Punishment VS Negligence

[Aaziz832]

What are your thoughts on this? When does it go too far and start becoming negligence?

[mintypowder]

In my opinion partners should definitely discuss their limits when it comes to drawing this kind of lines. To set an example, being ignored can cause serious damage on mentally ill people. For instance, my ex boyfriend would ignore me for days when I did or said something that annoyed him, without even letting me know, he would stop texting me back. Due to that uneducated manner, I blamed myself every time + found myself begging for the sake of being forgiven. 

 

I think things such as yelling and ignoring are more of signs of abuse rather than just innocent punishments. Punishments are negligence when they are performed without an adult talk. 

[Siniwit]

If you're neglecting a little, you're not a caregiver. Neglect should not be part of any DDlg dynamic, as far as I'm concerned. Neglect can have serious negative effects that go far beyond simply "learning a lesson".

• ​Silent treatment is neglect and should never ever happen.
   
• "Time out" is neglect (unless for a very short period of time and you're present in the room the entire time).
   
• Ignorance in any form, especially without informing the little, is a form of neglect. Spending any time away from catering to their needs (not their wants) is a form of neglect.
   
• As was said above, yelling should also never be part of a DDlg dynamic; it's abuse and it neglects the little's needs and discounts their feelings.
   
• Exceeding agreed upon limits neglects any agreements made between the caregiver and little and completely undermines any BDSM relationship.
   
• Physical contact that has not previously been consented to will be a form of negligence, as again, it goes against any agreement made between partners.
   
• Any form of punishment where it is not followed up by aftercare is negligent.
   
• Revoking your partner's collar as a "punishment" completely neglects the significance of it and again undermines any BDSM relationship.
   
• ​Letting your anger and frustration about other things be a driver for punishing your little is a big no-no as well, since this clouds judgement and again neglects the little's need to clearly understand what is happening at all times. This causes them to question everything they've done and find fault in every little thing if they don't understand why they're being punished. Littles are not an outlet for frustration and aggression; littles are not stress-balls!
   
• Not letting your little refer to you by your title can neglect their need to be submissive; it can neglect their need and desire to serve. If they don't feel as though they are beneath you, what's stopping them from questioning the entire dynamic?
   
• ​If you are simply punishing and never disciplining, this is a form of neglect as well, since this can prevent their personal growth and ability to understand and correct behaviour; punishments do not always work as behaviour correction methods. Admonishment and teaching/guiding as discipline is often a more effective tool. Without this, there is little progression.
   
• ​Revoking little space should never happen as this can completely undermine your partner's role as a little and their need to regress and have their own headspace for safety and comfort. Little space is an escape and is an entirely necessary aspect of a DDlg relationship; removing this, can put the little in psychological danger as you are removing their coping mechanism and as such they will struggle to understand the world around them without their safe haven.
   
• Ignoring safe words is something that should never happen. While my princess and I have "joke safe words", we also know and are clear that these are such and are not our absolute safe word, which we would never ignore. I wouldn't suggest or advise any "joke safe words" for others unless you are 100% safe and secure and comfortable with each other and know for a fact that these will not be abused. Ignoring absolute safe words is pretty much the same as just doing whatever the hell you want with someone whether they consent or not - and that is completely unacceptable. This abuses the DDlg dynamic and neglects to understand what a little needs, which, at its' core is safety, comfort, nurturing and guidance.
   
• Pressuring outside of any agreed upon limits disrespects the dynamic and your agreement, as you shouldn't have to pressure for anything that isn't held within your agreement. If there is something you wish to introduce, then discussion is the way forward and nagging or pushing or simply going ahead and doing the thing without gaining consent is pretty much the same as the above and is not okay. As above, this abuses the DDlg dynamic and neglects to understand what a little needs.
   
• Of course, there is also, not giving your little enough attention! This is a big form of neglect and if your little doesn't feel loved and cared for or even part of the relationship - is there even a relationship. Some littles need 24/7 care, and if you can't give them that, you need to be clear on that and either come to an agreement which works for you both, or you need to step down and let them find someone else who can; needs are needs.

I think this is a pretty comprehensive list. I may have missed a few things, as we've only just woken up, but I hope this helps to clarify things for anyone curious about the difference and when things go too far. As always, communication is key and we must forever keep things safe, sane and most importantly, consensual. Without this, we are neglecting our littles, full stop.

[Little Illy]

I think this is a pretty comprehensive list. I may have missed a few things, as we've only just woken up, but I hope this helps to clarify things for anyone curious about the difference and when things go too far. As always, communication is key and we must forever keep things safe, sane and most importantly, consensual. Without this, we are neglecting our littles, full stop.

 

*Waves* Hello, I was wondering if I could FR you and discuss this wonderful list you have provided. With your little's consent of course

[Siniwit]

Sure. I mean, isn't the topic for discussing exactly this? But of course, go ahead.

[Untwisted]

What's acceptable to one person might be completely traumatic to another so a list of specific things won't apply to everyone. 

 

When it goes beyond agreed limits and is non-consensual is when it becomes negligence or abuse rather than a punishment.

[LittleKitten13]

What's acceptable to one person might be completely traumatic to another so a list of specific things won't apply to everyone. 

 

When it goes beyond agreed limits and is non-consensual is when it becomes negligence or abuse rather than a punishment.

I definitely agree with this.  If Papa took away my stuffies for ANY reason, it would really upset me, because those are one of my "safety blankets."  But I've heard of other caregivers taking away their little's stuffies for a punishment.

[Guest SUeB]

Punishment is negotiated and agreed upon. Neglect is neither.

[Angel24]

Neglect is just cruel. My first daddy would ignore me and make me feel like crap for even something such as not getting in practice on my instrument on a given day. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I finally have a Daddy who is against neglect as a punishment.

[guessitsdaddy]

No no no, punishment is a part of ddlg and is fine, but ignoring a little is a fucking horrid idea as most littles are usually very sensitive and sometimes insecure. A daddy is a cornerstone in their life and as such should always be there when they can

 

Depriving your little of that is a horrible, evil thing to do.