Help! my daddy want to do a sexual punishment and idk if im ready

[GabiAA]

Hi, soo me and my daddy haven't been together for long (LDR relationship) and I'm a little brat and kitten. I do have a bad past when it comes to sexual stuff like that. and he knows about it. 

  my daddy wants to punish me for not going to sleep at all during the night. the only reason I did it was that I didn't want to have nightmares and it's not like I was on my phone the whole time I was trying to sleep and it's frustrating I guess. like I love him to death but I'm not ready. and i think that if i call my safe word he will be hurt. im just really scared in general.  

Fudge muffins... I don't know what to do... so if anyone sees this can you give me advice and what punishments would be okay...

 

Thank you!

[Guest Ingrambn1]

Just tell him ur not comfortable

[Child Of Light]

The fact that he wants to discipline you, for having a medical experience (insomnia) is not okay. If you were on your phone, on laptop, watching TV or doing something all night to stay awake -- that's different (although it sounds like you have trauma related nightmares and likely need distractions or medication at night).However, you shouldn't be punished for something that is out of your control. Use the safe word, and set some hard limits. This needs to to be addressed ASAP. As for the sexual punishments -- yeah, if your not ready; tell him. And keep firm on that.

Edited May 1, 2018 by Child Of Light

[princessfreckles]

I understand that you love him, but you also need to love yourself. He may be your Daddy and know you, but you know yourself better than anyone else. The safe word is used to protect you and let him know that you're not comfortable. If he loves you like you love him, he'll understand and back off. To echo what was said above, punishing you for having insomnia is not right at all. That's something that you can't help. 

 

When you have a chance, have a grownup talk with him when you're not in little space and he's not in Daddy space. Be open and honest and let him know that you're not ready for sexual punishments. If he's a good Daddy who loves you, he'll understand and wait until you're ready. If he doesn't change and keeps insisting on doing things that you even consider using your safeword, then I'd suggest you step away from the relationship. Of course, the major thing is communicating with him how you feel. 

 

Good luck! 

[Child Of Light]

Some good advice from the OP of this thread: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/31782-little-responsibility/

[osito]

Talk to him.

If he pushes it, leave him.

Problem solved.

[Guest Arc]

You think if you call your safe word he will be hurt? That is a massive issue. You need to be able to trust a person to use your safe word. If you can't use a safe word without doubt or worry then that is going to lead to big problems. I think you need to work on that issue before doing anything at all with him. 

 

I also believe that punishments should fit the crime, so I don't think anything sexual is that suited for not sleeping. Talk to him about that. Communication is key and if you aren't ready he should not push you. 

[Guest BabyPeach]

Key words......."we haven't been together long".  He obviously doesn't know you well enough if he's pushing for a sexual punishment that you aren't comfortable with.  Red flag: if he wants you to video it and send it to him or do it on Skype. "Haven't been together that long" means you also don't know him well enough to do that.

 

You two need to talk as adults. Yes, you can do it.  You ARE a grown-up.  You should be able to talk to him like that. That's the very first step and it seems like you two might have side stepped it........talking and working out what is suitable and what isn't.  Given your past, maybe you should tell him that sexual punishments aren't on your list of available punishments (yes, it is your choice what is done to your body) at this time.

 

Only you can advocate for yourself in a relationship. Don't let anyone take advantage of you.  Don't let anyone pressure you into something that you aren't ready for or comfortable with.  If he gets angry after you tell him that, LEAVE HIM. A Daddy shouldn't get angry when a little expresses her needs and fears.

[Huggybear]

First post on the forums but simply had to, out of worry.

If either one of the two in a relationship feel awkwardness using a safe word, then there is a serious need for a meta talk. Meta talk means having a calm heartfelt conversation (over skype etc. in your case), outside of the dynamic, about the dynamic. You should never ever be awkward or scared to use a safe word as it is for your protection and safety, and your Daddy is not able to read your mind (especially in a LDR) to determine if this punishment is actually for your own good or not. A safe word in this case should be used as you were suffering from insomnia instead of neglecting rules by choice, followed by a meta talk why there was awkwardness, how to deal with it and that you dont feel that you are ready for sexual punishments etc. etc. If he truly is a good Daddy, he will not only understand but also compliment you for your courage to bring these things up. Trust me on this one .

Another thing about sexual punishments. I would not use them myself because a punishment is always a way to correct bad behaviour. In my opinion Punishment should never be related to something that in other cases is a source of pleasure or good feelings. However, there is a thing called maintenance discipline, which means that on set intervals there can be a sexual punishment which is given as a reward for being obedient and behaving well. This way it turns into a gift and this suits people who have the need for a good cry and such. This was a little offtopic but its something to be discussed aswell when you do have a meta talk.

Edited May 1, 2018 by Huggybear

[neko]

I cant fathom any kind of relationship where someone can't even mention theyre uncomfortable with what their partner wants.

 

You both need to have a serious talk outside of the dynamic.

Edited May 1, 2018 by neko

[Little Illy]

I strongly, strongly, STRONGLY urge you to read this: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/28037-communication-is-vital/

 

You are in an LDR, for not very long and it already seems like you two don't communicate all that well. 

[Little Illy]

Some good advice from the OP of this thread: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/31782-little-responsibility/

 

Also, thanks for sharing my thread, I was gonna chuck that one in my reply as well XD

[Lola Step]

Given that staying up doesnt really sound like it's your fault due to the nightmares what he really should be doing (if he hasn't already) is maybe introducing a nighttime routine to help you get to sleep better such as story, bath, soft lighting, lullaby music, essential oils etc. Sorry if this sounds patronising, given you have trouble sleeping I'm sure you've tried everything, I'm just surprised that your Daddy jumped straight to a sexual punishment instead of trying a more helpful approach.

[Aaziz832]

It’s all about communication! I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but try and communicate. If he doesn’t understand, explain to him in depth, and remind him of what you’ve been through! Ask him politely to be there for you! If you’re not ready in he sexual manner than you’re just simply not ready! He should be understanding, but also look at it from a sexual desire he has WITH YOU! Not like he’s going to try and find it else where, doesn’t mean leave him though by any means! If he isn’t only about sexual stuff, than yes,reevaluate your relationship with him! Expressing yourself, he should be understanding. If he is not, like I’ve said explain in depth! Do not just give up on what y’all have due to miscommunication! Especially with the feelings you have towards him! Hopefully y’all have it sorted out sooner than later!

[Guest ScorpioBeastWolf]

The first thing is communication. You need to tell him your limits and after you did, he must respect that. I can feel you love him but I don't see him love you, if he is on verge of triggering your past. He must know the value of safe words. Tell him, you can't even if you trust him. See, lady in trying to do what he wants for been in kind of love, you might harm yourself. Yes me matters but you matter first. You need to love yourself first. If somehow you are not comfortable doing certain things, he needs to understand that, respect that. A real DD will never have his ego come out. So, communicate and if he understands you, respect you know he is committed but if not i will say give a second thought to what you call in relationship.

[MadelynVictoria]

Just tell him no. You stayed up for an understandable reason, and the fact that he can't see that isn't okay, and you're not comfortable with it, so it's time to say no. If he gets upset by it, too freaking bad. You using your safe word is also something he has absolutely no right to get upset over. If he gets upset or hurt by you using your safe word, you need to leave him. You have every right to refuse a punishment, and have EVERY right to use your safeword without fear or hesitation.

[Big Daddy D]

Hi. I often browse forums like this, but never felt compelled to sign up on one until I read this post. I'm an insomniac too, it's part of what killed my marriage so I know how tough that can be on a relationship. However that's not what made me want to respond.

 

I'm in a DDLG relationship myself. I hate using that term though because I'm not dominant at all. My Little girl is always in control and always gets what she wants. Maybe that seems unfair to me, but it's what I want too. It brings me so much joy and pleasure to make her as happy as I know I do.

 

We met on a regular dating site. I wasn't having much success on sites like FetLife. So I tried Plenty of Fish. I was 100% open and honest right on my profile for everyone to see, explained the life style and exactly what I was looking for. Surprisingly most ladies were pretty curious about it and thought it sounded nice when I explained the things my little would enjoy.

 

Eventually I connected with someone local, she explained that she enjoyed being an AB and had been in an DDLG relationship in the past. We texted for a couple weeks getting to actually know eachother. ABDL/DDLG stuff never came up in our conversations during that time. It fact it didn't come up at all until our second date almost 5 weeks after we first chatted.

 

My point is, we got to know each other and eventually developed real feelings for each other. So many people in the DDLG community meet someone and they fall in love with the fantasy, not with eachother. It's already doomed to be a selfish relationship because they often don't even have the same fantasies.

 

There has to be a real foundation for an Adult relationship before there can be a DDLG relationship. I mentioned before that my Hope gets everything she wants, and she does. As for my needs, I'm a guy, and every person on the planet knows what a guy wants. If I take care of my Little Princess, I know she'll take care of Daddy.

 

I don't know you, and I don't know your partner, but you asked for opinions and here's mine. It's easy to say he's being selfish, and he probably is, but you two aren't communicating. Men aren't very smart sometimes, he's not going to know he's being selfish unless you tell him.

 

A side from being an occasional DL myself and enjoying my DDLG relationship, I've had a pretty Vanilla sex life. My Little has had a pretty wild one. I'm very interested in trying new things even though some of her fantasies make me nervous. We communicate about which things I'm open to trying and which ones I have to draw the line at. I change this person's wet and messy diapers, if we can do that but can't be open and honest about things, then something is seriously wrong.

 

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm a bit high and I'm rambling. But those are my thoughts on why so many DDLG relationships fail. I love Big Hope as much as Little Hope. Fall in love with eachother, then enjoy the fantasy of DDLG. It just doesn't work the other way around.

Edited May 3, 2018 by Big Daddy D

[PapabearNYC]

You think if you call your safe word he will be hurt? That is a massive issue. You need to be able to trust a person to use your safe word. If you can't use a safe word without doubt or worry then that is going to lead to big problems. I think you need to work on that issue before doing anything at all with him. 

 

 

100% agree.  There is 1 consequence of my littles using a safeword. I mean aside from my stopping whatever I am doing.  That consequence is they get extra aftercare.  No one should ever be worried about using their safeword.  As a switch, I know it can be tempting to hold out and not want to disappoint your top.  But, it's important that you always know it's OK to use your safeword and there will be no negative consequences of it.

 

At least, at this point in your relationship.  Nothing is 100%.  There are some people who've developed relationships where they don't use safewords, or where safewords exist but are not allowed without punishment. But they've negotiated that and it's part of their dynamic.  The kind of thing that can develop in a long term trusting relationship.

 

But that's not this.  

[Guest Aetherr]

This is very troubling for me, you absolutely owe it to yourself to tell him how you feel otherwise it will keep going and get worse, THE core foundation of any relationship is communication and if you have strong feeling or in fact any feelings at all on something you have to tell him otherwise how will he know? but if he does know and is pushing on anyway you need to consider moving away from a situation like that.... i personally would never force or attempt to force my little to punish herself in a way that causes pain or distress unless we have agreed in a safe environment that both of us are okay with it, you are clearly not okay with it and you owe it to yourself to tell him and take action if you feel ignored!!

 

 

 

good luck!!

Edited August 21, 2018 by Aetherr