Relationship Stuck At An Impass?

[KindBabyDaddy]

Me and my little have known each other for three years and been in a DDLG relationship since March 2016. These past three months she's been having a lot of trouble communicating with me, more so than usual. She's done this before, weeks and even a month without so much a reply.

I'm a man of incredible patience and always strive to stay positive.

 

After four weeks of nothing, I finally got through to her.

This was her reply,

 

"I don’t know what to say. Sometimes I just feel so trapped. I feel like I don’t really know you. I feel like you don’t really know me. I feel like our conversation dies to easily, and that we always talk about the same things. I'm scared every time you say that you want to come and visit me, because I don’t want to commit to anything, because people are never the same online as they are in person. I’m so grateful for the relationship we have shared together as friends and dd/lg. You helped me become so much more comfortable with who I am as a person. Supported me when I felt like no one else would, and pushed me just enough outside my comfort zone to become the women I am today.

Honestly I can’t put into words how thankful I am for that. I was thinking that maybe we could take a break from our dd/lg relationship and get to know each other better. Maybe in a little while when I’m feeling more comfortable we can reintroduce it. Mainly I don’t want to lose you as a friend, because of how much of an impact you have made on me and my life."

 

 

I understand her fear of commitment, yet she knows I have deeper feelings for her than just as a LG. However it's very hard to me to shutoff the Daddy side of me around her.

I want nothing more than to see her fully become a woman and possibly have a relationship outside the DDLG dynamic.

 

 

I need advice on how I should approach this problem. Thanks.

[xBabydollx]

Umm it sounds like a breakup, or a serious build up of "lets just be friends" like something ppl do when they only want to be friends, but are too scared to end things. That's just the vibe I get overall. Accompanied by the fact that she often disappears for weeks, or a month+, then I must say her interest has dwindled severely. Since she feels so trapped....why not just set her free? She claims its because she wants to get to know u better etc, but yet she knew u well enough to commit to being in a DD/lg dynamic, but now that she is bored, suddenly she doesn't know u enough and only wants to be friends? It's all rather sketchy and doesn't sound very fair to u. u shouldn't have to 'get through' to someone so they can finally respond to u after a long period of active avoidance. To give her the benefit of the doubt tho, maybe she just sucks at communication. If u really want it to work, then all u can do is respect her wishes to just be friends. Let her get to know u better and vice versa. Spice up what u talk about. Try to explore each others interests more to avoid dull conversations. Maybe do activities together like watch movies etc. Also, if nothing else, get to the root of why she disappears, and what can be done to avoid it. Disappearing on someone should never be a norm

[Guest SUeB]

Sorry, but this is her cowardly attempt at a "friendly" breakup. You want her, she doesn't want you. Time to face reality, read the blaring,screaming signs, and move on. Even before that message, she proved how little she thinks about you.

[Little Illy]

I find this whole post interesting for a few reasons.

 

But as stated above, it’s over. Maybe take what she has said to reflect upon yourself. Who really knows what side of the story is which.

[Lola Step]

Obviously people above me have covered most of what everybody is already thinking but just to play devils adovocate for a second- Perhaps (and this is not to imply anything of your doing, just a simple theory) she is sinply scared that you only see her as a little or that you only like her for that part of her and she may want to get reacquainted with you as 2 adult people before you meet? It's one thing to be with somebody a certain way online but it's a whole other to do it in person, maybe she's scared she won't go into 'little space' straight away or maybe she just wants to enjoy being with you as a person in person for a while, anyway only she truly knows what is going on so hopefully you both manage to work things out

[baby_k]

Did I get this right: you have been in relationship for over 2 years, never seen each other or planned doing so (except you wanting to see her?) and she randomly disappears for weeks?

 

I think you both should talk of what your relationship is, what you expect and hope from it and how it should be in the future.

[Guest Zephy]

Maybe you already felt/knew this after reading her message, but you need to face the reality and accept that she friend-zoned you.

She doesn't see you as a person who she is interested in romantically, for reasons she probably didn't state because what she said was an attempt not to hurt you and keep you around as a "friend".

 

It's up to you though, whether you want to continue this DD/lg relationship as just friends and online or not. Don't expect/hope for more.

But I do want to state, it's not healthy for you to continue it while harboring these kind of feelings. It never ends well.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Guest Appacheian]

Oh dear... doesn’t love make us blind to what’s happening.

[CaresAlot]

We can guess about intentions or what she is going for.  You've helped her grow and maybe she is finally wanting to take the relationship in a different direction.  Here's link to 200 questions to get to know somebody.  Take five of them and answer them send them to her and see if she will answer them.

 

https://conversationstartersworld.com/questions-to-get-to-know-someone/

 

If she gets back to you, it may open a conversation and you can find out more about what is really going on.  If she does not give you a quick response its time to explain to you how the cow ate the cabbage.  We can poke you with a fork because you are done.

Edited June 30, 2018 by CaresAlot

[KindBabyDaddy]

UPDATE:  So I replied back to her message.

 

She contacted me today, it went alright I think. Says she didn’t know what she expected me to reply with, doesn’t quite think I understood what she meant. However, grateful that I’m trying.

She explained that most of the time when she tries to message me or I contact her, she becomes very anxious and unsettled. Thinking about how the conversation would go and shutdown.

I suggested anxiety disorder, but she dismissed it. She then didn’t want to discuss her emotions anymore. Rest was normal, I didn’t play Daddy tonight.

 

[Guest SUeB]

Suggesting a mental health issue when someone says something like that isn't really a good idea. If thats how your interactions usually pan out, that would explain why she feels that way. That's nothing to do with anxiety disorders, that's possibly just a "relationship " that causes stress, and isn't going anywhere.

[Little Illy]

Suggesting a mental health issue when someone says something like that isn't really a good idea. If thats how your interactions usually pan out, that would explain why she feels that way. That's nothing to do with anxiety disorders, that's possibly just a "relationship " that causes stress, and isn't going anywhere.

 

^^^^^

[KindBabyDaddy]

Well this is the first time she told me she gets anxiety from trying to communicate. I thought it might be the HRT, but it's been going on longer than that apparently.  Neither of us understand and I can't really help her with that if she shuts down.

[Kaiser]

This is an unhealthy exchange you're both in.

 

She's made her intentions and desires clear, and you seem to be ignoring that. She pretty much made them clear by going no contact for weeks and months as you stated, and I'm trying to wrap my head around why you'd pursue this after even a week of no contact.

 

 

"I didn't play Daddy tonight." 1) You don't "play" Daddy. But that's an entirely different thread. 2) You aren't her Daddy, she's made that clear. But you seem to still think you are.

 

 

As for suggesting anxiety disorder, it almost seems as if you are trying to label her with it, in order to use it against her to "bring her back".

 

 

Either way...see first sentence.

Edited July 3, 2018 by Kaiser

[Little Illy]

Well this is the first time she told me she gets anxiety from trying to communicate. I thought it might be the HRT, but it's been going on longer than that apparently.  Neither of us understand and I can't really help her with that if she shuts down.

Honestly, you’ve lied to yourself about this entire exchange. What you need to understand is she made it clear you’re not her Dadddy, yet you don’t care. In short - you could easily be pressuring her in even contacting you. If she has anxiety it would be easier to cave into a persistent partner than tell him to back off.

 

You don’t seem to have a clear understanding that you have completely ignored her blatant wish, just because you want to be her Daddy. Before you defend and say “but I wasn’t acting like her Daddy,” the fact that you needed to point out that you:

 

I didn’t play Daddy tonight.

Dude just read what you said right here, and honestly tell me if that sounds like a healthy relationship or a forced uncomfortable exchange. She doesn’t even want to share her emotions with her. I hate to say it, but if you truly respect her you’d back off and give her space away from you.

 

She explained that most of the time when she tries to message me or I contact her, she becomes very anxious and unsettled. Thinking about how the conversation would go and shutdown.

 

She then didn’t want to discuss her emotions anymore.