Training a new Daddy

[CursedVixen]

Lock please!

Edited May 11, 2018 by sleepycherub

[Child Of Light]

The fact that he's willing to learn -- is more than amazing. My advice would be to write out what your needs/ kinks are/ when you are a big. In exact format. What you desire, how often, when, etc. What makes you feel good. Print articles on the aspects of the DDLG that fit you. Explain to him in the best of your ability, on how the lifestyle helps in your big life.  You can also print out articles of little/ subspace. My advice would be to take it slow, and take it one thing at a time, to get him to adjust.

[Guest Daddy707]

I remember being new in the daddy role. It can be a little foreign depending on the social background one has. It can be a struggle to overcome the general social stigma around this lifestyle. Like a lot of replies you read on different topics; I can't begin to know exact details. It sounds as though you have been in the community longer than him. He may need some time and understanding while he learns and accepts his role.

Also communication is key. As everyone will agree. He needs to know how you feel and talk about things as well as, you need to know the same from him.

As far as teaching him... I don't know. You might consider using this forum as an aid. There are a plethora of topics on anything you can think of. Maybe sit with him each day for a set amount of time and read things together. Things that interest him and you. That way it won't feel pointed to his inexperience. This may help him gain some knowledge that will help you both.

Anyway... hope this helped. Also your intuition will guide you. Don't muffle your natural instincts.

[Tinka]

The correct question should be "Is he a daddy or do i force him to be something that he is not, just because he expressed some kind of interest to what i like".

 

I say it with huge concern and nothing other than genuine feelings about the little community, we need to STOP caring about only what WE want, what WE like, OUR feelings etc.

 

You said and i quote ---> He seems to be hesitant....  He needs to "get used to".... He he he he needs to go under whole make over of what he likes and feels comfortable in order to not have your own feelings hurt? How about you hurt your feelings by kinda forcing this person to go deep into something he just found out?

How about explore it together by talking about it for some time and let him decide if he is ok with every aspect of it, rather than asking us how to "TRAIN" a person to be a daddy for your needs?

 

You can`t train a human to satisfy only your needs from life and expect that this is something nice and forever acceptable from both sides.

[Guest BabyPeach]

This man isn't a Daddy.  It's not a role you can "create".......it either is or it isn't.  It's the same for littles.  You can't make someone who isn't little become a little.  It would be foreign to them and impossible and seem strange and weird and unappealing.  Don't pressure him to become something he's not.  The fact that he made fun of it tells us a lot.  It tells us that this lifestyle doesn't appeal to him (and that's OKAY).

[Little Illy]

Please note: Everything from here on is my opinion and is solely based on the VERY LITTLE information provided! I understand I can be completely wrong because I do not have nearly enough facts. However...

 

 

Tiny_Tina  basically hit the nail on the head. I am actually slightly worried about how you may be pressuring him into something he is only kinda sorta okay with.

 

I was really excited to make him a Daddy

 

...he initially made fun of the lifestyle a lot before I told him about me being a little, and that made me really nervous... He seemed super willing to learn bout how to be a Daddy!

 

Just the beginning of this post is worrisome: You were excited to make him a Daddy before realizing if he wanted to or not? Are you basing this off of the fact that he is sweet, caring, and anything else or off the fact that you want him to be a Daddy?

 

Right here it shows he doesn't know about the dynamic AND he may have some reservations. When we make fun of things in this kind of setting, it is typically because we are uncomfortable with it. And I am not all that sure that just by him thinking you're cute (or the pacis, stuffies, etc were cute) means he is willing to be a Daddy. You said "seemed"... have you talked about it to him? Sat down and BLUNTLY asked him if his IS willing?

 

...he doesn't understand the roller-coaster of emotions that is littlespace. He seems to be hesitant about some aspects of the lifestyle, and instead of mentioning it to me when I'm big, he'll do it when I'm little and it will hurt my feelings a lot. 

 

How could he understand the aspect of littlespace? You introduced this to him, you CANNOT expect him to know what everything is. And most importantly, it is unfair to assume he knows what you need/want/expect from him in littlespace. The probable reason why he is telling you these things during you being little is because he is realizing these things as they happen. And you NEED to be flexible. He is a NEW Daddy... be patient with him. That is YOUR responsibility.

 

And here, you state he seems hesitant about some parts of the lifestyle, but from the sounds of it, you push forward with the dynamic anyways. Have you sat down and discussed his hesitation? Why he is apprehensive? HIS limits???

 

 

...but he just needs to "get used to" the baby talk and other related things. 

 

No one needs to get used to anything. I know he said he needs to, but you need to take that respectfully: he is saying that it doesn't immediately appeal to him. And it may NEVER appeal to him. And that is OKAY!!!! And he doesn't need to "learn" how to like things he doesn't. So you need to be prepared to accept the fact that after trying, he simply just might not like these things. 

 

And if he doesn't like these things, that does not make him a fake, or uncaring, or neglectful, or anything like that. IT MEANS YOU TWO AREN'T COMPATIBLE (if that is the case).

 

I've only ever been in a relationship with a guy who wanted to be a Daddy, and knew how to very well.

 

....and teach him how to be the Daddy that I need

 

I feel like you may be comparing the two. Basing what a Daddy "should" do off of an experienced Daddy that suited you (to an extent). This isn't fair. Are you comparing the brand new Daddy, that you introduced the lifestyle to, to a Daddy who was experienced? How would you like if a Daddy told you that you weren't doing well because his ex little was experienced and now he is exasperated trying to teach you? 

 

You shouldn't also be training someone for your specific needs! If you are going to "Train" a Daddy, you need to TRAIN a DADDY. Not train YOUR Daddy. Explain to him why CGs are so important to littles, what a CG can get out of the dynamic, how he can cope with mixed feelings, how he can understand triggers, regressions, etc. But not how he can just be yours. Teach him so he is a well-rounded out Daddy. Not just a your kink.

 

At the end of the day, you two need to sit down as partners. Not Daddy/LG, not Dom/sub, but rather as partners on equal footing. You need to have a MATURE conversation about wants, needs, desires, fantasies, limits, HARD limits, etc. And you need to listen to him as he explains it as well. It goes both ways. This will take time and a lot of patience on your end. If its too much to teach a Daddy how to be a Daddy, that is perfectly fine, but that doesn't make him at fault (or you!). But you would want your Daddy to be patient with you when he is teaching what he expects from you, so you need to do the same thing.

 

 

 

I recommend you read this: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/28037-communication-is-vital/ (SFW). This will help you both understand about conveying your needs (jump down to Misconceptions, specifically).

 

I recommend you read this: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12897-ddlg-the-serious-end-of-things/ (SFW). This can help you both understand and realize where you are in your wants for the dynamic. And it can really help him understand if he even likes this lifestyle and to what extent. 

 

I recommend you read this: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12827-instant-gratification/ (SFW). This will explain the importance of taking things slowly. He is a new Daddy and because of this, pushing the full dynamic on him can actually make him hate it. Take baby steps and he can realize he loves it.

 

I would also recommend that you read this: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/31782-little-responsibility/ (SFW). This explains how we as littles shouldn't exclude our CGs when asking for advice. The first thing we should always try to do is to communicate with our partner. 

 

As Tina stated, we (littles) need to realize that people aren't here to be bent to our will. How pissed off do you get with a potential Daddy who is trying to force his way and preferences onto you?? Trying to force sexuality to a non-sexual little. To force strict rules to a little who is a free brat? To to try force diapers on a little who hates them. To try to force a little to stop watching MLP because he hates it? Littles would scream that he is a fake daddy, that he is abusive, not caring, selfish and so on. Well... forcing the dynamic on someone who isn't keen is literally the same situation...

Edited May 10, 2018 by Little Illy

[Child Of Light]

The correct question should be "Is he a daddy or do i force him to be something that he is not, just because he expressed some kind of interest to what i like".

 

I say it with huge concern and nothing other than genuine feelings about the little community, we need to STOP caring about only what WE want, what WE like, OUR feelings etc.

 

You said and i quote ---> He seems to be hesitant....  He needs to "get used to".... He he he he needs to go under whole make over of what he likes and feels comfortable in order to not have your own feelings hurt? How about you hurt your feelings by kinda forcing this person to go deep into something he just found out?

How about explore it together by talking about it for some time and let him decide if he is ok with every aspect of it, rather than asking us how to "TRAIN" a person to be a daddy for your needs?

 

You can`t train a human to satisfy only your needs from life and expect that this is something nice and forever acceptable from both sides.

 

Whilst, I agree with the sentiment of your post. My Daddy Dom didn't realize his kink until I shared my D/s desire and we found DDLG together. He didn't even think he had a Dom desire and he was the one that brought up trying to blur it with this lifestyle. He had me 'train' him by being as bratty as I could, so that he could practice. lol. I became Submissive pretty quickly, and he learned all the implements he liked, pretty quickly xD

[CursedVixen]

I appreciate all of the feedback! I do realize that the phrasing of my post sounds a little like I'm forcing him into it, when that is not at all the case. DDLG isn't really a kink for me. I age regress out of stress and because of past trauma. He knows this, and that's why he's okay with all of it. My reasoning for it is understandable to him, given that it's not really a kink. I don't carry it over into my sex life. In my sex life, I'm just a submissive, not a little. 

 

I sit down with him and talk about it often, and bring up whether or not he's comfortable with everything, and keep communications open. I'll be sure to apply everything that I read here, thank you everyone <3

[MarshalLee]

Lock please!

Hi! I was wrong! you want a Mommy, not a Daddy!

 

Definitely, you are not 13 jijijiji xD