I feel like a useless girlfriend and little...

[PrincessMoses]

I have a Daddy/Boyfriend who can be an introvert and not tell me anything. Today was one of those days. I just graduated high school and he is still in school. So I had a particularly busy day of therapy, babysitting and a hair appointment (plus I woke up later than usual). So I couldn't really talk or be there today. So when the day ended and I had a chance to talk to him, he told me that his day was horrible and it was even worse because I didn't talk to him. I kept apologizing but he kept going on about how his day was and exams. I tried to help but he just kept yelling and that he was so stupid and I kept telling him he wasn't and saying I'm sorry but that only caused him to yell at me for constantly saying I'm sorry. Then we got into another fight because he wasn't telling me other things and I thought wasn't communicating. Now he won't talk at all....I feel so useless and sad....   

[Big Daddy D]

A man who takes out his day on his woman (or little) verbally, will eventually do so physically. My best advice is to get out. Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure, but I won't sugarcoat something potentially dangerous to you.

 

As an added note, please remember that you did nothing to cause this or deserve this.

Edited May 16, 2018 by Big Daddy D

[Little Illy]

A man who takes out his day on his woman (or little) verbally, will eventually do so physically. My best advice is to get out. Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure, but I won't sugarcoat something potentially dangerous to you.

 

As an added note, please remember that you did nothing to cause this or deserve this.

 

This.... is not at all the case in most situations...

 

People are HUMAN, they have HUMAN emotions and reactions. He could have literally had one of the worst days and could not handle it. We have ALL done it. Now if he is doing this every single day, just as dramatic, etc... I still wouldn't say he is abusive, I would say he is mentally unwell and needs to speak to a professional.

 

 

PrincessMoses - I would recommend giving him the night to calm down and then ask if you two can discuss what happen when you both are in a better headspace. Daddy and I table our conversations all the time when we get upset. When I'm upset, I am like your Daddy - I get loud and move around a lot and sometimes say hurtful things. Why? Because I can't mentally figure out how to express what I am feeling. Daddy closes down, apologizes when he doesn't mean it and just agrees in hopes to move things along. Is that healthy? Not at all, because he doesn't get to express his feelings. Which is what I am sure happened with you.

 

So Daddy and I have a rule, when the other says "I need time / space" we give it. We recognize that not everything can be easily explained when emotional. We come back and calmly discussed what happened, why, what we thought was happening and how to solve this issue in the future. And I recommend doing that with your Daddy. Leave a message stating that you love him and would love the chance to understand what happened when he is ready. Don't force it, something big could be going on under the surface.

 

However, if he refuses to discuss these things openly, then I would suggest maybe rethinking your options. Again, I am NOT saying he is abusive, but rather... not suited for the relationship you desire. That is when you need to have a hard look at things, but again only after he refuses to communicate. And even if that happens.

 

I wish you the best of luck

[Big Daddy D]

Perhaps I was a bit quick to judge. My best friend is in a horrible abusive relationship, and every time she gets the strength to leave she ends up going right back. It breaks my heart and I reacted strongly to a situation where I didn't have all the facts.

 

It's one thing to have a bad day, felt he needed you, but you weren't there and that frustrated him. There's certainly nothing wrong with expressing emotion.

 

If it becomes a regular thing, and you start to feel threatened then it's time to go. Otherwise, I think Little Illy gave great advice.

Edited May 16, 2018 by Big Daddy D

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

Little Illy almost always has great advice in my opinion lol.

 

Ona more serious note it's not all your fault. He could have been vocal and said "hey I'm having a bad day I need you" but then there are other people (like me) who don't want to ruin your great day with our sadness so we don't say anything until we can't take it anymore. Judging by this post I would suggest a goodnight message and reevaluate it in the morning. He might just need time to process it and will apologize to you tomorrow and TBH he's going to miss school so enjoy it while you can. I said I wouldn't I do a lot lol. Good luck hope it goes well.

[Tinka]

Some times you just have to stay silent and let someone rant.

If the person is in a horrible state of upset and you keep spamming him with "im sorry" it kinda seems that you are more focus on you and what you are in this situation, than their feelings.

[Guest justalil]

I don't want to sound like I'm really going against you presonally or anything, but I am always of the opinion that it only takes LITERALLY SECONDS to pull out a phone and give somebody you really care about a little 'thinking of you' or 'sorry I'm so busy today! I can't wait to talk later' or whatever text! So when people say they've totally cut somebody out of their lives for a day or even multiple days because they've been 'too busy'... I dunno, I just don't think that is ever the case! 

[Guest SUeB]

You aren't his emotional punching bag, his therapist or his distraction from his personal issues. And he's not a child. This is a problem of his, not yours.

[CaresAlot]

The difference between an amateur and a professional, is that the professional knows how to fix their mistakes.

 

The difference between a relationship that is going to succeed and one that is going to fail is that both parties work to fix their mistakes.  Mistakes are when one party in the relationship is left feeling sad or hurt.  In this case, it starts with an apology.  Then recognize what happen and how to fix it.  This is the process of learning about each other and getting better. Communication - Communication - Communication

 

If there is no apology, then they think that what they did was acceptable.  Making somebody sad or hurt is never acceptable if you are going to have a good relationship.  If you sit down and communicate and come up with a solution it a good start.  If the same thing happens again and again and you don't do whats agreed to, then its not going to work.  Relationships are never going to be perfect, they can always be better if you communicate.

[PrincessKittenCupcake]

I'm hoping that he is younger and just hasn't developed mature coping skills, yet.

 

I've had partners like this. Partners who were ill-equipped to handle normal levels of stress. It's good to be there for your partner, but part of becoming an adult is learning to manage stress, disappointments, etc. Unless something traumatic or catastrophic has occurred, I calmly let them know that I'm here to talk once they have calmed down, and then I remove myself from the situation. It is not my job, or yours, to absorb their frustrations. Learning to shield yourself from the negativity of others is really important for your own well-being.

 

Side note, self-control is a HUGE part of being a Daddy/Dom. Just something to consider if this is a pattern.

[kungmaster]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear this. I hope things worked out.