Am I over-reacting?

[Maids]

Okay so, let me just jump right into it, I guess? For me, personally, it is a necessity for a friend to ask me how I am, it's just polite... but I feel like I'm either growing more and more bitchy when it comes to people or are people just generally taking advantage of myself and/or my Daddy. 

 

My Daddy and I have had a couple of mutual friends who started out asking how we were and stuff, together or individually, but all of a sudden it all stopped and it has a "me - me - me rainy cloud" parade for them when they came into the room? I get it, people have bad days and need support - there's nothing wrong with that... but if you're too wrapped up in your own shit to even ask me nor my Daddy about how we are doing personally, then I start to get pissy. My Daddy and I tend to make friendships with people who have a lot of personal issues going on and we try to help to the best of our ability, we tend to share our advice openly and generously so it is very easily manipulated and taken for granted.

 

This has happened with 2 friends of ours who had the  "me-me-me and my Daddy- my Daddy - my Daddy - I'm upset. Become of others around you, not just your little" attitude with my Daddy, which of course, upset us and put us off of being that helping friend - but it's in our nature, mostly mine, to care an over the top amount to where I become a doormat for my friends as I am super empathetic and naive, Daddy is empathetic too, but he's not naive like I am. When they didn't get that attention, they threw a tantrum and ran off just because we've got our own stuff going on separately let alone our relationship.

 

But, it's happening again, with one of my closest little friends... she's very "me-me-me, whiny, I have no Daddy" and fucks off from talking to me and my Daddy as soon as she gets one or gets caught up in someone, but when something has a blip, she comes running back with her parade. Now, I don't mind supporting and feeling sorrow for people who are lonely, but when she comes in with that attitude, she comes in and says "Hey." I ask how she is. "ok." I ask for more description on her 'ok'. She says "*shrugs* it is what it is." I went silent hoping she'd shrug it off and try to stir up conversation but she sat there moping wanting me or my Daddy to root and tear through her feelings when she could've just said how she felt and showed slight interest in what's going on with us. Then an hour of silence goes by, she leaves. 

 

Like... ugh. I'm at a loss. I feel like I'm expecting too much out of people and it's causing me to lose friends but I don't know? am I? It's a small and well-mannered gesture to ask how someone's doing, even if you don't intend for that small talk to go far, the interest is still there. It's just happening way too much so I'm starting to believe it is me. It's one thing to forget every now and then but this has been going on every day for whatever time that these friends decide to show up. It's a consistent lack of interest. 

 

 

Replies are greatly appreciated. Thank you for hearing me out. 

 

God, I feel like such a bitch for posting this...  I feel ashamed for making such a big deal out of such a small thing. 

 

Sigh.  

 

Side note: this is not RL this is on IMVU.

Edited June 3, 2018 by ♥Squishy Princess♥

[Siniwit]

Baby, we're not asking for much; we're asking for common courtesy from people. It's basic conversation etiquette, let alone friendship etiquette. It's getting to the point where we just feel like people are flat out being rude and selfish.

​Even though this may be happening in what is essentially a chat room, the issue still translates to RL. Envision someone coming to meet you at a coffee shop and you say "Hey! How are you?" and they're like "Ok." so you probe and invite some elaboration but they don't bite and shrug it off (which is fine; people don't have to share if they don't want to - that's their prerogative - but it's a little weird when this particular person usually does, and 90% of the time is coming to us for support or advice) and then sit there in awkward silence for an uncomfortably long time before just getting up and leaving without a word... Is that okay? Is that normal? I don't think so.

​We're not just singling one person out, here; it's happened a few times, pretty much since we got together. People have been needy and self-centred since before then, but they've really kicked it into high gear since we got together and I can't help but correlate the two things. People seemed to simply stop asking how each of us are, every day, like they normally would. Like, yeah, I get it - we're pretty much joined at the hip and we're on a 24/7 Skype call (for a variety of reasons) while we're LDR, and we have that perfect partnership where even if we strip away the DDlg, we are so solid and open with each other and share our lives together, that we're able to support and love each other through anything, and I think people see that, which is great... But since when did that become a reason for people to assume that we're both okay and not at least ask? Y'know? It's just common courtesy, even if there's no genuine interest in what our reply is...

​It's not even like we're too wrapped up in each other either; we always basically "hit pause" on whatever we're doing to try to look after our "friends" and support however we can. We give up our time and take breaks from stuff we're doing to ensure our "friends" are okay. Is it really that much to ask that we expect a little courtesy in the simple question of "how are you guys?" or  "What are you two up to?" or anything that even remotely implies a little interest in our lives too? If that makes sense?

​It's beginning to flat out piss me off and I don't like that it's upsetting my princess to the point of feeling it necessary to seek out public opinion and reassurance that we're not in the wrong for wanting a little give-and-take from our so-called "friendships".

​Anyone else been through this nonsense? Any advice?

[Daddybears PLB]

Hello!! ☺

 

I do get where you are coming from and have had some experience of this throughout my life and also with the opposite that i have so called friends that just act like i barely exist and i end up being the one making the effort and caring too much about helping them when its not reciprocated. So although it took most of my life to learn my lesson i am now in a place where i have the confidence to put myself first without getting anxiety about how they will feel, if i have time or energy to help out i will if not and they react badly thats there own problem not mine. Sounds harsh probably but its the only way i can be happy and content without constantly being in a whirlwind of thoughts of how are they are they ok oh i wonder if they think im a bad friend now maybe i should try make it up to them!

Basically now i just choose my friends carefully and any signs of traits that will impact me negatively, i keep them from getting too close.

I try to live my life in a much more positive way and any outside influence that might jeopardise it i avoid.

Might not be everyones way but i found thats what worked for me to live a more calmer peaceful happy life and my Daddy is in agreement with me so we keep our relationship about us and dont let anything chip away at it, we protect it to keep it strong and positive.

 

At the end of the day i think that its your life and happiness that matters the most, take control of it as much as you possibly can to safegaurd that.

 

I hope you and your Daddy find a way to eliminate some of the drama from your life because you will much more at peace if you do. xxx

[Guest FluffyLittleLilac]

I’m sorry you and your Daddy are going though this.

You’re not overreacting. Your feelings are perfectly valid and I, myself have experienced this before with previous ‘friends.

You’re not expecting too much, it is common courtesy! You honestly shouldn’t doubt yourself because I think that’s a big problem you’re having in some of your friendships and it’s not fair to you that they’re treating you like a doormat because you’re in a relationship now.

 

I feel like because you’re in a relationship, some individuals you are friends with will assume you have your daddies support and affection, so why should they have the common courtesy to put in effort and ask how you’re feeling?

Because you’re in a relationship, some people will take the opportunity to have a one sided friendship with you, assuming you’ll put up with it. You need to put your foot down, have a serious conversations with your friends who are doing this and say ‘’I feel XYZ because of ABC’’ and if there’s no improvement and they don’t care then they don’t deserve a place in your life and you shouldn’t let them get in the way of your happiness.

 

It’s better to have a small amount of good friends, rather than ‘friends’ who aren’t really there for you. Don’t let people take advantage of you and your Daddies kindness because you can honestly both do much better than people who treat you like this.

 

Good luck and I hope things work out once you sit down your friends and have a serious conversation.

[Guest Professor Optics]

It's fine to seek support and to need a friend when times are tough. It's not fine if they aren't willing to participate in their own rescue, or if they are never there to support you in your times of need. What you want to look for is a pattern. If that pattern continues, and it's not something you appreciate, it's best to communicate, giving them the chance to change that pattern on their own. If after communicating with them, they show no intention of changing that pattern or their behaviour, that's when you consider backing off and saying "no" to them. It's okay to say "no" if it's causing you emotional and spiritual harm.

Of course, here i'm not talking about someone who shows signs of wanting to change, and their attempts are failures or half-successes. There they're at least trying, and that should be rewarded with your time and attention. I'm talking about the people that don't give a fuck about wanting to change their behaviour or patterns towards you. Those are the people you must let go, otherwise they'll never learn and you'll become miserable in the process.

Edited June 3, 2018 by Professor Optics