LDR to 24/7 Reality Shift

[Deepseeker9]

I’ll save the full story for another post but here’s the gist:

I’ve always been drawn to BDSM/ageplay. When I reached a certain age I discovered the Dd/lg world and suddenly undertood the amazing potential within the dynamic. It seemed like a hidden magical realm and I couldn’t imagine that I could ever be worthy/lucky/interesting enough to experience it.

 

So I gave up and did a ton of work on myself for its own sake.

 

And then I found my little. We’ve been LDR only, but that’s about to change.

 

Of course the magical power exchange draw is huge. But every time we dig deeper and get to know each other more, the more we have in common, intellectually, emotionally, sexually.

 

I’ve researched. I understand. So does she. We’ve exchanged questionnaires and built rules together - almost effortlessly. She has rules but I have a code. Safety, protection, communication and consent are built in from the start. And always subject to change. She craves 24/7 and so do I.

 

We’re both quite giddy and anazed at this point.

 

Our brains get on nicely, our bodies like each other and our hearts serm to be naturally together. We agree that we don’t want to deny the magic by chickening out with vanilla fears and behaviors meant to block change and growth. We’re all in.

 

Annnd...I want to be the best protective Daddy I can. I don’t want to push her or move too fast. But it also seems like an ‘all in’ commitment to a powerful new reality is demanded.

 

Can anyone with experience turning powerful LDR love into a successful real-life relationship offer perspective here?

 

I want to show her safety and protection from the first moment. But I also want to give her the structure, direction and discipline she craves, consistently and lovingly.

 

I want her to express and expand at her own pace, but it seems like there’s a risky in-between land to cross before we get to live what we love.

 

I want to make it a journey of love and as easy of a flow as possible for my brave reality-shifting little.

 

I’d love any input from littles too, of course!

[Bambi95]

Hi there

 

I met my Daddy on this forum 7 months ago. I've explained in more detail on a different post how we started talking but I'll briefly go through it here.

 

Basically he lives in Scotland and I lived in Ireland. He wasn't a huge fan of LDR before he met me and he had wanted to meet someone closer to home so he could have a real life relationship. I visited him in January, after we had been together for almost 2 months - we celebrated our two month anniversary together while I was there - for 3 weeks and it was amazing.

When it was time for me to leave and go back to Ireland, I realised I couldn't do LDR any longer. It was the hardest thing I have ever done getting on that plane.

It sucked so much not being able to hug him whenever I wanted or to even just know he was in the other room a couple of meters away from me.

So we decided as soon as I finished my degree, I would come back and move in with him - which would be 7 weeks later. I had left a stuffie with him and sprayed my perfume all over it, and then I took the stuffie he gave me for Christmas and sprayed his cologne all over it so it smelled like him. This is what got me through the next 7 weeks. Every night I would hug that stuffie so tight counting down the days until I would live with my Daddy.

Finally I moved country and start living with my Daddy. And I can honestly say I love it. I have been so lucky in my relationship that I did get to move so soon and that I have a Daddy who is so incredible.

 

Anyways, very VERY early in our relationship, my Daddy offered me to stay with him because of things that were going on in my home life with my parents. I had only known him for about 3 weeks at this stage and despite the fact I knew I loved him, I wasn't ready for this. And he respected this. He just wanted my safety and happiness to be put first but he trusted that I knew what I was doing.

 

I don't know how far your distance is, whether it's a different country/ different continent/ different state/ different town etc. And I don't know if you have even met in person yet. I don't even know how long you have been together. My advice to you is, if you haven't even met yet, start with that as opposed to diving right in.

You can never really know how well you click with a person until it's in person and you can see them, flaws and all, and vice versa. Like I said, I got really lucky with my relationship and knew moving was right. I gladly would have stayed in January forever. My point is, my Daddy waited for me to reach that point in my own time. And because of it, we both now have the relationship we have always wanted. Our patience was rewarded.

[DaddyPenguin]

Going from online to in real can vary from people to people on when is to soon. One is to discuss it and express both of your opinion on this. I am a believer of a little at a time. What I mean is by visits, like weekends than maybe to a week. Seeing how it is when you guys are together when in same place.

 

Also don't change how you are ldr from in person. I have seen daddiesand little change how they were and the dynamic changed for the worst. The loving daddy you are ldr you need to be in person.

[Deepseeker9]

Thanks for the replies. It’s going splendidly! My little is sweet, beautiful and much more than I could ever have dreamed on all levels.

 

That said, the 3d world is never as compliant as the realm of fantasy. There’s been some awkwardness, some hilarity and cleat need to kerp the communication flowing.

 

We check-in regularly and give honest feedback and sharing of needs.

 

As some older/locked threads discuss, I’m stunned and honored by my great fortune and a little insecure. She’s gorgeous, easily draws attention, and could have her pick.

 

The only answer is to be utterly all-in. I know I have the commitment and love no casual troll can offer. We’ve established that I can be a Dom as called for and the power exchange is clear. She loves and trusts me.

 

Communication and mutual drive to please the other is where the magic turns real.

 

The planning/detail handling seems to be the next challenge: Can an enthusiastic but green Daddy overcome his ADHD to think ahead? Will he be a rock or fumble and stammer?

 

Any thoughts on things to do, ways to get to know each other better, and balancing protection with my little’s growth are appreciated!

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

My journey with my babygirl began 2 years and 8 months ago, first as a ldr and the last 13 months in person I am 55 and she is 21 years younger with 3 children, ages 13, 10 and 5. I left a bad marriage, a good job I'd had for over 20 years and moved over 800 miles to live with my babygirl, I know all about going "all in" lol, and it has been the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life, it was more than I could have imagined and it took me a long time to really settle in, my advise is to give yourself time, don't rush or force things until you are ready, accept that you will make mistakes and that doing so gives you the opportunity to learn and grow. Be consistent,BE CONSISTENT!

I wish you both the best!

[DaddysHands]

Hey this is just your type of relationship dynamic, and that's really the only difference between healthy relationships is just that.

 

If you were in a vanilla relationship shouldn't you want the same for your partner? Of course!

 

You've done your self searching and lifestyle research. Seems like there good communication. So don't over analyze difference's or label everything and just enjoy what you have.

[Guest Kerjin]

My journey with my babygirl began 2 years and 8 months ago, first as a ldr and the last 13 months in person I am 55 and she is 21 years younger with 3 children, ages 13, 10 and 5. I left a bad marriage, a good job I'd had for over 20 years and moved over 800 miles to live with my babygirl, I know all about going "all in" lol, and it has been the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life, it was more than I could have imagined and it took me a long time to really settle in, my advise is to give yourself time, don't rush or force things until you are ready, accept that you will make mistakes and that doing so gives you the opportunity to learn and grow. Be consistent,BE CONSISTENT!

I wish you both the best!

 

I'm 56 and she's 31 here and we are currently only LDR, though the plan is to become FT in the near future. I also can completely understand the soul-searching and the over-analyzation that can happen. Sounds to me like you've done your research. Sifu is right, over everything else, be Consistent in your thoughts, words, and actions.

[Little Illy]

This is my reality shift, a hard reality...

 

I was in chat (like always) and he popped in and started chatting everyone up. There was something about his energy that caught my attention so I spat fire right back at him. It was casual and fun and like everything else you see in chat. But then, the next day, I realized he had messaged me - because of course I accepted his friend request the night before. And I felt a liiiiittle flutter in my stomach. And wouldn’t you know it… he got me right away because he commented on my igloo and on my title (Sapiophile). And thus our exchange began.

 

That day we met in chat again. This was back when we had direct private messaging (think of FB messenger) and we started our own private chat. That was the longest, but quickest, most fun, yet most intense, chat I have ever had. In 4 hours we hit every major topic you can think of; we talked about philosophy, political views, views on marriage, childbearing, body type, travelling, schooling, psychology, kinks (in general), technology, music, movies, commitments, and everything else. I can honestly say, when we finally stopped chatting - because at that point, I wasn’t in main chat, it was just Daddy and me - I was so exhausted, my brain hurt because our conversation was so rapid and deep. It was amazing. And it was then that the initial hook sincerely sank in.

 

I can’t honestly tell you how much we communicated back then. Why? It was too much. We quickly exchanged skype information, but didn’t video or audio until weeks later. Then when that wasn’t enough we did video. When that wasn’t enough, we downloaded Whattsapp and texted throughout the day. We had skype dates while watching documentaries, while listening to Alan Watts lectures, while discussing whatever we could think of. We revealed so much of ourselves that I thought… surely this wasn’t even happening. I am NEVER this open with something. But I was with MisterJ, because since day one, there was this Spark that drew me to him.

 

I was graduating that semester and we decided that we had to meet. We clicked every single box for one another, we needed to be in the same place with one another to see if it was real, or all just internet magic. At some point, we aren’t even sure, we knew that this was it and we were going to be together. I had broken my cardinal rule committed myself to him by the end of that October and just knew he was my Daddy. So we made plans and it was decided I would fly over and stay with him for two months.

 

But let me be honest. We weren’t vocally sure of anything. It was too good to be true. The distance was too heavy of a reality. We still didn’t know if we were compatible physically and mentally yet when in person. We didn’t know if we could live together - and we knew we couldn’t have an online relationship permanently - we both DO NOT believe in LDRs, at all. There was doubt. There was hurt feelings. There was crying and torture. But it was because we felt so deeply for one another that, well, how could there not be a rollercoaster?

 

So. We bought a ticket, made arrangements, and I flew out. And those next two months? Were literally the happiest months of my life. And (as he has told me) they were for him too. We finally realized we clicked on every level. We stayed up all night talking and opening up more and more until finally, there was nothing left that the other didn’t know. Now… we both are stubborn and strong-willed so this was not the honeymoon phase - this was reality. We fought over stupid stuff sometimes because, well… we are human. But every fight brought up closer together because we made it paramount to ALWAYS trust and practice our belief of 100% communication. So though we fought, we grew stronger every day.

 

But then… I had to come back to the states. But it didn’t matter. Because while I was there, Daddy had asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. And when Home is asking you to stay, you say yes.

 

The moment I got in the car and went to the airport, we knew that I would be back. The states wasn’t home. He was. Daddy was my home. And I was his. So we knew it was only a matter of time.

 

I had been in the states for seven months then. It it has been the most torturous experience of my life. I have cried more, my health has declined and my stress has been up… I literally have silver hair now (dusted in). And its not because I am so dependent on Daddy. It is because I have finally found a place that made me happy - a geographic location that made me feel safe and energetic. A town that made me feel proud to be there. And of course, my Daddy who is my very best friend. It made me realize that I had been living a hollow life all these years because I knew I was missing something. And it was my ability to take control of my life. My life has always been dictated by others, even when I have been making the decisions. But Daddy help liberate that in me. I was now taking control of my life. I was now going to do things that made me happy. I was now going to do things I have always wanted to do (outside of finding my partner). I was now going to be ME.

 

So now… seven months ago, I had my visa. I had my plane ticket. And I had boxes around me. I was leaving the states in six weeks. And I get to be with Daddy once more. We get to find a house together. We get to build a life together. And I know, trust me I know, it is going to be so hard. I am literally moving across the world. It will be the hardest phase of my life. But I know it will be the happiest.

 

Reality though? I moved in on January and Life has literally been slamming me and Daddy in the face since then. Fighting immigration, discrimination (they really hate Americans, kinda, right now), doubtful future family in laws who worried I’m with Daddy for a green card and Money plus all of my medical and mental issues. And same with Daddy. Reality hit us and our dynamic has been intermittent. When I first got here it was awesome. Sessions, titles, rules, etc. but when Life reared it’s ugly head, our dynamic took a back burner. AND THAT IS OKAY.

 

We are NOT just our dynamic. We are NOT just little and Daddy and if there is one thing any of y’all take from this is that just because you can’t be “in” the dynamic because of stress, outside factors etc, it is okay and there is no need panic. Why? Because first and foremost, y’all are PARTNERS, you’re in a relationship, and as long as you two keep communicating, you won’t have problems. Even when problems do arise, because they can, they won’t matter because you will be each other’s support system.

 

So... LDR to 24/7? Baby steps and expect brakes from the dynamic as Life gets complicated from time to time.

Edited July 25, 2018 by Little Illy

[Guest Hooliigann]

Baby steps! 
My Daddy and I have gone in and out of LDR due to him being in Marine Crop basic training for three months, coming home due to injury, and he's about to leave again for Army basic within the next few months.

I suggest sitting down and analyzing what needs to be fulfilled now that you're both together. It will take time for the shift to actually happen; it's been over a year since my Daddy left for basic the first time and we're still getting used to some stuff.

Take it slow and remember communication is key!

[Guest Kerjin]

 

We are NOT just our dynamic. We are NOT just little and Daddy and if there is one thing any of y’all take from this is that just because you can’t be “in” the dynamic because of stress, outside factors etc, it is okay and there is no need panic. Why? Because first and foremost, y’all are PARTNERS, you’re in a relationship, and as long as you two keep communicating, you won’t have problems. Even when problems do arise, because they can, they won’t matter because you will be each other’s support system.

 

So... LDR to 24/7? Baby steps and expect brakes from the dynamic as Life gets complicated from time to time.

 

Thank you for saying that Illy, you nailed it.

[Deepseeker9]

Thanks everyone. Yes we’ve both got pasts to smash and a future to build while fending off opponents and obstacles in the present. But we’re discovering different types of quality time than either of us have known before. In a way, everything is sexualized. But there’s also a purity of dedication and desire to be thoughtful that no vanilla relationship has ever drawn out of me.

 

Thanks also for the age gap support. We’re 52/24.