Heartless Princess Syndrome

[Tinka]

Hey all.

 

This is a topic that i wanted to start for some time now. I didn`t make it earlier because sometimes i don`t even know if it`s worth to speak up to the internet these days. Too many people ready to be set on fire and feel offended, to distort or misunderstand your words or your intentions.

On the other hand i know that there are a lot of opinions in this world, and if someone disagrees with you doesn`t mean that they or you are wrong.

So here it goes. 

 

I see for quite some time in this site a descent amount of posts made my Littles which has themes such as 

 

- My daddy has depression but this affects me, what can i do since he doesn`t give me attention anymore?

-My daddy has a newborn kid and doesn`t give me the time and attention that i need, what do i do?

-My daddy hurts my feelings because he doesn`t want me to be all the time in little space

-How can i train this guy to be a good daddy for me

-How can my daddy satisfy me better 

-My daddy is having troubles at work and this affects my attention thirst

-My daddy is battling drug addiction and this is taking all his energy that he was supposed to give to me.

 

Me me me...my my my...

 

I know what faerie tales and disney movies did in our heads. Trust me i know.

How we want the knight in shinning armor, that will come and save us from EVERYTHING. 

That he will fight the shadows, that will be the reason that we will be happy ever after...

That he will defy everything and everyone to be with us, eternally romantic, care giving and our own hero....

 

Did you ever stop to think how much of an unreasonable expectation is this?

How much weight on the shoulders of every man/woman who takes the role of the care giver is this?

 

Do you know that life is not a movie, that a single person cannot be responsible for your eternal serenity and happiness?

The only person who could have such a role in your life is your self.

No daddy. You cannot put this unbearable weight on the shoulders of a man/woman, and expect of him/her to not get tired.

 

Regardless of the expectations you got for your partner, the logic says that a relationship contains (at least) 2 people.

Psychology some times compares them to glasses of water.

If you constantly drink from your partners` glass, without ever refilling the water, next time you`ll be thirsty, he/she will be dry.

This means you cannot always take without give. Nothing is an endless pit of something. 

Everything dries, everything ends. 

And if you do not invest time, attention, emotions, caring to your partner and potential daddy/mommy, then what ever is what you people got, will eventually end.

 

 

I have said it numerous times and i will say it once more here.

If your partner has depression, anxiety, addictions, mourning because of a lost friend/relative, sickness, troubles at work, worries, any kind of sadness, 

please stand by Him/Her.

Please be caring and please comfort Him/Her.

Do not think only about yourselves, and expect others to not be as egoistic as you are now.

Give if you want to take.

Hug if you want to be hugged.

Ask about their day, listen to them, make them smile and make them forget about their troubles...They are people too! They got bad days, fears  and sadness like us, little ones do. 

Don`t be greedy, needy, uncaring and self-centered in your relationship. 

You need to work for your relationship to work. 

 

Next time that you want to whine about him/her not giving things to you, ask yourself if you have also given something to him/her.

 

Attention internet ...

1)I exclude from this situation people (littles or not) who face emotional / physical abuse. Abuse should never be taken lightly, you need to walk away from the toxic environment and yes then think ONLY about yourself..!

2)Not all littles behave this way, if you do NOT see similarities with your way of behaving, then this post is not accusing you, do not feel threatened.

3)There are relationships which have established that both sides want the little one to have a greedy heartless approach towards their care giver and vice versa. That is a totally other thing, and i hope you have the maturity to understand that my post does not apply to your particular situation either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[DustBunny93]

I agree with you.

 

I don't have a Daddy and I have never done this ddlg type relationship before but I can compare it to my past non ddlg relationships.

I was always the one giving my everything to my partner. I never got anything back in return for my constant efforts. It really broke me.

 

I completely agree that it takes two (at least) in a relationship to make it work. It's not always one sided.

 

I think about the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated.

If you want to be given everything, you need to give all you can back to your partner(s) to make it work.

[Guest vegan freebird]

Thank you for writing this Tiny Tina, and having the courage to post it.

It's so refreshing to hear such a compassionate/empathetic & mature perspective

from a young lady on this Site.

 

What you're saying is long overdue saying on this Forum,

and so well written by you.

 

I hope others reading your post.. particularly the littles/middles/kittens/princesses etc

think about what you are saying; before having a knee-jerk reaction to deny or flame.

 

           

[Guest vegan freebird]

You're experience is like mine LittleBunBun93

 

As a daddy, I am worn down by my 2 ex littles who took, took, took from me..

and gave me nothing back when I was in need of some emotional support & comfort.

 

Sadly there are leeches everywhere.. both CGs and care receivers.

I think a truly rewarding & meaningful relationship, is one where both (or more) partners

care for each other. It's definitely not about "Me Me Me"

 

       

 

 

I agree with you.

I don't have a Daddy and I have never done this ddlg type relationship before but I can compare it to my past non ddlg relationships.
I was always the one giving my everything to my partner. I never got anything back in return for my constant efforts. It really broke me.

I completely agree that it takes two (at least) in a relationship to make it work. It's not always one sided.

I think about the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated.
If you want to be given everything, you need to give all you can back to your partner(s) to make it work.

[Little Illy]

Welp, looks like I can delete the similar post I have been working on

 

Well done, this is brilliantly written and I am sick and tired of self-centered and selfish littles. So this is a must read.

 

Bravo! *cheers*

[xBabydollx]

I have never heard of this syndrome lol, but it's super spot on. I couldn't agree more. I think as a little it's very easy to put a Daddy/Mommy or caregiver on a pedestal, or even giving them a sort of God complex. u lean on them so much, and look at them for so many answers/guidance, it can be faltering when it is time for them to lean on u. However, it is so necessary. I think many ppl forget that this is a 2 person (or more) journey where u walk hand-in-hand along the path y'all create for yourselves. ur partner's experiences, emotions, and concerns matters too within y'all journey.

[Guest BabyPeach]

As long as the two people are on the same level of maturity (or above), this is good advice.  If you have a little who is 19 years old and a Daddy who is 35, this probably isn't going to happen.  Think about it, his level of work stress (for example) is better shared with peers who can understand what he is going through (literally).  People ask too much of young ones (which many littles around here are).  You're not going to get a 19 year old who still lives at home with their parents, or who just started college, that is going to be able to give that level of emotional support to a mature adult (a majority of them...I'm not saying there aren't a few super mature young people out there).  It's apples and oranges.  Ones expectations need to depend on individual situations and not on generalizations.

[Tinka]

As long as the two people are on the same level of maturity (or above), this is good advice.  If you have a little who is 19 years old and a Daddy who is 35, this probably isn't going to happen.  Think about it, his level of work stress (for example) is better shared with peers who can understand what he is going through (literally).  People ask too much of young ones (which many littles around here are).  You're not going to get a 19 year old who still lives at home with their parents, or who just started college, that is going to be able to give that level of emotional support to a mature adult (a majority of them...I'm not saying there aren't a few super mature young people out there).  It's apples and oranges.  Ones expectations need to depend on individual situations and not on generalizations.

 

Being affectionate and not self-centered is something that must be known by 19 years of age. 

Life, humanity and moralities don`t start at 35. 

Emotions are simple and mandatory in a relationship.

[Guest BabyPeach]

Being affectionate and not self-centered is something that must be known by 19 years of age. 

Life, humanity and moralities don`t start at 35. 

Emotions are simple and mandatory in a relationship.

 

Having high expectations of, and placing burdens on, young people is just wrong if they aren't prepared to deal with that sort of thing. You are older and you are wiser.  You can't assign your knowledge, and level of emotional maturity, to someone much younger. 

[Tinka]

Having high expectations of, and placing burdens on, young people is just wrong if they aren't prepared to deal with that sort of thing. You are older and you are wiser.  You can't assign your knowledge, and level of emotional maturity, to someone much younger. 

 

This i knew at 19. 

This i knew at 9.

The give and take morality is not applied only at a romantic/sexual relationship.

Its applied to every single relationship you will have with people everywhere. 

Its fundamental for society in general. 

If you are old enough to seek a romantic/sexual relationship then i am sure you are old enough to know that its not always about you only. 

This is not a wisdom that comes with age of 29+  

 

EDIT ---> when i say you, i dont mean you as BabyPeach ofc. I hope you will not take it personally.

Edited May 10, 2018 by Tiny_Tina

[Guest vegan freebird]

Having high expectations of, and placing burdens on, young people is just wrong if they aren't prepared to deal with that sort of thing. You are older and you are wiser.  You can't assign your knowledge, and level of emotional maturity, to someone much younger. 

 

BabyPeach

 

As a daddy, I don't expect someone who is 19 yo for example, to have the same level

of emotional maturity that I may have.

 

But I do think 19 yo and younger even, is old enough to have developed a sense of common human decency.

To know that you should treat another caring, living, breathing human-being...

with equal kindness, care & consideration.

[Guest BabyPeach]

I'm not offended. My opinion stands. I just felt it was relevant to the discussion. You can put them on blast, but they're not going to change until they get some real life experience (again, I'm not saying all, just most)

[Child Of Light]

My partner and I totally agree with this post! DDLG to us, would mean nothing, if we both didn't get something out of it. If he's not feeling it, our DDLG dynamic stops, and we focus on us. If the dynamic doesn't make us both feel closer to each other and help us both, there is no sense being in it. When we are having life-troubles, it's time to put on the big girl shoes, however my Submissive personality is still there. I want to serve and please him. Even without DDLG or a baseline that 'enforces' that. Making sure he's taken care of and feels cared for is my top priority. Everything else is just wind.

[Guest Dulci]

I do think (like Baby Peach said) that age and maturity comes into it. Yes, you may have known these things at 19  - but most young adults I know are VERY self centred. They've grown up with instant gratification culture, instagram/facebook - people liking/hearting every vain selfie they post, of course they're going to get a complex and believe the world revolves around them and that would transfer into their relationships.  I see a clear divide when I speak to someone who is 18/19 compared to my 27 year old self ! 

 

Just a few months ago (not exactly little related) I saw a headline of young woman trying to get fortnite banned because their boyfriend was not paying enough attention to them !  (Went on to be a full blown petition) It's not far off the constant whinging you see here in the DDLG community. 

 

Sometimes you (again, not aiming AT anyone, just the general you) need to put on your big girl panties sometimes and realise that he has needs too. When my partner is stressed at work, the dynamic changes - no he's not a switch - but in that moment he needs me to be the adult woman I am and look after him. It's what you do in a relationship. It's a two way street. I'm a massive Princess! My partner would agree - but, a true Princess quality is Compassion and care for others. 

 

Thank you for making this post - I'm so glad that there are some level headed, mature littles on here; because some of the examples you have posted above, are seen so much, it makes my eyes roll so often that they hurt!! XD 

[Tinka]

I do think (like Baby Peach said) that age and maturity comes into it. Yes, you may have known these things at 19  - but most young adults I know are VERY self centred. They've grown up with instant gratification culture, instagram/facebook - people liking/hearting every vain selfie they post, of course they're going to get a complex and believe the world revolves around them and that would transfer into their relationships.  I see a clear divide when I speak to someone who is 18/19 compared to my 27 year old self ! 

 

Just a few months ago (not exactly little related) I saw a headline of young woman trying to get fortnite banned because their boyfriend was not paying enough attention to them !  (Went on to be a full blown petition) It's not far off the constant whinging you see here in the DDLG community. 

 

Sometimes you (again, not aiming AT anyone, just the general you) need to put on your big girl panties sometimes and realise that he has needs too. When my partner is stressed at work, the dynamic changes - no he's not a switch - but in that moment he needs me to be the adult woman I am and look after him. It's what you do in a relationship. It's a two way street. I'm a massive Princess! My partner would agree - but, a true Princess quality is Compassion and care for others. 

 

Thank you for making this post - I'm so glad that there are some level headed, mature littles on here; because some of the examples you have posted above, are seen so much, it makes my eyes roll so often that they hurt!! XD 

 

 

Yes my eyes , your eyes (and not only our eyes) have rolled so many times with the posts here that do hurt.

 

Yes there are girls who are self centered ( i still definitely believe its not age-related but how well you are aware of how your surroundings work (i don`t know if my phrase now even has any meaning in english but oh well) and that is the reason i felt i need to post such a thing.  

[Guest infinitecases]

Thanks for posting this!! I think it's hard for some people to see past themselves, despite all the hurt/pain that a little may go through when their Daddy can't be there, if their Daddy is the one who can't help the fact or is going through a tough time because of it, the Daddy should be the one receiving attention/love. A relationship only works when it's two-sided and both parties give what they take. I've seen so many people break up because all they do is leech off the other... and it takes less than a minute to step back and look at the situation properly and give their Daddy what he needs instead of only thinking of themselves.. 

 

If one person is in pain, both people are, my Daddy doesn't like seeing me upset and I don't like seeing him sad either, so surely the only option is to work hard to make eachother happy wherever possible instead of focusing on ourselves only! 

[Guest ScorpioBeastWolf]

The truth is nothing and no one is responsible for our happiness but we ourselves, so we need to stop holding other people accountable.

We need to stop holding people accountable for the things that happened in the past. Stop being angry with the world. Stop being the victim.

 

When life gets hard, we must not expect other people to constantly be the ones to pick us up when you fall down. We cannot constantly depend on other people to keep us smiling. We cannot constantly depend on other people to bring us happiness – Not family, not friends, not our significant other.

 

The only person standing in the way of our own happiness is we ourselves.

 

There will always be people in our lives who may have caused us grief or heartache. There will always be people who will try to put us down. There will always be people who want to see us fail.

And there will also be people who bring us joy. There will always be people who will try to be there for us. There will always be people who will stop at nothing to make us laugh when we need it the most.

 

But, no matter what people say or do, ultimately, we are the ones to decide if and when we want to start being happy again.

 

The greatest war we wage is with ourselves. Every battle won and every battle lost will come down to the simple act of mind over matter

[Angel24]

This is the kind of post that I am so glad it exists. A lot of littles don't realize that a caregiver needs to be taken care of too and that they have responsibilities aside from their little that might hog their attention at times. When my Daddy is busy with family or work I understand that that comes first and if he's down, I do everything I can to make him feel better. Never in my life would I expect Daddy to drop everything for me or push aside his emotions just to give me attention, I love him too much for that. A little gotta take care of her Daddy XP

[Guest RoyG]

Not much to add besides that I'm always happy to read topics like these. I've seen more of them pop up recently, especially from Illy, and it's good to have posts reminding us of the very real aspects of what it takes to be in such a deeply intimate and committed relationship like DDLG. When people first get introduced to it, it's easy to fall for it being some niche fantasy fulfilment, with so many blogs around just highlighting the potential fun you could have together or the unique things that make a CG/L relationship special, without recognizing that the overwhelming part of any intimate relationship still relies on the same core principles of mutual care, love and respect.

 

As for age/inexperience playing a role, different people develop differently. There is definitely some variance as to when people are ready for these types of relationships, and generally people learn to deal with emotions better with age. Posts like these may help at least someone reflect on this and make it click for them. That makes me happy

[Guest SUeB]

Yes. Spot on. So sick of hearing self entitled whiners. There never seems to be any balance of what they give. Just what they demand and expect.

[Little Illy]

It still amazes me how grown adults do not understand that a relationship (even a friendship) is a two-way street. That there has to be support and effort on both sides. And in my horribly blunt opinion, if a person can't even understand and act on this basic principal? They are not even close to being mature enough to be in a relationship, let alone something as complex as a CG/L relationship.