The New “Trend”

[Silkyblacklace]

So before I post, this is just simple fair warning that this discussion is not intended to hurt feelings or make anyone question their respectful positions on being a DD/LG. It’s to simply open your horizons, and truly understand what it means to be in this dynamic relationship.

 

I’ve been noticing for quite some time since I’ve joined this forum, a number of people who are claiming to be a “Daddy.” Now, this isn’t going after anyone specifically, this is just me doing what I do best by being blunt. But I’ve noticed that the more I look into people joining or searching for a potential “Little” it seems that the age keeps getting younger! So my question for you Lads:

 

What makes you know whole heartedly, deep down inside that you are a daddy? We live in a society today where the younger generation seems to call there significant other “Daddy” and it seems to be the new trend. What’s even more baffling to me since I’ve joined, is that a lot of the young men state that they aren’t just looking to be Daddy 24/7, which is perfectly fine. But my question is:have you realized what kind of site you joined? This is a DDLG community, There is no “I’ll be a daddy for 5 hours, but after that I want you to love me for me and not as a daddy.” This is not suggesting it’s not possible, but it’s safe to say that this isn’t a typical relationship.

The Daddy is and will forever be the foundation for his Little, this is how it’s supposed to be. I can go and on about this subject, but thought I might share my opinion and see what others think.

[PizzaOnARoof]

I think I see where you're coming from. My answer is, just like a little isn't constantly in little space. Most guys (I cant speak for everyone) aren't 24/7 a caregiver. However, there are certain aspects of the dynamic I'm living all the time (Calm, compassionate, etc etc). But I agree, this dynamic isn't a normal "Vanilla"; for lack of a better term, relationship. More often then not most guys like that are only dominant in the bedroom, and otherwise 100% vanilla. Hence the "I'll be your daddy if you want to be sexual, but if not dont call me that because its weird lol".

[Guest QueenJellybean]

disclaimer: i mean zero offense by my opinion, & i am not disagreeing with the OP, just providing a differing perspective! 

 

i think that there are a lot of different kinds of caregivers in the community, just as their are littles. some littles have a very distinct "little space" where they regress to a certain age, act like a child, etc. in my experience, most of these littles (i am not one of them myself, so i can't speak from experience here) tend to not always be in that space. then, there are other folks who don't regress at all and little space is just a feeling that they slip into when they are feeling vulnerable, lost or scared. some people who identify as littles never feel like a child! & others -- like me! -- don't necessarily regress to a certain space or age, but feel that their smaller side has always been there as a part of their personality. 

 

edit: i also want to mention the caregivers who are new to the community & are just trying it out. which is totally valid & okay! i know many littles who do this too! as long as everyone involved is aware that they are new & experimenting, i don't see any harm in it! but that also might account for that influx of new daddies who are younger & unsure how much of a "daddy" they want to be.

 

not every caregiver is going to feel like a caregiver all the time. just like many littles don't! i think that it's a stereotype that all daddies must be in that mode 24/7 in order to be a good partner for their little... who might not always be in that space themselves. we're all human beings & we have limits. 

 

i also want to point out here that for many relationships, being Little/Caregiver isn't the foundation, even if they are a member of the community & identify that way! it's tough to pigeon-hole an entire community into one specific fit, you know? so, while what i think you are experiencing might be frustrating & confusing to you -- & that's totally valid! -- it's not because it's a trend or wrong or anything, & more along the lines of just... not what floats your particular boat. but it might be for someone who, say, has to be an adult for the majority of the day & only wants a partner who will baby them once in a while & not all the time. 

 

tldr; if you've ever told a partner that you wanted to be loved for who you are a person & not just for your small side, or insisted that there is more to you than your title or lifestyle choice, then perhaps imagine if a caregiver said the same thing to you. nothing is typical or normal; it's all about what type of crazy or weird words work with yours. <3 

Edited June 21, 2018 by babyjellybean

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

"What makes you know whole heartedly, deep down inside that you are a daddy?" 

This is a hard one to answer. It's just part of who I am in relationships.

I've always known from a sexual perspective that the 'vanilla' lifestyle is not for me.

From a more personal based perspective, I have a lot of caring to give I suppose. I love seeing my littles face light up when she gets a treat or seeing her go from sad to happy when she is comforted.

From a day to day perspective, I was always going to need a total power exchange which is present in this community in some percentage. I have total control of the money etc. It works well because my little doesn't care to make decisions and I'm hugely uncompromising. I pay for everything but my little does the housework. I always wanted that type of dynamic as well... lets just say when it comes to housework I once set my microwave and myself on fire trying to make microwave popcorn. 

Being a Daddy 24/7 is something I do and don't do at the same time. I'm Daddy in the sense that I am always in command and control 24/7 and that I provide the essentials necessary to live 24/7. However, I am only Daddy to her little side when she is little, which is only some of the time. I love my little when she is in little space but at the same time my partner is my best friend on this Earth and I like to do things with her as well as her little self. 

 

The phrase "this is how it's supposed to be" is one I find particularly uncomfortable in this context as everyone is different. Some littles are fiercely independent. Heck, there's no way the dynamic my little and I share would work for everyone here. I think everyone has their own mojo and that's pretty cool. 

 

Anywho, I hope this helps in some way,

 

ya boi,

 

 

 

The Senate

Edited June 21, 2018 by I_AM_THE_SENATE

[Guest ~lele~]

Deleting my opinion because I don't want to lose any of my friends. If I offended anyone, you have my sincerest apologies. Edited June 22, 2018 by Lele~

[Silkyblacklace]

All replies are welcomed! I value people’s opinions. Now, perhaps I should have made myself a bit more clear, it’s hard after all expressing ones self on these sites. So let me start with this:

My post generally was targeted at the AGE of people stating of becoming a daddy, or even a Little. The question still remains unanswered as to why someone by the age of 18 already knows what their true calling is. Hell, by 18 I still didn’t even know anything about paying taxes let alone where I wanted to go to college. There is no way, shape or form what a person knows who they truly are or what they prefer when it comes to being DDLG or sub/dom.

 

Secondly, there are different TYPES of Littles. For example: there’s the Little’s where they have a certain age in mind that they remain 24/7. Then they’re are those who are Little and though they may not be into the age play, there is still the respectful boundary of knowing ones place as Little, and Daddy. It’s possible to be Little (without literally having to be just that).

An to quote I said “The Daddy is and will forever be the foundation for his Little, this is how it’s supposed to be.” So I suppouse everyone can take it however they like. They’re are no right or wrong answers.

[Big Daddy Smillie]

Personally I like being the caretaker and taking care of and providing for someone but also taking control of situations.

 

I personally don't want someone who needs every aspect of their life done as DD/L. I appreciate acting as protector and guidance and being playful and stuff but I am looking for a romantic partner as well as a little. If I wanted to exclusively be an actual daddy I would adopt a child but I'm looking or another adult and I kind of want them to act like an adult when the time comes. I like a little who can stand up and take charge in their own lives or who is happy with a grown up date sometimes because its a good opportunity to get grown up stuff off my chest. DD/L has a big part in my wants for a relationship but if it were exclusively just that I wouldn't feel like I love the person, I'd feel like I'm doing chores.

 

Plus I have other kinks too and sometime switch it up so I'm kinda looking for someone who want's to experiment and maybe do something other than DD/L.

 

EDIT :No offense intended by any of this, but that how I view things as an 18 year old. I know I'm kinda young but I've been making the effort to know what I can and figure out what aspects wok for me.

Edited June 21, 2018 by Big Daddy Smillie

[Silkyblacklace]

@Beast. I totally dig this response and was trying to make my point but forgot to mention it. When people say being Little or Daddy 24/7 I’m not literally meaning being as such. I think many people are confusing this little thing with incorporating the age play play. For myself personally, I consider myself a little but an adult. There’s a time and a place for everything. If and when my Little comes out, it’s to ask permission for things such as If it’s okay to go hang out with a gf of mine, or if it’s okay to go here or there. It’s validation to letting my DD know I care about pleasing him. Edited June 21, 2018 by Silkyblacklace

[Guest QueenJellybean]

@Beast. I totally dig this response and was trying to make my point but forgot to mention it. When people say being Little or Daddy 24/7 I’m not literally meaning being as such. I think many people are confusing this little thing with incorporating the age play play. For myself personally, I consider myself a little but an adult. There’s a time and a place for everything. If and when my Little comes out, it’s to ask permission for things such as If it’s okay to go hang out with a gf of mine, or if it’s okay to go here or there. It’s validation to letting my DD know I care about pleasing him.

 

this does clarify a few things, especially for me, so thank you for the addition! 

[Bambi95]

I can understand what you're trying to say. I just don't necessarily agree with it. You have taken every young Daddy and painted them with the same brush. And I feel that this is unfair to them.

 

Yes, there are many young men who are in it just for the kink of being called Daddy or just experimenting. That's their prerogative. However, I believe everyone has to start somewhere.

But there are equally just as many young men, who are serious about this lifestyle, who know what they want and know how to care for their little. It is not fair to these guys to assume because of their age, they know nothing or are just wasting littles' time.

 

I became a little at 18. Ddlg was introduced to me then, however, I had always expressed an interest in the BDSM world before that. It is unjust to assume because someone is young, that they are clueless.

 

No matter what the lifestyle or age, vanilla or not, you will get guys who are not as serious about relationships as others. Is it right to forget those that are serious?

[Silkyblacklace]

@Bambi

 

I appreciate your feedback. However I disagree with you at the same time. It’s not about not giving them a chance, its not about saying whether or not they’re ready or putting them down about the age, it’s about both parties maturity. How can you be a effective caregiver when your just starting off in life?

[Bambi95]

My Daddy is 21, going on 22. I think it's fair to say this is quite young. The age where you are "starting off in life" as you put it. He pays for everything in our relationship. He is finishing his law degree. He has raised two brothers since he was 10. He has been homeless. He has been through many things in his life.

 

What is my point here? My point is that some people have to grow up faster than others. They are driven to be mature far beyond their years due to circumstances in their lives - regardless of their age.

 

Yes, you have said it's about each individual's maturity. Which is exactly what my point is about. You will have people who are more mature than others no matter what age they are. It seems like you have glanced over that point entirely in my comment.

 

I have a friend on this forum who is now 20, but he joined when he was 18. And I can honestly say that he is far more knowledgeable, mature and dedicated to being a Daddy than most of the men in their late 20s and above.

 

So yes, I have seen guys who are 18 and have no idea what they're doing, and lack the maturity to care for another person. But I have seen just as many mature 18 year olds who are wonderful caregivers. The same goes for women who are caregivers, however as your point was specified for men, I will stick to speaking about them.

 

There are just as many immature men in their 30s/40s/50s, whichever, who are incapable of looking after a little.

 

Just to ensure my point is clear this time; there are immature men in ALL age groups. It is unfair to isolate and criticise younger guys just because they are starting out and learning what it takes to be a Daddy.

 

In this community, underage Daddies and littles are almost taboo and looked down upon. So why is it that when they are 18- the legal age universally for them to explore the sexual side if that's what they're into- we still tell them that they are too young to fully comprehend what it takes to be a part of this lifestyle? At what age is it socially acceptable to be DDLG? If not then, then when?

[Pandagirl26]

@Bambi

I appreciate your feedback. However I disagree with you at the same time. It’s not about not giving them a chance, its not about saying whether or not they’re ready or putting them down about the age, it’s about both parties maturity. How can you be a effective caregiver when your just starting off in life?

Totally get what you mean! I guess everyone starts somewhere but I just can’t see an 18 year old being able to offer me the guidance I need. I don’t just want someone that can act like a daddy, I want a person that has the actual life experiences to back up their reasonings and advice. But that’s just me and everyone feels differently.

[Silkyblacklace]

Okay, clearly your trying to make your point because my post is targeted at younger men. Which is fine. As I said again I value everyone’s opinion.

 

Just because your Daddy is 22, Does not make him more experienced based off his experiences in life. I’m sorry to say that. You mentioned he was homeless, Which only strives for the person to do better in life, hence he’s almost done with Law School, congrats! You also state he’s raised his brothers since he was 10. He was a CHILD, as I will remain firm with my answer. Just because youve finally reached the age of adulthood, doesn’t mean you magically gained insight of who you are, which is my point exactly.

 

You both are still young, still maturing and still have quite a ways to go. Yes, I’m sure we all have had to grow up fast. Myself including speaking from personal experiences. But by the time I was 18? Your telling me that you knew just what you wanted out of life? That you had a whole plan for the future? That you were able to dodge the negative impacts that might have deterred your way? No. Even now I’m going on 27, and I’m still learning and still understanding myself, and who I am as a person. That will never change.

When you give yourself TIME to understand your self, then You’ll know exactly what I mean. Im proud that your Daddy is bettering his life. This is a stepping stone. But don’t sit here and make it seem as though I’m specifically coming after one age group. I’m not. I’m specifically making a point to point out that most of the young men you see in the personal only point out what they’re looking for.

 

If your searching for a potential Little, one of the first things that should be mentioned is your situation in life. Do you have a job? Not McDonald’s or some part time job that’s going to get you by, I mean an actual 40+ hour job with benefits. Another thing should be mentioned is living situation, are they living with parents, roommates? When your looking to possible start having a relationship with your little your shit needs to get together to provide for her and VICE VERSA. This affects the relationship in so many ways.

Edited June 21, 2018 by Silkyblacklace

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

Okay, clearly your trying to make your point because my post is targeted at younger men. Which is fine. As I said again I value everyone’s opinion.

 

Just because your Daddy is 22, Does not make him more experienced based off his experiences in life. I’m sorry to say that. You mentioned he was homeless, Which only strives for the person to do better in life, hence he’s almost done with Law School, congrats! You also state he’s raised his brothers since he was 10. He was a CHILD, as I will remain firm with my answer. Just because youve finally reached the age of adulthood, doesn’t mean you magically gained insight of who you are, which is my point exactly.

 

You both are still young, still maturing and still have quite a ways to go. Yes, I’m sure we all have had to grow up fast. Myself including speaking from personal experiences. But by the time I was 18? Your telling me that you knew just what you wanted out of life? That you had a whole plan for the future? That you were able to dodge the negative impacts that might have deterred your way? No. Even now I’m going on 27, and I’m still learning and still understanding myself, and who I am as a person. That will never change.

When you give yourself TIME to understand your self, then You’ll know exactly what I mean. Im proud that your Daddy is bettering his life. This is a stepping stone. But don’t sit here and make it seem as though I’m specifically coming after one age group. I’m not. I’m specifically making a point to point out that most of the young men you see in the personal only point out what they’re looking for.

 

If your searching for a potential Little, one of the first things that should be mentioned is your situation in life. Do you have a job? Not McDonald’s or some part time job that’s going to get you by, I mean an actual 40+ hour job with benefits. Another thing should be mentioned is living situation, are they living with parents, roommates? When your looking to possible start having a relationship with your little your shit needs to get together to provide for her and VICE VERSA. This affects the relationship in so many ways.

I'm struggling to follow the logic now as on the surface of this there appears to be contradicting points at play here. It is stated that you are not coming after one age group yet the following sentence references young men. This causes some confusion. 

 

You also mention that a "situation in life" should be referenced when looking for a little. It seems you value a mans "situation" based on his career. Namely, it must not be a job in McDonalds or a part time job. An "actual job" is one with 40+ hours and benefits. This all seems unusual when people learn about and understand themselves in different ways as you have previously mentioned. I would assert that one is in the best "situation" when they are happy. After all, what purpose does money, security and social status serve other than to make one happy. However, people achieve happiness in different ways, not just their careers. My brother for example is 19. He works at a foil factory earning little money. He is happy and knows that this is all he wants out of life. He has never been academic and thus I believe him. Indeed I think he is happier than I despite me being older him. I also have a more prestigious academic career and will likely always out-earn him due to this. However, I do believe he is happier than I, which is the end goal. This does serve to prove that age is a poor indicator of ones "situation". 

 

You also make a point that I am interpreting here as suggesting that people do not have a "whole plan for the future" and do not know what they want "out of life". I find this assertion to be fictitious. I knew what I wanted out of life at 18. I knew earlier. I based my entire life since my early teens on getting a law degree to achieve other ends that I shan't go into detail about here. My plan was simple: Pass exams, lose weight, pass university, find wife, get career. So far this has all gone relatively well despite my making the choice to pursue these things very early in life. 

 

My point, in many cases age is a poor way to determine what peoples "situation" is from about 18 onwards. Everyone matures and grows at different ages. I knew I could support a little early on and so that's what I chose to do. 

 

For what it is worth as well, I think the main reason people don't put their careers in their ads is to avoid gold diggers. I've had women screw me out of money before and I wanted to be more to someone than a bank. There's a lot more to guys than their careers. 

 

I think, and I mean this with the greatest of respect, is that you perceive young men to have experienced the cycle of growing up to be the same as yours. I am basing this on your point about still learning about yourself at 27 etc. Everyone is different, people value different things in life and grow into themselves faster than others. If you keep an open mind about other peoples experiences and the effects thereafter than perhaps these younger dudes will start to make more sense. Apologies if this is a little convoluted as I'm doing other stuff at the same time. No disrespect is intended and I apologise if any is caused; social communication is not my strong suit,

 

Ya boi,

 

The Senate

[Bambi95]

On the contrary, I would suggest that because of my Daddy's past life experiences he has more experience in handling difficult situations MORE than older men who have had it easy. It means when shit hits the fan, he can deal with it. He is a rock. Dependable. Everything you seem to suggest he isn't.

 

You said by 18 you knew nothing of taxes. By 18, he was completely self sufficient. You say you're still learning about yourself at almost 27, that's great for you that you evolve so much. But some people genuinely know what they want and who they are at a young age.

At 18, I knew I wanted to be a housewife. I knew this would be unlikely so I did a chemistry degree to fall back on. 4 years later, I have said degree and still want to be a housewife. Better yet, I have the chance to be a housewife because it is also what my Daddy wants. So yes, SOME 18 years olds know what they want in life and know how to achieve it. So please do not assume just because you didn't have your life put together by 18, do not assume so little of others who do.

 

You claim to not target a specific age group, and yet you say nothing of older men. It would be easier to believe you weren't targeting an age group, if you weren't...y'know....targeting an age group.

 

As for your point on a job... "Not McDonald’s or some part time job that’s going to get you by, I mean an actual 40+ hour job with benefits" - not everyone has the opportunity for such careers. Some people do work in McDonald's, does this make them unqualified to love someone as a their Daddy? Believe it or not, some people have careers in McDonald's, working 40+ hours and have benefits.

You may not want a man who has a part time job, and that is on you. But how dare you suggest that a man who works part time isn't qualified to be a Daddy?

 

Many people, caregivers and littles alike, and of all ages too I might add, live with family or roommates. It depends on their circumstances in life. Are you suggesting that they don't deserve to be in relationships because they don't live alone?

 

I understand that people want different things from their partners. You clearly want someone you can depend on, who is completely stable with a lucrative career. And best of luck finding it if you haven't already. But not everyone cares about that. It isn't always a deal breaker to someone if their partner isn't working a 40+ hour job with benefits.

[Poisoned Daydream]

you know this is all subjective right?

 

Your boyfriend may be very much the exception and if so, certainly not the norm.  You would have to agree that the average 22 year old would not have the same insight on life as yours who has gone through so many hardships and come out the other side all the better.

Edited June 22, 2018 by Poisoned Daydream

[Big Daddy Smillie]

Just putting it out there, but this thread is getting kinda tense and personal, maybe we should all take it back a notch?

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

Just putting it out there, but this thread is getting kinda tense and personal, maybe we should all take it back a notch?

I don't know if you're referring to me friend but I'll just say this. I don't intend any offence, I'm just not great at talking to people so apologies to anyone if I get it wrong. I also want to say I think this has been an interesting and thought provoking discussion- exactly the kind of good thing a forum needs to thrive and grow. I certainly have found it all in good spirit. I think people can get somewhat passionate but I think that's ok as long as it's respectful. I love that we all have different ideas. Thank God we don't all think the same way eh? What a dull world that would be 

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

 

you know this is all subjective right?

 

Your boyfriend may be very much the exception and if so, certainly not the norm.  You would have to agree that the average 22 year old would not have the same insight on life as yours who has gone through so many hardships and come out the other wise all the better.

 

An interesting point! However, I think it may have to do with where you grew up, how much money your family had etc. I think your statement might be true in some places and false in others

Edited June 21, 2018 by I_AM_THE_SENATE

[Poisoned Daydream]

again, subjective because you can essentially make that point about just about everything? 

 

But what do I know...now where the hell is my video game controller?  Time to shoot digital people in the face!  Pew Pew Pew

[Silkyblacklace]

“He has had more experience in handling difficult situations MORE than older men who have had it easy.” This is laughable. How? How on earth given the age? You have failed to miss the point. Again. But this is your opinion, so I’ll respect it.

 

You seem to be defending the post simply because you seem to be upset I’m calling out on younger man who have no idea what it ultimately means to be a daddy. And please, don’t go there telling me that by the time he was 18 he had life figured out. Unless your man can speak for himself, don’t speak for him. He just may be the exception from them all. Which is great. But not all young men are like this and again. You want to know why I dont mention the older ones? The older ones already have a sense of what they way, given that some may be immature.

 

If your on a forum like this, searching for potential Littles and want them to move in at some point, shouldn’t you mention to your little before getting to know her what your life is like? Obviously your caught up in the fact of trying to prove that not every young man is like this, but your failing to see that gain it takes TIME to get your shit together. That goes for both a little and Daddy, but it depends on the relationship and how both parties feel are right.

 

And let me make myself clear when I say that I rely on no man for anything. I have my BSN and am in the process of obtaining my Masters. Yes, I work more then the regular 40 hours a week, with benefits included. I’m not saying money is the holy grail, but in order to support the other and be comfortable instead of getting you, it should be addressed at some point. Love won’t get you anywhere when your flat broke and need to pay your mortgage/rent, can it?

[Guest Hooliigann]

I can't speak as a Dominant, but I can tell you what mine has said!
We're a young couple, 18 and 19, he'll be 20 in November. 
He's said that he knows he's a care giver even outside of our life style because of his nurturing attitude towards me and other people he takes care of, i.e. his family. We practice rules, punishments, rewards, and commands also due to the fact I'm in the pet play community.
He enjoys taking care of me and being in the position of taking care of someone who needs help. It's a feeling of being needed, not just sexually. We're not 24/7 as we both have jobs and adults serious conversations. We don't live together currently and he's soon to be re-enlisting in the military but even so we keep in touch with the DDlg life style. 
It's not just a "I call him Daddy in the bedroom" kind of thing. He takes care of me and enjoys that he has someone to watch over.

A few months back we took a break from DDlg because we were both not in a good place. It crushed the both of us. Just as being in little space can help a little with coping from a bad day or needing to escape stress, it can work the same way for a Daddy. He's told me that after long hard days he "Just wants his little girl." We'll watch movies and he'll watch me color or make dinner together and it makes him feel like himself again. 

I hope this answers your question! Again I'm just speaking from what my Dominant as said, as we are a younger couple in the community.

[Bambi95]

I am not even going to begin to address the sheer amount of contradictions throughout your posts or the fact you not only miss the very point I am making, but willingly ignore it. But as I said, I will not address these to prevent further tensions. I will... attempt to rise above.

 

I will however say this, and leave it at this, my Daddy has been speaking for himself throughout this post. He has replied to it many times.

 

Thank you for your time. It has been wonderful debating this with you. I shall agree to never agree with you on this matter.

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

On the contrary friend, I think being broke is a good test of love.

Laughing at another persons opinion when it is in fact routed in actuality is an unusual approach. It's yours and I suppose you have the freedom to do so but I would urge you to consider what others are saying. Length of life is a far inferior measuring system for this when confronted with quality of life. You could spend your whole life doing nothing and thus learn nothing. However, some people face more challenges in 18 years than many face in 30. This is just a fact. There are plenty of people older than me who don't have a clue what they're doing and some younger who are doing better than I. 

 

I suppose what one must realise is that age is a poor way to judge a person when one can instead judge them on their life experiences, achievements and failures. It would disagree that it takes time to get ones shit together as you so aptly phrase it. I think time helps, but ultimately it comes down to drive and effort. I was self sufficient at 18 because I had to be and wanted to be. I was motivated. Maybe I'm unusual but Im certainly not the only one. 

 

If we apply your rule of judging people by age to me, you would have been incorrect. Maybe again I am an exception but why take the risk of being wrong at all when one can simply get to know someone instead and judge each situation independently. 

 

At the end of the day, younger men on here are not causing a problem and I personally welcome anyone here who is 18+. I will give them the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise as that is exactly what I expect from others.

 

Judge people on their character mate! : )