Excluded at Work

[Guest DaddysCubbie]

So its been a little over two years since starting this new job. I am a senior property accountant and we have all women working in the office there are about 7 of us.

 

One of the ladies is retiring. This particular lady, who is another property accountant, have always gotten along with each other. We are quite friendly, make jokes, make our lunch together sometimes etc. 

 

So her retirement party is tonight and I was the only person not invited. I was asked to sign the card which apparently I wasn't supposed to do either, but one of the other girls mistakenly gave it to me. I know the lady retiring didn't plan the retirement party..other girls in the office did. So I don't believe its her that made the call.

 

I've never felt this sort of anxiety/depression before. Waking up to go to work is getting harder and harder. I don't want to be in a place that hates me...for reasons I'll never know. 

 

I have been excluded from a bunch of other functions but this one hit the nail on the head. I have no idea what I've done wrong and I just want to be included in things. Maybe its me...I don't know.

 

Advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Guest DaddysCubbie]

It is slowly killing me inside. Nobody really talks to me anymore. I say good morning and I get nothing back. They don't ask about lunch anymore. I'm at this little desk all day everyday but to them its like I'm not even here.

 

I'm trying so hard to keep my head up but it is super difficult.

 

Thank you I appreciate the input!

Edited July 10, 2018 by DaddysCubbie

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

That's interesting. Has this type of exclusion ever happened to you before?

 

Refusing to speak to you seems extreme...

[Guest DaddysCubbie]

No this has never happened to me before. At my last job I made quite a few friends some of whom I still keep in contact with. People may not have liked me at my last place but they never did intentionally exclude me or ignore me.

 

At this place its so different. I feel like maybe I did something wrong but I just can't figure it out. I'm not rude, I try to be positive and lend a helping hand when needed. I do have to manage a few of the girls so maybe this is the issue. 

 

I just feel like shit coming in here everyday. I was able to talk to the woman who was retiring and she didn't mention anything about the party but she mentioned to not let those people bother me... so she knows the deal. I was a little hurt that she didn't say anything on my behalf but that no sense in worrying about that anyhow. I was able to say my goodbyes privately...and I guess I feel slightly better not having to sit at a table full of girls who won't include me in the conversation anyways. 

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

Welp, it sounds like a toxic work place.

 

If there was one thing I wish I could go back in time to tell my younger self, it would be to not stay at crappy jobs any longer than necessary.  It wasn't worth the stress on my mental and emotional well-being.  Unfortunately, work environment is a top-down effect - if the people at the top are rotten, drama-prone, or disinterested, it affects everyone down the chain.  In other words, the situation is unlikely to change unless you have a serious management change-up.

[KitKat09]

I can tell you from first hand experience quitting a job that makes you feel like crap is the best feeling in the world!  It's not worth your mental health to continue to work there, especially when you dread heading in.  But I would also recommend being financially safe and make sure you have another job lined up before you quit.  Sometimes all it takes is one bad person to turn everyone against you.  If quitting isn't an option or finding another job maybe try contacting your manager or HR?  Also I would recommend talking to someone outside of work, it really helped me when I was feeling depressed because of my job.  Good Luck!  

[Frog]

It definitely sounds like they're excluding you, but I can't figure out why. If you can find a similar job that you enjoy, then I say go for it. Leave and find something better. I've had toxic and harassing jobs, and they suck. I can't say this will work for you, but I've decided I don't make friends at work. I go in just to work. No private discussions, no friendships, no drinks or dinner after work, etc. No one at my jobs now know anything at all about me personally, and that works for me.

[James.]

Going to echo the sentiment of others here and suggest thinking about looking for work elsewhere. I'll also add that it depends on the field, but it's often the case that your current company will undervalue you over time, meaning they may possibly offer you more money elsewhere. Again it depends on the field and how long you've been working there, and obviously, this problem isn't about pay.

[Guest DaddysCubbie]

Thank you everybody for your input. It really helps to hear it from another perspective and I do truly appreciate all the time you've spent responding.

 

I am taking your advice and will be looking for a new job... and in the meantime I will keep it professional but I will no longer be trying to be friendly with these girls. 

 

In retrospect they mean nothing to me. They are not people I would want to be friends with anyways. I have friends/family who I love dearly and they are all the matters to me. 

 

Thank You All!!

[Dominus4life]

Omg that is soooo wrong! Some people do not consider other people's feelings. I'm so sorry that situation only giving you anxiety and depression you don't need. Try talking to one that you feel you might be closest to and see what's going on

 

I wish I could help I'm a person that just loves to love and I don't like negativity or hateful situations

 

Positive Vibes, Positive Mind, Positive Life

 

Dominus,

[Guest ChubbyLilSubby]

[MrWrongUk]

Agree, new job sounds good. Cant imagine what kind of person who’s would do that to another person tho.

Its pretty much bully tactics..anyway hope you find a new job and I’m sure they will be better people

[Guest askyebird]

I'm currently going through the same thing at my job right now. I don't want to be unfemminist and say that it's the price you pay of an all female job site, but, it's the price you pay of a all female job site. It seems like every month it's a new girl in the hot seat and you can't trust anyone. A girl who didn't speak to me for six months is suddenly my best friend and says good morning to me every day now. A girl who used to be my friend barely talks to me. A girl who made it very clear that she hates me and my work ethic now deems me apart of her inner circle and bitches about other peoples worth ethic to me. I constantly have people coming up to my door and peering in with judgmental faces. Girls are being pitted against each other. We recently just went through a very horrid group chat incident that has sparked WW3 in the office and no one can trust anyone now, it's basically every person for themselves. It's a very catty high school mentality behavior and it actually pushed me to the point of a panic attack at work today so that was fun!   

If you ever need someone to rant too I can totally relate 100% However I really hope it gets better for you!