What Others Think About the Dynamic

[DeathMetalPrincess]

I don't know how to start this post. I really don't. I just need to vent I guess. And what better place to vent than a place I feel safe and comfortable doing so? With that said, I guess we'll give it a go: I worry. I worry about so much. And recently, I've started to worry (again) about how people actually feel about DDlg. It feels like such a taboo thing. It's hard to talk about. It's hard to explain. And people just assume and once they've made their minds up they think we all have "daddy issues" or we're pedophiles or something. So what can we do? How do you educate people on something they're just not willing to open themselves up to? I guess the simple answer is you can't. You can't really change someone's mind once it's been made up, right? I mean, I try to hide my lifestyle as a little girl. I'm not really ashamed of it, though. I'm not ashamed of who I am. But I really do worry about what people would say or think if they found out? How would it impact me and my life? Would I be ridiculed? Would I be harassed online? Like I said, DDlg is a very hard thing to explain a lot of the time. But it's such a beautiful thing. It's honestly such an intimate and precious dynamic, unlike any other form of BDSM I know about. So why is it that people who just want to love and be loved and to be comfortable and safe and happy and accepted shamed? Why is the dynamic always coming under fire? If it's not one thing, it's another. Luckily I do have some pretty open-minded friends, people I can talk to about this stuff -- some of them aren't even part of the lifestyle. But it irks me that people are so rude and horrid about it.. I mean, yeah it's kind of a kink and a fetish, but in my experience, DDlg isn't, nor does it have to be, an inherently sexual dynamic! We're perfectly able to separate ourselves from it if we choose to! We're not littles or caregivers 24/7! We know there's a time and a place for it! So why do people act like people within the dynamic just go around forcing it on others or try to shame us for what we're interested in! I for one have never been happier! I prefer the DDlg dynamic to something like a vanilla relationship! I just don't see myself going back to it! So why am I and others shamed for it? Why? I could honestly just keep going. It infuriates me so bloody much. All I ask for is for respect and acceptance, regardless of our interests and dynamics and passions, you know? And I'm quite sure that's what the whole lot of us want!

[DollDirector]

Yes but you have every right to protect yourself first. There is nothing wrong with trying to hide your lifestyle. 

" respect and acceptance " is not in particularly large supply and maybe there is more of it in some countries than in the rest of the world,remembering this may help you protect yourself when it's lacking,and enjoy the level you have.

[CymoP]

Personally, I stopped caring what others thought about me (not just DDlg) a long time ago. I know for some that's a pretty hard concept, but I assure you, once you adopt that mentality of accepting the ignorance of others and simply being content in knowing that how you live your life makes you happy. Then you will find that you're much happier as you aren't "looking over your shoulder" worrying about what others think about you, because it really doesn't matter. At least not to me.

[baby_k]

DDlg is weird sh*t to be honest. It is twisted kink and so forward. But so? If we like it, we do. It isn't other's bussiness really.

 

I also would say that "other people" have perfectly rational reason to look down on this: it allows predatory behavior, it allows people to be irresponsible, not to grow up, use other people for selfish purposes and so on. This never should be the case and "good" DDlg is never anything like that. But this dynamic does gather all sorts of people. And then when one adds young people to the mix; people who don't yet know who they are, people who are not able to protect themselves, people who are easily branwashable, it makes this really dangerous thing. There is perfectly reasonable to worry even if one knew what this is.

 

+If people just see the "I loovvee my Daddy and Daddy decides all for me and I'm not allowed to pee without him letting me, I'm worthless sl*t", well, what can we expect? That sort of person does not sound sane or balanced at all. More like that they need to be taken to asylum for their own benefit.

 

Information should be always available but people who want to understand, will seek it themselves. You will be happier and more worry free if you don't care what others think.

 

And to be public about this is not necessary: just like people don't go telling other people in what position they had sex last weekened anyhow. Even I do get that sometimes it just feels like it would be liberating to be open of all this. But to be open about it means pushing the dynamic on other people's face and they ave right to react then.

[Guest infinitecases]

I think it's much better to try and not think about what others think of the dynamic, it's perfectly fine to keep it to yourself or only talk about it online like you're doing now. When I discovered DDLG, it was through my Daddy and I have and never will tell anybody I know in real life.. I'd never once thought about what other people would think because the dynamic is something between Daddy and I, and just as people wouldn't share the most intimate parts of their relationships with the people around them, sharing your dynamic isn't necessary either if there's no one around to understand. As long as it makes you happy, it shouldn't pose a problem, and if people are disapproving of it, then refrain from telling them anymore or stop being friends with them! 

 

If you feel the need to talk about certain aspects of your relationship, you could share the 'vanilla' parts with people who aren't so open-minded and then reserve talking about the dynamic to the people you have around you that understand it. No point trying to make someone understand who clearly has no interest in understanding. I personally only talk about my Daddy to my friends when it involves the things he does for me that are considered more "normal" as I know that any kind of kink to my friends is disgusting and they don't like it :') 

[Guest BabyPeach]

DDlg is weird sh*t to be honest. It is twisted kink and so forward. But so? If we like it, we do. It isn't other's bussiness really.

 

I also would say that "other people" have perfectly rational reason to look down on this: it allows predatory behavior, it allows people to be irresponsible, not to grow up, use other people for selfish purposes and so on. This never should be the case and "good" DDlg is never anything like that. But this dynamic does gather all sorts of people. And then when one adds young people to the mix; people who don't yet know who they are, people who are not able to protect themselves, people who are easily branwashable, it makes this really dangerous thing. There is perfectly reasonable to worry even if one knew what this is.

 

 

This! All the this! 

 

I find it very sad that the youngest ones (18/19 year olds) who have about zero emotional maturity and can barely function as adults yet are being taken advantage of by much older people. (I'm NOT interested in arguments here that younger ones take advantage too.....please.  Older people are wiser and should know better.  The emotional maturity of an 18 year old versus a 35 year old is VASTLY different)

 

Add to that sexual littles/caregivers and I think it's pretty easy to see why the general public abhors us.  They will NEVER understand.  Sometimes, even we don't understand.  Many of us have dealt with feeling shame regarding this lifestyle.

 

With that said, what we all do behind closed doors in our relationships is our business (as long as it's only consenting adults).  We don't have to be public about it.  Our family and friends don't need to know.  The only person in my life who kind of knows other than a caregiver is my sister.  She finds it abhorrent and strange and won't talk about it.

[Guest Little Otter]

I cant hide it. Being a little is too important to me. Its not just a kink! Its an attitude and behavior I adopt to some degree 24/7. I will not hide it. I dont go blasting it all over, but if ppl ask I dont care.

 

I have never liked myself. Ive always been this stern, stoic, cold and reserved person. I never liked that. Ive always liked cutesy things, disney movies, Ive always had a cute childlike demeanor Ive had to suppress through shame. I hated me and always felt it was a facade. When I accepted being a litte, it was like a burden being lifted off my shoulders.

 

So now... my friends and close family know. Ive told vanilla dates about it early on, and I allow it to become part of my public persona. I have stuffies on my work desk and stuff like that.

 

So in short, dont let shame dictate who you wanna be. Idk what extent to which being a little incorporates who you are, but if ppl ask questions and judge, screw em.

[DeathMetalPrincess]

I can really get behind what the lot of you are saying. Yeah, protecting yourself and deflecting ignorance is important, but so is being happy. And truth be told, I am happy as a little. It's part of why "vanilla" relationships just don't do it for me anymore. There's a charm that is just unparalleled in my opinion. Thank you all for your feedback. I really appreciate it, as you've all eased my anxieties with the points you've laid out. I just feel like I have to defend my lifestyle and dynamic because it does mean so much to me. Being little is really a safe-haven for me, and I'm truly grateful for the dynamic. But I guess the best thing to do is just to try to ignore the backlash, and keep living my life the way I want. I mean, it's not like I'm forcing DDlg on anyone, so what's the harm in just keeping on keeping on like I've been doing for the last couple of years? In any case, I really have to thank you for letting me just get all that out and knocking a bit of sense into me. I appreciate it. <3

[Guest BabyPeach]

 I have stuffies on my work desk and stuff like that.

 

 

 

Hehe, me too! <3 My co-workers don't know about my lifestyle choice, but they do know me as a girly girl who loves Hello Kitty and cute stuff and princess stuff and I'm 45 years old! No apologies! One of my co-workers brought cupcakes with Disney princess rings on top and collected them afterward to take home to her girls.  She told me, you're the only one who can keep it (probably the one one who actually wanted to, lol). Yep, they know me!

[Frog]

Only my brother and one friend know about DDlg. My brother is probably also daddy-ish and when I told that friend, she said it sounded good & that she's not surprised that I'm into it.

 

Now, my ex-girlfriend, on the other hand... It seems that on Dr Phil's show there was a young lady that calls her husband "Daddy." My ex just went on and on about it. (This was before I found others into it.) I asked her, how does this hurt you? And when our friends call each other "baby," does that mean they're pedophiles? She admitted she judged this lady unfairly. But that stuck in my head, so I haven't told anyone else.

[Big Daddy D]

I didn't realize just how much hatred there is towards the community until recently. Weird when you think about it, because very few of us flaunt who we are. We keep it secret, we aren't hurting anyone. We aren't even out there having ABDL/DDlg parades and fighting for ABDL/DDlg rights. Most of us don't want to be noticed, or come out. Very few people know about my DDLG relationship. My best friend, and some friends I met through my little who know her secret. What could we have possibly done to upset these people? And since we aren't flaunting it... What kind of weird stuff were these "Holier than thou" types googling to stumble upon our mostly secret community?

 

I know what they like to compare it to, and I won't even say what it is because you all know. Consenting adults doing unusual things, does not even come close to the crime of stealing the innocence of a child in the most brutal and sadistic way possible.

 

I have very Conservative political views, but I'm very Liberal as to how someone conducts their private life. Do What feels right to you as long as it doesn't cause harm to another. Whatever that happens to be, is nobody's business.

Edited May 11, 2018 by Big Daddy D