how much is too much; how little is too little?

[Guest Professor Optics]

How often did you maintain contact with a new potential little / daddy?

 

I never know when I'm beginning to smother the other person, or if they're waiting to hear from me. I'm a big believer in giving people their space to feel and to be who they are, and communication is a weak point I'm striving to improve. Asking about it will come across as needy, while not asking about it may result in a potentially beautiful thing fizzling out before it had a chance to bloom!

 

I require regular contact, otherwise my anxiety acts up while I try to understand why the long delay in response or how I should approach it. I even follow Relationship coaches to help shed a light on it, and although logically I understand what they teach, emotionally it's a different story altogether. Or rather, my brain doesn't put two and two together in realtime (a lot of these coaching and advice site are aimed towards neuro-typicals).

 

I'm at an impasse, and I'm not sure how much is too much, or how little is too little... any advice?

[WhysperKit]

Hiya :3 I think it personally depends on the people involved. I wouldn't see you as weak for asking how often to maintain contact! It actually shows that you're caring and want to make the best of things. Some people need constant contact, others don't. I have anxiety, like you, and have the same problem! I get scared I've annoyed the other person or that I'm not talking to them enough and they're bothered by that. With my husband, we talk as often as the day's work will allow. Other people, like friends, I'll message and if they don't respond immediately or quick enough, I go find something to do that will hold my attention so that I don't sit and think, letting my anxiety get the best of me. 

 

TL;DR: Just ask. If they're a real friend, they won't mind and will actually want to help you. Everyone is different on how often they need contact. 

 

Good luck!

~Ginger

[Guest lalalaluna]

TL;DR: Just ask. If they're a real friend, they won't mind and will actually want to help you. Everyone is different on how often they need contact. 

 

 

This. I am firmly of the opinion that the right people will work with you and your needs. So, if you gotta ask and set visible guidelines for communication, the people you want to keep in contact with won't shun you for it. 

 

Like I can get into my moods where I think someone was just using me for their boredom or whatever because they never make the effort to reach my level of communication- But its simply because they don't know how to set their guidelines. Then things fizzle and it sucks.

 

100% my advise is to reach out and ask for an arrangement of some kind. Ask them to- when possible!- let you know when they will have long pauses where you may have been chatting lively before hand. That kind of thing.

[Guest Spookycupcake]

Well I have that I'm needy on my profile lol. I need a lot of attention and my daddy provides me with such. When we first met he was really good about keeping in contact with me every single day.

[Guest infinitecases]

Everyone has their own tolerance for neediness. I think that if you find the right person, there will never be 'too much'. I messaged my Daddy all the time even from the start and he told me it was okay to do that - it really just does depend on the person you're talking to.

 

Every relationship is so unique that I don't think following relationship coaches will help in every scenario, most of the time they are catering to the mass instead of the individual situations so if you're looking for personal advice, you'll most likely not find it there. I wouldn't like it either if the replies were too few and far between with no explanation as to why, and perhaps you need to voice these concerns you have at the start or after you've become friends etc so that they are prepared beforehand/can leave if that's not what they want out a relationship. 

[Guest Professor Optics]

That's fair! I do need clear cut communication from the start because of my inherent lack of social acuity and ability to understand context. A lot of that stuff those coaches taught me helped me tons with my social skills. They just lack the answers to "what if you naturally don't pick up on things in the moment?". Because my brain is literally blind to it when it matters most, so i only see it after those important  moments when it's too late. I guess it's a weight option; communicate and if the person rejects me, so be it. Still leaves me out of order for awhile while I process the facts...

 

That was a rant, more than anything!

 

Thank you to those who posted, your advice has been absorbed, and I hope this time things work out

[neworder]

Assume you mean text communication

 

simple formula i apply to vanilla dating.

 

I typically respond to a text, taking at least as long as she did to respond to my text. If her last reply was 4 hours after my text, my reply will be at least 4 hours or more.

 

If you respond with no real content like 'lol' , keep in mind she might be waiting on you to actually say something with content.

 

 

Compared to my vanilla response rate with a little... i'd make sure you DON'T take longer to respond than she usually does. If her response took 4 hours, respond within 2-4 hours. If she needs you to respond faster, do so.

Edited May 31, 2018 by neworder