How to manage when both daddy and little are going through stress

[Guest Notme]

Both my daddy and I have been going through some separate stressful things lately. We are sort of long of long distance.

I know that I need to give him space and support and not be wanting too much. But then I need his support for some of my own stuff but I feel bad about asking. Then I get cranky about him and feel even worse.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with this?

[Guest Little Otter]

Well keep in mind you both are partners first and foremost. You should be there for each other, in LDR there shouldn't be avoidance IMO, if that's what you're implying he's doing by needing space. Of course, depending how much space he's expecting.

 

You likewise can't expect him to give all the support, he needs you too. Being a daddy doesn't make his needs absent, just as being a little doesnt absolve you of being a supportive partner. It sounds like perhaps the ddlg dynamic should be set aside for the moment, and just try to focus on being partners. You should both be there for each other.

 

Try to have a calm and civil discussion about it, you should both need each other more than ever. I don't think he should be consistently avoidant, nor should you expect that the support structure be one-sided. Just reach out and ask what YOU can do, and perhaps explain that you want to help him just as much as you want help through your tough time. If he won't budge, and space is the only way he can deal with his own issues, then so be it some people are like that, but IMO you should both be there to support each other. Perhaps maybe he wants space because he can't play the daddy role right now? Reassure him and let him know it's OK, that you're there for him too, and the dynamic can be set aside so you can both be adults and partners.

[Guest SUeB]

We all deal with stress in our own ways. For you, that might be that you need support and communication. For Him, that might mean he needs alone time. It looks like you are at opposite sides of that slash. So i suggest you have an adult conversation about it. And at a time when neither of you are right at the top of the stress scale! Relationships are often about compromise. So in your situation, that seems to be a way of finding middle ground between those two opposites. Regular contact so you don't feel neglected, but not too much that makes him feel pressured. It will be trial and error. You both matter just as much as each other, so you both need to find an answer that works for you both.

And on the subject of stress itself - long walks, exercise of any kind, read a book, have a bubble bath with candles/smellies/dim lighting/soft music etc.

Look at your diet. Get rid of anything processed, high in sugar and trans fats, focus on what you are eating.

Don't turn to smoking, drugs or alcohol. Cigarettes and alcohol are stressers, not relaxants, no matter what smokers and drinkers like to tell themselves, lol.

Find a new hobby. Something creative and/or fun.

Go to bed earlier than usual. Turn off phones/tv/I pads etc an hour before bed.

So many things can help.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

it can be really difficult when both parties are stressed out & need different things from each other, but the best thing to keep in mind is that 

both of your stressers & the way you recover from stress are valid. 

 

while it sucks that you are incompatible in this way, the best thing to do would be to sit down & talk about how you can make it work so that both of your needs are getting met to the best of your abilities. 

 

you may need to find another outlet to vent your frustrations when he needs space, like a good friend or family member. 

he may need to make sure he carves out some time for you to vent at the end of every day if possible. 

 

make sure you communicate, be honest & gentle with one another & remember that relationships are all about give & take.