My daddy is 20 years older than me... how do i tell my family??

[TeaPartyBaby]

okay this may be a long post but here i go.

basically ive had a long distance daddy about 2 month now.. we get on more than ive ever got on with anyone in my life... we have so many common world views and interests, he listens to me, hes kind and makes me feel so safe. hes going to meet me in 3 weeks by driving 4 hours and ive had to keep it secret from family... i just said i was off out with a friend!

 

we are both getting a bit more serious now and we videochat and call everyday... i want to tell my family ive found a boyfriend i truly love and want to be with... but im so scared to tell them hes older... for context, im 19, almost 20... and hes 40. the age makes no difference to me but i know for a fact my parents will flip out... theyre really protective of me and they will just worry... especially that i met him online initially! what should i do??

[Artistn'goof98]

I think no matter what happens you're gonna have some animosity with your family regarding your daddy's age considering the massive gap and I don't think that'll change for quite some time and with how protective and worrisome you say your family is. I hope your family is understanding and accepting but just be aware that they just want you safe. Especially meeting someone from the interwebs. I know it's very easy for me to say this and sometimes being in love doesn't give us the full picture so just be aware. I'm glad that your relationship is blossoming and I hope you can overcome this big obstacle. Baring in mind these are observations and not criticisms x

[DustBunny93]

I have the same issue, sorta. By saying "sorta" I mean that I haven't had a daddy yet but I take an interest in older men. Once I find a daddy I'm sure it will be someone older.

My family is very protective and they would freak out if I found someone on a dating site even if they were my age. So I can't imagine bring home an older older guy.

 

I mean maybe it's slightly easier for me because I am 25 years old and if I date someone who is 40 it isn't as crazy as a gap as you with someone who is 40. Please I'm not trying to say it is bad I'm just saying it's easier for someone my age to get around having an older guy than someone as young as you.

I mean that's pretty much like his own kid.

 

Hopefully everything goes well. Just be careful. You are so young and hopefully you don't get hurt.

[Little Illy]

When it comes to age gap relationships, the BIGGEST thing you need to look after is not letting your family change your mind. Don't let them convince you that it is bad or wrong or gross or whatever just because it isn't right for them. You need to remain firm and do what is best for you!

 

When I was dating an older man (that one was only 16yrs older than me) I just started telling my family that I have a boyfriend and what we did, what he was like, how we were together, etc. After establishing that he made me happy, and further down the line, I told my family. They FLIPPED, however, they saw I was geniality happy. They still disagreed with my choice, but they didn't make my life hell. And if you approach it in the same manner, it might help. 

 

Letting your friends and family see and know the connection you two have and the way you click goes a lot farther than just saying "Im dating this guy and btw he is 20 years older than me" (not saying you would just do it that way). I would also recommend maybe holding off a little bit for explaining details. Just start slowly "so, I am seeing this guy." And if they ask questions "Oh well, we are in the beginning still, so I am being cautious". Let them know the time frame and give them little updates here or there but be a bit vague in a positive way. Typically people see this as a cautionary move, which will work in your favor.

 

Ultimately, it will be tough no matter what. But taking it slow and steady will help you the best. I wish you the best of luck!  

[Big Daddy D]

You're an Adult, and your Daddy's an Adult, and if you make eachother happy than your loved ones should be happy for you. Once they become convinced that you're happy, they'll come around. Edited May 15, 2018 by Big Daddy D

[Guest Arc]

I feel like this situation is one where it's best to just rip off the band aid and tell them. I feel like if you told them about a bf and talked about them a lot, then when you tell them the age thing later on then that would be a huge shock and they may feel upset that you kept that from them. It also gives them time to get used to the idea, in a way. 

 

I can't imagine many parents will be incredibly accepting of the idea at first. Not because there's anything wrong with it, but they care about you and an older man from the internet is going to be concerning because, well... there are so many creepy and horrible people in the world and they don't want you hurt. But I'm sure if you talk to them and they realise you are happy and safe things will be great. 

[Guest Prat]

Well first of all, you've known each other for 2 months so you have to ask yourself how they would react to any Bf that you've known for 2 months (over the internet) and want to meet him.

Secondly you should ask yourself if it's even important that they know.. I'm blessed with an understanding mother and I'm pretty sure that she'd be fine with any partner I present her with but I know there's people out there who aren't like that and if you think that your family will give you a hard time with no good reason then you might as well skip the whole process.. You're an adult and it's well within your right to do whatever you want to do with your life, no one is accountable for your actions anymore besides you.(and yes, age difference being unusual is no good reason at all, in case you were wondering).

Thirdly, you've known this person for only 2 months and since this is your first time meeting, I suggest that you go through this post about staying safe when meeting someone for the first time..

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/26832-10-tips-for-meeting-people-irl-copy-pasta-from-somewhere-else/?do=findComment&comment=138536

 

Good luck!

 

Prat.

[DollDirector]

Only DollDirector produces this kind of comment lol: What about telling them that of course this is nothing serious,it's just something born on the net but really he is nice and both of you are aware that you are just momentarily benefiting from an experienced guy ?

[TheDaddyest]

Hi family. This is Frank. We are dating. 

 

That's assuming his name is frank. 

 

There's nothing better than being "Frank" with your family. 

Edited May 15, 2018 by TheDaddyest

[PapabearNYC]

You are rushing.  I know that at 19, two months seems like a long time, but in reality you have been "dating" for a very short time, and if I am reading this right, you haven't actually met him in person yet.

 

Meet him when he visits.  Continue the relationship.  After 6 months and a few more live visits, then you can worry about telling your family.

[TheDaddyest]

Yo papabear, random question. Where did you get your profile picture. Coincidentally I love brown bears and the color orange. I looked for a copy online once and couldn't find it. 

[Guest BabyPeach]

You have to tell SOMEONE close, and local, to you that you are meeting someone off the internet!  You can't just say "you'll be with friends".  Your safety is very important and remember, even if he really is who he says he is doesn't mean he isn't a creeper or killer.  You need his full REAL name (first and last), his phone number and his address (street address, not PO Box). Give that information to the person you are telling where you will really be.  Verify the information is real.  If he doesn't want to give you this........run.

 

As for the age difference thing, well, it will probably be difficult for your parents.  If my 21 year old son said he was dating a 41 year old woman, I would seriously question her motives. I would NOT be a happy mom. It's very easy for older people to take advantage of young people (and you won't even realize it's being done because you lack life experience). With that said, I love my child no matter what.

[PapabearNYC]

Yo papabear, random question. Where did you get your profile picture. Coincidentally I love brown bears and the color orange. I looked for a copy online once and couldn't find it. 

 

I made it myself.

 

You have to tell SOMEONE close, and local, to you that you are meeting someone off the internet!  You can't just say "you'll be with friends".  Your safety is very important and remember, even if he really is who he says he is doesn't mean he isn't a creeper or killer.  You need his full REAL name (first and last), his phone number and his address (street address, not PO Box). Give that information to the person you are telling where you will really be.  Verify the information is real.  If he doesn't want to give you this........run.

 

I second this.  It doesn't matter how much you trust him.  Someone in your life still needs to know where you are.  

[TheDaddyest]

I made it myself.

 

 

I second this.  It doesn't matter how much you trust him.  Someone in your life still needs to know where you are.  

Cool! I appreciate your taste in things! 

[PrincessShannon]

You will want to go to the May December society. They are an age gap group who really could help/support you in this.

[PrincessShannon]

Also just tell your parents you are going out on a date you don't have to tell them all the details but you know maybe where you are going and tell them your safe word. So when you text everything is fine they know it's you.

[PrincessShannon]

And meet in a public place

[Bg.eliese]

My biological fathers girlfriend is 20 years younger than him. My whole family knows and it’s just something we have to accept. She hasn’t told her family yet but if you two make each other happy your family should accept that.