The difference between a little and a slave

[xBabydollx]

Im not offended lol. If u read back to her original post tho u will see things like, "Masters are....." and "Masters tend to...." which does suggest generalization, although ofc she came to those opinions based on her personal exp (which is fine). It's different than, "Master's I have met are..." and also there are posts where ppl have said that a Master can be damaging to littlespace and comments on how they don't see how the 2 things can mix well, but they do mix cuz ppl live that life. Perhaps there was some lack of good wordplay that is causing the confusion? Everyone is entitled to their opinion of what a Master or anything else is, I just don't see the harm of broadening the spectrum to share that some ppl wouldn't even consider ppl who do those such things Masters at all, but rather abusers. Again, I think the portrayal depends a lot on the community u are in/around and exps. In some communities the abusive careless person would be considered a Master, while in other communities they wouldn't be deserving of the title, or to be considered a Dominant at all because a Dominant would never be abusive or lack concern and respect for their partner. Simply broadening a scope to share that "that isn't all there is" for those who are reading and may have no ideas about Masters previously.

[Siniwit]

• In my experience with a Master when I was first starting out in BDSM....

   

• My Daddy was a Master for a brief period of time and his experience with it was very boring and mundane, it was protocol constantly, it was expecting the same thing constantly, routine day in and day out, repeating yourself over and over again, a lot of posture and a lot of sitting, a lot of general silence. It wasn't very happy and playful like our DDlg relationship is. He ended up feeling sorry for his slaves at that time. That's what drew him to leave the dynamic, he was expectant to the slaves to be a lot more brutal than he felt comfortable with. It was just very cold and there wasn't much emotional investment involved. He didn't ever 'love' his slaves nor his submissives.

   

• I recently had an experience with a Master who took interest in me... he only referred to his slave as "slut", he never called her by her name or anything else. He was very quiet with me and mostly observed me and harshly corrected me when I said something wrong. He didn't want me to call him anything other than "Sir" when he wasn't my "Sir".... he didn't gain my consent when it came to pushing my boundaries and he just did it and it made me cry and he said "That's good" and I quote... fucked me up. I see a lot of Masters being very polyamorous, but that may be just by the crowd I am in. He was in markets with me with other LITTLES not slaves and wanting them to "present" themselves to him by forcing them to stand infront of him. He didn't even know what 'littlespace' was. Before I was even his, he was trying to 'test me' to see how submissive I was and how much of a fight I would put up with him by instructing me to stop talking to my friend (without my consent). 

   

• Personally, as a little, I have experienced a bit in M/s and I hated it and neither would my Daddy or I would recommend trialing a Master as M/s is a COMPLETELY different ballpark than DDlg. 

   

• I have met plenty of Daddies who are a little bit of everything, but I have never once believed that a Daddy can be both a Master and a Daddy on equal levels. Master is too strict on protocol to be affiliated with Daddies. 

   

• Just my opinion though, don't tear me apart.

 

All these lines in my girl's very first post have mentioned her own personal experience. You've picked out the other lines where she has continued on from each of these, with her "Masters are..." and "Masters tend to..." or "Generally, Masters..." - these are all continuations from what she's said based on her own personal experience. She hasn't generalised without speaking of her own experience beforehand and I think this is being missed in an effort to pick at something which isn't there. She has literally said things such as "I have experienced..." or "I see a lot of Masters..." so I don't know what you're not seeing.

 

I'm not going to sit here and argue my points over and over again but I will clarify for the sake of clarification here and now, so there is no confusion for other readers. Nobody has said that they "don't see" how things can't mix; we have literally said time and time again that there can be a mix, however, it's the primarily little or wholly little submissives who are at risk when entering into anything with a Master - again, not sure what you're not seeing. It's not wordplay or a lack thereof which is causing confusion, it's likely selective reading.

 

​There is absolutely no harm in expanding on what's been said by stating that not all Masters are like we have experienced, however, attacking what's been said and trying to make something out of nothing isn't exactly very fair or conducive of healthy discussion. Instead of this topic moving forward with discussion, the subject has continually come back around to the same points being made and that's not fair on other forum members who might be inclined to throw their two cents in.

 

​You also seem to be confusing your understanding of "abuse" versus what we're calling "abuse" in terms of the dynamic. As I said though, this isn't a topic to argue about these things.

[xBabydollx]

I've said how her post came across, and clearly I'm not the only one who felt it came across a certain way. I've also never attacked her, or anyone else for that matter. Not being argumentative either. It's just a discussion. I'm not arguing, am overheated, or anything of the sort. Perhaps it just further shows how a post can come across depending on who is reading it. I do believe we are misunderstanding each other, and it's unfortunate, but it happens. If u, or ur little feels attacked by my views or how I worded things, then I'm sorry u feel that way. To clarify, that is not the intention behind anything I said. My only intention in this post was to expand on other ways a Master can be and how one view can be popular amongst one community, and another view can be popular amongst another community.

[Guest sunnybaby]

Let me just clarify a few things here:

 

​A Master is not a Daddy - full stop. The two are so vastly different it is like night and day. If a Master is showing caring and nurturing tendencies, then they are not a Master; just like if a Daddy is showing total control tendencies and isn't willing to offer much love and support back, then they are not a Daddy. There is a huge difference and the lines aren't often blurred, if ever.

 

​These are two very opposing mindsets. I've been a Master. I've "learned the ropes" (so to speak) as a Master and I've been in that mindset. If I ever attempted to go into that mindset with my little girl, I would freak her the fudge out and she would run for the hills because that is not at all what she needs from her Daddy. Likewise, I have actually had experiences where, as a Master, I've found myself naturally becoming more caring and loving and found backlash from my slaves or submissives because I was not harsh or brutal enough and ultimately, that's what led me away from being a Master, once I realised I was more of a Daddy. Once I had tried being a Daddy and only a Daddy, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, as I felt more free to be me and I myself wasn't shackled by the role of a Master.

 

​I found myself to be incredibly cold and lacking in empathy or emotion as a Master and did not at all feel myself, because that is not naturally who I am. For the vast majority of Masters, that is what they are like; they aren't very empathetic and they aren't very caring nor does their role dictate that they should give a damn about their partner. Their partner is their property and nothing but; their partner is a tool for their own gains and that is it. Their slave is precisely that; there is no middle-ground where their slave can have "little tendencies" and they as a Master cater to that. That's just not what happens very often if at all - certainly not in my over 13 years of experience in the lifestyle.

 

​As a Master, the only aftercare I ever gave or witnessed was that to any impact play bruises, scratches or other "injuries", but only to a minimal extent. I literally witnessed time and time again Masters simply suggesting "you should put some aloe vera on that" (or something equivalent to that kind of nonchalant response) when their slave was bringing up their pain. Safewords are usually acknowledged but I have indeed seen them ignored or pushed (way too far and for way too long) on more than a handful of occasions.

 

​Granted, not every Master likes high protocol, but the vast majority do and the issue with all of this is that none of this is very good for a little. DDlg is not TPE; DDlg is not the same as M/s. Littles are at a high risk of being upset or traumatised by any experience they may endure with a Master, as opposed to a Daddy and it is well worth the responses in this topic rightly pointing out the potential devastating psychological impact of such relations.

 

​In short, consenting to a Master is quite literally accepting and giving yourself unto a consensual form of abuse, be it physical or psychological. This is far from anything even remotely close to the dynamic entered into with a true Daddy - and this is precisely why DDlg is an entirely separate branch of BDSM than M/s. The littles on this forum need to be made aware of the dangers of misconstruing the dynamics and misunderstanding what it is they are entering into - especially if they are new to BDSM and aren't familiar with the different terms and branches where dynamics can vastly differ.

 

​I'm not at all saying that there can't be a little bit of line-blurring, but 9/10 this isn't actually what happens. The littles on this forum need protecting from that kind of trauma - and their little space needs protecting too, as this can be completely shattered by a cold and harsh Master, as opposed to the Daddy they seek.

 

​As for slaves, the long and short of it is that they too are vastly different to littles in that there isn't really a "head space" as such, and the role is quite literally whatever the Master wants them to be. Their role is to serve unconditionally and simply to await the next instruction while focusing on the task at hand. Their mind is to be blank the majority of the time, so their Master can be free to fill it however they see fit. They are to wholly submit their entire being to their Master, giving them unfettered access to such things as their social media and friends lists etc. so that their Master can dictate how and when they interact with others. This, as you will likely know, contrasts the kind of experience a little receives from their Daddy - and perhaps quite the opposite.

 

​Hopefully that clears things up a bit and gives a bit more insight into how diverse the branches of BDSM can be, and how they can also almost be poles apart.

 

I can totally understand this way of looking at it.

Edited June 12, 2018 by sunnybaby

[Guest sunnybaby]

The thing is, nobody was ever disagreeing with that notion. I know I have said many times already that I don't think someone who is just a little should be trying to pair up with someone who is just a Master. It just doesn't fit. The only thing ppl was trying to add is that the Daddy/Master mixture can blend and workout wonderfully. Also, that a Master and an abuser are not 1 in the same. Not all 'Masters' act that way, of which was earlier described by ppl. Many Master's are not like that whatsoever, so I just wanted to share that so ppl wouldn't think, "Oh, that's what a Master is? Sounds like an abusive asshole to me". That is all really.

Yeah that makes a lot of sense!

[Guest sunnybaby]

I wouldn't get too excited. The levels of ignorance and the projections of 'personal' being treated as 'universal' on this thread would be funny, were they not so sobering. I've never read so much rubbish in my life.

 

Sincerely,

 

an ex-slave.

If it's okay, I'd really like to talk to you privately about your experience since you've actually been a slave.

But the reason I started this thread was that I was confused and I want to learn about it so I wasn't so ignorant to the topic anymore. 

I sent you a friend request if you decide you're open to sharing some of your experiences with me. ^-^

[WanderingWonderland]

The last thing I want to do is get into a back and forth, Siniwit, but reading through both of your comments (yours and Foxette’s), the way some things were phrased read as borderline scaremongering. That can be extremely damaging to a dynamic that can be very beautiful, very unique and very, very intimate. I would like to think all of us living beneath the DDlg umbrella would understand the impact such negativity can have on a dynamic. Lord knows, DDlg experiences enough of it.

 

Just because people love and care for one another in a manner that is not fluffy and gooey and completely over the top, does not make their love or their care any ‘less’. While I fully take on board your right to opinions, feelings and preferences, I think I was just stunned, for want of a better word, by the highly negative way you both painted M/s. And I’m sorry, but negative was exactly how it read to me. There is a big difference between expressing your opinion and pushing your world view. It felt as though it was edging further towards the latter in your posts—and I don’t seem to be the only one who picked up on that, so maybe the problem isn't 'selective reading'. Ahem.  

 

There will be a great many people reading this who have no idea what M/s is or means or can look like. Having read your posts, what do you think their perception of it will be now? I have seen countless people come to DDlg’s defence on this forum to eradicate harmful ignorance and prejudices. If you stumbled upon someone stating every nasty, stereotypical ‘view’ of DDlg going, would you simply shrug it off or would you feel compelled to say something?

 

The people using this forum are adults. They need to do the relevant research before entering into anything. If somebody engages in a Master/slave dynamic and finds it ultimately isn’t for them, they are free to walk away at any time. Your idea of ‘protecting’ littles on this site seems to be rooted in scaring them into believing Masters are vicious, callous, abusive creatures who are a danger to littles. They aren’t. They are people just like you and me. Whether a Master figure is the ‘right’ person for a little is entirely up to said Master and little to decide, as consenting adults, based on their own individual wants/needs/preferences, etc.  

 

There are many couples on this forum who bend M/s with DDlg successfully. In fact, it seems to be one of the more common mixes. Just because the two of you don’t feel like the dynamics would mesh well in your relationship, doesn’t mean it can’t for other people. And while I recognise the two of you have acknowledged that, you both have a knack for following up such statements with a ‘but …’.

 

I wasn’t offended by your posts, I was just … I don’t know, maybe a bit surprised and disappointed by the apparent prejudice within them. I guess I expected a little more open-mindedness, a little more balance, from two people using a DDlg forum. <shrugs>

 

If you want to ‘protect’ and educate people, you have to show them the world as it is, not just as you see it.

 

Who got offended lol just casual open conversation and opinions friends!

 

​I think it might have been directed at me, Alison.   I really shouldn't respond to things before I've had my morning caffeine hit, huh?!

 

If it's okay, I'd really like to talk to you privately about your experience since you've actually been a slave.

But the reason I started this thread was that I was confused and I want to learn about it so I wasn't so ignorant to the topic anymore. 

I sent you a friend request if you decide you're open to sharing some of your experiences with me. ^-^

 

You can message and ask me anything you want, sunny​. I'll do what I can to help  

 

​I think it's fantastic you started the thread. I am incredibly sorry if my initial comment derailed things a little. I was just a bit saddened by what I read. My ex-Master was a wonderful man and I don't imagine he would read certain posts on here favourably, especially the ones suggesting he is/would be a danger to any woman, little or otherwise. I'll catch you on the 'other side' to talk.   

[Guest AlisonS23]

I need coffee each day haha lots of times a day. It’s coffee water coffee water. Or my brain doesn’t work. ❤️ Even directed to you.. we all should be able to openly share our opinions without getting upset. I love this place guys! We all just need to relax and respect each other and understand we are all opinionated but never want to hurt anyone or upset them by giving our free thoughts! That’s never my intentions and I’m sure most people it’s not theirs either. So just relax peeps. We are all friends here. ❤️❤️

[guessitsdaddy]

Oh this is a big topic and is loaded with opinions, I guess the most similar thing I could relate it too would be petplay. Not to say there isn't love there.

[Guest Kerjin]

Let me just clarify a few things here:

 

​A Master is not a Daddy - full stop. The two are so vastly different it is like night and day. If a Master is showing caring and nurturing tendencies, then they are not a Master; just like if a Daddy is showing total control tendencies and isn't willing to offer much love and support back, then they are not a Daddy. There is a huge difference and the lines aren't often blurred, if ever.

 

Nailed it 100%. Thank you for posting that explanation. I too have been on both sides of the coin, as it were and I can not agree with you more.

 

That being said, please understand, IMNSHO, there are so many different definitions of what works for one that doesn't work for another. 

 

Here's a quote that covers this "And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules."

Edited June 14, 2018 by Kerjin

[Guest SUeB]

So my Master, who is also my Daddy is actually neither? Thanks for that short sighted and utterly wrong opinion. Yes, it's an opinion. Not a fact.

He is both.

[Guest AlisonS23]

I have to agree with SUeB here guys!