Daddy isn't my daddy.

[sunnybunny13]

I am new.. to all of this. Being a little - it is something that I've been coming to terms with recently. Lucky for me *eye roll*.. I thought I had found an amazing man to help me understand my feelings on such a new part of me.

 

He called me sweetheart, hun, his good girl. It made me really happy. Its all online, but we were talking constantly. He was teaching me about BDSM as a whole, and started delving into the Daddy/Little kink. I couldn't fall asleep without my stuffed fox and seeing him on the webcam. I felt happy, truly happy.

 

Before this happened, we became good friends and have been for months. Its how I've come to trust him - he helped me out of a couple of abusive situations. 

 

Lately, he's become distant. I have severe abandonment issues. One night, something told me to ask about being his little. I asked him if he was my daddy, like I've been believing for a couple of months now - I asked if it was just a sexual thing for him.

 

He said it was. And I have never felt this hurt before. This betrayed. I opened up to him in so many ways, yet he never let me know it wasn't real. That it was all for foreplay for him and nothing else. He told me "if you weren't so far away, it would be different". But I know he has a sub that he cares for, one that he travels to all of the time.

 

Any validation I felt was shattered, and my trust as well. I feel lead on, and so so hurt. How do I deal with this? 

 

How do I act like I'm not hurt, so our friendship isn't ruined?

 

What do I do if he finds another little? How do I deal with this jealousy?

 

Can someone please help me, I'm so.. so lost.

Edited July 8, 2018 by sunnybunny13

[Little Illy]

Honestly? This is why people need to stop all actions until y’all have communicated properly. Neither one of you felt compelled to discuss the nature of your relationship before you started. Now you two aren’t just on separate pages, but you’re in separate books.

 

He is not wrong in this situation, and neither are you. However you both are at fault for not handling the responsibility of communicating properly. I hear you are new to this and I don’t want you to think I’m saying you’re a bad person or you brought this upon youself, etc. because none of that is true.

 

The reality is that you are in a crappy situation. You need to decide if you can handle the situations or possibilities above, and if you can’t, you need to end the relationship. You should honestly end all intimacies until you have your needs, desires, wants and dealbreakers figured out. Then approach him, or any potential partner with that knowledge in hand.

 

You now know of some elements of the dynamic, take this time to do more research. That way you don’t find yourself backed into a corner again.

[osito]

*hugs x10,000,000*

I had a similar situation early last year, but the other way around. I won’t go into all of the details, but I know it can suck so much.

 

I agree with Little Illy. Step back, figure out the dynamic and what needs you have. Eventually, find someone who matches your needs, and vice versa. Relationships take time to build, so make sure you really get to know the person and discuss many aspects of the dynamic before pursuing a relationship. And that you both agree to be in a relationship(even then, there’s a chance of being hurt, due to dishonesty and such, but I guess that’s life, unfortunately).

 

As for the current situation... a lot of people have a casual view of CG/L and do the types of things involved in the dynamic without being in an actual relationship. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but it happens. There’s no shame in feeling hurt in your situation. If you need a break from the friendship, that’s fine. Communicate, without expecting a change of heart on his end. If you can’t handle a friendship with him based on the hurt you feel and potential jealousy, there’s nothing wrong with distancing yourself.

Edited July 8, 2018 by osito

[CaresAlot]

Lots of good advice above.  Zig Ziglar said "that If you learn from defeat, it is not really a lose".  Sometimes its hard to look for positives when you are hurting, but on the outside looking in, you got some good out of this relationship.

 

You learned that being a Little is something that truly makes you happy.  Now its a matter of find the right guy to give the title of being your Daddy.  You'll be much wiser in what you are looking for.  Lots of people live all their life and never find what truly makes them happy.

 

He got you out of some abusive relationships so that is another positive form this relationship.

 

You are now a wiser and have more knowledge than ever before, so you can make better decisions.  When you are new to anything, you are going to have some learning to do.  I didn't learn to ride my bicycle without a few crashes and skinned knees.  Follow the advice above and it will help keep you from crashing.

Edited July 9, 2018 by CaresAlot