure out what your investment expectations are now.  What kind of qualities are you looking for in a Little that might let you be her Daddy?  What kind of things are you bringing to the table for her?  Lots and lots to think about.  Better planning will help have better results.  Don't rush, its far to big of an investment to just jump on the first ship that sails by.

[daddy1992]

You can still do this with another little or something in the lifestyle. Just forget the past and look to the future!