Can Daddies be violent? TW

[sslmit]

My Daddy is into bdsm and rough sex, which I thought was pretty normal seen his dominant personality. However he scares me sometimes. I’m afraid that if I’m not a good little girl and disobey him or don’t please him sexually he’ll get tired of me and leave. Our relationship is totally consensual, I just feel like sometimes he exploits his Daddyness to get me to do anything he wants, regardless whether I like it or not. He likes to hit me and be as rough as he can. He says that since I’m his little and he owns me I have to do anything he says otherwise I will be punished for my bad behaviour. I really wanna please him and make him happy but it’s so hard sometimes. Any other littles are in the same situation?

[baby_k]

I hope no one is in the same situation. Seriously.

You are your own person. Your feelings, thoughts and ideas matter -no matter if you are little or not.

If you FEEL even a bit of fear, you NEED to talk to him. That is not how relationship should be.

Could be that he does not mean to make you worry and be fearful, maybe he just does not realise how his actions and behavior affects you.

 

You need to communicate this to him NOW. If he is decent partner, he will stop that stuff immediately and figure out with you, how to make you feel comfortable.

[sslmit]

I appreciate your advice. I really love my daddy, and I don’t even wanna consider losing him. He knows how much I depend on him and sometimes he takes advantage of that. It’s a tough situation

[baby_k]

How I see this, there are two issues you have:

 

1) his behaviour -which he can't change unless you tell him that it makes you uncomfortable (==by not telling you don't allow him to be good partner to you)

2) you seem to be really fearful of abandonment

 

The first is easy to address. Second one would probably haunt you even if he was the most loving daddy ever.

However, if the number 1 takes you into situation that he does not care of your worries, is not willing to change his behaviour: I would highly advise you to get out from that relationship. The abandonment issues or fear of loosing are difficult and I don't think it is easy to deal with them -specially if you are in abusive realtionship (which you real would be if he refuses to treat you in proper fashion).

 

 

Edit: typos as usual....

Edited June 29, 2018 by baby_k

[Guest DaddysCubbie]

The feelings you are having about not pleasing him and that he will leave are totally natural, this baby has felt that way lots in past/current relationship. It is up to your Daddy and yourself to make sure those feelings are put to rest, however they will not always go away.

 

Is fear something that you have both agreed too?? For example Daddy illicits fear from baby because this is part of our dynamic and baby finds it sexually arousing. To baby it seems like you do not like the fear aspect and its making you do things you wouldn't normally do. This is manipulation.

 

"He says that since I’m his little and he owns me I have to do anything he says otherwise I will be punished for my bad behaviour." This line is a major RED FLAG.. yes you are his little but that does not mean that you are his property (unless you have discussed this already, but even then people have limits and they should be respected).

 

This is just babys opinion... but if you are feeling they way you are then like the previous person posted you need to address these issues ASAP. If you do not you are allowing him to continue this behavior. In any relationship ddlg/bdsm/regular etc. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. If he is not willing to talk to you about it then you are going to have to end the relationship and not because you don't love him but for your own safety and sanity.

[PizzaOnARoof]

I think domestic violence is possible in any relationship. While I understand its a part of the dynamic, you shouldn't be SCARED of your significant other's reactions to any sort of shortcomings. In or out of the bedroom. But, if you've both agreed on it its not really an issue. If you told him that it's alright, you cant be concerned when he does what you told him to do.

[Guest Zephy]

Have you both prior engaging into this lifestyle set ground rules, discussed terms and limits? Do you have a safe-word?

 

You say it's entirely consensual, but you also say you feel he's taking advantage and exploiting you, this doesn't make sense to me.

It comes over as he's manipulating and isolating you so you become totally dependent on him.

 

I honestly think this is more of a problem because of lack of communication, nothing more.

You both need to sit down and communicate, because I haven't seen you anywhere say you did.

 

Openly communicate to your partner, because the fear, uneasiness, confusion you're feeling is only going to get worse over time.

He isn't a mind reader and don't expect him to be either.

[xBabydollx]

What's interesting to me is ur wording. u say that he is into BDSM and rough sex. u didn't say 'we" so I'm kinda wondering are u truly into what he is into, or are u doing these things out of fear that he will find u boring if u don't like rough sex etc, and thus leave u. Then to follow up, u say that 'he' likes to hit u and be as rough as he can. Do u not like when he hits u and be as rough as he can? It sounds like u don't. He is clearly a Dominant and a sadist, but it doesn't sound like u are a submissive maschoist. The fact that u don't say things like "we are..." "we like..." and "we enjoy..." highly gives the impression that u two are not on the same page or want the same things. u seem to just be going with the flow to keep him around. I think it's time to go back to the basics. Ask him if u two can have a proper discussion about ur dynamic (step out of ur roles while y'all do so. Just be partner to partner and not Daddy/little). This way u can both talk freely without the pressure of amping up the roles u both identify as. Talk about both of ur expectations of each other, wants, needs, and limits. Let him know how u feel about the activities that y'all do. Practice a safe word so he can know when you've had enough. However, if u don't truly enjoy his sadistic ways, then u two are incompatible. I won't touch on the topic of manipulation, as I feel it has already been covered. The bottom line is, don't pretend to be a maschoist if you're not. If u don't want to give up total control and be accountable of doing things even if u don't like it....then don't make him think u want a total power exchange where u have to do whatever he says. Communicate with him so u two can get on the same page. To answer ur question, yes, Daddy's can be as violent as u WANT them to be and as violent as BOTH ppl enjoy. It is only abuse when someone does things u don't want, enjoy, or consent to. Edited June 29, 2018 by xBabydollx

[Little Illy]

Everything below is based solely on thread. I am only going off of what the OP has said and under the assumption everything the OP has said is true. 

 

Just because someone likes rough sex, it does not give them leeway to be abusive. Caregivers, Doms, Tops, etc are all in a position of power that we, the subs, littles, bottoms, etc, have given them, HOWEVER, at any point we, the littles, are immediately able to take that power back by saying "NO!"

 

Does your relationship have safe words? If not, introduce them IMMEDIATELY. If he does not accept safe words, run. Run far, far, far away. Everything you have stated leads me to believe he isn't the a Daddy, but rather uses the title to get a slave. Just as some littles use the title to get a lazy life. It is hurtful, selfish and not a real part of our community's understanding. DDlg isn't about controlling their partner, its about comforting, guiding, loving and caring for each other. 

 

Your "Daddy" is abusing you. He hits you, forces you to please him sexually out of fear of abandonment. He 

 

exploits his Daddyness to get me to do anything he wants, regardless whether I like it or not. He likes to hit me and be as rough as he can. He says that since I’m his little and he owns me I have to do anything he says otherwise I will be punished for my bad behaviour.

 

If your best friend told you her boyfriend treated her like that statement right above, what would you tell her? What advice would you give your baby sister (18yo+) who is with a guy like that? How about your mother? I took the liberty to highlight the most important part you need to analyze. How much trauma has your body endured? Bruises? Cuts? Bleeding? Broken bones? Honestly, I am not being dramatic, but that sounds like where this is all heading. 

 

Sit down, and try to put aside your involvement. Honestly, look at your own relationship through the lenses as if you were looking at a friend or family member living this type of exchange. How does that make you feel? It is incredibly hard for people to see when they are in a not so ideal situation, even more so when there is someone feeding their insecurities (like him making you do whatever he wants with pure fear).

 

I am attaching a Domestic Abuse Wheel. These are characteristics of a domestic abuser. If you see familiarity, please... reach out to your local friends, family, authorities, professionals, etc to try to get the help you may need. 

 

[humanmusic]

My Daddy is into bdsm and rough sex, which I thought was pretty normal seen his dominant personality. However he scares me sometimes.

 

Listen to your instincts. You are scared...he is doing things that are not ok. Anything that happens between a Daddy and a littl4e should be fully consensual and shouldn't leave one of them scared enough to seek advice and help like this.

[neko]

Is your safety worth staying with someone that doesn't seem to care about your limits and general well being?

 

I dont know you. I dont know your daddy. But literally everybody is worth more than the way he is treating you.

 

You should not be afraid of what he might do to you if you say you are uncomfortable with something sexual.

[Untwisted]

To me, "totally consensual" is at odds with "he scares me", "anything he wants, regardless whether I like it or not".  Consent isn't just not saying stop for fear of the consequences.

 

I am attaching a Domestic Abuse Wheel.

It's important to remember of course that not all abuse victims are female.

[xBabydollx]

The thing is, he doesn't force her to have rough sex, or threaten to abandon her if she doesn't give up full ccontrol etc. She said that she feels like he will grow tired of her if she didn't do all of these spicy things/be a good girl. That is her feelings/assumptions of the situation. She never said that he ever threatened to leave. The issue is that she is presenting herself to him as if she likes the rough play, hits, and total control....but she doesn't. She says she consents to it...but she really doesn't want it or like it. If u agree to something and somebody gives u what u agreed to....then how are they wrong for doing so? It's perfectly ok to change ur mind if u don't like what u are getting, but that then means that u have to vocally and clearly express what u don't like and that u no longer consent to receiving what is being offered. She is actively consenting to his behavior, and actively desiring to please him by going along with it. If she doesn't like something, she have to stop pretending as if she is perfectly cool with it (which 'totally consenting' implies that she does). She never mentioned telling him to stop, or that she doesn't want this, and that he ignore her wishes when she tells him to back off; instead she says she does want to please him/consent to it. He could be thinking that he have someone who loves rough sex, enjoys being hit, and doing whatever he says no matter what. If she doesn't like rough sex, S&M type stuff, and giving up total control then she needs to tell him and/or walk away. She have the power to give consent and to take it away, but it's useless if she doesn't know when to use it. Nobody should have to pretend to like something for the sake of keeping someone around. It's not fair to either person. She should be honest with herself and honest with him, but if he tries to manipulate her to consent to something she tells him she no longer wants, then she should run for the hills (tho the taking advatange etc that she mentioned is red flags as it is). No consent = abuse, but u always have to be responsible, careful, and honest with the consent that u do give. Don't consent to something u don't actually want. Just my opinion.

[Untwisted]

It sounds to me like you have consented to him doing whatever he wants.  Have limits been agreed?  If so then it sounds like they may need to be revised, and if not, they should be.

"He likes to hit me and be as rough as he can ... I have to do anything he says otherwise I will be punished" just doesn't sound right.

[Kaiser]

Never an excuse for violence in a relationship. Period.

 

There is a clear difference between being aggressive (rough sex, etc) and violence.

 

Too many "D's" think being violent or abusive makes them Dominant. It's the opposite, actually. They are weak.

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

I am a sadistic Daddy/Dom and my babygirl is a masochist, we have maintenance spanking/impact pretty much every night,we use the number system, her pain tolerance on a scale of 0-10 with 8 pretty much being her limit. I'll start out with 3s usually and after "warm-up" I'll work my way up to 5s and 6s, usually staying within that range but I would never go beyond an 8 without her consent ahead of time. What your Daddy is doing, trying to do, that's called abuse, even in a master slave dynamic the master would have more consideration for his sub than that, your daddy isn't a good daddy nor a good person, I sincerely hope you find the strength/ courage/ability to leave him.