Am I wrong?

[Guest abc123baby]

Lately I have been pretty weird with my Daddy I have this extra sense of possessiveness and whenever another little tries to be his friend I get sketched out and ask him to show me screenshots. He gets very frustrated with me and it has caused us to fight a lot more than usual. Today I asked him to remove one little off his friends list because I had bad vibes from her. She didn't necessarily do anything but it just made me uncomfortable. Am I the wrong one in this situation or is what I am asking him reasonable?   

[Guest Mr. Snuggleuffagus]

Relationships are built on trust as its foundation. When you lack confidence in your other that they will stay with you, you are basically accusing the other of having the possibility of cheating. If he truly loved you that wouldn't even be a possibility, so if it ends up happening then that is a good thing because he clearly never loved you to begin with; however, you are not wrong for wanting/having desires for your Daddy to remove on of his little friends but it is not your place to tell him to remove her. I understand where you are coming from as I used to be the most over protective person in the world but it ended up ruining my relationship with my little and only pushed her away. While some people may find possessiveness cute, not all tend to see it that way. That being said, you shouldn't feel bad for doing what you did because emotions can be impulsive. I'd address it with your Daddy because communication is a two-way street to fixing problems.

Edited April 26, 2018 by Mr. Snuggleuffagus

[Guest brandnewkitty]

I'm not great with advice, but I will share with you my experience.

 

One of my exes was a super friendly, helpful, shirt off his back (literally) kind of person. He also failed to notice obvious signs of flirtation, well, obvious to me.

We were committed and comfortable together. I was never concerned he may cheat or anything like that.

But he had an ex who used to text him all he time. This was before widespread use of smartphones and tablets. Every time I'd hear the ding, it was like a warning siren going off in my head.

When he heard the song, he was like, "oh cool, what's up?"

It got to the point where my jealousy affected us in more areas than just his text but also in public.

My jealousy that he gave his attention to any girl other than me slowly tore us apart.

Jealousy breeds insecurity and insecurity is a tough thing to deal with in a relationship.

 

He view was you either trust me or you don't.

And I didn't.

 

The relationship ended not long after that.

And hindsight shows me how ridiculous I was not to trust him. He never cheated, he didn't lie, and he loved me. And he didn't deserve my distrust because I was insecure.

 

That was my experience.

I hope it helps, I get rambly.

[Guest SugarNSpiceSam]

Relationships are build on trust. This is what makes any type of relationship work. If someone was obviously hiding something from me, than yes I would have trust issues with that person in general. If he loves you and gives you no reason for you to doubt him, it does cause lots of problems down the road. I can understand you getting jealous for those who are befriending him, but trust is a factor both partners should have. Back in the day I used to be very clingy and sort of jealous so to speak, it didn't end up well because I was so paranoid that my ex boyfriend was cheating on me that in the end we ended up breaking up. I've worked on myself since than which I'm thankful of and now I always try to explain myself if a issue sort of seems shady to me. If he's giving you lots of love and being attentive, than I don't think it's wrong for him to have other friends. If he seems to be appearing shady however, than talk with your Daddy and address your concerns. Be clear and communicate with him. 

[Guest Kaiser]

Smoke = fire.

 

Unless it's been explicitly communicated and agreed upon that you or him can be in contact with others, then figure it out....

[Bluebells]

I agree trust is what's important here. Don't you trust him? If not, before your relationship goes any further I think you both need to address the trust issues and work through them together (in my experience ignoring things and hoping they get better doesn't help)

 

Did the screenshots of the conversations you've seen reveal anything more than just friendly chat? I know jealousy can be difficult and makes you question everything but your daddy must have chosen you above anyone else for a reason.

 

I think people should be free to speak to whom they like, I think it's wrong to tell your partner who they can and can't speak to, to me it seems like controlling behaviour. I'm fairly new to ddlg so it may be okay within your dynamic, but in general in a relationship if your partner is checking your messages and controlling who you can speak to, it's a big red flag.

 

So basically I do think it's common to feel jealous, but it's a negative feeling that can hurt your relationship. Instead of enforcing rules on your daddy, can't you work together to trust him more?

[LittleKitten13]

I don't know that you are necessarily wrong.  I am kind of...I don't know if the term is old fashioned or something different...but I don't feel comfortable with me or my partner speaking one on one with members of the opposite sex.  If I AM talking to some one of the opposite sex, I make sure that my boyfriend knows that I am, and that he is okay with it.  I also appreciate the same courtesy from him.  If he's uncomfortable with me talking to someone one on one, I just won't.  I'll stick to groups/group chats.  And if I'm uncomfortable with him talking to someone one on one, I expect the same sort of respect given to me.

Some people it makes me very uncomfortable when he talks to them, while others it doesn't bother me.  Sometimes you just get vibes, and it can sometimes be hard to tell whether it's a feeling that should be listened to or dismissed (I have anxiety so sometimes I don't know if a feeling is a forewarning or if it's just anxiety).

Have you fully talked this out with him?  That you don't like it, and why?  You need to be able to discuss it calmly and respectfully on both sides.  If he refuses to talk calmly/respectfully, and insists on continuing to talk with other people when he knows you dislike it, then he shows that he disrespects you.  However, you should also be willing to make some compromises yourself.

Maybe promise to save "Please get rid ofs" for when you feel REALLY uncomfortable with a person, and he could promise to be open with you about when he's speaking with someone.

Also, I noticed that you and your daddy were looking to form a "little family".  I am not trying to be mean or rude at all...but if you can't share him now (I never could...it's one thing I don't understand about polyamory), how do you expect to be able to share him if someone answers that personal and wants to be part of that little family?

[Guest Arc]

I can understand why he's feeling frustrated. I wouldn't enjoy a partner constantly wanting to know everything I say to anyone. It would make me feel like I wasn't trusted, and if there's not trust in the relationship, then what is there?  

 

He's an adult and he's allowed friends like any other person, so I would say you are in the wrong there. I'm sure you don't have bad intentions and it's just insecurity, but you can't control who he speaks to or who he is friends with. I personally wouldn't allow someone to dictate who I can and cannot be friends with unless there was a serious concern and genuine reasons for the concern (something more than "I get a bad vibe"). 

 

Honestly, I think you need to work out why you are feeling this way and talk to him about it so you can try find a solution. It sounds like it's impacting your relationship since you say you are fighting, so you need to get on top of it.

[Guest abc123baby]

Also, I noticed that you and your daddy were looking to form a "little family".  I am not trying to be mean or rude at all...but if you can't share him now (I never could...it's one thing I don't understand about polyamory), how do you expect to be able to share him if someone answers that personal and wants to be part of that little family?

That is a good question and I knew someone would bring that up. So my Daddy loves the idea of having two littles for two years out of our three year relationship he has made many comments about wanting another little. I have never been that interested in this idea, however I didn't want to feel like I was letting him down. I want him to always be as happy as he can be and I felt like I wasn't enough so I reluctantly agreed to his idea and made that post I looked for someone I might be comfortable with,  but I found that I don't trust anyone and my Daddy and I need to work on our relationship and I did talk to him about this. 

[Guest Kaiser]

That is a good question and I knew someone would bring that up. So my Daddy loves the idea of having two littles for two years out of our three year relationship he has made many comments about wanting another little. I have never been that interested in this idea, however I didn't want to feel like I was letting him down. I want him to always be as happy as he can be and I felt like I wasn't enough so I reluctantly agreed to his idea and made that post I looked for someone I might be comfortable with,  but I found that I don't trust anyone and my Daddy and I need to work on our relationship and I did talk to him about this.

 

 

You need to get out of this "relationship", like 3 years ago.

 

 

Seriously.

[Guest RoyG]

That is a good question and I knew someone would bring that up. So my Daddy loves the idea of having two littles for two years out of our three year relationship he has made many comments about wanting another little. I have never been that interested in this idea, however I didn't want to feel like I was letting him down. I want him to always be as happy as he can be and I felt like I wasn't enough so I reluctantly agreed to his idea and made that post I looked for someone I might be comfortable with,  but I found that I don't trust anyone and my Daddy and I need to work on our relationship and I did talk to him about this. 

 

The desire to make your partner feel as good as possible is admirable. However, that does not mean you have to accept feeling continuously uncomfortable in the relationship just to make him happy. No one is a perfect fit, so small adjustments are fine and happen all the time, but introducing another partner sounds like it would destroy your happiness within the relationship. If he absolutely needs two littles, then he needs to find two littles that both love that kind of relationship triangle. Don't sacrifice yourself if it would make you miserable.

 

I'm happy you talked about it with him though, and I hope it all works out.

[Guest abc123baby]

You need to get out of this "relationship", like 3 years ago.

 

 

Seriously.

May I ask why you think that? I had insecurities issues so I gave into something I didn't have to and my Daddy made it clear I never had to and he always tells me he doesn't want to push me into doing something I am uncomfortable with. As soon as I opened up to him about my true feelings and my insecurities he reassured me that the way I was feeling wasn't reality. Once he seen the original post I made we had a deep talk about why I was so upset about him and other little friends and he took time to understand it and now we are okay. He truly only wants the best for me and cares about my feelings. The biggest problem with my post and maybe what you and others might misjudge this situation for is I do not communicate my feelings properly I tend to bottle everything up and then explode on people. I have come to realize this and it was included in the talk I had with my Daddy that I need to work on that so he can help me before I get to a point where I am just hurt and upset because he truly can't do anything to help unless I let him know before it is too late. 

[LittleKitten13]

May I ask why you think that? I had insecurities issues so I gave into something I didn't have to and my Daddy made it clear I never had to and he always tells me he doesn't want to push me into doing something I am uncomfortable with. As soon as I opened up to him about my true feelings and my insecurities he reassured me that the way I was feeling wasn't reality. Once he seen the original post I made we had a deep talk about why I was so upset about him and other little friends and he took time to understand it and now we are okay. He truly only wants the best for me and cares about my feelings. The biggest problem with my post and maybe what you and others might misjudge this situation for is I do not communicate my feelings properly I tend to bottle everything up and then explode on people. I have come to realize this and it was included in the talk I had with my Daddy that I need to work on that so he can help me before I get to a point where I am just hurt and upset because he truly can't do anything to help unless I let him know before it is too late. 

I'm glad that you guys had a talk!  I also have some insecurities and struggle with remembering to open up.  But I am getting a lot better, and I'm sure that you will be able to improve as well.  Just remember that it takes time, and that a few setbacks does not mean you aren't improving.  Those are the two most important things to remember when it comes to growing and improving as a person.

[Guest Kaiser]

May I ask why you think that? I had insecurities issues so I gave into something I didn't have to and my Daddy made it clear I never had to and he always tells me he doesn't want to push me into doing something I am uncomfortable with. As soon as I opened up to him about my true feelings and my insecurities he reassured me that the way I was feeling wasn't reality. Once he seen the original post I made we had a deep talk about why I was so upset about him and other little friends and he took time to understand it and now we are okay. He truly only wants the best for me and cares about my feelings. The biggest problem with my post and maybe what you and others might misjudge this situation for is I do not communicate my feelings properly I tend to bottle everything up and then explode on people. I have come to realize this and it was included in the talk I had with my Daddy that I need to work on that so he can help me before I get to a point where I am just hurt and upset because he truly can't do anything to help unless I let him know before it is too late.

 

 

 

He wants another little. You aren't comfortable with that.

 

 

Do I really need to spell it out more?