Advice for a *possible* new Little?

[soomoo]

Hello everyone,

 

I think I need some help. I didn't know what littlespace was until a few months ago and I kept brushing it off, but now I don't think I can anymore. I've always been a bit different. I've always held onto a sort of childlike part of me subconsciously. I never took much notice to it until I grew around 20 and had people sometimes treat me in a certain way, calling me cute and adorable more than they ever did to others. Kind of taking care of me in subtle ways and acting like I'm a child at times. And the weird thing was that I liked it, and still do. I love Disney and cartoons I used to watch as a kid. I love stuffed animals and always sleep with one. I love cuddles but only cuddle people I trust (which just so happens to only be my mom because I don't trust people easily). I don't know if this counts for much but when I'm drunk (which is rarely), I think I go into littlespace full on, in public. I start cuddling people and expressing my love for them, I talk like a child and even purposely walk like one, friends suddenly get protective of me and watch over me like a caregiver, often holding my hand when walking even though I walk quite fine drunk. Is the reason behind this that I feel more comfortable reverting to littlespace if I have alcohol as an excuse? I end up feeling so little and innocent that I absolutely will NOT drink unless I'm with a friend I know can take care of me.

 

To add onto this, the only person I really fully trust is my mother, and I think I've been kinda acting little around her at times all throughout my life, like I never quite moved past being a six year old. She doesn't help since she coddles me, and sometimes baby-talks to me. My dad doesn't like it, but I always end up feeling small when she does it, little I guess. I hide my face in embarrassment, speak like a child, whine like a child, and ask to cuddle with her. This just isn't normal for a 21 year old girl, it can't be unless she's little, right? I don't know anymore.

 

This is super long I'm so sorry (fault of being an English major),

 

Does this sound like a little to you? And how did you find out you were little?

 

Soomoo

[TheDaddyest]

Sit back. Relax, and take a deep breath. It shouldn't be this big life changing question. You are who you are. If being a little is more true to you as a person then just own it. It' good advice for any sort of thing. Keep researching and learning. No matter what it shouldn't change who you are. 

[neko]

Theres rrally no yes or no to whether or not you're a Little. If you feel like you're a Little, then you're a Little. You don't need other peoples approval

[xBabydollx]

It depends on which sort of 'little' u are referring to. The cg/l kind, or the DD/lg kind. With the cg/l kind, that little is often an age regressor, meaning they mentally/emotionally revert to a child-like state of mind subconsciously/not on purpose, and so they often like a caregiver to take care of them while in this mindset. DD/lg on the other hand is a kink. This type of little is a type of submissive with child-like qualities in their persona who likes their Dominant (the Daddy Dom, or Mommy Domme) to take on a caregiving role. They may, or may not be sexual. The difference between the 2 things? With DD/lg there is a power exchange in place which is why it falls under BDSM. With cg/l there is not a power exhange. However, it is possible to be into DD/lg and also be an age regressor. It is also possible to be into cg/l and have an ageplay kink that is separate from when u age regress (ageplay is when a person purposefully pretends to be mentally, or physically younger than they are and it is a turn on, or where calling ur partner names such as Daddy or Mommy is a turn on. It is sexually fueled where as age regressing is not sexually fueled and not done on purpose). I highly suggest doing research. Resseach age regressors. Research cg/l. Research DD/lg. Research ageplay or ageplayers. Come to ur own conclusions and find what resonates best with u. I can not tell u which kind of little u are. u are free to call ur self whatever u like. Imo, based on what u said, I would guess u are an age regressor tho since this is something that happens amongst family/friends and not just a romantic partner. However, u are ur own judge as only u know the full story of how far it all goes.

[Little Illy]

What it sounds like is you enjoy the CG/l life, and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

Your mother is your original caregiver, she has been there for you, protected you, cuddled you, loved you, etc. That is what a CG is! And it sounds like it eases you, makes your comfortable, happy, and stable. Again, nothing wrong with that! Your friends care for you, hold your hands, protect you while you act a wee bit childish... again... NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!

 

And you know what isn't wrong? Not being a little but still loving all of the above.

 

People feel like they are forced on either side of the fence, that this dynamic is black and white (even when people try to be politically correct), etc, and this isn't true. No part of the dynamic is black and white, nothing is right or wrong (relatively) because every person is different. Everyone has different needs, wants and reap different benefits of this dynamic. Don't feel like you have to be or not to be something.

 

Here is what I got from everything you told us:

 

You may be little, but it is hard to start out. That is actually quite normal for a lot of people. I realized I was a little 6 years ago, and I have only had 1 Daddy and I am with him now. We have been together for 1.5 years. During the first 5 years.... I could NEVER get into littlespace. No matter what I did. I tried EVERYTHING! I colored, watched Disney, wore pigtails, pacis, got a onesie, talked with Daddy like a little when we got together, and MORE. Nothing worked. Nothing... Then I realized when I was with Daddy face to face, I could slowly feel more little... with alcohol. The alcohol takes away our anxiety and doubts (hence why people do stupid shit when drunk). But for littles, and even Daddies, it can be a breath of fresh air. For me the alcohol took away that mean little voice in my head that said "why are you doing this? You're stupid. That is stupid. You're not a real little because..." That mean little voice isn't true AT ALL. And so the alcohol helped me.

 

Don't get upset or doubtful when only alcohol brings about little-like actions more. Again, it is quite common. But if you figure you are a little, make sure you don't use alcohol as a crutch/means to be in littlespace (I'm not saying you are or intend to - just stating a piece of advice). Because then... it will make it harder to do so when sober. The whole conditioning/tolerance thing.

 

But lets say you aren't little... guess what? Being that way is PERFECTLY FINE AND NORMAL! And being that close and comfortable with your MOTHER, again.... its beautiful. I honestly wish I could cuddle with my mother and feel protected and little and loved. Its a precious thing, and taking this dynamic off the face of the world? My statement would remain the same. Don't EVER let ANYONE tell you it is wrong being comfortable and (appropriately) intimate with your parent. I am not suggesting a sexual component, I am simply saying cuddlying and being with a mother would bring you two closer - which makes it intimate. 

 

You are who YOU are. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The internet, others in the community, you father, your friends, NO ONE. Just be who you are and don't try to force yourself into any role (little or non). Just do what comes naturally while you research and explore this dynamic and maybe a few others. Relationships are a vast and fluid concept. They take form in basically every shape, so don't let people tell you, that you have to be a circle when you may feel like a rainbow.

[Little Illy]

It depends on which sort of 'little' u are referring to. The cg/l kind, or the DD/lg kind. With the cg/l kind, that little is often an age regressor, meaning they mentally/emotionally revert to a child-like state of mind subconsciously/not on purpose, and so they often like a caregiver to take care of them while in this mindset. DD/lg on the other hand is a kink. 

 

I would have to disagree. DDlg is a subset of CG/L.

 

CG/L = Caregivers and Littles. Because all CGs and all Ls are different, there really is no "typical" behavior of either.

[xBabydollx]

No, there is not 'typical' behavior of what makes a little. I do not use cg/l as a blanket term tho as some are specifically into DD/lg and others are not interested in a power exchange at all. u can not have DD/lg without the power exchange (it derives from D/s which specifically falls under BDSM). Not everyone who is interested in a form of a caregiving aspect is looking for that. I think its helpful for ppl to know it is not all 1 in the same. It is why some littles will meet a Daddy Dom and be conpletly taken aback by their Dominant behavior and need/expectancy of a power exchange, when they are better suited to a regular caregiver.

[Little Illy]

But... the caregiver/Little has an inherent power play. That is what’s makes it the same. Because not everyone in DDLG wants D/s. Just like MDlb may want want it. Or not.

 

I think we should agree to disagree as I respect you our opinion but mine differs is all

[xBabydollx]

I just don't see for example, how someone doesn't expect a Dom when Dom is within the title of Daddy Dom/little girl or Mommy Domme/little girl (or whatever the gender mix is). I am aware ppl will call themselves whatever they like tho and thats ok. In my exp, I only see 2 versions of ppl within this cg/l umbrella. In version A, there is someone with child-like qualities who wants to be taken care of, and the other who wants to take care of them. That is all. In version B, there is someone with child-like qualities who wants to be taken care of, and someone who wants to take care of them, but there is a power exchange with them in place. Both version A and B share a common caregiving role, but the power exchange (or lack of one) is what makes them different. I have never met or read about anyone who fits under another version. Either they want just 'caregiving' or 'caregiving' + a power exchange.

 

I have met many Daddy Dom's who talks about littles like this, "she said she was into DD/lg, but she didn't want to submit, or have a power exchange. She just expected me to take care of her. She was a fake little."

 

But she wasn't a fake little, she was simply version A, while he's version B.

 

I have also met many daddies who say they are into DD/lg, but when I tell them that I am a little, but of the DD/lg variety and want a power exchange, their reaction is along the lines of, "I am not dominant. I do not want a power exchange. Whoa, that is extreme. I only want to take care of someone while they are in littlespace."

 

They are not a fake daddy tho. They are simply version A and I'm version B.

 

I believe this is why the word 'fake' gets tossed around like a hot potato. We are all under this cg/l umbrella, but there is sides of it with very different expectatioins. I often believe, perhaps if we wasnt thrown under the same umbrella, maybe there wouldnt be as much confusion (like the examples I gave above). I do wish there was an adequate term to explain how we all share a caregiving role, I just dont think cg/l does it justice in explaining how we are different.

 

Overall, I wish there was terms for each thing everyone can get on the same page on, but I believe it will take awhile for something to become popular and stick lol. I do believe every little and daddy is different, but I notice there is those 2 versions of things it always seem to be with ppl. If there is another version, I would love to know.

 

I want to say I respect ur opinion a lot, lily, as I tend to agree with 99% of things u post lmao. We can disagree and that is perferectly ok. Everyone will always have different terminology and ideals (why I think everyone should do their own research) It is what makes a discussion forum so great, when done respectfully

[Little Illy]

I do believe every little and daddy is different, but I notice there is those 2 versions of things it always seem to be with ppl. If there is another version, I would love to know.

I want to say I respect ur opinion a lot, lily, as I tend to agree with 99% of things u post lmao. We can disagree and that is perferectly ok. Everyone will always have different terminology and ideals (why I think everyone should do their own research) It is what makes a discussion forum so great, when done respectfully

 

I am on the brink of sleep, however I want to read your input! I appreciate learning other perspectives than my own! And you’re right, conflicting views aren’t ever a problem when people are educated and understanding enough to know these views are okay. even if I agree with you about 99-100% of the time as well

Edited May 17, 2018 by Little Illy

[His Kitten]

be yourself, you don't need other peoples opinions whether you should or shouldn't. that's what i did. i'm 20 and my little age is 4-5 and i do it in public whether people are watching or not.  i have no shame and neither should you love.

[Akitty23]

I just don't see for example, how someone doesn't expect a Dom when Dom is within the title of Daddy Dom/little girl or Mommy Domme/little girl (or whatever the gender mix is). I am aware ppl will call themselves whatever they like tho and thats ok. In my exp, I only see 2 versions of ppl within this cg/l umbrella. In version A, there is someone with child-like qualities who wants to be taken care of, and the other who wants to take care of them. That is all. In version B, there is someone with child-like qualities who wants to be taken care of, and someone who wants to take care of them, but there is a power exchange with them in place. Both version A and B share a common caregiving role, but the power exchange (or lack of one) is what makes them different. I have never met or read about anyone who fits under another version. Either they want just 'caregiving' or 'caregiving' + a power exchange.

I have met many Daddy Dom's who talks about littles like this, "she said she was into DD/lg, but she didn't want to submit, or have a power exchange. She just expected me to take care of her. She was a fake little."

But she wasn't a fake little, she was simply version A, while he's version B.

I have also met many daddies who say they are into DD/lg, but when I tell them that I am a little, but of the DD/lg variety and want a power exchange, their reaction is along the lines of, "I am not dominant. I do not want a power exchange. Whoa, that is extreme. I only want to take care of someone while they are in littlespace."

They are not a fake daddy tho. They are simply version A and I'm version B.

I believe this is why the word 'fake' gets tossed around like a hot potato. We are all under this cg/l umbrella, but there is sides of it with very different expectatioins. I often believe, perhaps if we wasnt thrown under the same umbrella, maybe there wouldnt be as much confusion (like the examples I gave above). I do wish there was an adequate term to explain how we all share a caregiving role, I just dont think cg/l does it justice in explaining how we are different.

Overall, I wish there was terms for each thing everyone can get on the same page on, but I believe it will take awhile for something to become popular and stick lol. I do believe every little and daddy is different, but I notice there is those 2 versions of things it always seem to be with ppl. If there is another version, I would love to know.

I want to say I respect ur opinion a lot, lily, as I tend to agree with 99% of things u post lmao. We can disagree and that is perferectly ok. Everyone will always have different terminology and ideals (why I think everyone should do their own research) It is what makes a discussion forum so great, when done respectfully

Hello! I just wanted to say I really appreciate both the examples and explanation you gave regarding littles that are looking for a care giver relationship vs littles that want that power exchange play. My partner and I are very new in our exploration into our dd/lg play, and what you described has been a point of inner conflict I’ve come across, so you recognizing that difference was very validating. So I guess I just wanted to say thank you, I’m also new on the website so I’m trying to soak in all advice possible, so if you or any one else have any wisdom to share with a newbie please throw it my way, I’d appreciate it.

[xBabydollx]

Hi, akitty! Welcome to the forum. Im glad what I said was able to resonate with u in some way. I think a lot of ppl just walk into this thinking everyone wants/is offering just 'caregiving' while others are expecting everyone to want caregiving with a power exchange. So when they come across that other kind of person, it can be shocking and why sometimes 'fake' gets tossed around. It's good to know there is more than 1 kind of little and daddy (and not just in the characteristics realm, but rather the core of what they want exactly from this, cargiving or 'more'). If u would like to chat, feel free to add and message me. Otherwise, start some topics, and I'm sure plenty of ppl can try to help u.

[soomoo]

Sit back. Relax, and take a deep breath. It shouldn't be this big life changing question. You are who you are. If being a little is more true to you as a person then just own it. It' good advice for any sort of thing. Keep researching and learning. No matter what it shouldn't change who you are. 

Thank you for the advice It definitely doesn't change who I am, you're right

[soomoo]

It depends on which sort of 'little' u are referring to. The cg/l kind, or the DD/lg kind. With the cg/l kind, that little is often an age regressor, meaning they mentally/emotionally revert to a child-like state of mind subconsciously/not on purpose, and so they often like a caregiver to take care of them while in this mindset. DD/lg on the other hand is a kink. This type of little is a type of submissive with child-like qualities in their persona who likes their Dominant (the Daddy Dom, or Mommy Domme) to take on a caregiving role. They may, or may not be sexual. The difference between the 2 things? With DD/lg there is a power exchange in place which is why it falls under BDSM. With cg/l there is not a power exhange. However, it is possible to be into DD/lg and also be an age regressor. It is also possible to be into cg/l and have an ageplay kink that is separate from when u age regress (ageplay is when a person purposefully pretends to be mentally, or physically younger than they are and it is a turn on, or where calling ur partner names such as Daddy or Mommy is a turn on. It is sexually fueled where as age regressing is not sexually fueled and not done on purpose). I highly suggest doing research. Resseach age regressors. Research cg/l. Research DD/lg. Research ageplay or ageplayers. Come to ur own conclusions and find what resonates best with u. I can not tell u which kind of little u are. u are free to call ur self whatever u like. Imo, based on what u said, I would guess u are an age regressor tho since this is something that happens amongst family/friends and not just a romantic partner. However, u are ur own judge as only u know the full story of how far it all goes.

This is interesting, I didn't know the difference. I'm definitely in the cg/l territory since it's just something I naturally am and do without realizing it. Thanks for the info!

[soomoo]

What it sounds like is you enjoy the CG/l life, and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

Your mother is your original caregiver, she has been there for you, protected you, cuddled you, loved you, etc. That is what a CG is! And it sounds like it eases you, makes your comfortable, happy, and stable. Again, nothing wrong with that! Your friends care for you, hold your hands, protect you while you act a wee bit childish... again... NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!

 

And you know what isn't wrong? Not being a little but still loving all of the above.

 

People feel like they are forced on either side of the fence, that this dynamic is black and white (even when people try to be politically correct), etc, and this isn't true. No part of the dynamic is black and white, nothing is right or wrong (relatively) because every person is different. Everyone has different needs, wants and reap different benefits of this dynamic. Don't feel like you have to be or not to be something.

 

Here is what I got from everything you told us:

 

You may be little, but it is hard to start out. That is actually quite normal for a lot of people. I realized I was a little 6 years ago, and I have only had 1 Daddy and I am with him now. We have been together for 1.5 years. During the first 5 years.... I could NEVER get into littlespace. No matter what I did. I tried EVERYTHING! I colored, watched Disney, wore pigtails, pacis, got a onesie, talked with Daddy like a little when we got together, and MORE. Nothing worked. Nothing... Then I realized when I was with Daddy face to face, I could slowly feel more little... with alcohol. The alcohol takes away our anxiety and doubts (hence why people do stupid shit when drunk). But for littles, and even Daddies, it can be a breath of fresh air. For me the alcohol took away that mean little voice in my head that said "why are you doing this? You're stupid. That is stupid. You're not a real little because..." That mean little voice isn't true AT ALL. And so the alcohol helped me.

 

Don't get upset or doubtful when only alcohol brings about little-like actions more. Again, it is quite common. But if you figure you are a little, make sure you don't use alcohol as a crutch/means to be in littlespace (I'm not saying you are or intend to - just stating a piece of advice). Because then... it will make it harder to do so when sober. The whole conditioning/tolerance thing.

 

But lets say you aren't little... guess what? Being that way is PERFECTLY FINE AND NORMAL! And being that close and comfortable with your MOTHER, again.... its beautiful. I honestly wish I could cuddle with my mother and feel protected and little and loved. Its a precious thing, and taking this dynamic off the face of the world? My statement would remain the same. Don't EVER let ANYONE tell you it is wrong being comfortable and (appropriately) intimate with your parent. I am not suggesting a sexual component, I am simply saying cuddlying and being with a mother would bring you two closer - which makes it intimate. 

 

You are who YOU are. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The internet, others in the community, you father, your friends, NO ONE. Just be who you are and don't try to force yourself into any role (little or non). Just do what comes naturally while you research and explore this dynamic and maybe a few others. Relationships are a vast and fluid concept. They take form in basically every shape, so don't let people tell you, that you have to be a circle when you may feel like a rainbow.

This was so sweet. And I relate a lot to your own experience. I tend to block out those 'little' feelings because I'm scared of other people, which is why when I'm drunk it comes out so easily. I definitely won't use it as a crutch as I myself don't like being drunk and putting myself in such a vulnerable state. Thank you so much for all of this advice and reassurance