I think my daddy isn't my daddy anymore?

[katie_bug]

I'm gonna call him b.

So me and b have been arguing a lot lately because I keep breaking the rules and not following my punishments. Well I do what I'm told and we still argue. But if there is something I don't like and I bring it up or something he doesn't like he brings it up and we just argue about it. Well earlier today we got into an argument because I wanted to spend some time with my aunt and cousins and he got mad because he doesn't like her. Which I apparently can't make my own decisions now either even though I'm an adult. Well we argued about that and then all the sudden he says "I'm done with rules. I'm done with punishments. You obviously aren't going to listen anyways. And I DO listen. I DO what he tells me. I don't understand what is happening and it kind of hurts me. I have stopped calling him daddy and he hasn't even noticed. This makes me feel terrible and I don't know what to do. I love him and really don't want to lose him. What should I do?

[LittleKitten13]

I'm kind of confused here, to be honest.  You said that you keep breaking the rules and not following your punishments, then later you say that you DO listen and you DO what he tells you.

Frankly, I don't think he handled it all that well with the way he answered you, but you seem to be contradicting yourself here.  Could you explain this to me, please?

[Guest Bookish-daddys-girl]

Try seeing things from his point of view. Daddies make rules to help us grow and to possibly show their dominance over us. If you treat the rules and punishments as a joke, he could take that as a reflection of how you feel about him. Just my two cents.

[Guest LittleMapleBear]

From what I can read of your words, it looks like there is a whole lot of miscommunication going on.

 

A few questions I might ask is:

 

- If you are breaking rules, why are you breaking them?  Do you not agree with them?  Are they too difficult?

 

- If you aren't following through with punishments, why?  Are they harsh, or cruel, or do they cross any boundaries?

 

- What are the basic negotiations that you and your Daddy laid out when you set out on this dynamic - did those basic agreements breakdown for some reason?

 

It's difficult to give advice on this sort of situation, because there's no way to see the full picture.  

 

Rules and punishments are put into place, or doled out usually for the benefit of the other partner - to help guide, or keep on a good path.  If they aren't achieving that goal, then I would question their value or purpose in the relationship.  Littles/middles/teens/tweens - we mess up sometimes, we make mistakes, sometimes we can forget rules - and it is not an indication that we do or don't respect our CG's/Bigs - it means, sometimes we have a monkey mind, or we're trying to communicate in a way that is perhaps not always the best choice.  Well thought out rules that work in a Caregiver/carereceiver type relationship are awesome - arbitrary rules that are just there to say "We have rules" aren't sustainable.

 

I think you and your Daddy need to talk - openly, honestly, with vulnerability.  It's fantastic that you love each other, but it sounds like the two of you are on a totally different page at the moment - and you need to take some time to get back on the same page.

 

I hope that helps.

 

LMB

[Tonirose]

he has no right to say he dont want u to see ur family, tell him strait about how u feel. if he cant be bothered to listen to u and if he shouts instead of talking then hes not good enough to be a daddy. depending on what hes asking u to do and what the punishments r ,if u feel like hes going too far tell him. just coz hes daddy, it dont give him the right to controll.