He unknowingly makes me little space

[TeeneeMeemee]

Hiii! So, I'm just in the last few days starting to accept my little side. I've always had an interest in and a need for DDlg and a lot of other things, but I haven't understood them or myself, and so I've been deeply, deeply ashamed to the point of being disgusted. I've never shared any of this with anyone, and haven't even thought about DDlg in maybe a year or two.

 

Recently I went through some acute medical issues (finally resolved, after two weeks where I couldn't function) and needed someone to basically be with me and babysit me. Things ended badly with this guy I was seeing and having sex with for a while earlier this year, we haven't talked much for a while. Yet when we randomly talked and I told him about what was happening, he offered to come with me to the hospital the third time I had to go. He slept over, came with me to the appointment in the morning, and then babysat and took care of me the next day and night.

 

We ended up having some sex. For the first time ever I acted out some of my kinky side and put his hand around my throat.

 

I'm different around him than around everyone else, and I've realized that what happens is he makes me little space. He's a very nurturing, caring, helpful guy who's also somewhat dominant, at least with me - it could read as controlling, but I think it's actually that he's very daddy-like. When he was babysitting me he'd move me around in bed so I'd be in the least amount of pain possible, cooked for me for the few hours he had to be at work so I could eat while he was gone, made me a fruit monster character to cheer me up etc.

 

He's also very fond of being silly and playful to make me laugh, will pet my hair and cuddle me lots and lots, likes to ask and check in how I am, shield me from scary and bad stuff when I'm vulnerable, will give advice in a slightly dominating way if I talk to him about stuff but also build up my confidence that I can deal with things, is a tall and strong guy, will tell me the everything is okay always when I'm drifting off to sleep and randomly worried that noises outside means someone isn't okay, says I'm cute like an anime character, wants to watch cartoons and play games with me etcetc. He'll also hold me down a little with his body, basically pleasure torture me etc. during sex.

 

People never typically see me cry or complain. I've cried more around him than anyone ever. He really brings out my vulnerability and emotional side. I've realized that what happened earlier when we we're dating was that he makes me little space, I didn't understand and couldn't deal with what was happening, and it made me really unstable. I've also realized I need these things because in every other area I've always been loaded with responsibility and control, I'm always always the mommy, caretaker etc.

 

Now that I understand, what I want more than anything is for him to be Daddy. He's very, very open and understanding sexually and otherwise, but I'm not at all sure how he'll react or how I should tell him about this stuff. I don't think he could take on the full responsibility of being my daddy either, though I think he might actually find his own stress release from it.

 

Even if he doesn't want to do anything more I feel I need to talk to him. Any thoughts, advice please? Sorry this is so long and I hope I did right with posting it here, the tag etc.

Edited July 10, 2018 by TeeneeMeemee

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

I don't think he could take on the full responsibility of being my daddy either, though I think he might actually find his own stress release from it.

 

I would be interested in hearing your reasoning behind these statements.

 

When you are used to keeping a tight lid on your emotions, it can feel amazing to meet someone you feel safe being vulnerable around.

 

We don't know this guy. He could be the perfect guy for you and can't wait to be your daddy. He could have felt sorry for you while you were hurt and acted as a perfect caregiver for a short while.

 

They only way to know is to ask him. I would start with several of the things you mentioned above and how they made you feel. Either he's in to it and you guys move forward, or he's not and you can move on.

[TeeneeMeemee]

I would be interested in hearing your reasoning behind these statements.

Thank you for replying! On the one hand his life has been a bit messy lately, and he seems to need quite a lot of care, advice and help himself. Taking on that much more responsibility, even dipping his toe in it, doesn’t quite seem compatible with that. I’m definitely mainly a “good girl” submissive and little, not a very bratty one, but it would still place a lot of responsibility on him, even if it was just during designated play sessions.

 

On the other hand, he seems to gain a lot from the daddylike ways he treats me already and from how I respond when I go into little space rather than struggling against it. Being my break from everything and allowing me to relax and be taken care of rather than care taking for others seems, when I’m able to actually recieve, to give him happiness, stress relief and energy. He’s also massively turned on by seeing me turned on and feeling pleasure, he’s said he’s down for practically anything that would turn me on.

 

He’s loved the sex we’ve had, but he’s yet to see a tenth of what I’d show him if we started playing with these things. The very gentle, simple stuff we tried last time and how those affected me already had him loving it that my much more.

 

Despite the trouble we had, he thinks I’d have a lot to offer as a girlfriend, and I know that even just as a play partner and friend I’d have a lot more to offer him specifically (and maybe everyone) if we went into some kinda arrangement.

 

I’m also remembering some more stuff that make me feel like he’s pretty natural at this. Like the only time I’ve worn remotely cute underwear, something white and blue stripy rather than just black, he was undressing me but commented that it was so cute we’re keeping that one on.

 

I don’t think he’s heard of/read up on DDlg, but all of it together almost makes me think he knows and sees it in me as much as I do in him. Either way I think I’ll talk to him exactly by doing as you say, start with all the qualities he has. Again, thank you, getting to write about it a little helps so much to feel more ready for this conversation.

 

(Finally facing this, I’ve already gotten myself a bunch of cute clothes plus some basic kink stuff, lol. Will be wearing cute clothes when we talk. Just gauging his reaction to that might help a lot to tell how it’ll go.)