Problems with me and my Little

[Nightingale0101]

Hello everyone,

 

This is my first post here on the forum. For awhile now I've dealt with issues between me and my little and before discovering this forum I've had nowhere to get advice about things. Our problems can be broken down into a few clear cut things and I'm going to try to list them out.

 

1) My little is prone to acting up, and not in a cutesy way, I've been struggling with getting her to follow her punishments when she does. I've tried a wide range of things from cutting down cartoon time to minimizing her time with Twitter/Discord in an attempt to test the waters with severity of punishments and it seems no matter how small of a punishment I give her, she doesn't follow it.

The biggest and most frequent thing she does is break bedtime, most often caused by her want to be on Twitter/Discord. We currently do not live together but have sleepovers between 2-4 times a week and during that time she is on top of following bedtime. It's when she isn't with me that the problem arises. I've attempted to do things on my end to encourage her to follow bedtime such as falling asleep on the phone together, watching an episode of a cartoon together before bed as well as reading to her before bed. The effectiveness of these things is hit or miss. 

 

2) In the role of a caregiver, I try my absolute best to keep from being angry or upset when my little is being little but lately I've been becoming very frustrated about Issue 1 detailed above. I've tried to talk to her about what makes these punishments difficult for her to follow but she gets upset and shuts down, which often ends in some 911 cuddle time to put a smile back on her face. I want to be the best caregiver for my little as I can be, how do I encourage her to talk about things?

 

I'm not sure if it's just stress on me outside of the relationship over the last couple of months that's affecting me overall and leaking into things but I'd really like to get some advice on these two issues and how to handle them. As an inexperienced caregiver any stories, advice, tips, methods are GREATLY appreciated. I simply want to be the best caregiver for my little that I can be while maintaining my own happiness.

 

 

-Nightingale

[WhysperKit]

For the first one, I have a... sort of solution. It's one my actual parents used. Set up an auto-shut off time for the computer (if that's what she uses). Unless things have changed, you couldn't turn the computer back on without a password set up by the administrator. If it's her phone that she's using, set up an alarm and reminders that she needs to get to bed. 

 

Overall though, it seems ya'll need to sit down and talk about why she doesn't listen to rules or punishments when alone. It sounds like a commitment issue to me, not wanting to follow through with them. Maybe an adjustment is needed with her rules and possibly stricter punishments? Or perhaps she isn't one for rules and punishments at all. Not every Little can do them. Maybe changing punishments when she's with you versus when she's alone? 

 

I'm sorry I'm not much help >,< But good luck! I hope you two can sort this situation out! 

[Maids]

Okay so from my stand point she is either acting like a brat just to be a brat because she is getting a lot of it and you aren't or you're talking to her about serious things (that should be discussed while she is big) and expecting her to understand while she is regressed, or she is playing up her littlespace when really she is big, as she tries to swerve her way around getting her punishments and getting out of it.  I have seen this happen quite frequently unfortunately, but I do have confidence that with the patience that you can turn her about, but she also wants to have to change for the better of the relationship.  She could also just not be listening because she knows her punishments are very marshmallowy so it's not a real threat, I guess? She could just not be taking you seriously with your kind nature? I mean, she shouldn't be - that's not a very nice thing to take advantage of... there's a lot of heartless Doms out there who just slap a little on a whim. 

 

You need to discuss all of this with her when she's in big space and we also understand that there are apps to shut down her computer at a specific time but you need consent for that, that is possibly a way to test whether or not she's being a brat just for the sake of it or if she is willing to try that as a way of helping her comply with rules/punishments/bedtime as it is seemingly difficult for her to do so.

 

If she continues to swerve all these boundaries you have set with her and keeps pressing your buttons, you can tell that she is just using her "littleness" to get out of things and that is a deeper issue beyond what I can say right now.

 

You cannot force someone to submit to you if they don't want to allow you to be a Dominant to them, she needs to not take advantage that you cannot be there 24/7 for her and needs to allow you to dominate her from a distance. 

 

The one thing that is not worth doing is getting angry/frustrated because that is not going to do anything, good for you for speaking up for advice and wanting to help the situation, but getting frustrated/angry with her ESPECIALLY while she is in littlespace, is a recipe for disaster and it will cause her to become less compliant and likely will be scared of you and won't trust you enough to do what you say. 

 

To reiterate again: It's all about open discussion and being open yourself to making changes if that is what she needs (i.e if she is doing this because you're getting angry and it's just a cycle then you need to not be getting angry and see how that goes, sometimes it's the Dominant that's the problem that is causing the little to shy away from wanting to be compliant with your desires. I'm not insinuating that it's you, it could very well be either of you.)

 

EDIT because I wrote the above at 1 am and neglected this thought: Could also be a case to where she doesn't want a Dominant, but she wants a Caregiver for her little side - the nurturing aspects until she is ready to give her submission, if you know what I'm saying?  Some littles have a relationship with their Dominant where there are no punishments, no rules, no restrictions except for very light ones... I have only seen this a handful of times and it mostly appears on the DDlgforum. You could bring that up in open discussion. If that is not something you want, perhaps it's time to rethink the relationship as it isn't something in your desires to have a free-reign little, that is perfectly okay, nothing wrong with that. But do not stay in the relationship and force yourself to not be a Dominant to her just to be her Daddy if it isn't something you want. That is changing yourself for someone else and that is not healthy, instead, find someone more suited for your desires and for her desires aswell. 

 

Good luck.

Edited June 1, 2018 by ♥Squishy Princess♥

[LittleKitten13]

 

EDIT because I wrote the above at 1 am and neglected this thought: Could also be a case to where she doesn't want a Dominant, but she wants a Caregiver for her little side - the nurturing aspects until she is ready to give her submission, if you know what I'm saying?  Some littles have a relationship with their Dominant where there are no punishments, no rules, no restrictions except for very light ones... I have only seen this a handful of times and it mostly appears on the DDlgforum. You could bring that up in open discussion. If that is not something you want, perhaps it's time to rethink the relationship as it isn't something in your desires to have a free-reign little, that is perfectly okay, nothing wrong with that. But do not stay in the relationship and force yourself to not be a Dominant to her just to be her Daddy if it isn't something you want. That is changing yourself for someone else and that is not healthy, instead, find someone more suited for your desires and for her desires aswell. 

 

Good luck.

When I first read your post, this is almost exactly what I was thinking of.

I have a caregiver, who I call Papa.  I don't have a dom.  And I don't WANT a dom.  I have some emotional issues that lead to me struggling when I'm not in control.  If Papa were to tell me that I had to go to bed at a certain time every night or that bath time is at x o'clock, or that I could only watch so much Miraculous Ladybug, I would have a meltdown, because he would be taking away the control that I desperately need.

I'd say to talk to her when she's big and ask her, "Would you prefer if we didn't have rules and punishments?"  If you're okay with that, make sure you stress, "I'm okay with it if you don't want punishments and rules, but I have to know so that I can stop them."

It just...sounds to me like shutting down when you talk about it could be her not knowing how to emotionally handle rules and punishments that she doesn't want, but is afraid to tell you because she doesn't want to upset you, or she's had exes or family members who hurt her because of things like that or got angry with her really easily when she didn't agree with something.

[Guest Arc]

As always.... communicate. 

 

You need to work out why she's playing up. She's disrespecting you and you intentionally so something is wrong or you both just want different things/have different expectations. And you should be firmer when she breaks down so she doesn't have to talk about things. She's an adult and she should act like one. Her getting upset every time is going to get you nowhere good. Again, she's an adult and if she cannot communicate when things aren't okay like adults can then she's not ready for an adult relationship. Sorry but this is largely on her and your frustration is understandable. If you can't trust someone to communicate then what can you trust them to do? Nothing... 

 

So sit down and have a proper conversation. Figure out what is wrong and what she wants from your relationship, because it sounds like you may have different expectations. 

[Guest AlisonS23]

I agree with everyone above. I was married for years and a huge thing we had to learn through everything was communication especially in these dynamics. Just seems you guys need to have a proper conversation about what each other expect and also respect for each other.

 

This sounds silly I guess but when I was married and things were just out of control for us and we couldn’t reach and understanding we would take two chairs. Sit them facing each other turn off all distinctions. Phones ect. Make sure we are both in a proper head space to communicate and start talking. It takes two for a relationship and if one isn’t doing their part it fails. We didn’t get up until we had at least come to a compromise. ❤️

 

Good luck with this!