Why is it difficult looking for a Daddy?

[Silkyblacklace]

I mean can a little catch a break here? If a Little has done everything right, from listening to making her Daddy absolutely happy and pleased in every way, why disappear on her with no sudden word? Things like this does not help regarding my trust, for any future Daddies.

 

This Little is feeling....sad and overwhelmed.

[Guest Professor Optics]

Ultimately, some people are just rotten. They have zero consideration for the other person, and it's generally easier to just up and leave than to end something properly or to say "sorry, i'm not that interested" or whatever.

 

Now here comes the hard part... for every one good daddy/partner, there are several who are total douchebags. If you let those douchebags invalidate your trust, you will find it even harder to sniff out that one good daddy that comes along every so often. Best thing to do here is to chalk it up to experience, learn from what happened, keep looking and keep your heart open for those good daddies to come around and fill up with love!

[Guest Volkmane1985]

Sorry to hear you've had some bum luck, don't forget there are Daddies (this one included) who do the same for Littles and they disappear.

[MrDaddyManSir]

I am sorry to hear about that silky That really sucks and it hurts. 

 

I haven't been around these forums long but it seems to be a theme. Littles/CGs up and leaving with little or no warning or word. I don't think it's unique to this community. I feel it has become endemic in this ghosting culture we find ourselves in. 

 

In any case, Silky, I hope for the best for you in finding the right daddy for you in the future and hope that this doesn't happen again.

[Silkyblacklace]

Thank you all for such kind words. It’s frustrating to say the least especially after having promises being made and opening ones self up, showing your vulnerability. I suppose this has only made me become more cold. It’s truly sad how people have no concern for other people’s feelings.

 

I’m a firm believer in the old saying:Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me. I wont let this happen again.

[Guest Loki]

Unfortunately when it comes to dating there isn’t really any “fool me” that applies. Yes there are red flags/warning signs for abusive people, but when it comes to dating the practice of ghosting is common.

 

These people most likely mean no harm. They aimply aren’t mature enough to be dating.

 

Don’t let ghosting stop you from dating. You weren’t fooled. You simply had bad luck.

 

- Loki

[Silkyblacklace]

Loki,

 

Well given the situation that I was in with this man, I gave him chances in the past, the first time when he disappeared then came back and now this being the second time with no warning and all the promises in the world. This is nothing new, and I’m sure it’ll happen again. Which will make me much more cautious. So, in respect I was made a fool of after trusting him.

[krystalfox]

Girl, I can relate to that on so many levels and I'm still a newbie in this community. I got into DDLG in January and I've had that happen to me at least 3-4 times and I'm not even kidding lol. 

But I think it comes down to a few different things, I think, first of all, that looking for a partner outside of the kink community is a hard task on its own. You know, if all the ''hook up'' culture and everything it's hard to meet someone that has never been ghosted these days. It's more convenient that way, why bother having a long, honest and serious conversation with someone when you can just disappear with no regards for that person's feelings and emotions? Unfortunately I've been through that a lot, even before I started out on the kink/DDLG community. It sucks, it's a coward move and an awful thing to do, but so many people do that these days. So, why would it be different in the BDSM/DDLG/Kink community? There are jerks/bitches everywhere and I don't know about you, but in my experience the ghosting became more convienient because all of my ''relationships'' with my previous Daddys were LDR, that makes it even easier for them, they just stop texting and that's it. 

Just don't give up, I think. It's really lame to say but that's probably the best advice that I have. I live in a country that has pretty much no BDSM community and when it comes to DDLG it's pretty much nonexistent, especially in the town where I live. So it's still a struggle for me, especially because the only type of relationship I can possibly have is LDR, so that's hard because most people don't want or can't cope with LDR so I'm not going to lie, it's hard and it can get really lonely sometimes, but don't give up. If you live in a place that has local groups/communities, I'd suggest trying that, but try to make friends with other littles first instead of diving right into a new relationship, and when you do, just make sure that you don't give more than the other person does (don't be the one putting all the effort to make things work) and be upfront about what you want and don't settle for less, don't be with someone that makes you feel less than whole. 

And just remember, if you were born with the weakness to fall you were also born with the strength to rise. Good luck!
 

[Silkyblacklace]

[krystalfox]

Hey!

 

No need to thank me, like I said I’ve been through that lots of times so I know how upsetting it can be, especially because I can’t understand how some people think of others as “disposable”, like no, we are talking about human beings here, with emotions and feelings and everything that comes along with it. I don’t know when it became “socially acceptable” for people to think it’s fine to just come and go out of other peoples lives at their own convenience. No, that’s not how that works, not for me, I don’t get that bullshit and I never will. And you are awesome as well just for speaking up against this kind of crap, and seriously. I’ve been played and toyed with by so many fuckboys that didn’t have a crap about me before and it’s not easy to move on from a cycle of being used and played with, but now that you’ve let that toxic relationships go, things will get better.

 

And remember, when people leave don’t think they’ve left you because you weren’t enough, you are a little, you are unique and you are more than enough. In fact, sometimes we are so enough that people leave because they can’t handle it or deal with it. But don’t make your whole self seem smaller just so you can fit into someone else’s life.

We’re littles, we’re supposed to stick out to one another.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

... It’s just so bewildering to me how people are now a days and so inconsiderate of people’s feelings. I get it. We’re “adults” but ghosting? Didn’t their parents teach them right, about considering other people’s feelings? Guess not.

...at least men in their 30s and up are mature in some way and have had the experience to know what it means to be a Daddy. Right now, I’m happy to just talk and see where the possibilities go. Who knows.

 

 

Sorry to say but age doesn't guarantee a good Daddy or good communication.

I'm 50 and was chatting frequently online with a guy similar age, we became (I thought) very good friends, supportive to each other, encouraging, also had a good laugh etc. By mutual agreement he was NOT my Daddy and I was NOT his Little, but we did enjoy bringing some "Daddyness" and "Littleness" into each other's lives in a gentle way.

And then he just disappeared.  No message, no explanation, no nothing.  Stupid me, I actually wondered if he was ok. Then of course I realised he has family around him if he wasn't, plus he was still online here, so all I could assume was that he'd ghosted me.  

It's cowardly behaviour, and it causes hurt & doubt. Because like you say, you'd allowed yourself to be vulnerable and genuinely care for someone. 

You're sad now, but please don't let the behaviour of one person ruin your relationship prospects with someone else.  Give people a chance...if you close yourself off you could miss out on someone great.

I keep my big heart and my trusting nature, because the wrong people will do wrong regardless, so I just keep doing what I think is right.

Edited June 22, 2018 by Looby-Lou