How to Be Submissive on a date?!

[Little_lauren]

I am fairly new to the BDSM/DDLG community (<6 months) and my daddy wants me to learn how to be more submissive in person. We have a date coming up and he wants me to be more submissive then but I need help/tips on how to be more submissive in person. Example: filling up daddy’s cup when it’s empty (when there is a pitcher). I need help. Thank you in advance

[Child Of Light]

Depends on how far you want to take it. I always wait for my partner to take a bite of food before me. I help by fixing his tea with sugar, or his coffee. Fixing his straw. If I have to use the bathroom, I ask if he minds, if I be excused. I thank him, go to the little girls room, and than apologize when I come back. And perhaps, having him pick and order your food -- might show a level of submission?

Edited May 9, 2018 by Child Of Light

[Guest Arc]

I think it would really depend on the types of things he would like, and only he can tell you those. I know some doms who would expect their sub to fill their cup, and others who would find that annoying. 

 

However, some things either myself or people I know have done include... serving and cleaning up food and drinks, asking permission for things such as to go to the bathroom or asking to be excused from the room, kneeling beside them when they sit unless given permission to sit on a seat too, only calling them by their chosen title, not looking them in the eyes, having a set way to dress, and only talk with permission. There's also things such as opening doors for them or taking their coat. But it's really something you need to discuss with them because it's impossible to tell if they just want you to be quiet and respectful or if they want you to be more of a service orientated sub. Submissive means a different thing to everyone.I always think everything need to be talked about and negotiated so that everyone is clear on expectations, wants, and needs. 

[TwilightSparklez]

It is usually the Doms job to train you in what he likes and expects. Those instructions are too general; does he want you to open his doors, does he want you to wait for him to eat first, does he want you to be the one to place the orders at a restaurant. Being submissive in public is very specific to each Dom. I know with the person I am in service to I am responsible for serving food and drink, clearing any mess away, waiting until he has eaten. Anything more than that and he would be annoyed.

 

This is probably something that is best if you two sit down and talk it through so both parties have a clear idea of the goals, expectations, and preferences. At that time any concerns can be brought up and addressed or if something seems unrealistic it can be discussed. 

[Little Illy]

I think the fact that you have been in the community for less than six months speaks to the fact that your Daddy Dom needs to step up into the role of Mentor and Teacher. 

 

I know he is your Daddy, but he has an obligation and that is to convey his needs to you. Saying you need to be more submissive would be like telling an American they need to be more American. Yes we know how to be American, but we don't know what that person expects us to act like for it to count. It is the same with your Daddy. You probably know what a submissive is, but you don't know what he expects in his relationship (from the sounds of it).

 

Before you just start being submissive at his beck and call, I highly suggest you two have a very very in depth conversation about all of this. I'm not assuming you two haven't, but it is clear some things have not been expressed. You two need to be prepared to go in depth about all the details of what you want from this dynamic and from BDSM in general. 

 

If you don't know what he means for you to be submissive on a date, how do you know what he means for a submissive for life?

 

Sit down as adults, both outside of the dynamic and roles, and figure these things out. We can only tell you what works for us or what we have seen, but we don't know what your Daddy wants or what you need. 

 

I urge you to read this: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/28037-communication-is-vital/ (SFW) 

 

Maybe even get you Daddy to read it as well. I wish you the best of luck!

[Daddy 2021]

I think it would really depend on the types of things he would like, and only he can tell you those. I know some doms who would expect their sub to fill their cup, and others who would find that annoying. 

 

However, some things either myself or people I know have done include... serving and cleaning up food and drinks, asking permission for things such as to go to the bathroom or asking to be excused from the room, kneeling beside them when they sit unless given permission to sit on a seat too, only calling them by their chosen title, not looking them in the eyes, having a set way to dress, and only talk with permission. There's also things such as opening doors for them or taking their coat. But it's really something you need to discuss with them because it's impossible to tell if they just want you to be quiet and respectful or if they want you to be more of a service orientated sub. Submissive means a different thing to everyone.I always think everything need to be talked about and negotiated so that everyone is clear on expectations, wants, and needs. 

 

In my experience, taking away furniture privileges is surprisingly powerful. Sitting in a chair, using a table or sleeping in a bed are something that everyone takes for granted. To take it away from your submissive, while keeping the privilege for yourself is great for reminding your submissive they're giving up power. 

[Guest DaddysCubbie]

These are all examples of submissive behaviors that I have always had or we have included in our dynamic: When with Daddy I always, ALWAYS, hold his hand I am never allowed out of his sight because he worries so much about losing me in big crowds. I am always to walk a few steps behind him still holding hands. When at dinner or eating in general I give three choices and Daddy makes the final decision. I must ask permission to be excused to go to the potty whether we are together or not. I must ask permission for purchases especially when at the mall. I am not allowed to talk to strangers in public and there are many more little things that I do to show my submission in public.

 

What everyone above me is saying is correct though. There are small ways to show submission in everyday life it can be as simple as restricting eye contact to show respect or to never restrict eye contact especially when being lectured.

 

You also need to do lots and lots of communicating with your Dom/Daddy this is the only way you will both know what you want out of the dynamic. He should mentor you and teach you protocols, rituals etc. that you have both agreed to. Since you are very new to the community and the lifestyle do lots and lots of research, do not go blindly into a Dom/Sub relationship because there is bad for both parties but especially for you. And above all else make sure you feel safe, respected, love and all the things that are done to you are consenual.

 

Best of Luck!