Littles leaving after drinking

[Big Daddy Smillie]

Lately I've had a few littles up and leave after they find out I drink a fair bit, often before I even get the chance to explain my history and relationship with alcohol which is admittedly not great. However I find littles offering very little support and often scolding me harshly for drinking at all.

 

I'm wondering why this may be because I never demonstrate any bad intentions while intoxicated and have even tried to set goals to reduce drinking but no one wants to hear it and I want to know if is a common little thing and why exactly that may be?

[Guest QueenJellybean]

unfortunately, I think this probably has a lot to do with the stigma in our society about excessive alcohol use & alcoholism. 

especially it's relation to violence. 

 

I want to clarify here that I am not in any way implying that you are violent when you drink, or that you are an alcoholic. 

I can only speak from my own experiences watching similar situations unfold. 

I think that the way we, as a society, treat people who have struggled with drinking and are recovered/have recovered -- or even just people who openly admit to drinking frequently -- has created a negative tone around the topic in general. 

 

perhaps the littles you have interacted with have had bad experiences with people they loved who had issues with alcohol & are projecting those things onto you.

perhaps they've had issues themselves. 

for a lot of people, alcohol can be a hard limit or even a trigger for them due to abusive environments growing up, or past relationships. 

 

tldr; 

there can be a myriad of reasons for this. 

i'm sorry that you feel unsupported by in large, but I think it's great that you are identifying that this is something you struggle with, that you are honest about it with potential new friends & partners, & that you are actively seeking help.

as someone who has had alcoholics in her family, i think you are really brave, personally. 

[Kaiser]

Let me get this correct..........you want your little to be supportive of your drinking habit?

 

 

Mate......look, we all have demons at one time or another, so I won't totally judge you. That being said,....If your drinking is driving people away from you,......Mate, you need to sort your life out.

 

PM me if you wish, but I'm going to tell you directly, I'm not going to coddle you if you ask for advice.

[Guest SUeB]

It's nothing to do with being a little. Not many girls (or people in general) want much to do with someone that drinks heavily. Because heavy drinking is not a positive thing. Sorry but they aren't in the wrong for walking away from the potential of being involved with someone with any kind of drinking problem. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you are an adult, and you need to own this yourself, instead of trying to make it a problem with those girls.

Also, any role involving responsibility over another (such as daddy, or dom) requires full control over themselves before all else. Drink or drugs should never be part of a relationship within this lifestyle.

[xBabydollx]

I don't think its a 'little thing' but rather a 'people thing' as like already mentioned, there is some stigmas around those who drink excessively or generally have issues regarding it. A lot of ppl have things they can and can not handle in life. Some ppl can not handle a partner with drinking issues. Just like some ppl are not capable of handealing a partner who suffer from depression, a physical condition, or anything else. There is nothing wrong with someone admitting that they can not handle certain things. It is likely why they are quick to shut the day when this comes to light, tho there is no excuse for them to be rude about it. There is no reason to give up tho because there is also ppl out there who are more than capable and willing to deal with unique challenges their partner may face, and they do a great job at giving the support that is needed. u just have to find that person.

[Big Daddy Smillie]

Dude I am not looking for support for me drinking, I mean support trying to sort it. I have no idea where you got that idea from and as I stated I have been trying to sort it by setting goals to reduce drinking. Where did you get the idea? I'm trying to sort my life out in many aspects and drinking is admittedly one of them but I get no support from the people around me which doesn't make it easy. And this isn't a post about my drinking habit, it's about why some littles tend to avoid people who drink in their entirety.

[Guest SUeB]

Most of us have hopefully answered that question. But you did seem to be trying to make those girls out to be in the wrong for walking away.

If you're genuinely ready to stop drinking, read "no more hangovers" by allan carr. But only if you're really ready to quit.

[Guest Arc]

Many people, not just littles, have had bad experiences with excess alcohol consumption and are likely to avoid it. There's also the relationship between heavy drinking and violence that would put a lot of people off. Some littles may worry you'll be unable to be there when they need or may fear how you will act, and some littles are so sensitive that those fears may put them off before you can explain yourself. 

 

Personally speaking I like to know I can rely on my partner to be there when I need (this depends on their personal circumstances at the time, obviously). I like to know they can control themselves because as someone who has been in bad relationships in the past, it can be super scary when someone loses control and you get physically or emotionally hurt. I would struggle to be with someone who I did not feel was in control of themselves and my guess would be that a number of other littles who have had bad relationships may have that same fear that initially scares them off. 

 

I'm glad you're getting support and I hope you can find someone who is accepting and capable of being there for you while you go through this. It's pretty brave and strong of you to admit you need to work on this and set and meet goals imo.

[Big Daddy Smillie]

I respect your post but I never said I want it to be their problem and I don't have an issue with anyone not wanting to associate with me because of the issue, I'm just curious why I get scolded for it and cut off hen they find out.

 

I don't want to make it a problem for them and try keep it to myself as much as I can but often as soon as they find out I'm immediately cut off and I don't get any room to explain myself.

 

Also I respectfully disagree about daddy/doms needing to be in control of their lives first.I think an expectation of doms needing to be in full control of their own person can set a standard too high. Surely Doms and Subs in whatever area need to be able to support each other to a better place. I think discrediting a dom for not fully being in control, even while trying to make things better for themselves sets the expectation that such a relationship is one way which I don't believe it shouldn't be.

[Big Daddy Smillie]

I feel like I may appear a little aggro in my comments, So I do want to say thanks everyone for giving feedback and legitimate reasoning, and I think it all puts things into perspective. I think I have been provided information which will make going forward much easier so thank you kindly.

 

Also my quote option isn't working properly so sorry if it isn't clear where I'm commenting and who it may be to.

Edited June 30, 2018 by Big Daddy Smillie

[Kaiser]

I think this is a good example of the type of community this site represents......

 

Bring us your issues/problems, and we will offer help, to an extent.

 

But also, don't be offended if you are given some tough love, and brutal honesty. After all, no one forced you to post.

 

 

Stay safe.

[AllTSomeShade]

For me personally, 
My mother is/was an alcoholic. I was frequently abused both mentally and physically by her because of it.
Now, I know everyone does not act like she does intoxicated rationally, but alcohol bothers me in general now.
I do not let my big drink.
If when we were first getting together, and he said he had a drinking problem, I would have left. It isn't a personal attack against you, simply better for my anxiety and mental health.

[RavenclawPrincess]

I can’t speak for anyone else but my personal experiences make it so that alcohol is a deal breaker for me more often than not. I have my own history of alcohol abuse and maintaining sobriety is very high in my priority list. I have also had numerous bad experiences with drunk men to the point that I can’t even deal with a man that smells like alcohol, even after just one beer, because the scent itself triggers flashbacks. In my case it’s never anything personal against anyone, it’s just due to my own demons from the past. If someone breaks it off because you drink try not to take it personally. Many times when that happens it may not actually have anything to do with you or something you’ve done unless you tend to drink to the point that you don’t act right.

[Doni Washington]

I don't think there is anything wrong with drinking as long as you are still caring and devoted to your little. Drinking can lead to messy outcomes and when your involved with a little it can be dangerous if you don't check yourself in a intoxicated or tipsy state. However you seem like a good and caring person and we all have our demons. I've had people walk away from me because I smoke weed. (This isn't about me though) In my opinion as long as you are conscious of it and cautious with it, no one deserves to be walked away from for something they are actively trying to fix or get under control. I hope it gets better for you and although I don't know you, I hope your doing better.

[PrincessKittenCupcake]

It's not a Little thing. I love to party. I love my whiskey. Despite the fact that I am totally responsible about it, potential Daddies are generally unsupportive.

[Guest SUeB]

So do you believe a drinker is completely okay to be in charge of a submissive? Because trust me, that's certainly NOT the case. Safe sane and consensual. A person has none of those qualities after drinking alcohol. It frightens me to think that there are people who actually think it's ok to try and be in any kind of control of someone else when they're not 100% in control of themselves. i am not talking about someone who has a drink now and then, or is completely sober during times with that person. But drunk in charge of a sub or little? Good god no. Utterly irresponsible and asking for trouble

[baby_k]

I don't drink alcohol myself at all. Nor I have any bad experiences about alcohol in my past. BUT I can easily see how people change when they drink. Also those people who claim that they remain the same, they don't.

 

There is a reason why person taking ANY alcohol should not be driving. If you can't drive, how can you be safe supportive and stable person looking after your (sensitive) little? Sure, some think that if "I'm under limit on intoxication in my country" it is okay. It is not. Alcohol is drug/poison that has cripping effect on your central nervous system. No matter what you think, it does have an effect. It changes you.

 

Person drinking alcohol more than some glass of wine or bottle of beer is no-go for me personally. It is bad (even selfdestructive) habit, makes the other person be unstable in my eyes (because there is the change and I don't like changes in/from person I want to create stability and safety for my life) and also tells that they may have issues. Ever heard these "but it is good for social situations" / "i get relaxed like that"? If you have (social) anxieties and don't function as you like without drugs, well, there is clearly an issue. Same if you can't figure out healthy and positive ways to relax insted of doping yourself. Therefore, I don't personally get why people need to drink.

 

Also these "it is relaxing" and "good in social situations" tell that there is change. Even if these people think it is change for better. But that is subjective matter whether it is good or not. And I would assume everyone prefers their partner liking them more in sober state than under the influence of drugs or other narcotics.

 

Anyhow, you drinking is super BAD habit. Not just "he left toilet seat open" kinda bad habit. It does not give good example and it is not something to include in heathy life style. The littles scolding you are absolutely correct to do so: it is unhealthy, and not being able to control yourself fully can be extremely scary from your partners point of view.

 

Edit:

You say it is too much to expect that dom is all the time in control. That's true. But if you CHOOSE to be out of control, it is a lot worse than: daddy has huge stress from work, daddy is sick.

Edited July 1, 2018 by baby_k

[Guest Appacheian]

Anything that affects your judgement whether it be alcohol or drugs is not good. Yes being a daddy is a high standard. It carries great responsibility. And a little expects and deserves that. This comment is a generalisation on my view as a daddy and not aimed at any particular person.

[Amber Sweet]

I have no probs with my Daddy drinking. He works hard, and likes a drink after comin home! Not everyone who drinks is a terrible person. I think it's far more important to look at the person drinking in a case-by-case way, since grouping all people as "good" or "bad" is never a good way to truly understand what's going on.

 

I think what's happening here is that you have baggage, and some people dont want to deal with that. Props to you for working hard to face your monkeys, but no one is gunna want to get into a realationship with someone who doesnt seem steady in their life. 

 

I wish the best for you <3 

[Silkyblacklace]

It’s not a little problem but rather a people’s problem. I believe that for most of the people on here’s, its whether or not THEY can handle that situation. It also comes down to if they knew someone or had issues with it in the past, (meaning a family member, close friend, etc) that’s effected them in someone to have such a negative outlook on it. Some people react differently when they know someone has an “addiction.” Not that I’m saying you do. But the first thing before even getting yourself involved with a little is disclosing this small fact that you drink, before immersing yourself with them. I for one don’t have an issue with someone having a drink here and there,Hell I do it myself, but what it comes down to is knowing when to quit, and having someone there for support when you need it. Hope this helps.

[neko]

I dont get why people are acting like OP turns into some drunk monster when he drinks, we literally know nothing about the guy.

 

I dont know you, your situation or how often you even drink so I can't make a lot of judgement.

 

I think some people may shut down people who drink because they've had bad experiences in the past. Which is okay. Shit happens.

 

Eventually you're going to find somebody that is comfortable with your situation and wants to assist you on the right path.

 

I believe in you and your recovery friendo!

Edited July 1, 2018 by neko

[Guest Alainnb]

As for me, it‘s about: respect, being in control over themselves and a general fear of drunk people. I‘m not lying, if I just hear them, my hearts starts beating so fast and I just feel the need to run and hide somewhere. The only experiences I made with drunk people are scary ones, being chased down the street or similiar. A daddy/mommy should be a safe place, a home. They can‘t be that for me if they trigger my fear for this kind of behaviour.

 

Also, like others have already said, you don‘t have yourself under control when you are drunk. You‘re not „sane“ and it‘s not safe. Then as well, how can I respect a person as my daddy/mommy if they don‘t have themselves under control? Like, if I imagine a Dom giving me the rule to watch out and not consume any drugs (alcohol, smoking e.g) ...while he himself is doing these things....I just wouldn ‘t be able to take him seriously? It‘s different from being stressed out/ devastated because something bad happened or similiar....... I would really suggest you working on yourself and getting yourself under control before taking control over someone else...

[Kaiser]

I dont get why people are acting like OP turns into some drunk monster when he drinks, we literally know nothing about the guy.

I dont know you, your situation or how often you even drink so I can't make a lot of judgement.

I think some people may shut down people who drink because they've had bad experiences in the past. Which is okay. Shit happens.

Eventually you're going to find somebody that is comfortable with your situation and wants to assist you on the right path.

I believe in you and your recovery friendo!

 

We could be just going by what the OP said himself:

 

"with alcohol which is admittedly not great."

 

 

Or something crazy like that.

[neko]

We could be just going by what the OP said himself:

 

"with alcohol which is admittedly not great."

 

 

Or something crazy like that.

that could mean literally anything thouvh

[Untwisted]

I might be wrong, but "Lately I've had a few littles up and leave ... before I even get the chance to explain..." gives me the impression that these are people you are just getting to know,  Ignoring whether it's about drinking for a moment, basically, there's an aspect of you that they're not finding appealing and you're asking them to hang in there and you'll change.  It's quite a big ask at an early stage of a relationship regardless of the issue.

I'm not going to lecture on the evils of drink nor speculate on your own situation.  The health and safety aspects are well known and various reasons have been given as to why people might have a problem with people drinking

I drink, occasionally too much, generally not much at all.  I have "history" too; ancient history from before most people here were born probably but many years ago before I was on old fool I was a young idiot and I drank a lot which ultimately ended a fairly serious relationship.  That was a wake-up call to do something about it and I did.  I don't have a magic formula but I changed attitude and habits and got it under control.
Whatever you have to do, you can do it, and focus on that before worrying about getting the girl.

I hope that offers some positivity.  Wishing you all the best.