Taking a break from DDLG..

[littlebabybee]

My partner and I have been in a rough patch lately. A lot of issues come from miscommunication. But I've notice my partner also gets overly possessive and borderline controlling which I think is exacerbated by ddlg and our Dom/sub relationship. So I told my partner I need a break from it (not the relationship) to reexamine boundaries and kind of eliminate the power play. It has been months since I've been in little space as well. And although my partner isn't happy about this, they have been increasingly "un-ddlg" (if that's a term lol). I don't get the cute baby talk, or all the sweet nicknames, or even feel like they're overly interested in that part of me anymore. It's painful.

 

Have any of you been in this situation? Advice?

[neko]

You asked for a break from your ddlg dynamic and now you're hurt that they dont seem interested in your Little self? You're kind of asking for two different things here.

 

I think you just need to figure out what YOU need first. If you're done thinking things through then tell your partner that you want to implement the ddlg aspect again. Or at least tell your partner what your feelings are and how you want to proceed.

[Guest SUeB]

Maybe your relationship has just run its course. If you're with someone where you need to cut out a particular part, that shows issues within the relationship to me, not just the dynamic. Sure, some couples can throw in some d/ or ddlg roleplay to "spice things up", etc, but your problem doesn't sound at all related to ddlg itself.

Controlling is not even in the same universe as being in control, for one thing. That has NOTHING to do with power exchange, or d/s. That's a character flaw. And a big one. D/s is not an excuse for borderline abusive behaviour.

To be fair, though, on another point, you've told him to cut ddlg out of it, and that's exactly what he's done, but he's gone further than you wanted him to.

Is this really worth saving, do you think?

[littlebabybee]

I think I worded the last part incorrectly. The lack of attention I have been getting the past few months (as far as being a little is concerned) is part of the reason why I want a break from ddlg. It *was* painful not getting that attention. I don't use ddlg or the d/s dynamic to justify controlling behavior. But in this particular instance, for personal mental health reasons, it can and does sway how my partner handles certain things in our relationship. I really think the big problem is blurred lines and miscommunication. I am NOT ending the relationship. Some arguing does not equal contemplating breaking up.

[Guest SUeB]

You're right, the odd issue and argument is part of the most healthy relationship. But certain behaviours are not, and should never be. Anyway, good luck.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I really think the big problem is blurred lines and miscommunication. 

 

 

Then that's what you need to deal with.  And it's never easy, or else you wouldn't be in this horrible position in the first place.

Can you (or have you already) worked out what YOUR "lines" are and what YOU want or need to communicate? And can your partner do the same?

Then you might be able to set aside some time when you can both focus on each other, have a honest but loving conversation about both of your concerns, your needs, your desires etc. Agree beforehand that you're going to speak VERY honestly and openly, and answer any questions the other one has. Just get it all out there! 

I really wish you good luck. Relationships do hit rocky patches and it's great that you (and crucially I hope also your partner) are willing to put the effort into discussing ways to improve it. 

BUT, if you remain concerned about his possessive/controlling behaviour, then I would consider that as a red flag.  A very big bright red flag not to be ignored. When we love someone it's so easy to pretend to ourselves.  Please don't that to yourself.

Let us know how you get on  

[guessitsdaddy]

You need to take care of yourself first, relationships come and go as much as it hurts. But until you die you have to live with yourself.