Null

[Guest sad_little_girl]

Null Edited July 2, 2018 by sad_little_girl

[Guest SUeB]

Sorry, but this is all him. If all you say is how it happened, then he's totally out of line. Depending on how you voiced things, no way was that bratty behaviour. And he's not okay for belittling you on front of others. One suggestion is to show him this discussion. For you to come to a forum specifically to ask for support and advice might show him how serious it is.

my opinion, based solely on your post, is that he is absolutely in the wrong here, not you. He needs to be told that his behaviour is unacceptable.

[Guest sad_little_girl]

Sorry, but this is all him. If all you say is how it happened, then he's totally out of line. Depending on how you voiced things, no way was that bratty behaviour. And he's not okay for belittling you on front of others. One suggestion is to show him this discussion. For you to come to a forum specifically to ask for support and advice might show him how serious it is.

my opinion, based solely on your post, is that he is absolutely in the wrong here, not you. He needs to be told that his behaviour is unacceptable.

Is there a way I can post screenshots here? Just in case I'm presenting it one sided and being unfair?

[Guest sad_little_girl]

* Edited July 2, 2018 by sad_little_girl

[Guest sad_little_girl]

* Edited July 2, 2018 by sad_little_girl

[SilentType]

He has the habit of picking at me in front of other people

 

 

He then told me not to contact him again until I had fulfilled my responsibilities, and that he was busy and was not in the mood to "deal with me". I did my chores and he replied thank you, and that was the last I heard from him.

 

A daddy builds up his little girl. He's tearing you down, in front of others. If he's busy he should have told you in advance.

[Guest Prat]

 

On your end you should have been more open about how you felt right there and then (in front of the other partner). Show some teeth, you deserve to be you no matter what..

 

On his end he should have given you some slack considering what you've been through and especially how you felt earlier.

 

The "I'll deal with you later" and calling you a brat with no good reason is a sign that he was probably irritated or annoyed at that moment.. Maybe with you or maybe with something else..

You should talk more about it later when the dust settles.

 

Also you apologise too much.

On your end you should have been more open about how you felt right there and then (in front of the other partner). Show some teeth, you deserve to be you no matter what..

 

On his end he should have given you some slack considering what you've been through and especially how you felt earlier.

 

The "I'll deal with you later" and calling you a brat with no good reason is a sign that he was probably irritated or annoyed at that moment.. Maybe with you or maybe with something else..

You should talk more about it later when the dust settles.

 

Also you apologise too much.

 

P.S. After seeing the transcripts, you did nothing that would be considered bratty...

 

As far as chores / meditation goes.. I wouldn't be able to meditate after getting a tooth pulled out.. You'd do much better to use this time to rest and recover.

Edited June 28, 2018 by Prat(Praetorian)

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

I've sort of skimmed over everything here and I honestly believe this guy is in the wrong.

One thing you said stuck out to me though. You said he never talks to you in this way. It may be worth considering that perhaps he is bottling something up or something is stressing him out at the minute etc. It may even go so far as him attempting to hurt you to push you away. I don't know the guy, I'm just considering every possible cause. 

I want to make clear I'm not excusing his actions. Rather, I'm saying it's important to ascertain why he's doing this. You could always try asking him if he's struggling with anything at the moment and press it quite a bit. Worth trying to find out I reckon,

 

Anyway, good luck to you,

 

ya boi,

 

The Senate

[Pinkegobox]

Trying to get the situation clear in my head here, please correct me if anything not correct:

 

You're in a lift with the new person and your Daddy, you ask your Daddys out of town partner what floor they're after and probably have thoughts about the upcoming meeting on your mind, still a bit groggy from painkillers after having your wisdom tooth removed too. Probably thinking that you'll get to see daddies partner again at some point and hopefully make a new friend.

 

He has disrespected you as SilentType said. This needs a serious discussion, he needs to know that this is not acceptable behaviour [agrees with Praetorian and Iamthesenate) and perhaps there is something going on with him that he hasn't told you about. Maybe there's something going on with one of his other littles but whatever has happened, you need to have a voice / face to face to sort it out between you. Either show him this post or write out your points so you cover everything.

 

Also I personally feel that he was in Dom headspace around you whilst you were not in your little/subspace. Maybe part of the discussion can be talking about when it is/is not appropriate to act in the dynamic? I wish you good luck.

[baby_k]

That is out of line from him. Specially if he tears you up like that in front of other people, totally not cool.

And that sort of stuff can seriously harm your relationship and opinion about the new person which I don't think is good thing in polyrels at all. New people should be introduced in sensible manner to any dynamic.

 

You did nothing wrong and he seems really inconsiderate. Your messages to him were perfectly reasonable and adult like but his response really wasn't. (Sure, you could have said something immediately but not all can react that fast or want to do it in front of other people(

 

If he never talks to you like that as you said, so yes, as said above, maybe he is super stressed or something. Happens. But still not really an excuse to his behaviour. You had nasty medical operation just done to you, so he should be more supportive anyhow.

[Lola Step]

What he said and his intent are not the issues here, what IS the issue is that you very calmly and honestly voiced what was making you feel uncomfortable and did so in a mature way yet he still behaved childishly. A Daddy should always appreciate and praise his little for being honest about her feelings (as long as they are expressed in an appropriate manner, which you did) especially if it's about something that hurt them and that kind of response was definitely uncalled for.

[Guest lilprincess1703]

Hey

 

Realistically, this doesn't need to be considered in regards to a ddlg relationship - but just any relationship. The way he spoke to you is completely unacceptable. It was disrespectful, hurtful, and unfair.

The thing that stood out to me was the way he said that he was "sorry you saw it that way", rather than just apologising. By framing it in that way he is putting YOU in the wrong, as if YOU "misinterpreted" him. No. He hurt you, you were clear and direct about that, and he is not taking responsibility for his actions.

I think you need to try and have a proper sit down and grown up discussion about it. Lay out exactly what he did which hurt you, and explain why it hurt in the clearest way you can. Don't give him any wiggle room to try and shift the focus back to you.

 

My abusive ex used to do this - manipulate the blame back to me, and taught me to accept that everything was my fault, taking away my voice to speak up about issues I had with his behaviour. I am in no way saying that your daddy is abusive, please don't read it as that. BUT, knowing how people can manipulate others is always good to know and watch out for.

 

Be strong on this. A partner is meant to raise you up, support you. If he is dealing with something, as other people have suggested, he is not to take it out on you xxxxx

[Helloprincess88]

I'm going to agree with many of the posters here and say that you were not in the wrong, he was.

I am seeing a lot of red Flags.

 

You expressed your feelings in a very mature way, telling him how what was said made you feel in a non-attacking manner.  Communication is an important part of a healthy relationship.  You should feel safe in expressing the way something makes you feel.  

 

He didn't apologize- saying 'I'm sorry you felt that way' is NOT an apology.  This "apology" implies you are the one with the problem, not him.  Even if he didn't feel in the wrong, he should have given a sincere apology for hurting your feelings and tried to understand why it happened, and how he could change his actions in the future to prevent it from happening again.  

 

Teasing can be a form of bullying, and to me - given the number of people in your life who have commented about him doing this to you - implies to me that his teasing isn't the playful affection in the sense of the term.  Picking on you in front of people comes across to me as a insensitive and mean. Have you confronted him about this?  If not, be sure to make him away of the way it makes you feel.  

 

Calling you a brat is a name-calling.  If he hasn't done it before and if the comment was not made in the context of guidelines you both set in your DDlg relationship, this is NOT okay.  You are NOT a brat for expressing that something he did hurt your feelings.  He is deflecting the blame onto you.

 

And finally, he withdrew affection and pointed to the fact that you hadn't done your chores instead of accepting that he was in the wrong?  Do you have 24/7 TPE relationship?  Do you have a safe word?  At this point, I would use it.  If you don't, set one up.  He is punishing you by withdrawing love.  This is a form of abuse.  Is withdrawing a form of discipline that you guys have discussed?  

 

His responses were at best immature, at worst emotionally abusive.   I would honestly have a frank discussion with him, because to me it sounds like he is using his role as "Dom" to be emotionally abusive.  That is NOT a Dom.

[MadelynVictoria]

That is entirely him. He acted like a child, and was extremely disrespectful to you. Who honestly teases and embarrasses their partner in front of people like that? He sounds emotionally abusive, and a jerk in general. You respectfully expressed your concern and hurt to him, and he should have listened to you and understood he did something that upset you instead of turning the tables and blaming you. You don't deserve this, or need his abusive BS.

[xBabydollx]

I guess I will be the unpopular opinion. u ur self said u think he be joking with u when he 'teases' u. Some ppl have very dry, sarcastic, or even dark humor and that's perfectly ok. Clearly, that sort of humor is not ur cup of tea. It doesn't make u overly sensitive, but it also doesn't mean his words were done with malice. Some ppl just have very different senses of humor or even mannerisms. Since u did take offense tho, like many ppl have said, u should have told him then and there, or at the least discussed it in person. All serious discussions are best done face to face when it is an option. I think it's unfair that he didn't apologize as adequately as possible to ur concerns. On the other hand I do see why he became irratied. u brought the topic up, then became dismissive of it while he tried to explain things to u, and so ofc....so did he (become dismissive). I don't think u meant for ur words 'I don't want to argue semantics, never mind' to come across as dismissive, but it can come off that way so I see why he saw it as bratty. I don't think it's fair that he brought up ur lack of action towards responsibilities, it wasn't the best timing. Overall, the whole conversation wasn't the best timing. If u guys discuss it again, I suggest doing it face to face when he is for sure not busy. Sounds like the irritation got to him mixed with whatever he was busy with, so he simply didn't respond well. u say he isn't usually like this, so I would give him the benefit of the doubt that it was just not the ideal time, or the best way of communication.

[Guest Appacheian]

I’ll get to the point and keep it clear. I’m a daddy. He’s wrong to treat you this way. He doesn’t deserve you. I don’t believe in multiple littles. To be the best daddy takes all my time to one little. Anyone who thinks they can spread it is a selfish idiot who doesn’t understand this lifestyle.

[Guest Appacheian]

Oh and I’m more than happy to say that to any ‘daddys’ face who’s building his personal harem on the feelings of others.

[Untwisted]

You said that he's very sensitive to criticism and I suspect that objecting to his behaviour in front of someone else may be why he's acted in this way.  Maybe, as has been said, he's stressed about something else, maybe about you meeting his other partner for the first time.  In any case, that doesn't make it OK and you shouldn't feel the need to apologise.

Constantly putting you down and humiliating you in front of people isn't OK.  Whether he's doing it to look big and clever (he doesn't) or to keep you insecure and dependent, it's constantly chipping away at you and to me that's not right.
Oh, and seemingly no regard for you recovering from treatment.

I'm not going to say "daddies should do x and not do y" because different dynamics etc, but clearly you're not happy with the way he acts and it's unlikely to improve if you don't discuss it.

If he really wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, then he needs to learn what does hurt your feelings.  You shouldn't feel you have to apologise and accept it
 

[Guest Baby_Kitty9818]

Ok, one, he is being a big meanie! Two, you had your tooth pulled! You shouldn't be expected to do stuff in that much pain

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

I’ll get to the point and keep it clear. I’m a daddy. He’s wrong to treat you this way. He doesn’t deserve you. I don’t believe in multiple littles. To be the best daddy takes all my time to one little. Anyone who thinks they can spread it is a selfish idiot who doesn’t understand this lifestyle.

This seems like an unusual comment to make mate. Everyone in the community has different ways of doing things and has different preferences. I respect that this is your opinion and of course you are entitled to it.

However, "the best daddy" as you put it, has different meanings to everyone in the community. Calling those who choose to lead this lifestyle in a way you don't approve of a "selfish idiot" may not be the best approach to take my dude. Everyone likes a different way of doing things and that's great, what a shame it would be if everyone was the same eh? 

Again I'm not excusing his behaviour or anything, just saying that everyone is different and that's ok.

 

ya boi, 

 

The Senate.

[Guest Appacheian]

Everyone is different and that’s ok. It’s not ok when affects other people.

[Princess Ana Cuddle Bunny]

Firstly, you need to call a halt to everything, chores etc and have a meta talk with him. While you slipped with discussing prior to your surgery what kind of leeway to expect in terms of responsibilities, he also slipped in his responsibility to you because he should have addressed it, even with multiple partners, he has a responsibility to each and every one and if he can't follow those responsibilities he shouldn't have multiple partners. 

 

Secondly, do not let anyone into your head and convince you that you are something you are not. If you were not in little space and brattiness is not part of your dynamic then he's way over the line. Especially by putting you down in front of someone who (1) is another partner in your dynamic and (2) someone you just met. To me that spells a lack of respect for you and it needs to be addressed. 

 

Thirdly, you are worthwhile regardless of how this turns out. It sounds like you are very committed to your side of the relationship and only extenuating circumstances forced you to be less able to uphold your responsibilities. If he can't see that and respect your feelings regarding the situation then you needs to look at your worth and your place in the relationship because if people can see him demeaning you to the point where they are commenting on it, there needs to be changes and you need to demand respect. 

[Little Illy]

This seems to have been fairly discussed but I will add a very short note:

 

IF everything is EXACTLY as you said it is, I personally believe, as my opinion, he is leading up and building an abusive relationship. 

 

- Tearing you down in front of people to make you second guess your worth

 

- Gaslighting; making it all your fault for forcing him to tear your down ("proved right")

 

- Refusing to communicate

 

- Name calling and bullying (if Brat hasn't been established, it shouldn't be used)

 

- Obvious lack of concern of your health (hello... surgery?)

 

- Blatantly turning your concerns and flipping it to your faults (because you "didn't fulfill your responsibilities")

 

- Making you dependent on him (i.e. - you want him? You must jump through these hoops to earn his attention)

 

Honestly? Added all of those with him being Poly? I may even go as far as calling him a collector, but I have no evidence on that. 

 

Determine your worth and if you want a Daddy treating you like that. My personal opinion is to dump and run, and I typically hate that response to relationship problems. But here, I think you should.

Edited June 29, 2018 by Little Illy

[SpookyCupcakePrincess]

Your Daddy is in the wrong and you two need to have a serious conversation. He is gaslighting you and being emotionally abusive, especially since humiliation isn't part of your agreement.

 

I had abdominal surgery last Tuesday, my Daddy bought me a teddy bear and a sippy cup (because I couldn't actually use a normal cup even when not in little space because I'm a lightweight and Tylenol 3 is wonderful) and my chores were all suspended until I could function as a human being.

 

If you're hopped up on high grade pain meds then it's downright dangerous to go out and walk alone, like you need supervision to make it from the couch to the bathroom.

 

Take a moment to think, you say that he's teasing you and joking when he says things that hurt your feelings. How is him getting his jollies on the back of your emotional well being ok? How long has it taken for you to come to accept that he's "just joking" when he hurts your feelings?

 

I have an ex, he was abusive. One of the first things he started to do was to "jokingly" make fun of me in front of others, it took a while but I eventually started self gaslighting, maybe I was just being too sensitive. It took the better part of a decade in therapy after leaving him to stop feeling like I deserved the crap he doled out

[ThePoet]

I’ll get to the point and keep it clear. I’m a daddy. He’s wrong to treat you this way. He doesn’t deserve you. I don’t believe in multiple littles. To be the best daddy takes all my time to one little. Anyone who thinks they can spread it is a selfish idiot who doesn’t understand this lifestyle.

Or maybe you're just less capable than others? As long as we're throwing around self-interested judgements.. And I'm more than happy to say that to your face, if that in some way validates my ignorance.