"you don't listen"

[Guest Kerjin]

He did act like this before the procedure. Anytime things have been rocky it was before then. He's left quite a few times out of anger.

 

And yes I do understand. That's a very tough situation. Even me, as rough as I know it was and still is, I could not have gone through it with having a child right now with him .

 

But the situation certainly made things harder on me. I felt and still feel quite emotional from it and like I needed him to be there with me .

 

Yes, you did need him to be there with you, mentally, physically and emotionally. And if you were scared and discussing your feelings, he needed to be sympathetic to that and all you to vent, to express, to talk. That's what normal partners do. It's what DD/lg partners MUST do.

 

It's just so hard . I know I'm in an awful but we have so many amazing memories with each other. Memories I've not experience with another person. Close and magical times.

 

 

Relationships are supposed to be more better than worse. 

 

You need to, if you can, sit down and tell him what you're feeling and don't pull any punches. And, if he gets angry at you sharing your thoughts and feelings, then you need to leave and move on. Period. 

Edited June 22, 2018 by Kerjin

[Laladolly]

Thank you for all the advice and time put forth in replying, you guys. It means a lot to me . Especially right now .

[Poisoned Daydream]

I completely understand where your coming from, you have needs, anxieties and as a little...hell as a human, you just require a certain level of care

 

however....he is human too.  He for two years has been with you and has answered the questions that you yourself say, you ask over and over again...

 

How do you think he feels that he reassures you only to have you question him again?

 

your not the only one in this relationship, its give and take, just cause hes your Daddy doesnt mean he himself doesnt have this own needs and anxieties...especially now

 

hope it all works out hun

[Laladolly]

I completely understand where your coming from, you have needs, anxieties and as a little...hell as a human, you just require a certain level of care

 

however....he is human too. He for two years has been with you and has answered the questions that you yourself say, you ask over and over again...

 

How do you think he feels that he reassures you only to have you question him again?

 

your not the only one in this relationship, its give and take, just cause hes your Daddy doesnt mean he himself doesnt have this own needs and anxieties...especially now

 

hope it all works out hun

Thank you . And I agree. It's something I would like to work on. Am willing to work on .

[Lola Step]

First I would like to say I'm an incredibly sorry for everything you have been and continue to go through, while I will say that 'asking the same question over and over' for fear of losing him would cause SLIGHT frustration his level of anger towards you is unacceptable point blank. He very well may feel that you doubt him or don't trust him because you think he may leave etc; and this may frustrate him and that is completely fine and just as valid as your feelings of insecurity but the way he expresses that in anger is highly worrying. As for the pregnancy situation I have similiar feelings to you- My Daddy and I could definitely not handle a baby right now and while I'm 100% pro abortion, could I do it myself? Who knows...only you and you alone know what feels right for you to do in the moment and so not let anybody else (Even your Daddy) tell you different.

[Laladolly]

First I would like to say I'm an incredibly sorry for everything you have been and continue to go through, while I will say that 'asking the same question over and over' for fear of losing him would cause SLIGHT frustration his level of anger towards you is unacceptable point blank. He very well may feel that you doubt him or don't trust him because you think he may leave etc; and this may frustrate him and that is completely fine and just as valid as your feelings of insecurity but the way he expresses that in anger is highly worrying. As for the pregnancy situation I have similiar feelings to you- My Daddy and I could definitely not handle a baby right now and while I'm 100% pro abortion, could I do it myself? Who knows...only you and you alone know what feels right for you to do in the moment and so not let anybody else (Even your Daddy) tell you different.

It's such a relief to know someone can relate . I am 109% pro choice and came to fund out that while that's true , that's not an easy choice to make. I never knew how hard it was going to be .

 

I wish he would treat his anger . I think it would help us so much if he could manage it more appropriately. But I've brought that up before and he just doesn't seem very willing to do much there.

 

We have a pretty big get gap, nearly 20 years....I know many of you do age gap relationships beautifully but I sometimes feel that he behaves aq if entitled to not having to make changes like that at his age.

Edited June 21, 2018 by Laladolly

[baby_k]

If this was not so terrible, I would laugh: measure of a man is how he acts with you if you accidentally get pregnant. Or that has been my experience. (I still don't suggest anyone to get accidentally pregnant just to test this )

 

It is incredibly childish and immature from a man to start claiming that you need to do abortion as that was your original plan. Life does not work that way. The woman ALWAYS has the last word in this as it is her body. Any any man should realise that if they have sex which is not protected (or something happens), they will need to carry the consequences. There is no such thing as agreeing to do abortion before it actually happens as it is a big deal.

 

I have been in similar situation (with different ex than what I told you previously...). Not nice at all as on top of the stress from pregnancy you have the relationship issues. Like sure, it is scary for the dude that they may become a father but it is still a LOT bigger deal for the female. So, it is their job to suck it up and support the woman -whatever she will do. If the man reallyreally don't want kids: use of condom  + check it was okay afterwards, pretty hard to have suprice pregnancies like that.

 

What I see really positive in you is that you seem really considerate and warm person who also is willing to work on her issues and life. You should use your warmth for yourself: take care of you, love yourself and consider you. No one else will have your interest as close to their heart as you should have.

 

Your need of assurance sure needs dealing with for your own sake, it is not easy to live your life you you need reassurance all the time and sort of walk on eggshells -it is draining. But if you had right partner, they would help/support you to get rid of that symptom instead of getting pissed off with it. I don't see him working WITH you towards happier and better relationship (+'happier you' if you would get the need of reassurance go away or at least it to be smaller). Relationship is about two people: if only you put effort into it, I don't see how it will work as relationship is team work. What sort of team are you now?

 

This also tells you how he may act in future if there is some big crisis: is he able to be there by your side when doing that is not the easiest thing in the world?

 

About happy memories: of course your relationship has something good in it or otherwise it would have not even started. However, don't let few good moments cloud your mind from seeing how you feel (most of the time?) in the rel. Is the rel really what you want to have? What would need to change in it in order for you to be truly happy? Are those changes something that your partner is willing to do with you? Does your partner care about your happiness?

 

Breaking up is never easy and even if you come to the conclusion that breaking up is the best thing for you, you will doubt that. And as you have got some support from your partner, it is easy to go seeking it again from him -even if you would not get it. But people are hopeful creatures and often think "well, this time....". So, consider things in peace, so you can make a solid decision from which you can work on. Weather that is to break up or try to fix the relationship (just don't try to fix it unless you are fixing it WITH your partner, alone you can't make it).

[Laladolly]

If this was not so terrible, I would laugh: measure of a man is how he acts with you if you accidentally get pregnant. Or that has been my experience. (I still don't suggest anyone to get accidentally pregnant just to test this )

 

It is incredibly childish and immature from a man to start claiming that you need to do abortion as that was your original plan. Life does not work that way. The woman ALWAYS has the last word in this as it is her body. Any any man should realise that if they have sex which is not protected (or something happens), they will need to carry the consequences. There is no such thing as agreeing to do abortion before it actually happens as it is a big deal.

 

I have been in similar situation (with different ex than what I told you previously...). Not nice at all as on top of the stress from pregnancy you have the relationship issues. Like sure, it is scary for the dude that they may become a father but it is still a LOT bigger deal for the female. So, it is their job to suck it up and support the woman -whatever she will do. If the man reallyreally don't want kids: use of condom + check it was okay afterwards, pretty hard to have suprice pregnancies like that.

 

What I see really positive in you is that you seem really considerate and warm person who also is willing to work on her issues and life. You should use your warmth for yourself: take care of you, love yourself and consider you. No one else will have your interest as close to their heart as you should have.

 

Your need of assurance sure needs dealing with for your own sake, it is not easy to live your life you you need reassurance all the time and sort of walk on eggshells -it is draining. But if you had right partner, they would help/support you to get rid of that symptom instead of getting pissed off with it. I don't see him working WITH you towards happier and better relationship (+'happier you' if you would get the need of reassurance go away or at least it to be smaller). Relationship is about two people: if only you put effort into it, I don't see how it will work as relationship is team work. What sort of team are you now?

 

This also tells you how he may act in future if there is some big crisis: is he able to be there by your side when doing that is not the easiest thing in the world?

 

About happy memories: of course your relationship has something good in it or otherwise it would have not even started. However, don't let few good moments cloud your mind from seeing how you feel (most of the time?) in the rel. Is the rel really what you want to have? What would need to change in it in order for you to be truly happy? Are those changes something that your partner is willing to do with you? Does your partner care about your happiness?

 

Breaking up is never easy and even if you come to the conclusion that breaking up is the best thing for you, you will doubt that. And as you have got some support from your partner, it is easy to go seeking it again from him -even if you would not get it. But people are hopeful creatures and often think "well, this time....". So, consider things in peace, so you can make a solid decision from which you can work on. Weather that is to break up or try to fix the relationship (just don't try to fix it unless you are fixing it WITH your partner, alone you can't make it).

You have described my gut feelings about the situation but since I had nobody else to talk to but him I was starting to feel crazy like maybe he had a point . And it isn't that I don't to sympathize with someone else's feelings, his. But you can't possibly know how you're going to feel until you're actually in that situation is what I found out . In my heart I felt that he should be supportive of me no matter what. But it wasn't like that .

 

I've re read your post several times. It gives a lot of clarity to me. Right now is not a time when clarity feels natural . I have to find it and then it comes and go . Reading what you have written here, along with others, has been immensely helpful and I can't thank you enough. Seriously

[baby_k]

If you ever need listening ear, you can also PM me 

 

I think it is good to get other's feedback as they may see things really differently than you for they look it as outsiders. Like I went through some messaging convo between me and my ex some while ago, and OMGZ that was absolutely horrible. I had been thinking that I was somehow clingy and nasty person in the end of that relationship but when reading that again I could see how awfully cold my ex was and how I was perfectly reasonable and calm in the conversations. And that break up was long ago. Still my memory of how things went and how I was, was twisted with his words.

[Laladolly]

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

He needs help and he needs to get that help before he takes on the role of a caregiver. Period. I'm sorry you're hurting right now and I'd love to be able to wave my magic wand and make your heart stop hurting but sadly Love can be painful. Focus on allowing yourself to heal emotionally and the only thing that will help is time. 

[Laladolly]

He needs help and he needs to get that help before he takes on the role of a caregiver. Period. I'm sorry you're hurting right now and I'd love to be able to wave my magic wand and make your heart stop hurting but sadly Love can be painful. Focus on allowing yourself to heal emotionally and the only thing that will help is time.

Thank you. I am trying to I just feel extremely lost and confused. I want answers I can't get . It is completely heart breaking to practically live with someone for two years and hear them say they love you like family to NITHING . Taking care if me when I'm sick , comforting me when I'm sad, to just one day pretending like it all never happened. I don't even know what to think. I couldn't do that to someone I love.

Edited June 22, 2018 by Laladolly

[Laladolly]

And I'm not the kind of person who doesn't give back. I can be whiny and clingy and needy yes . But I'm quite ready to give and fulfill the needs of others when I can. I work in social work with behaviorally challenged kids, and sometimes it can be stressful.....well okay a lot of times . But I even did my best to try and keep that stress to myself when possible and still ask about his day everyday.

 

I don't know. I just feel like I try to give .... And I DO listen. I really do .

 

Sorry to rant a bit but I'm just so sad and angry.

Edited June 22, 2018 by Laladolly

[Princess_Reg]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It must give you a lot of anxiety. I totally get you, I need a lot of reassurance and I tend to ask the same question over and over again. Unfortunately my last daddy did get tired of it, but he did look for another girl. This doesn't have to necessarily happen to you! I think would be really really important to talk to him about how you feel and why you constantly ask the same question (maybe go out for a coffee or somewhere where you both would feel comfortable talking) Communication is an extremely important thing every type of relationship. And if you can't reach an agreement, I truly think it would be better to end the relationship and try to move on. You deserve a loving daddy who understands you, and doesn't get mad at you. Edited June 22, 2018 by Princess_Reg

[PrincessKittenCupcake]

When you first described his behavior, I assumed he was still late-teens or early twenties and hadn't grown up all the way, yet. After learning of the age gap, I can tell you with the utmost confidence that this man will not change. Not for you or anyone else.

 

Regarding your pregnancy, I don't even know where to start. Any healthy individual should be able to empathize with what you are going through. I went through the same thing with a man who was also extremely "frustrated" by my shifting emotions. He was horrible to me in the weeks leading up to the procedure and totally dismissed everything I went through after. You have a long road ahead of you, and he will only make it more difficult for you to heal. For the sake of your sanity, let him go.

 

Side note, feel free to message me if you need to talk.