Why rush?

[Soft-mommy78]

Why is it that people are rushing into a little/caregiver relationship? It is a relationship that is not to be taken lightly in my eyes so why rush it? It takes time to build a trust for a relationship like that. Trust on both sides and that just doesn’t happen overnight. Maybe this is just how I think or feel about it who knows. I just don’t understand why people rush into it. I had someone ask me today to be their dom with maybe talking for half an hour and when I said that they are rushing it they got mad at me for it. After I told this person that this is something that you don’t rush into. So someone please tell me why do people feel the need to rush?

[Guest Dulci]

No idea - I think everything moves faster with the internet. You can end one conversation and immediately jump into another conversation with someone else. So fast paced! 

I fully agree with you that it's not something to rush into. Trying to explain to people that you want a establish a friendship first falls on deaf ears. 

 

Next up - people who say they love each other after a week!  

[Soft-mommy78]

I just don’t understand it. Yes you need to make that friendship first and so build that trust and you just can’t do that in a 30 minuet talk then I’m the bad guy for saying how I feel or think about it.

[Guest IttyBittyMonster]

I agree completely. How can I trust someone to be my Mommy if we aren't first friends? I want to really get to know my future Mommy before taking that step - it's a huge commitment for both people! And there's just no way to know if 2 people are compatible for even friendship - let alone a Caregiver / little relationship - without taking a lot of time to chat and get to know one another. Rushing things will only lead to someone getting hurt, and no one likes that one bit!

[Soft-mommy78]

I agree completely. How can I trust someone to be my Mommy if we aren't first friends? I want to really get to know my future Mommy before taking that step - it's a huge commitment for both people! And there's just no way to know if 2 people are compatible for even friendship - let alone a Caregiver / little relationship - without taking a lot of time to chat and get to know one another. Rushing things will only lead to someone getting hurt, and no one likes that one bit!

It is a huge and I mean HUGE step and I see on both sides people rushing into. Littles are not the only ones to rush caregivers also. For me it was a little trying to rush me but I think that’s because that little maybe didn’t know a difference. It just really bothers me that this happens a lot.

[Guest IttyBittyMonster]

Mhmm. I think a lot of people think that they -need- to be in a relationship, when really they don't - even littles! Don't get me wrong, I SUPER DUPER want to find a Mommy, but we need to be OK with who we are and being on our own before finding a partner. You gotta know yourself before you get to know someone else. It's especially hard in this lifestyle I think, because it is so different and outside of normal society that we have a hard time accepting ourselves and end up wanting the validation of a partner who accepts us before we even accept who we are. I think a lot of us end up getting hurt because of this rushing.

[Soft-mommy78]

Mhmm. I think a lot of people think that they -need- to be in a relationship, when really they don't - even littles! Don't get me wrong, I SUPER DUPER want to find a Mommy, but we need to be OK with who we are and being on our own before finding a partner. You gotta know yourself before you get to know someone else. It's especially hard in this lifestyle I think, because it is so different and outside of normal society that we have a hard time accepting ourselves and end up wanting the validation of a partner who accepts us before we even accept who we are. I think a lot of us end up getting hurt because of this rushing.

I totally agree with what you said. Yes littles do rush also I was just trying not to put all the blame on them as daddy’s, mommy’s or caregivers do it also. Yes if you rush you will get hurt. Sorry I just had to vent my frustration about this.

[Guest IttyBittyMonster]

Hehe no apologies! And yeah everyone can do it. Venting is fine, and it's a good thing to talk about so maybe some people will see it and not jump into something too quickly!

[Soft-mommy78]

Hehe no apologies! And yeah everyone can do it. Venting is fine, and it's a good thing to talk about so maybe some people will see it and not jump into something too quickly!

Hehe thank you and yes I hope some do see it and decide not to rush at all to take them time that it deserves!!

[Guest Lissy Lu]

I agree with this soooooooooo much. I'm 19 and I've never been in a relationship. People think it's weird, but I don't want to get into a relationship because I'm lonely or because everyone else is doing it

[neworder]

Thirsty

[Soft-mommy78]

I agree with this soooooooooo much. I'm 19 and I've never been in a relationship. People think it's weird, but I don't want to get into a relationship because I'm lonely or because everyone else is doing it

That is good of you not to do that just because everyone else is doing it. It reminds me of that saying that my parents would say to it if I did something because someone else did it. That if they jumped off a bridge would I. You need so need to take time in any relationship.

[DustBunny93]

I think some people are just super desperate. I'm not saying it to be mean.

I have personally since I have been on this site have seen people who literally get in a relationship with a daddy, be with them for a week tops then single again. And then looking immediately. I have been in the chat room when I have seen it most. Going after every single new person who comes in. How are the rest of us supposed to have a chance to talk to them even normally as friends when one person is so clingy? I'm sorry. I'm just remembering one person in particular who constantly complains about being alone and goes from daddy to daddy.

 

That's not my thing. I don't rush vanilla relationships and I'm not going to rush something as special as a ddlg relationship.

[Pinkegobox]

I'm writing the below with a view that your daddy request was online based and please note that i'm still a rookie DD/CG so take this all with a grain of salt.

 

I feel that the person you were talking to was trying to learn by experience, maybe it's just an idea that they want to explore so they're finding people to match with and see if it's something they're going to want to continue with. That said, you're looking at this in the long term point of view which perhaps they haven't given much thought to.

 

Hope that point of view might be of use.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I think sometimes people get sooo excited that they just act on impulse and jump into a "relationship".  I put it in quote marks, because often it's just a fling, not a proper relationship.

There is that excited heady feeling when you click with someone and it's very tempting to think "oh they are The One", when usually it's just infatuation at that stage!

Plus we live in an age when almost everything has become faster & more accessible - travel, shopping, food preparation etc. - and this spills over into personal life. You see it all the time, where patience flies out the window and people want everything NOW.

Edited May 24, 2018 by Looby-Lou

[Guest Spookycupcake]

Well I can say that my daddy and I definitely did rush into a relationship fast but we've been together for 9 months...We met on here but we've met frequently in person.

[Song`rim Redtide]

I honestly think the reason so many people rush into a relationship be it vanilla or a DDlg relationship is that there is this idea that one has to be in a relationship to find happiness. Sure it's possible to make a rushed relationship work however at that point in time your truly shooting in the dark. On the other hand, some people are quick to trust while others take advantage of that. For a lot of people, they live in the world of Instant gratification and think that everything just happens at the snap of the fingers, a quick text, or a quick payment. A lot of people have forgotten that relationships hell even a relationship like friendship takes time to develop. Regardless having patience for these things will pay off. It gives you time to better develop oneself for a relationship and be the best versions of themselves that they can be.

[Guest Professor Optics]

Some people "rush" because it's not unheard of to click completely with someone on day one. I think in general, it falls to open communication; gauging what each other wants, etc. Most who do rush in the context you put it, are in a state of scarcity, so they feel it's important to find someone, either to confirm their fears or to help break them. Or they're just plain knobs. To get angry when someone says no, is a major red flag, regardless of what you're saying no to.

[Guest Jedi Princess]

Life is way too short not to just go for it. No regrets, All or Nothing. If it is meant to be, it will be. Some people take their time and it still doesn't work out and others move quickly and it lasts a life time. Sometimes vice a versa. The truth is we'll never know what the future holds

They say only fools rush in...but then again only fools fall in love

[MrDaddyManSir]

...No regrets, All or Nothing. If it is meant to be, it will be...

 

Maybe in certain contexts. But consider if I had zero piano experience and there was a lovely piano piece I wish I could play. I could sit down at a piano for the very first time, hover my fingers over the keys and say "well if its meant to be, I will play this piano piece perfectly with zero practice, effort, or time put in. If I don't get it right, well I guess its not meant to be". I would of course fail miserably with the very first note, throw up my hands and say "Well.. I guess that just wasn't meant to be. I give up." There are some things we want, which just take time. So really I suppose it always comes down to what we want and what we're willing to do to get it. 

[neworder]

co-dependent

eagerly awaiting access to her naughty pics

attention deficit from growing up in smartphone world - LDR Daddy #52 should be installed in kik by now, "Little #213 Hot pics" should be installed by now...

those who throw caution to the wind types vs cautious type

 

and bad analogies are bad analogies.  

so I'll add one more bad analogy.....

 

the persons mentioned by the OP are more like shopaholics with a new credit card. using up their emotional/money account with much risk and little forethought.

[Guest Jedi Princess]

@MrDaddyManSir...I don't believe that learning to play a piece of music is on the same level of meeting someone and going for it. There are music geniuses out here that can play and learn music by ear. Most of us will have to learn each note and blend them together in away the makes them sound nice. So many people love music but give up on it because it's not easy. However, if you meet someone that you connect with why not go for it. You two maybe love geniuses and blend nicely together. Or like most of us, love is hard. I would rather have someone tell me it's not working out asap rather than them stringing me along. The same way I would want a piano teacher to tell me, Hey you suck at this, try something else. I think a lot of people look at rushing in as a negative...I truly don't. Edited June 12, 2018 by Jedi Princess

[MrDaddyManSir]

Words are funny that way. The very word "rush" has a negative leaning. To "rush" into something... anything... implies an element of recklessness. 

 

I'm not saying that it is reckless, I'm saying that the word has that kind of connotation. 

 

As with all things, there is no hard and fast judgment on how one decides to handle their relationships. I have found however that escalating a relationship quickly is riskier than being slow and methodical. 

 

Riskier meaning - what's more likely:

• A relationship could have thrived and been very successful if it was not rushed 
• A relationship could have thrived and been very successful if it was rushed

Both scenarios are possible. But which is more likely? Of course its possible for love at first sight, soulmate, explosion of perfect union type stuff. But the vast, overwhelming majority of us will not experience that and, I feel, would be burning great opportunities by looking for that. 

 

My thoughts are that the flames that burn brightest, burn shortest. I feel a relationship could be very quickly burnt out if the throttle is fully opened and its given enough gas to explode. If the goal is a bright firework of an experience that flares and then ends soon after, then there is no problem with that. Those experiences are great. However for longevity, if that is one's goal, I feel a more slow approach is less risky.  

[neworder]

agree with you all the way with missed opportunities by rush/not rush at the wrong time