Age of a DD/MD

[Guest Kerjin]

First off, I mean no disrespect to anyone on this forum or anywhere else for that matter.

 

I've been reading a few things here and there lately, especially here on this forum, and I'm confused by something.

 

I've read many an introduction/personal ad that says, in some form, "I'm 18 (or 19) and I've been a Daddy/Mommy for a few years......"

 

If you've been a Daddy/Mommy for a "few" years, that means you've been doing this since you were 15. Or maybe 16.

 

I find this incomprehensible. How can someone that young, be a Daddy/Mommy?

 

Again, please, no disrespect meant. I would like to hear opinions on this but not have it degenerate into an all out flame war.

[Guest Appacheian]

I’ll put it plainly then. It takes maturity and wisdom to be a daddy and to know what that responsibility means. I apologise to no one for my statement.

[Guest Kerjin]

I’ll put it plainly then. It takes maturity and wisdom to be a daddy and to know what that responsibility means. I apologise to no one for my statement.

 

As in, under a certain age, they are not mature enough?

[Guest Loki]

This isn’t daddy-space related but it might help you understand.

 

I have been a caregiver to my mother and my sisters since I was five years old. Yes you read that correctly. As soon as my first sister was born I was put in charge of the house.

 

Now, this shouldn’t have happened. I’m not saying it was a good thing, and if I had any control over the situation it would never have happened.

 

But! It gave me patience, wisdom, and maturity far sooner than my peers.

 

I have been the “mom” friend in all groups I’ve somehow became a part of, despite my social failings.

 

Being a Dom is the same thing - age doesn’t matter, situations do. To be clear NO ONE under the age of 18 should be in the DDlg community, but that doesn’t stop a 16 year old from being a daddy Dom to another 16 year old.

 

I’d like to say such a thing is rare, but from my experience with kids, they are far more mature than their parents. This is a bad thing, a sad thing, and I don’t know why it happened. It’s just the current Gen Z I’ve noticed this from.

 

I have my suspicions but this isn’t a political/social site so I’ll shut up now.

 

To be clear - I do not condone underage community members. Please don’t confuse my post.

Edited June 15, 2018 by Loki

[Guest AlisonS23]

My momma is schizophrenic and suicidal I’ve taken care of her for years. I was left with no choice. I raised my brother who’s 5 years younger than me. Since I was very young myself. I remember feeling like I was a baby taking care of s baby. It matures you beyond your years for sure.

 

I don’t condone underage members either! I don’t be agree with underage sex or non sexual members st all. But I can see how someone of a young age can be mature enough to be a caregiver daddy mommy ect

 

I had a weird time in my life when I was adopted I was older and already had been the caregiver for my momma and brother for so long that when my brothers dad and his wife took me and him in. I had a hard time following rules at first and being cared for. Having him help my brother with homework ect was weird haha because that was my job.

 

My real mom had to go into a hospital in case you are wondering why I don’t really have to take care of her now like I did. She usb doing ok. And I still visit send her and talk to her as much as I can.

[Maids]

Yeah, I have the same response as you do when I read that crap on their profiles. I do not support underage littles/Daddies as they are still children themselves. They can claim all they want that their is no BDSM involved in their relationship (no power exchange) so DDlg is not BDSM. Yet... they still call their "Daddy", "Daddy" - which is a level of soft power exchange of dependency.

 

It's different to be the age of consent vs the age of being able to consciously take in another being under your wing and vice versa - underage "Doms"/"littles" do not have that capacity as of yet as they are still getting on their feet themselves. Yes, there are very mature 16 year olds, but my point still stands - under the age of 18, you need to be focused on development rather than helping others.

BDSM can be dangerous to all ages. Hell, some of the members in a BDSM community should not be in the community as they are very immature about it and use it as a crutch, manipulate the titles and power exchange levels in their favour. I knew someone like that. She was just pleasant.   It is so easy to get hurt by people in this community who abuse their titles, underage members do not need this.

 

Sure you can be 15 and have "Daddy" tendencies, same with 15 year old 'little' having little tendencies, but those two parties are still growing and need to search within themselves first to know their limits - that's another thing, underage members tend to not be very aware of their limits until they get significantly hurt where as an adult would recognize the signs and COMMUNICATE MATURELY about the scenario, which a lot of underage members tend to not be capable of doing, rather throwing a strop and slapping a "bad Daddy" label on their face. Then again, that also goes with some shitty members in this community who act like children just because they are 'littles' and 'Daddies'

 

When I was 16-17, I was always very dependent on people and always had a childish sense to me, literally all of the characteristics of a little... did I participate in the BDSM community? No, not really... because I vaguely knew my limits and I wanted more time to think about it. Needless to say, I was very intimidated by my emotional development level (being ready to submit myself and actually have something TO give to my Dominant) amongst other things.

 

Also, I know not all littles regress but a good majority do (not saying that littles who don't regress are lesser, but I'm speaking in majority here) and I believe that being underage you cannot regress by much as you are still a child yourself.

 

I apologize to no one for my statement either.
 

Edited June 15, 2018 by Foxette

[CrazyLittleBuggaBoo]

While minors should stay away from BDSM relationships until their of age, and even then be very careful about who the deal with... Being a Daddy, Mommy, or Little, is a huge part of someone's personality and self-bean. It's a part of who you are. It's a part of you. Much like sexuality, you discover parts of yourself and personality as you grow. Some people know their "different" sooner than others. Some people discover at young ages they are gay, or trapped in wrong sex. Some people spend years trying to find their true selves.

 

A myself, spent many years wondering why I didn't seem to be growing out of things other children my age long grew out of. I spent many years wondering why I reacted to boys the same way I reacted to girls. When I found out about sexuality and genders as a teen, it all made scents to me. When I found out about BDSM and then later DDLG, it all clicked into place for me. My point is, it's a part of who you are, and who you are isn't a number. And some people know who they and what they like sooner than others.

 

While it is rather off putting to think of a 16 year old acting out on being a "Daddy" or a "Little" in the DDLG or plain BDSM relationships. For many reasons, firstly for their own safety and secondly for ours the adults. At that age they should learn as much as they can about these communities, and prepare themselves  for when they are of age((however you can't actually stop anyone for doing anything...)) However my point was, you can be 16 and know who you are and what you like and/or what you'd like to try. How you want your life to be, and where you want your forture to go.

[Guest SUeB]

What on earth does being a carer for relatives as a youngster have to do with being in an ADULT ddlg relationship? Absolutely nothing. Sorry, but they have literally nothing to do with one another.

And i agree totally with the op. Ddlg is, by definition, about and FOR adults. If you are underage, you are NOT a little, you are a child. And no way can you be a daddy either. i have very blunt, strong opinions on this subject, and i do not apologise for any of them.

[Guest Loki]

I said quite plainly it hadn’t to do with being a Dom, and quite frankly it was talking about being mature and being in an adult role, so either you didn’t read it or are discarding what we said.

[xBabydollx]

imo, it is like drugs, sex, alcohol, smoking, and a bunch of other things. Kids tend to try things, even when it isn't meant for them. Some ppl will have interest in trying alcohol while they are a teen, and even tho they know they need to be 21 (age depends on where u live), they will still do it anyway. However, u will have some wise enough who will know to wait until they are of proper age. DD/lg is no different. As a kid, there may be some things u are interested in, and by all means u can go RESEARCH it and find out more. However, it's when u go put things into action is when it becomes a problem. I believe ppl underage should be able to research the dynamic if they have interest, but as soon as they feel like "trying" something, is when they need to pump their brakes until they are of age. As we all know tho, teens often try things even when they aren't old enough, and that is why u will always find DD, MD, and littles who may be 18 but with years of exp already.

 

I agree very much with SUeb tho. Any child I come across who claim to be a little, I just roll my eyes because ofc they have child tendencies/qualities because they are an actual child themselves. I always see it as a cry for a real Mommy/Daddy, because clearly they aren't getting the care they seek from their actual parents if they need their gf/bf to remind them to eat/take meds/do their homework and every other thing they require their Daddy/Mommy to remember for them. That is just my opinion tho, and nobody can change my mind.

[Guest Arc]

I suppose some people like this idea that it's naturally who they are and who they've always been, so they could be referring to it's just been their personality for a few years. However.... I have a submissive personality and always have, however I do not claim to have always been *a* submissive that whole time because I wasn't. It was a part of my personality and that doesn't make it a role in my mind. If that makes any sense... 

 

But someone that young can't be a Daddy in my opinion. You can be kind and you can want to take care of people but that doesn't make you a Daddy. How can you take care of someone else when you still legally need someone to take care of you? You can't. You're a child and have no business being in an adult relationship no matter how mature you believe you are. 

[Guest SUeB]

@Loki i have been a mother for 21 years, and basically cared for my ex husband who had mental health issues. So does that mean i should be a domme? Caring for people happens whether you are dom, sub, DD or lg etc. my point was that it doesn't make any difference.

[baby_k]

I think it can also be question of definations. I don't really filter to whom I talk and have seen several young daddies. To them it often is that they have "looked after" their gf (==brought her blanket when she was cold and felt good about that act) and called the gf as babygirl. Some have watched kinkier porn and are curious about it.

Most what they say is just advertising, just like some people exaggerrate in their CVs. They just want to impress. So, kids are kids, bit silly and experimental.

Same applies to older males also: "I have years of experience as Daddy/disciplining my girl" can mean pretty much anything from "I said hi to a little years ago" to being actual Daddy in 24/7 living together rel for years.

 

Then I have also seen those who actually have been doing what people probably here would call being Daddy. If I'm honest, that is not pretty as a child should get to develope into adulthood first, to gain balanced view on things. And same applies to littles: one just can't be a little untill you are an adult, and one should first grow up in peace.

 

Edit: typos.....

Edited June 16, 2018 by baby_k

[Guest Kerjin]

I love the conversations taking place here.

 

Let me add something here. I am Old Guard BDSM. And I mean Old Guard as far as the protocols and the services and not the Gay Leather Old Guard. I spent many years learning both sides of the fence.

 

Personally, and I mean no disrespect, I don't believe that because you were thrust into a position of taking care of your siblings or parental units gave you the knowledge AND maturity to be a Dominant in the DD/lg dynamic. It shows that you are a caregiver and that you were more mature than your age, but this isn't about whether you can clean the house or do the laundry or any of those things. This is MY opinion though, your mileage WILL vary.

 

I think, from what I am reading, that the majority of people feel as I do, to some degree, that you need to be an adult before you can even BEGIN to learn how to be a Daddy/Mommy in this dynamic.

 

I think SUeB said it best when she said "Caring for people happens whether you are dom, sub, DD or lg etc. my point was that it doesn't make any difference. "

[Guest Kerjin]

BDSM can be dangerous to all ages. Hell, some of the members in a BDSM community should not be in the community as they are very immature about it and use it as a crutch, manipulate the titles and power exchange levels in their favour. I knew someone like that. She was just pleasant.   It is so easy to get hurt by people in this community who abuse their titles, underage members do not need this.

 

Sure you can be 15 and have "Daddy" tendencies, same with 15 year old 'little' having little tendencies, but those two parties are still growing and need to search within themselves first to know their limits - that's another thing, underage members tend to not be very aware of their limits until they get significantly hurt where as an adult would recognize the signs and COMMUNICATE MATURELY about the scenario, which a lot of underage members tend to not be capable of doing, rather throwing a strop and slapping a "bad Daddy" label on their face. Then again, that also goes with some shitty members in this community who act like children just because they are 'littles' and 'Daddies'

 

Well said Foxette. I totally agree with you that those two parties are still growing and need to search within themselves first to know their limits "

Edited June 19, 2018 by Kerjin

[Ba4]

Age isn’t everything but it sure helps The concept of an 18 year old daddy is so funny and cringey to me. My daddy is 27 but he is an exceptionally good daddy and has mental maturity/understanding of me that goes beyond that of most guys his age. I would not even consider having an uncle who was less than 10 years older than me. That’s just how I am.

[Guest Kerjin]

Age isn’t everything but it sure helps The concept of an 18 year old daddy is so funny and cringey to me. My daddy is 27 but he is an exceptionally good daddy and has mental maturity/understanding of me that goes beyond that of most guys his age. I would not even consider having an uncle who was less than 10 years older than me. That’s just how I am.

 

That makes perfect sense Ba4 and thank you for your addition to this conversation

[Guest Kerjin]

Just an update, again, this is what works for us and is by no means any kind of structure or rule. That being said, my little is 25 years younger than me.

[Guest Kerjin]

And I just had someone tell me that they're 20 years old and they've been a Daddy for 5 years.  Really? Come on! A Daddy for 5 years? Since you were 15? back when you barely knew which hole to piss out of, you were a Dominant Daddy or a Caregiver to a female who was a little. And, unless that little was a pedophile, she was under 18 as well. Which means, yes, she's a little person, Mentally AND Physically and not in the meaning of "Yes, she's a little as in a little int he DD/lg dynamic".

 

I'm sorry, but it boggles me to see children wandering around in adult space.  And I place the blame solely on the unrestricted access of the Internet. It floored me when my 16yo daughter (My real-life daughter) casually mentioned in a conversation that her friend (Said friend is 14) had a Daddy. Turns out the "daddy" was 15. So I asked her what all she knew about DD/lg and it appears she got most of her information from Tumblr.

 

I'm sorry, I mean no disrespect to anyone or the circumstances of their lives with my comments in this thread.

 

Edited to clarify a point. Thanks to SUbE for catching that.

Edited June 21, 2018 by Kerjin

[Silkyblacklace]

I’m just now seeing this post. I cant tell you how much this irks my soul to receive a reply or a personal of a guy being 19, 20 years old and stating they’ve been in the DDLG scene for over 4 years (this is just a mere example). I get it that most already know what they’re into, but come on at 16 your telling me that you’ve been dominating woman since then?

[Guest Kerjin]

I’m just now seeing this post. I cant tell you how much this irks my soul to receive a reply or a personal of a guy being 19, 20 years old and stating they’ve been in the DDLG scene for over 4 years (this is just a mere example). I get it that most already know what they’re into, but come on at 16 your telling me that you’ve been dominating woman since then?

 

That's my point.  At that age, hell even at 18, they (Read: Boys) barely know which hole to piss out of.

 

All I'm saying is this. Why is there such a push back against learning the ropes, starting out in the mail room, climbing the ladder, paying your dues? I mean, in my not so humble opinion, you need to be Mature, and I don't mean book mature, or physically mature, or even mentally mature, I mean Street-Smart Mature, Emotionally Mature.

 

When I was 20, I didn't have a clue what being emotionally vulnerable with someone meant.

When I was 25 I still didn't.

When I was  26 I had started to get a tiny understanding.

When I was  27 I was starting to understand.

When I was  28 I was not only understanding it, I was also grasping it

When I was  29 I was embracing it

When I was  30 I owned it.

 

However, that's MY experiences, and no one else's. I mean that Mental Maturity is not something that happens when you discover that your dick is for more than peeing from. 

[Guest SUeB]

And I just had someone tell me that they're 20 years old and they've been a Daddy for 5 years. Really? Come on! A Daddy for 5 years? Since you were 15? back when you barely knew which hole to piss out of, you were a Dominant Daddy or a Caregiver to a female who was a little. And, unless that little was a pedophile, she was under 18 as well. Which means, yes, she's a little. Mentally AND physically.

 

I'm sorry, but it boggles me to see children wandering around in adult space. And I place the blame solely on the unrestricted access of the Internet. It floored me when my 16yo daughter (My real-life daughter) casually mentioned in a conversation that her friend (Said friend is 14) had a Daddy. Turns out the "daddy" was 15. So I asked her what all she knew about DD/lg and it appears she got most of her information from Tumblr.

 

I'm sorry, I mean no disrespect to anyone or the circumstances of their lives with my comments in this thread.

The only thing i will "disagree" with is calling someone a little at 15. You can only identify as a little as an adult. There is no such thing as an underage little, by definition of what one is. At that age, you're a child. You cannot be both. But absolutely yes to everything else here.

[Guest Kerjin]

The only thing i will "disagree" with is calling someone a little at 15. You can only identify as a little as an adult. There is no such thing as an underage little, by definition of what one is. At that age, you're a child. You cannot be both. But absolutely yes to everything else here.

 

I didn't mean it that way. I meant it as in "she's a child. Mentally and physically" not as in Yes, she's a little in the sense of a DD/lg relationship dynamic.

 

Thanks for catching that SUeB, i've edited the original post.

[Guest SUeB]

That's what i thought, to be fair. That you meant it to mean a child. But obviously it could be read the other way. Thanks for taking my comment as it was intended.

[Untwisted]

I think the definition of a daddy has quite a wide range depending on who you ask and I imagine the nature of the experience varies widely too.

When I was around 18/19 I certainly came across a couple of guys who acted very daddyish towards girls.  At that age I was just a young fool as nature intended and found it really creepy to be honest, but those involved seemed happy enough.

Everyone has different needs and expectations.  If an 18 year old fulfils what someone needs as a daddy then I don't see a problem with that, if they don't, it's more about compatibility than age.

I'm 50 years old and I'll admit to raising an eyebrow sometimes when I see "experienced 18 year old daddy", but it doesn't bother me.  I was 18 once, I knew everything then, the main thing being that 50 year olds were born middle-aged and couldn't possibly understand

As for life experience, all I'll say is that it isn't just what you do yourself, it's what the rest of the world does around you.

(some of the above was my response to another post in case it it looks familiar)