Being Afraid

[Guest Lightofmylife]

I hope this is the right section to put this on, if not, my apologies.

 

I am sorta new to dd/lg and cg/l relationships and how it works. When I first learned about these type of relationships, I was like "Finally this is something I can connect to," but recently it seems the more I learn about it, the more fearful I become. Let's just say I'm undecided about it. I have these "what if's" in mind on if maybe this is something that won't make me happy or this is not what I'm looking for. 

 

One day I am happy to hopefully be in one, but the next day it's like maybe not. I've never been in one before so maybe that's why? The only reason why I feel like being in a dd/lg or a cg/l relationship is because I act younger than my age and that if I was to find someone then at least they wouldn't be judging me or tell me to "Grow up!". Another thing I'm fearful of is that sometimes I don't seem to fit in. When I say that, I mean I don't have little space, I don't regress to a younger age, and I don't exactly play with stuffies..etc. I guess that's why I see myself as being a middle since I'm more independent in a way.

 

I like some of the things that is in a dd/lg and cg/l relationship like guidance and feeling safe. I think having someone there to help me grow to a mature adult is what I need.. The thing is I'm not sure if this type of relationship is right for me and I just feel confused. But I wouldn't mind being in one, if the person understands that I don't act like a little entirely because I feel more like a teenager.

 

But what I want to ask is, is it normal to be fearful of this? Do people sometimes feel indecisive on if this is the relationship they want? 

[Guest QueenJellybean]

oh gosh, you're so sweet! there are a lot of other threads about this -- the one-size fits all myth to littledom -- but i'm going to try to summarize for you quickly here & hope someone with more time on their hands links those posts for me below! 

 

first of all, what you are feeling is very normal, & i think a lot of littles (& bigs) go through this many times! even if they have been in the community or in a relationship dynamic like this for years! 

 

there is no right or wrong way to be little. 

if you feel like this lifestyle might appeal to you, then go for it! 

there is no one-size fits all mold for littles.

there aren't any requirements or guidebooks, despite what you may read or see.

sure -- some stuff overlaps. 

there are a lot of littles who like stuffies & do age regress, as you say.

but! there are loads who don't too! 

 

i don't necessarily identify as a little because i just... feel like a child all the time. 

i don't have a specific little space & i don't age regress either.

but i still feel like i want that nurturing connection that having a caregiver provides. 

 

identify however you like, be whomever you want to, but never feel pressured to fit into a cookie-cutter labeling machine. 

 

you absolutely do belong here. i can assure you. 

someone out there is looking for the exact brand of small that you've got bottled & 

they're gonna love you. 

 

pinky promise.  

[Guest Kerjin]

 

you absolutely do belong here. i can assure you. 

someone out there is looking for the exact brand of small that you've got bottled & 

they're gonna love you. 

 

pinky promise.

 

 

I love that jellybean!  That's about the most perfect response I'm ever seen. I'd like to borrow that, if I may, and use it elsewhere for both sides.

1. Someone out there is looking for the exact brand of small that you've got bottled & they're gonna love you.
2. Someone out there is looking for the exact brand of Daddy that you've got bottled & they're gonna love you.

​ 

[Guest Lightofmylife]

babyjellybean

 

Thank you for the nice response, you seem very nice! 

I did noticed a few threads that spoke about some people that don't get into little space, which makes me feel better that it's not required when being in a dd/lg or cg/l relationship.  I don't read threads too much, but here and there I may come across a thread that may explain someone's issue.

Overall, I like the way you explained everything. At first I was thinking that you have to do this and that, but now I know that there is no right or wrong when being a little or a middle.

 

It's also nice to know that you feel young all the time xD I thought little's only had to regress, but at least you cleared that up for me.

 

And thanks so much for those kind words at the bottom. 

Edited July 16, 2018 by Lightofmylife

[Guest QueenJellybean]

I love that jellybean!  That's about the most perfect response I'm ever seen. I'd like to borrow that, if I may, and use it elsewhere for both sides.

1. Someone out there is looking for the exact brand of small that you've got bottled & they're gonna love you.
2. Someone out there is looking for the exact brand of Daddy that you've got bottled & they're gonna love you.

​ 

 

i'm honored! go right ahead! 

if you can think to credit me when you use it, i'd appreciate it -- if only to let a footprint so i can check out the wisdom you are doling out! 

 

babyjellybean

 

Thank you for the nice response, you seem very nice! 

I did noticed a few threads that spoke about some people that don't get into little space, which makes me feel better that it's not required when being in a dd/lg or cg/l relationship.  I don't read threads too much, but here and there I may come across a thread that may explain someone's issue.

Overall, I like the way you explained everything. At first I was thinking that you have to do this and that, but now I know that there is no right or wrong when being a little or a middle.

 

It's also nice to know that you feel young all the time xD I thought little's only had to regress, but at least you cleared that up for me.

 

And thanks so much for those kind words at the bottom. 

you are very welcome! i meant every word!

 

i'm glad i could help.

[Guest Arc]

The answer to "is it normal" is generally yes, because there are so many people in this world that if you're feeling something you can almost guarantee that another is feeling it or has felt it too.

 

Every little and middle is different. Just because you don't fit what the majority is doing doesn't mean you don't fit in. Generally people here are really accepting and lovely because they know everyone does things differently and that's completely normal and okay. Not everyone has a little space or regresses. You may not fit what the majority are doing but there are plenty of others out there like you. I'm a middle and I don't have a little or middle space or anything like that. I'm just me. ^^

 

And just like littles and middles, not every daddy/big/cg is into the same thing either. They want and like all kinds of things too. You'll come across someone one day who is looking for what you are offering. It takes time because not everyone is a perfect fit. It'd be so boring if everyone was the same and wanted the same thing!  

[Guest bunnybear11]

This sounds exactly like me honestly, I've known about this community for many years, and while I used to always be interested in it I never thought it would be something I could be a part of one day. I was scared of doing it wrong, and of labeling myself as something I wasn't.

 

Until I read a very important topic here on the forum (it's a pinned one called "No True Way") I really think you should read it. It explains how all littles are different and each implement the ddlg dynamic to their lifestyles how it fits best. As long as there is consent and the people involved are adults it's all good. 

 

I myself don't regress at all, I don't play with stuffies or color and don't have a lot of ddlg related items due to me living with my parents, to me ddlg is most present in my relationship with my daddy, it is in my nature and in how I act when I'm around him, I'm also not a little all the time, I can be having a little conversation with him and rapidly switch to an adult topic, it's about balance and finding how it fits you best.

 

I think the most important thing to do at first is to just read about it, as much as you can,  there are many good youtube channels related to ddlg too. Just have fun with it honestly heheh.

Edited July 18, 2018 by carobear

[Guest Looby-Lou]

 

But what I want to ask is, is it normal to be fearful of this? Do people sometimes feel indecisive on if this is the relationship they want? 

 

 

Yes and yes.

 

When I first found this website, I would read the threads and alternately feel excited (wow! this is me!) or terrified (OMG people do that?) I was very fearful. Then I read more, and understood myself better, and realised that everyone has their own way of being little or Daddy, and each person has their own desires for the dynamic. And it's healthy and good for it to be that way. The problems come when people assume that their way is the right way, and tell other people so.  Don't ever believe anyone who tells you there's only one way to be little.  However YOU feel little/middle is FINE.

 

Yes, in the begining, I was very uncertain re "is this the relationship I want". Until I realised there are many different ways of having a DDlg relationship, and that no one way is better than another, that's when I knew my way of being little was ok, and that for sure DDlg was for me