In need of some advice

[Princess7141]

Hi everyone,

For a long time I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with my caregiver, we only have a few set rules that I mostly follow. He rarely gets mad at me, he’s only been really mad 3 times.

 

One time I was just very naive about other people, and not really understanding that other people can be dangerous. Another was when I did something with a boy that I shouldn’t have, but was not on purpose.

 

He does things with other girls that make me a little bit upset, but I don’t mind too much and he thinks I like it. Whenever I do things that disappoint or upset him, he ignores me. He just stops talking to me, or is very passive and says he doesn’t want to call. It barely happens but I cry every time and it makes me really, really upset. Sometimes it makes me feel like I want to hurt myself. For me, calling with him is very special, because it’s the only affection I can really get from him.

 

I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me

 

Thank you so much in advance

[Guest DaddysCubbie]

IMHO withholding phone calls/affection/ignoring you is a big NO-NO. This is not the type of behavior one would expect from a Caregiver regardless of how angry he is.

 

You have to communicate with him and explain that when he does that it makes you sad and hurt among other things.

 

If he continues the behavior after you've discussed it then it is time to let this toxic relationship go.

[neko]

Talk to him. Thats the only way you're going to get any answers. Tell him when he upsets you so you two can figure out hoe to fix it.

[Guest SUeB]

my advice is to realise this isn't sounding like much of a relationship. Sorry, that's my opinion. And how do you do something with someone, and claim its "not on purpose"? If you chose to do it, you did it with purpose.

[mintypowder]

In every situation, stopping communicating is a red line. I think you should consider the things that make you ''a little bit upset'' cause small things grow as long as you ignore them. No matter what, one can not/should not ignore the fact that solving is only possible when dual sharing opinions. 

[Kaiser]

Within reason, I disagree with no communication being a "no no."

 

Some of us prefer to take a moment, look at the situation from all angles, and use logic rather than emotion.

 

You cannot take back a word uttered in the heat of the moment.

[neworder]

agree. cutting communication is a horrible excuse for a punishment. he should be specifying let's say 8 hours for alone time to cool off. After 8 hours, he should be ready to talk about it, or say he needs another 8 hours until the next communication

 

as far as these forced no contact periods where the other has no idea if they will get a reply in 2 hours or 2 weeks. It sucks for each side.

 

 

The one cutting communication is in a state of pissed off, and keep dwelling on the situation, getting even more pissed off. Not a healthy response.

 

 

One cut off, wants to talk about it, get it off their chest, get forgiveness.. but can't because there's no communication. 

Edited July 12, 2018 by neworder

[Guest Arc]

I disagree with ignoring people as a punishment. It's hurtful and there are so many better ways of dealing with things. I do, however, think it's okay to tell a partner you need a moment alone to calm down so you can think clearly and help resolve the issue. But that's different. 

 

Communication is super important. You say he does things with others that upsets you but he thinks you like it. That's because you haven't communicated how you feel. You might want to have a conversation with him about that because you do have the power to stop it and stop it upsetting you. Same with how he ignores you when he doesn't like something you've done. You can only stop that if you communicate. And if he doesn't stop... well I personally believe if someone genuinely cares about you they wouldn't knowingly continue to do something that hurts you.