My story and confusion

[Misha]

This post is gunna be longg. I feel kind of unsure about posting this but I need to get some things out...

 

I've been in the BDSM lifestyle since, let's say.. 18. I'm 27 now. I've always been a submissive. Although I did once switch with a Dom and experienced being a Dom... it really wasn't for me. As far as BDSM goes I'm pretty experienced and everything was always really clear through research. 

 

I was a little before I knew what a little was. DD/lg is a sub-branch of BDSM that never seemed to pop up in my research. Having no idea this community existed... that was a scary thing; I really thought I was crazy to be honest. 

 

I'll start with my marriage. I had a strong desire to call my husband Daddy. I was in bliss when he called me his little girl. I craved for him to pick me up and hold me, help me get dressed/undressed, I wanted to suck his thumb at bedtime because it soothed me and helped me go to sleep. My mentality would often be really childlike. When I got upset it was really difficult, practically impossible, for me to self sooth. When I got angry, it would sometimes lead to a childlike fit.. a tantrum. While he played along with the "Daddy role", he wasn't a true Daddy. He would tell me to "grow up", or that I "wasn't his little girl", etc. 

 

After the marriage was over, I dated a guy that was unfortunately a very toxic pathological liar... who I suspect was also a psyophath. Like no joke, really think he was incapable of empathy. Anyways, it wasn't long before the same desires took over. He sort of played along, and sort of didn't. At this point I was still thinking I was crazy. (I do have severe social anxiety, and Borderline, so I thought these needs were just some other thing wrong with me.) We broke up for a couple months and I had done a lot of thinking and research in that time. I found the DD/lg community and learned that I was a little. When him and I got back together I explained everything to him. He pretended to be my Daddy but it was really to help him manipulate me and take advantage of me. I won't go into too many details about this relationship because I hate him and don't want to think about him much. 

 

Notes: Neither of them had any BDSM experience, and both of them only played along with being my Daddy. I actually did try a straight D/s relationship with both of them as well but unfortunately in both cases it turned out to be abusive.

 

When that relationship was over (YAY.), I surpressed being a little as much as I could. Being single and living alone made it easier to do so.

 

Then I met my current boyfriend. We met online, over Xbox. Feelings developed quickly and we met in person and moved in  together. He is so amazing I could talk about how amazing he is forever lol but I won't do that. Anyways, I never planned on letting my little side show to much. I thought that I had surpressed it for good for the most part. Before we ever met in person I did tell him about my hippo stuffie, and that I would be upset if he wasn't nice to it. I even said that I sleep with it him the bed. He knew I had other stuffies as well. I also told him that I loved to be picked up, and he told me that he would really enjoy that.   I told him I would be a koala and that he would have to put me down lol cause I wouldn't get off once he picked me up. I also felt the need to clarify that I meant like a baby and not like a bride or piggyback. (Tho I do like that too, but I like being held facing him the most). 

 

When we moved in together... I had thrown out, donated, or gave away most of my little things at this point. I had my stuffies, my hairbows, one book (Mr. Brown Can MOO! Can You?), some cute cups, and a couple other things scattered about but nothing unexplainable. We got a puppy and I gave all my stuffies that didn't have hard eyeballs or beads to the puppy, so I wouldn't seem too childish. Happy, my hippo, doesn't have hard eyeballs but I would have never gave Happy away because we can not be separated. I was really trying to not be little.

 

It's like I can't help myself though...

 

He once called me his Queen. I told him I'd really rather be his princess. He said he will be my prince. So I told him "Nooo, you're my King". If I remember correctly he started to say "But then.." but cut himself off and seemed content with the terms.   At this point I was still convincing myself that I could suppress being little. Any time it came out though he seemed to embrace it. When I got excited and playful he would say I'm cute, he picked me up whenever I wanted, etc. I can't remember how I managed to slip it in a conversation, but I found an excuse to call him Daddy a couple times in a joking manner and he liked that too. I remember one time we got into a fight and I ended up having a tantrum like I would when I was little. He wasn't really happy about that one but he was still patient and determined to be there for me.

 

Then it happened. I honestly can't remember 100% if we made a bet, or if he wanted a back massage. Which ever it was though, my terms were... "If you read me a book". I said it in a nervously playful way, ready to play it off in an instance if he reacted with even a hint of negativity. He didn't. He said yes right away. I brushed it off for a bit then asked if he really would. I asked a couple more times too. I had quite a few books, but only one little book. So as you probably guessed, when he wanted to know what book, I showed him "Mr. Brown Can MOO! Can You?". He was completely accepting. 

 

After being read a book, the words "Daddy", "little girl", and "DD/lg" were quick to surface. We talked about it very lightly and he became my Daddy. I was really cautious though, being in little space was anxiety inducing. I was so scared that he thought I was weird and that he was just playing along. I was also really scared that he would get tired of it after I got super attached to him being my Daddy, and that would break me. I told him many times that if he didn't like it that it's fine, and that he didn't have to pretend, etc. He reassured me 1000 times, told me that there is nothing weird about it and nothing he doesn't like. One morning  before he went to work I told him that I am scared, and that I'm surpressing it and not letting myself completely be open. He asked me to not do that and explained that the only way we can know if he will like it is if we really try it out. After he got home from work, I was in little space pretty much the rest of the night, and the next day too. I asked him if I was in little space too much, worried that it might be an issue for him becaue it's generally a non-sexual thing for me, but he said no.

 

I stopped surpressing my little side, and now I am in little/middle space about 80% of the time. He's such an amazing Daddy and I'm really happy.    Amazing boyfriend and all around person too. omg. I still get scared sometimes that he might get tried of it or something but that's not his fault.... that because of the extreme betrayals/mindgames of past relationships and my BPD. I'm so thankful for him. Happy likes him too cause he is nice to Happy and even tucks him in for sleep and gives him kisses and pets.

 

But... what is a little? I've seen several definitions of it that don't 100% match up. There is part of me that still wonders if I'm actually just crazy and not really a little. I'm gunna try and explain it cause I want to know if I'm crazy or not and maybe someone can have some insight because researching isn't really helping... it's just confusing me even more. Just please don't be too harsh if you think I'm crazy.

 

When I am in little space it's not just a fun/cute thing for me. Sometimes it's fun and I color, play, and be goofy. I will hop or run around and giggle and have a blast. Sometimes I am sad in little space and I will cry and pout and I can't feel better without Daddy's help. Then sometimes I get really upset or even angry and I throw a tantrum and need Daddy's guidance and Dominance to calm me down. Then after I feel sad because I know I was being bad and I get scared that Daddy won't want to be my Daddy anymore. Sometimes I get separation anxiety as well. I guess what I am trying to say is when I am little space I still go through all my emotions... and in little form. My emotions and behaviors related to those emotions are age-appropriate for what age range I am in little space...

 

My age ranges from 4 to 16 but most often it's 4-7 (like 75% of the time). It's kind of hard to explain the ages though and put a correct number to what I am feeling and how my behavior is. Actually it's extremely difficult to explain it. I just know that, for example, when I'm in little space and feeling 4-5.. that my mentality and emotions will genuinely match that age range. Being treated like an adult when I'm in little space can confuse and frustrate me.   I guess what I'm trying to say is it's not so much an act/pretend as it is a different side of me. I won't make extreme reckless decisions that would be unsafe or destroy finances or anything, and I don't forget how to do things I know how to do, but things like: I really feel like I need help doing things and sometimes get a little clumsier, my voice changes a little without me even noticing, it can be hard for me to communicate depending on how small I am (sometimes when I have a tantrum I just CAN'T use words too), and most of all I NEED to be with Daddy. Then certain things are randomly out of place.. like I might feel 6-7ish but still want to use my Nuby and suck on Daddy's thumb. I wish I could explain it better..

 

And now to post...  

[Guest BabyPeach]

Don't worry about any "definitions" of what a little is. We are all different and unique (and so are caregivers).  As far as not acting your age specifically, that's normal too.  My little age is 3, but that doesn't mean I am literally 3.  3 year old me can do things a real 3 year old can't because I'm also an adult inside.  For example, I can run my own bubble bath and make sure the temperature is correct.  A real 3 year old can't do that.  There are littles without caregivers who do all the caregiver things because they have no choice.  That doesn't make them any less of a little.  Also, if you feel like you are 8 at the time but still want a paci, go for it!  We don't have age rules.  Just do what feels natural to you.

 

I think most littles have that "different side".  I guess, you just have to remember that our wants and needs and actions as littles vary from person to person. I can be walking in a store alone and see a cute stuffie and start thinking in my little way of speaking (I'm a baby talking little) in regard to that stuffie (this is not something all littles do, I can go in and out of being little all day long depending on what I see, Daddy texts, etc.).  Outwardly, I'm still grown up me, but inside I am little me for that moment.  Little me is a part of me.  It's my inner child who comes out to play, literally.  

 

Don't worry.  You are definitely a little.

[Misha]

Thank you BabyPeach  I read a bunch of definitions of littles and DD/lg that made me feel like I wasn't normal and that the way I am is too extreme or something idk..

 

Your reply made me feel a lot better though hehe

[Guest lalalaluna]

Peach is right. There is no One True Way to be a little. Guidelines and suggestions, sure enough, but little space and being a little is 100% about being you and who you are, not fitting into some arbitrary mold. You're a little if you're happy, or sad, or having a tantrum. You're only not a little when you decide not to be one, easy as that.

[DDevoted_Embrace]

First of all, what a great post. As someone who is new to DD/lg, this was an amazing read. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.

 

My bdsm journey started around 1999 and i continuously questioned myself as a Dom, i.e. was i really dominant enough? Do i have to be a sadist? Ect.

 

Then i realised what bdsm is: a smorgasbord. You take the bits you think are tasty and leave the rest alone. You don't have to try everything and you don't have to like something because someone thinks you're "supposed to". As long as there is consent between adults, nothing is really wrong. Your sexuality and your personality are your own, whatever form they take. We humans really like to put labels on things, but don't worry too much about boxing yourself into definitions or emulating others, because the only ones who it should matter to are yourself and your partner.

[Maids]

Yes you are a little because I am the exact same way! I have BPD, anxiety issues, social anxieties, all sorts of other things. 

 

As someone who also suffers with BPD and anxiety, I can assure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is entirely not crazy! The thing is with us BPD suffers is our illness tends to put a magnifying glass on our experiences and makes us feel things much more intensely than others and it's easy to get stuck in a mindset to where you're swamped up in all these feelings and be a bit clueless as to what's underlying, if there is anything. BDSM has been a major coping method for me, it keeps me grounded and gives me a personality. The best way to describe someone who has BPD is someone who is a chameleon, I heavily relate - we easily bend and change our colours depending on the crowd we are in - but certain crowds we feel more comfortable in (Like BDSM!) but DDlg is a home that my BPD has always been searching for. 

 

The equal vulnerability, the safety and security, the connection between a Daddy and a little is very special and much more strong than a regular D/s or vanilla relationship. We walk around with our hearts on our sleeve and that usually gets us hurt/traumatized, so that safety of a Dom or even a Daddy Dom is very reassuring... the nurturing guidance of a Daddy, needing to be needed, then the little who is needy and needs that nurturing. Just make sure that this Daddy that you're interested in is prepared because every little is different - he sounds very new to the scene and you both need to be careful. Some Daddies aren't very good when it comes to handling littles with mental health issues, sure it's not rocket science to understand; all you need is a little bit of empathy and patience! But some Daddies, especially new ones, can get overwhelmed with all this information. But, love is love and if he truly likes you, he won't leave you just because you are a bit scared. Littlespace is a very scary and vulnerable thing so you have every right to be a little bit dippin'-your-toes-in-the-water type of thing. 

 

I still struggle with this myself, I have had Daddies over the past few months walk out for dumb reasons. I sometimes turtle away from my current Daddy when it comes to littlespace because my exes have all told me "Why are you going little on me right now..? I wanted big Venus... not little Venus.." or that I'm "too needy" and need "independence" .... which has significantly impacted my current Daddy. He loves to be needed and doesn't want me to hold back because he loves me for me and doesn't want those past assholes to still have a hold on how I operate. Sometimes I feel guilty or shameful that I randomly go little on him throughout the day because it was always such a "headache" to have me constantly switching between Big Ve and little Ve. Sometimes I get so scared that Daddy will leave me because I am either 'too needy' or 'too flip floppy', so randomly in littlespace I would get very depressed and not want kisses or cuddles because I'm afraid of having that emotional reassurance incase it all shatters and I lose him.

 

 

Oh, context! I call my little side "Little Ve" (Hi, my name is Venus, btw!) because we have completely different personalities. It's going to sound crazy, but my little side doesn't exactly 'take in' things that I experience as my big self. We have completely different memories. Sometimes my little self still thinks that my x,y,z is still my Daddy even though they up and left me and hurt me significantly... then my little self gets scared and upset because they don't understand why people keep 'randomly disappearing' ... she has said several times to my new Daddy, Sean, "Are you going to disappear on me too... ? what if you leave...? what happens to me?" and he always offers me that reassurance. It does help, but it's more so a temporary fix for WHATEVER is going on with me. Btw, my little age is 3-6 and I'm 85% in middlespace unless Daddy and I are having playtime. 

 

It's crazy though, all of this, reading what you're going through and experiencing because I am going through the same thing myself and it feels good to read all of this knowing that I'm not the only one wondering if I'm crazy. I've even gone as far as to research if being a little is a mental illness rather than a simple thing of BDSM... I feel that crazy into the lifestyle sometime and all these 'labels' floating around.  

 

I'd recommend with this new Daddy that he has someone to talk to though with this because something new for him like DDLG if even if it's coming 'natural' to him, we all have times where we get a bit overwhelmed and that's not your fault, people experience things differently and sometimes we all need a bit of help. He should either have very reliable research or some kind of experienced Daddy mentor. 

 

You cannot box up who you are though, you cannot escape being a little no matter how hard you try because being little is who you are and you should be proud of that. Despite the chameleon and grey area of BPD and mental illnesses, you've found who you are and that is something a lot of people with our mental illness struggle with. Good on you.

 

I hope this helps clear things up and makes you feel less alone... all in all, you are not crazy and you are certainly not the only one who acts this way as a little. Just because other littles on here or wherever you are experiencing these other littles behaviours, doesn't mean that you are doing it wrong or whatever. I feel insanely guilty when I act like a brat to my Daddy because I worry that he will get tired of my bratty behaviours and up and leave simply because... not a lot of Daddies are good at brat taming! It's a hard thing to get a hold onto. 

 

I'm always up for a chat if you want to add me and have a chat about this because we are wicked similar!  This post is going to come on super strong though and I don't want to push the envelope and make you feel uneasy, hence why I'm not taking the plunge myself!

 

You're a beautiful little and a great person inside and out for what you've been through and I'm insanely proud that you and your bratty little side has plowed through all these upsetting events in your life, you're very strong.   

[xBabydollx]

It sounds like ur concern is that this behavior is not an act/pretend for u. Guess what? That is fine! Some littles age regress (subconsciously/not on purpose behave and think younger than they are). Other littles ageplay (purposefully pretend to be younger mentally or physically than they are). Some ppl (like myself) age regress and ageplay. u can do one of the two, or both and still be a little. ur Daddy Dom sounds awesome honestly and I hope y'all journey into this dynamic continue to go well. Edited May 19, 2018 by xBabydollx

[Siniwit]

I just want to start out by saying how proud I am of my princess (Venus), for opening up in her response to this. It won't be easy for either of you to express all these thoughts, and it's doubly difficult in a public setting, because "what if?". I find that "what if?" is something that comes up a lot with anyone who has an anxiety issue and can be a plague sometimes. I too suffer with anxiety disorders, so I know what it's like to constantly question these things. Thankfully, with therapy, I'm a lot better with it now.

​"What if?" can be about anything; as Venus has said, "What if Daddy leaves me, or I get too bratty or he gets bored or tired or my switching irritates him?" comes up for her a lot and she struggles to reassure herself with that due to her exes. I do my best to comfort her and explain every day that I love her and won't be going anywhere. Any good Daddy will always comfort and reassure. I also ask myself "What if I'm not good enough or what if I'm not capable or up to the task or what if I don't handle a situation well enough to keep her at peace?" We can't help asking these questions and worrying; it's also human nature, but it's magnified when people have these anxieties and conditions. We work through these things together though, and actually, the most healthy thing you can do when you worry about these things, is talk to your Daddy. We talk openly about these things and through discussion, we help each other to overcome those fears.

​You are absolutely a little and you shouldn't feel a need to supress those feelings of being little. It sounds like he truly cares about you deeply and wants what's best for you; as a little, what is best is that you embrace that side of you and let him fully see it and become accustomed to your ways when in littlespace. As with a lot of things in life, practice makes perfect. I know that sounds cliché, but it's true. The more you allow yourself to open up your little side, the more he can experience it and can learn alongside you so that you can both grow together, as a couple.

​It sounds to me like he is naturally caring and nurturing, so the role of a Daddy shouldn't be too daunting for him though he would ideally have a bit more extensive knowledge so that he may guide you, rather than you guide him. As a little, you shouldn't burden yourself with the task of having to guide him through the learning curve of how to be an effective Daddy. Perhaps you could show him this forum and maybe a mod could highlight some topics for you both to read together, so that he may gain a better understanding of how to guide you? Maybe he could even join and if he has any queries he can seek advice and support, just like you are doing now - which, for a little, is a very brave step, so go you!

​No two littles are 100% the same (though you and Venus do seem to share similarities in the way you approach worries etc. due to your conditions - however, that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be like the same person), each one is different and has their own ways and that's both a blessing and a curse when it comes to DDlg, because the advice can't always be blanketed to suit all and usually needs to be tailored to the individual. There are, however, always some behaviours and things which most (if not all) littles do, and some of the things you've listed strike me as such.

​You shouldn't ever feel like you're "doing it wrong" or you're "not a true little" if you see others doing different things or behaving in different ways. Some littles are bratty, some are clingy, some are needy, some like to try to care for their Daddy too and "act all growed up" in an effort to mutually support, and some have all these traits. There is no right or wrong. You are what you are and it seems to me, like you identify as a little, so you are a little.

​Possibly a thing to suggest would be to make a topic (or find others) asking other littles about their little space and what they do in little space, how they are, how they handle certain situations etc. and maybe through that, you'll find a little reassurance and not feel like you're alone in it; once you know others behave the same way, it's easy to relate and in time, you will surely melt into the comfort of identifying yourself this way.

​To wrap up this essay (I'm known for these), I just want to re-affirm that your boyfriend/Daddy sounds like a good egg, and if he's caring for Happy the hippo in the way he does, and if he's accepting of you as you are and does his best for you, shows you on the daily that he cares, then he sounds like a good fit. Hopefully some of what Venus and I have said (and others) will prove helpful to you and you'll feel accepted into DDlg, and feel more like you belong.

 

Feel free to always ask for advice, and to get your Daddy to do the same. We are a welcoming bunch and we all want to help each other learn and grow!

[Misha]

Yes you are a little because I am the exact same way! I have BPD, anxiety issues, social anxieties, all sorts of other things. 

 

As someone who also suffers with BPD and anxiety, I can assure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is entirely not crazy! The thing is with us BPD suffers is our illness tends to put a magnifying glass on our experiences and makes us feel things much more intensely than others and it's easy to get stuck in a mindset to where you're swamped up in all these feelings and be a bit clueless as to what's underlying, if there is anything. BDSM has been a major coping method for me, it keeps me grounded and gives me a personality. The best way to describe someone who has BPD is someone who is a chameleon, I heavily relate - we easily bend and change our colours depending on the crowd we are in - but certain crowds we feel more comfortable in (Like BDSM!) but DDlg is a home that my BPD has always been searching for. 

 

The equal vulnerability, the safety and security, the connection between a Daddy and a little is very special and much more strong than a regular D/s or vanilla relationship. We walk around with our hearts on our sleeve and that usually gets us hurt/traumatized, so that safety of a Dom or even a Daddy Dom is very reassuring... the nurturing guidance of a Daddy, needing to be needed, then the little who is needy and needs that nurturing. Just make sure that this Daddy that you're interested in is prepared because every little is different - he sounds very new to the scene and you both need to be careful. Some Daddies aren't very good when it comes to handling littles with mental health issues, sure it's not rocket science to understand; all you need is a little bit of empathy and patience! But some Daddies, especially new ones, can get overwhelmed with all this information. But, love is love and if he truly likes you, he won't leave you just because you are a bit scared. Littlespace is a very scary and vulnerable thing so you have every right to be a little bit dippin'-your-toes-in-the-water type of thing. 

 

You couldn't have possibly worded that more perfectly. I've always thought of myself as a chameleon, even before I got diagnosed lol.. for better or for worse. I could fit into any group for a while but as you said, certain groups just feel more comfortable. 

 

We've had some more conversations about DD/lg and BPD and I feel really confident he is 100% on board. That's not to say I don't still have "episodes" where I panic and my anxiety/fear takes over but he's really good at putting my mind at ease. This is his first DD/lg relationship so yes hehe he is very new. At the start he was feeling unsure on what he should/shouldn't do but now (after communication, researching, watching videos) he is a lot more comfortable in his position as a Daddy. I wouldn't say I'm new to DD/lg but I would definitely say I'm new to a DD/lg relationship where I am free to be in little space whenever it comes naturally and I will be loved and accepted for it. That's not to say I don't still have 'episodes' where I panic inside and my anxiety and fear takes over.. but he is really understanding and is amazing at easing my mind.

 

 

 

I still struggle with this myself, I have had Daddies over the past few months walk out for dumb reasons. I sometimes turtle away from my current Daddy when it comes to littlespace because my exes have all told me "Why are you going little on me right now..? I wanted big Venus... not little Venus.." or that I'm "too needy" and need "independence" .... which has significantly impacted my current Daddy. He loves to be needed and doesn't want me to hold back because he loves me for me and doesn't want those past assholes to still have a hold on how I operate. Sometimes I feel guilty or shameful that I randomly go little on him throughout the day because it was always such a "headache" to have me constantly switching between Big Ve and little Ve. Sometimes I get so scared that Daddy will leave me because I am either 'too needy' or 'too flip floppy', so randomly in littlespace I would get very depressed and not want kisses or cuddles because I'm afraid of having that emotional reassurance incase it all shatters and I lose him.

 

 

Oh, context! I call my little side "Little Ve" (Hi, my name is Venus, btw!) because we have completely different personalities. It's going to sound crazy, but my little side doesn't exactly 'take in' things that I experience as my big self. We have completely different memories. Sometimes my little self still thinks that my x,y,z is still my Daddy even though they up and left me and hurt me significantly... then my little self gets scared and upset because they don't understand why people keep 'randomly disappearing' ... she has said several times to my new Daddy, Sean, "Are you going to disappear on me too... ? what if you leave...? what happens to me?" and he always offers me that reassurance. It does help, but it's more so a temporary fix for WHATEVER is going on with me. Btw, my little age is 3-6 and I'm 85% in middlespace unless Daddy and I are having playtime.  

 

It's crazy though, all of this, reading what you're going through and experiencing because I am going through the same thing myself and it feels good to read all of this knowing that I'm not the only one wondering if I'm crazy. I've even gone as far as to research if being a little is a mental illness rather than a simple thing of BDSM... I feel that crazy into the lifestyle sometime and all these 'labels' floating around. 

 

I know exactly how you feel. The thought of being vulnerable and allowing myself to bond so deeply at the risk of extreme emotional pain if Daddy were to leave me.. it's terrifying. Sometimes it really makes me want to close off my emotions entirely and run away so I don't have to chance the possibility of being left behind. I know it's the BPD though, and I do try really hard to not let it take control of me but Daddy helps me a lot with it too by explaining things and reassuring me.

 

That makes me feel sad for Little Ve but also happy at the same time that now she has someone who is there for her. (Anddd.. hi! My name is Misha  )

 

 

I'd recommend with this new Daddy that he has someone to talk to though with this because something new for him like DDLG if even if it's coming 'natural' to him, we all have times where we get a bit overwhelmed and that's not your fault, people experience things differently and sometimes we all need a bit of help. He should either have very reliable research or some kind of experienced Daddy mentor. 

 

You cannot box up who you are though, you cannot escape being a little no matter how hard you try because being little is who you are and you should be proud of that. Despite the chameleon and grey area of BPD and mental illnesses, you've found who you are and that is something a lot of people with our mental illness struggle with. Good on you.

 

I hope this helps clear things up and makes you feel less alone... all in all, you are not crazy and you are certainly not the only one who acts this way as a little. Just because other littles on here or wherever you are experiencing these other littles behaviours, doesn't mean that you are doing it wrong or whatever. I feel insanely guilty when I act like a brat to my Daddy because I worry that he will get tired of my bratty behaviours and up and leave simply because... not a lot of Daddies are good at brat taming! It's a hard thing to get a hold onto. 

 

I'm always up for a chat if you want to add me and have a chat about this because we are wicked similar!    This post is going to come on super strong though and I don't want to push the envelope and make you feel uneasy, hence why I'm not taking the plunge myself!

 

You're a beautiful little and a great person inside and out for what you've been through and I'm insanely proud that you and your bratty little side has plowed through all these upsetting events in your life, you're very strong.     

 

It's probably going to sound kinda silly, but I feel like my little side was kinda hiding out in the shadows and then could sense that he was supposed to be my Daddy.    The way it all happened and how everything fell into place with us. You're definitely right, there is no escaping who you truly are. Being little can be an ironically scary thing but I think it's worth being brave for because the bond and the connection you get in a DD/lg relationship is practically magic.

 

I haven't had much sleep but I've been dying to reply so if I sound a bit retarded that's probably (hopefully) why lol.

Edited May 21, 2018 by Misha

[Misha]

First of all, what a great post. As someone who is new to DD/lg, this was an amazing read. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.

 

My bdsm journey started around 1999 and i continuously questioned myself as a Dom, i.e. was i really dominant enough? Do i have to be a sadist? Ect.

 

Then i realised what bdsm is: a smorgasbord. You take the bits you think are tasty and leave the rest alone. You don't have to try everything and you don't have to like something because someone thinks you're "supposed to". As long as there is consent between adults, nothing is really wrong. Your sexuality and your personality are your own, whatever form they take. We humans really like to put labels on things, but don't worry too much about boxing yourself into definitions or emulating others, because the only ones who it should matter to are yourself and your partner.

 

I was kinda unsure about being so open to be honest, but I am definitely glad I did because everyone's replies made me feel a lot better and I don't have to worry so much that I'm "less little and more crazy" lol. I wanted to know that I actually belonged in the community rather than just falsely thinking that I am a little. It did feel good to get some of that venting out too though~

 

I agree though, labels and definitions are more guidelines than anything else. 

 

It sounds like ur concern is that this behavior is not an act/pretend for u. Guess what? That is fine! Some littles age regress (subconsciously/not on purpose behave and think younger than they are). Other littles ageplay (purposefully pretend to be younger mentally or physically than they are). Some ppl (like myself) age regress and ageplay. u can do one of the two, or both and still be a little. ur Daddy Dom sounds awesome honestly and I hope y'all journey into this dynamic continue to go well.

 

Yess, that is my main concern. I was worried that made me crazy I guess... 

 

Thank you 

 

He really is..   

 

I just want to start out by saying how proud I am of my princess (Venus), for opening up in her response to this. It won't be easy for either of you to express all these thoughts, and it's doubly difficult in a public setting, because "what if?". I find that "what if?" is something that comes up a lot with anyone who has an anxiety issue and can be a plague sometimes. I too suffer with anxiety disorders, so I know what it's like to constantly question these things. Thankfully, with therapy, I'm a lot better with it now.

 

​"What if?" can be about anything; as Venus has said, "What if Daddy leaves me, or I get too bratty or he gets bored or tired or my switching irritates him?" comes up for her a lot and she struggles to reassure herself with that due to her exes. I do my best to comfort her and explain every day that I love her and won't be going anywhere. Any good Daddy will always comfort and reassure. I also ask myself "What if I'm not good enough or what if I'm not capable or up to the task or what if I don't handle a situation well enough to keep her at peace?" We can't help asking these questions and worrying; it's also human nature, but it's magnified when people have these anxieties and conditions. We work through these things together though, and actually, the most healthy thing you can do when you worry about these things, is talk to your Daddy. We talk openly about these things and through discussion, we help each other to overcome those fears.

 

​You are absolutely a little and you shouldn't feel a need to supress those feelings of being little. It sounds like he truly cares about you deeply and wants what's best for you; as a little, what is best is that you embrace that side of you and let him fully see it and become accustomed to your ways when in littlespace. As with a lot of things in life, practice makes perfect. I know that sounds cliché, but it's true. The more you allow yourself to open up your little side, the more he can experience it and can learn alongside you so that you can both grow together, as a couple.

 

​It sounds to me like he is naturally caring and nurturing, so the role of a Daddy shouldn't be too daunting for him though he would ideally have a bit more extensive knowledge so that he may guide you, rather than you guide him. As a little, you shouldn't burden yourself with the task of having to guide him through the learning curve of how to be an effective Daddy. Perhaps you could show him this forum and maybe a mod could highlight some topics for you both to read together, so that he may gain a better understanding of how to guide you? Maybe he could even join and if he has any queries he can seek advice and support, just like you are doing now - which, for a little, is a very brave step, so go you!

 

​No two littles are 100% the same (though you and Venus do seem to share similarities in the way you approach worries etc. due to your conditions - however, that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be like the same person), each one is different and has their own ways and that's both a blessing and a curse when it comes to DDlg, because the advice can't always be blanketed to suit all and usually needs to be tailored to the individual. There are, however, always some behaviours and things which most (if not all) littles do, and some of the things you've listed strike me as such.

 

​You shouldn't ever feel like you're "doing it wrong" or you're "not a true little" if you see others doing different things or behaving in different ways. Some littles are bratty, some are clingy, some are needy, some like to try to care for their Daddy too and "act all growed up" in an effort to mutually support, and some have all these traits. There is no right or wrong. You are what you are and it seems to me, like you identify as a little, so you are a little.

 

​Possibly a thing to suggest would be to make a topic (or find others) asking other littles about their little space and what they do in little space, how they are, how they handle certain situations etc. and maybe through that, you'll find a little reassurance and not feel like you're alone in it; once you know others behave the same way, it's easy to relate and in time, you will surely melt into the comfort of identifying yourself this way.

 

​To wrap up this essay (I'm known for these), I just want to re-affirm that your boyfriend/Daddy sounds like a good egg, and if he's caring for Happy the hippo in the way he does, and if he's accepting of you as you are and does his best for you, shows you on the daily that he cares, then he sounds like a good fit. Hopefully some of what Venus and I have said (and others) will prove helpful to you and you'll feel accepted into DDlg, and feel more like you belong.

 

Feel free to always ask for advice, and to get your Daddy to do the same. We are a welcoming bunch and we all want to help each other learn and grow!

 

I think he really does and I noticed that even now it seems like every day we are growing in the DD/lg dynamic. He's grown to be more comfortable in creating structure/boundaries/etc and I've grown more comfortable in allowing myself to depend on that and explore being little in new ways. Unlike previous relationships, he constantly encourages me to be in littlespace (which I really like because I prefer being in little space. I'm happier when I'm in little space. Even though I still get upset or stuff when I'm little it stills just feels safer and overall better than when I'm not in little space) and tells me he loves taking care of me; I am really grateful for that. That's helped me really open up and be myself.

 

He's not as into online communities/sites as I am but he would probably like to read some articles I definitely did have to guide him at first but after researching and discussing things now he is testing things out and learning what works through trial & error, communication, and observation. Everything has been going well 

 

I'm really glad you and Venus replied to my post 

[xBabydollx]

Age regressing definitely doesn't make u crazy, so don't worry. Tonsssssss of littles do it. Perhaps u can do some research on it, or maybe even start a topic/get to know littles who age regress and it may give u even more comfort to see just how many are similar to u. Similiar being the key word, nobody age regress exactly the same.