Acceptance

[DDaddyCPH]

Hi there

I am a new Daddy with an unexperienced little. We are finding it hard to get acceptance for our relationship amongst Friends. Do you have the same experience. What do you do?

[Littlest_Bee]

Well, you didn't share many details so I'll try to answer very broadly: relationship dynamics usually shift a bit between "in public", "among friends" and "alone together". That is a question of boundaries.

 

A lot of people don't like to hang out with friends who just started a new relationship because during that first high of feelings the lines between things that should stay private and what you do in public tends to get blurry.

And of course there are differences that rely on your upbringing and personal experiences to determine what you see as normal and how much is acceptable.

 

There are BDSM couples who test out how much they can "get away with" in public/ among "uninitiated" people. That hinges on the idea that there is some kind of standard for the public and kinks being something that you indulge in more or less secretly. That your sexual preferences aren't out in the open to just anyone. It might be thrilling to have sex in public or loudly because "people might see / find out / know what I wouldn't dare talk about.

If your friends are weirded out by your behaviour it might be a sign that you are overstepping their boundaries and you could simply try to tone things down a bit when you're not alone. If it gives you a kick to be watched, you could try going to fetish clubs or meets because then you'd be among people who consent to witness your kinky side.

 

I would first try to talk to my friends and make sure I know what they think and why e.g. maybe my friend just rolls her eyes when a couple kisses because she's lonely and a bit jealous or maybe she wants to discuss something and taking breaks for lovey-dovey behaviour derails the conversation again and again. I can't read her mind and my reaction might need to be different depending on her reasons.

 

To sum it up, I think you should talk to your friends, try to respect their boundaries and if you want to live out certain aspects more openly, try to make friends who are fine with that.

[Rebel]

As Gandi_Bee said, there is very little information to base a correct answer on. But it sounds like you're trying to get your friends to accept your DDLG relationship. For most people, that like talking about their sex life to their friends and family (myself included), you just don't do that. 

 

If it's already in the open and they refuse to accept it, my move would be to tell them to shove it and cut ties with the supposed "friends". Friends are there to be by your side throughout anything that may happen, understand you, and be someone you can trust enough to confide in. If they are shaming you for something you like, then they aren't a friend, they're just a jackass.

 

But that's all my opinion and stance

[Guest SUeB]

No we don't, because we have the sense not to go around telling everyone about our relationship, other than we are close, extremely happy, and in love.

[WanderingWonderland]

There isn't a lot of information to go on here, but ...

 

What you do in your relationship is entirely up to you. Fire away and have fun! Though I think it's important to be aware of the fact not everybody wants to play 'spectator'. Pushing your kink/lifestyle choices/relationship dynamic onto other people isn't fair. You're putting people (your friends) in an potentially uncomfortable position and they likely won't thank you for it. You talk about seeking acceptance from your friends, but if what you are doing while in their company makes them uncomfortable, I think you really need to be mindful of that and respect their wishes and feelings. Friendship is a two way street. It can't always be about your friends accepting you for who you are. You need to accept them for who they are too. If the DDlg element of your relationship is causing unease within your friendship circle, and let's face it, a lot of people aren't very accepting of DDlg and do struggle to understand it, then as Gandi_Bee suggested, maybe you need to tone things down? Be a considerate friend. Head back to the drawing board with your little girl and work out how to be yourselves in public without unsettling your friends. There are plenty of ways you can 'hide in plain sight' as a Daddy and little girl - there are tons of blogs out there bursting with suggestions. Perhaps curl up together on the sofa with snacks and do some research?  I'm happy to check back in later and offer some ideas, though I'm hesitant to say too much more for now given the lack of info in your OP. I don't want to ramble on if I'm way off the mark with the sort of advice you're looking for!

[Guest BabyPeach]

Basically, there is no acceptance of us among the general public. A majority of the general public finds us to be sick and twisted.  When you and your little are with friends, you need to be the people that your friends have always known.  DDlg is a private kink between two individuals.  Think of it like Master/sub. A Master isn't going to carry a whip around and bend his sub over a coffee table in the living room of a friend's book club meeting and whip her bare booty in front of everyone (unless it's a play party, but then it's expected).  Why not?  Because they don't want to see that.  It's their right not to see that if it isn't their thing.

[Guest Spookycupcake]

My friends know I'm a little and that my boyfriend is my daddy. His friends do not because he doesn't feel they would be accepting of our relationship. And of course I wouldn't tell my family and he hasn't told his. I mean it's just not something people seem to understand or even try to understand.

[Little Illy]

I will kinda go along the same lines I do when littles get upset their parents wont accept their identity (please replace "parents" with "friends") and copy and paste a reply I have given before:

 

_________________________

 

I don't understand why a lot of the community feels this dire need to 'come out' to their parents. I am NOT saying they are wrong for wanting to! I am simply stating I don't feel that way and therefore it is very hard for me to understand this specific need.

 

When I think of this side of myself, I know I desire friends and close ones to interact with my identity. But I have absolutey no desire to include someone in on this part of me who 1. isn't supportive or 2. I know would want nothing to do with it. 

 

For me, this lifestyle is equal to "bedroom" discussion. I know a lot of people aren't sexual as a little, but what I mean is that this lifestyle makes people so uncomfortable it can be equivalent to discussing private, sexual details. We all have normalized this dynamic, and we all want to be accepted, HOWEVER, I don't think we have the right to force it upon people who are made uncomfortable by it. If we are a member of this dynamic we have to be mature enough to realize that this dynamic freaks people out! And we can do our best to try to educate someone, but that doesn't mean we should be forceful and have expectations.

 

I met someone who was pissed that their parents had a volatile reaction. Yet when I asked about it, I found out she knew her parents would react that way. So... why do that? Why do that to yourself and why do that TO THEM?! Do your parents know that you love licking ass or love deep throating or any number of things? Then why do they NEED to know you use diapers, pacis, etc? They really don't.

 

Now before anyone gets angry: Yes I know people want their family to accept them for who they are. Yes I understand some family will be totally accepting. Yes I understand that some family just need to hear the explanation and then they will get it. These are NOT the situations I am addressing. I am focusing on when a person know's their family would be distraught and decides to do it anyways. 

 

The biggest reason why I disagree with coming out so candidly is because of the risks it can cause the dynamic:

 

- What happens if you come out because you need support? Now all you have is hositlity. How is that helpful?

- What if you come out because you want to freely express yourself? Well, now you have gained an unsavory reputation that can possibly affect your future.

- What if you came out because you want your parents to accept you and your partner? Now your partner is at risk for slander.

 

And so on.

 

There are SO MANY GOOD reasons why to come out. But at the same time, I hate to be a bitch, but there is a time place. And 8 times out of 10, you know (general you) how your parents would react. And during those 8 times out of 10, I think it is silly to expect something different.

 

You can BE yourself around your parents without OUTING yourself. I watch Disney with my father, he watches me geek out over "kid things" and yet I have never come out to him. Would I ever wear a diaper or use a paci or call my partner 'Daddy' in front of him? Absolutely not! But he has ACCEPTED me for who I am because I am MYSELF when around my parents. But like lingerie, I don't "dress up" my identity. And I don't feel the need to. I could be wrong, but I feel there are many ways to get your family's approval without coming out. But I could be wrong as I honestly don't feel this need for people to have a label (little) for me.

 

This is all my opinion and my opinion only. I AM NOT SAYING I AM CORRECT AND ANYONE ELSE IS WRONG. This is simply how I view this whole issue. Please do not take offense to what works for me! 

Edited May 28, 2018 by Little Illy

[Guest Arc]

In my opinion real friends should only be concerned that you are safe and happy, and not the personal details. I'm also not sure if it's an acceptance of an age difference or of the ddlg thing or something else - you haven't been clear on what they are not being accepting of in your relationship. 

 

If it's an age gap thing, then not much you can do. Some people find this a bit uncomfortable for them, but as I said before, friends should only care that you're happy and safe and both have good intentions. 

 

If it's a ddlg thing... why is it their business anyway? I can understand being open about it. I'm always open about my relationships, but only to people I trust and people who want to know. If they don't want to know I keep it to myself. If someone doesn't like it just don't talk with them about it or do it around them and they really have no reason to not accept you. You're still people. As long as you don't force something someone doesn't like onto them then it's none of their business and they should accept you as you are.