How can I share this aspect of myself with someone/figure it out more myself too?

[ventibaby]

I'm in a sort of relationship with someone now; we haven't defined it, but we've known each other for over two years and we're in a relationship minus the label. We're both comfortable with each other and they actually know a lot about me, and vice versa. We're also long distance which sucks hugely but we manage. 

 

I am also a little - sort of, in my own version of the word anyway. And I have a feeling they know because they do know of littlespace and I've been in littlespace whilst talking to them so they know I watch cartoons and have stuffies and what not. But in times like this - I just had a really difficult night with online bullying - I need someone in a CG role to just... I don't even know what? I hardly know what role CG's actually fulfil honestly. 

 

I feel like I'm missing something and I need guidance or care or someone to comfort me, in a sense? It's so difficult to explain, which is why I'm coming here. 

 

I've always hidden the little side of me, or ignored it, or always just associated it with me being 'weird'. So by default, I've avoided the CG role as well, and because it's not something I experience personally I have no idea what sort of things a CG does help with.

 

Littlespace been helping so much lately, but I still feel like there are times when a CG is what I need, in the strongest way possible. But I don't know how? I couldn't point to a person and be like, "I need you to say this and do this and act this way". I have no clue what I want or what I feel like I need so when it comes to try to talk (in my head) to the person I'm somewhat involved with, it turns into a big mess of confusion and miscommunication. 

 

I couldn't ever dream of not being with this person, but I know I can't make them act a certain way. Even then, just knowing what I want in general would be useful for my own wellbeing I think - because if they can't fulfil those needs then at least I know what they are and I can find ways to fulfil them myself, if that makes sense.

 

 But theres also parts of me that I don't know how to explain/put into words and it's stuff I feel would be helpful for them to know. 

 

 

Ah it's so frustrating. Does anyone have any advice? Or experience? 

 

Sorry if this was a little confusing.. I barely even know what I want to say. And sorry if this is in the wrong section of the forum.. I wasn't sure which topic it went under.

[osito]

Caregivers can full a wide variety of roles. Giving care being one of them

 

I suggest doing research and figuring out exactly what draws you to the idea of having one. What qualities you need in someone to help. It’s not solely about specific actions, but who a person is, at their core, in my opinion. Personality and characteristics and such.

Figure out what areas of life you need that extra support and guidance in. Talk to your “sort of” partner about these areas. You don’t even need to bring up cg/l dynamics. Have a discussion about your needs and see if they have any ideas that could help. If they seem receptive, and you see it as necessary, bring up some things that you learn through your research that you feel like would benefit you(there are some good resources on this site that give more info about caregivers and littles and common stuff, so it would be worth a gander), and see how things go.

[Bluebells]

Do you think it might be time to have a conversation about your sort-of relationship with the person in question? Just being honest about how you feel and maybe clearing things up a little so you're both on the same page? I know it can be hard to have a conversation like that, but I've found in most cases the conversation ends up going much better than the one you've played out in your head. You never know, you both might want the same thing!

 

It's really hard figuring out what we need from a relationship, and I think that's partly because what we need changes day-to-day. For example, if you've had a really bad day, you might need someone to be extra supportive and be a caregiver in that sense. But if you've had a really good day, you might need someone who you can just be yourself and have fun with.

 

Even if you're not quite sure what they are, you've identified that you have needs that aren't being fulfilled, and I do think it's a good idea to talk about this. Maybe having the conversation will help you figure out what you need. 

 

For me, when I've got a lot going around in my head or need to figure something out, I write it all down. Starting first with how I feel, then afterwards what I think that has lead me to feel that way. Once everything's down on paper my head seems a little clearer, then I'm able to go through what I've wrote picking out the important points, and putting them together in a way that makes more sense. This helps me gather my thoughts before talking about a tricky issue with someone.