My parents aren't accepting me of being a little?

[PaciPrincessGirl]

To put it simply, my mom found the reciepts of my bottle, pacifiers, and blankie. She completely flipped out, saying that what I am doing isn't "ok" and that it's "bad".

 

I really don't see what the big deal is. It's just pacifiers and bottles and stuff. She'd lose her shit if she found out that I wear diapers and eat baby food.

 

When she found out, she told my dad. He acted as if I was doing drugs or something. What I'm doing isn't harming me or anyone else. It's not distressing me, so it can't be labeled as a mental illness. Being a little is just a part of me. It's who I am. I dont want to give up this part of me to satisfy others.

 

Anyone else in a similar situation, or ever had been? How do I get my parents to accept and understand this side of me? They act as if I am a freak now. And, how do I hide my stash better next time? I have my own room, but my mom goes through it everyday. I dont know what she think she's trying to find or anything. It's not like I'm actually doing drugs or anything.

 

Help, please? Thanks in advance! ♡

[Guest Arc]

I think you should have a very open conversation with them about it and explain your side and allow them to ask questions. They may just not understand what you are doing. Sometimes people are afraid of things they don't know. But sometimes people are against something simply because it is wrong to them, so you should find out which it is. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and feelings, and while we may not agree with it, if they think it's wrong then it's wrong to them and we need to accept that. You cannot force people to understand and accept something if they do not want to. 

 

You don't have to give up that side of you if they don't accept it, but you do need to be respectful and careful since it upsets others around you. It sounds like you were keeping it private anyway so just keep that up. 

 

Well you said she only found receipts, so just get rid of those better next time? Idk why you need to hide your stash if it was only paper they found. That part of the story doesn't add up to me. Did they really go through all your receipts and read every item? Also if it's just from a receipt you could have told them it was for someone else, or that you were with a friend and they left their rubbish with you. Just seems weird to me they read through receipts, which usually don't have very good descriptions of what you bought, and then had a go at you for being into ddlg. 

 

Also you're 23. Ask your parents for some privacy. They have no reason to be in your room daily. :/ And if they are going to continue being unaccepting and treating you poorly because of what they think you could always consider moving if possible. 

[Tinka]

There is a saying "the world will never understand''. 

its full of personalities, of suppressed needs and opinions, of thoughts under territories. It took centuries for people to learn to accept minorities and they are still in the process. 

It takes time for people to understand that being different from the vast majority doesn`t mean that you are crazy. 

And if the world never understands, then you don`t have to loose your precious time explaining. 

 

I see that most of us have this vital need of making others accept us. Why do we have to value our inner peace with what we are and what we like by how much acceptable it is from others?

No, we will spend a huge amount of our precious time by explaining what we are to people who do not care to understand. 

I do not believe that you should explain it to others. Its non of their business. What they are not, they do not understand so why should you be upset over it?

 

Personally there is a chance that i would say "i bought these for a little theatrical play i am doing with friends, or for a prank, or for costume party that a friend wants to make etc" i would find anyway an excuse that would make them think that these are bought just for fun with friends and nothing more. To put them out of my business. 

 

To be honest i am not in favor of openly allow them to ask questions . You are not a museum exhibit and they will not react on you as if you are Cappella Sistina. They might not ask to understand but to accuse and make things worse. And there is no reason for something like this. You need your peace and quiet to find your own self and no need for unnecessary drama and toxicity from parents. 

 

But of course at the end, my opinion is just an opinion of the internet, and you should do whatever you feel its best for you and whatever makes your staying with family-peaceful.  

[Angel24]

My mother had a similar reaction when I told her about me being a little. I know it can be hard but it's best that you stay strong. My mother realized pretty quickly that I wasn't giving her any choice but to accept it and I made sure she knew that there wasn't really any harm to any of it. There are a lot of days when I feel distant from my family because of me being a little and them not liking it, but I stay strong and remember that it's who I am and that I'm proud of it. I hope things work out for you and that through everything you keep true to who you are:)

[UnicornBiscuit]

If you have difficulties talking to your parents then I really suggest a letter.

 

In the letter explain what it is you are doing exactly so they can understand.

Explain why you feel this way and why it makes you happy.

Explain how their reaction/s made you feel and how the room raiding makes you feel.

Tell them that it isn't an illness and that it is simply a life choice that makes you happy.

Tell them that you will always be their child and that it would really mean the world to you if they could accept and embrace you and your qualities the way they are.

Tell them that you are willing to sit down with them and answer all their questions and explain in more detail everything they want to know about it. Give them examples and let them know that you love them and wish they loved you the way you are.

Make sure to show them that they don't have to be concerned and that you are fine.

 

Personally I am not sure how much my mom knows about me and my interests because I don't have a little age / little space. 

When I visit her though I sit outside and watch whatever movies are on TV like Barbie movies or Tinkerbell movies. She says "why are you watching that it's for kids" and my general reply is "because I want to". I bought a unicorn phonecase and left it on the table during dinner and my mom says "oh come on that's childish don't you feel embarrassed?" and my reply: "nope I like it and that's all that matters". 

Now I don't use pacifiers or baby food / diapers but if my mom said anything about it I would respond as usual: "So what, it tastes good / feels good" and just leave the conversation there.

 

Of course all parents and relationships are different, but I guess this approach of "so what I like it" and "it tastes good / feels good / look good / smells good / etc...." usually makes up for a good reason as to why I enjoy something and there is little arguing people can do against your personal "like" towards something.

Edited April 25, 2018 by UnicornBiscuit

[Guest littlegirl707]

If I were you i think I would say oh I was just tring it out and now Im done. People are so judgmental They most likly are just thinking of themselves. Like what did we do wrong They think its a direct reflextion of them. Really Its the most amazing and they will never get it. There only looking at themselves. 

[Guest Babykitkat 23]

Personally I wouldn't tell my family I'm a little. It's my business and my choice in life. It would be like a some coming out as saying their sexuality or other personal preference. You don't have to justify or give reasoning to those around you. It's your business and if people can't respect the simple wish for privacy, then they need to learn some manners. If it's not my personal business, then leave at that. If you want to tell them then go ahead. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your being the you, you want to be. If your happy then do what makes you happy.

[Princess Kerri]

I live alone so it’s easy for me not to tell my parents. But if I did I wouldn’t tell them. It’s my business just like it’s yours. But maybe sit down with them if you feel up to it and see tell them if you feel comfortable. It’s all about what makes you comfortable.

[Little Illy]

I didnt read the above comments simply because I am oo exhausted. However, I do have one thought:

 

I don't understand why a lot of the community feels this dire need to 'come out' to their parents. I am NOT saying they are wrong for wanting to! I am simply stating I don't feel that way and therefore it is very hard for me to understand this specific need.

 

When I think of this side of myself, I know I desire friends and close ones to interact with my identity. But I have absolutey no desire to include someone in on this part of me who 1. isn't supportive or 2. I know would want nothing to do with it. 

 

For me, this lifestyle is equal to "bedroom" discussion. I know a lot of people aren't sexual as a little, but what I mean is that this lifestyle makes people so uncomfortable it can be equivalent to discussing private, sexual details. We all have normalized this dynamic, and we all want to be accepted, HOWEVER, I don't think we have the right to force it upon people who are made uncomfortable by it. If we are a member of this dynamic we have to be mature enough to realize that this dynamic freaks people out! And we can do our best to try to educate someone, but that doesn't mean we should be forceful and have expectations.

 

I met someone who was pissed that their parents had a volatile reaction. Yet when I asked about it, I found out she knew her parents would react that way. So... why do that? Why do that to yourself and why do that TO THEM?! Do your parents know that you love licking ass or love deep throating or any number of things? Then why do they NEED to know you use diapers, pacis, etc? They really don't.

 

Now before anyone gets angry: Yes I know people want their family to accept them for who they are. Yes I understand some family will be totally accepting. Yes I understand that some family just need to hear the explanation and then they will get it. These are NOT the situations I am addressing. I am focusing on when a person know's their family would be distraught and decides to do it anyways. 

 

The biggest reason why I disagree with coming out so candidly is because of the risks it can cause the dynamic:

 

- What happens if you come out because you need support? Now all you have is hositlity. How is that helpful?

- What if you come out because you want to freely express yourself? Well, now you have gained an unsavory reputation that can possibly affect your future.

- What if you came out because you want your parents to accept you and your partner? Now your partner is at risk for slander.

 

And so on.

 

There are SO MANY GOOD reasons why to come out. But at the same time, I hate to be a bitch, but there is a time place. And 8 times out of 10, you know (general you) how your parents would react. And during those 8 times out of 10, I think it is silly to expect something different.

 

You can BE yourself around your parents without OUTING yourself. I watch Disney with my father, he watches me geek out over "kid things" and yet I have never come out to him. Would I ever wear a diaper or use a paci or call my partner 'Daddy' in front of him? Absolutely not! But he has ACCEPTED me for who I am because I am MYSELF when around my parents. But like lingerie, I don't "dress up" my identity. And I don't feel the need to. I could be wrong, but I feel there are many ways to get your family's approval without coming out. But I could be wrong as I honestly don't feel this need for people to have a label (little) for me.

 

This is all my opinion and my opinion only. I AM NOT SAYING I AM CORRECT AND ANYONE ELSE IS WRONG. This is simply how I view this whole issue. Please do not take offense to what works for me!

Edited April 27, 2018 by Little Illy